22. Will
As I drove home, my mind consumed by thoughts of Elizabeth, I let out a loud sigh, frustrated by my lack of control over my thoughts.
Usually, it starts with endless thoughts about that person, then gradually progresses to the point where I can’t help but want to reach out and be with her all the time. Eventually, the feelings intensify even further.
Letting out another loud breath, I placed my hands on my head as I drove with one hand. I needed to release some steam, and I needed to do it quickly!
But how?
As I neared my home, my head raced through options. I could go to the club, have a few drinks, and engage in some casual encounters with some random lady. However, after a long day at work, the last thing I wanted was a loud and noisy atmosphere. Right now, I just need some peace and quiet—nothing more.
Another option was drinking all by myself in my room; I had some expensive wine I got on my last business trip, and it could be handy at the moment.
But then again, I would only wake up in the morning with a hangover, and my problem would still be waiting for me to solve it.
I felt a pinch in my heart, feeling slightly guilty as I referred to my feelings for Elizabeth as a problem.
Well, to be honest, it was beginning to be problematic, making me lose control of my feelings and filling my every thought with moments with her.
Throughout the day at work, all I could think of was the next time I was going to see her again, hold her, touch her, or even see her smile alone. All I kept thinking of was the rush I felt the moment I let my lips touch hers.
Will, that was the moment you should have walked away! Why on earth didn’t you hold back? I scolded myself, knowing I started it all.
If only I had taken control of my feelings and if only I had been more disciplined, I wouldn’t have kissed her that night. Now, I wouldn’t be awkwardly ignoring her messages and calls. At the moment, I had nothing to say to her as my head space was clouded. I needed to take a step back and clear my mind.
I shook my head, knowing I needed to find a solution urgently, especially with a party coming up this weekend. This one was huge, and by all means, I had to be there with Elizabeth.
So far, it seemed she was like my lucky charm, even though I didn’t believe in stuff like that. Every client seemed to want to do business with me since word got out that I was engaged.
But with all that was happening, I was left with zero knowledge of where we stood, what I wanted, and what this meant for our contract relationship.
It should not affect our contractual relationship, right? We entered into a business deal, and we both signed a contract that was binding and could not be broken or withdrawn from. So, at the very least, I could pull that card if she tried to end the contract, and with that assurance, I thought we were good. I could just ask her to pretend that the kiss didn’t happen. I could tell her it was a mistake and could be left in the past. After all, that was usually the line used in movies, and it seemed to work every time!
Driving into my compound, I knew I also needed to get over Elizabeth and all of this heat I felt from within.
Parking my car, I took out my phone and dialed one of my old-time flings whom I could trust to always come over any time. I was confident that spending time with her would definitely help me forget all of the emotions I had for Elizabeth. I was very certain it was just my body playing tricks because I needed to let off steam. With my fling confirming her availability, I got out of my car and headed straight to my home.
I freshened up in a hurry, knowing she would be here soon. Then, I dismissed all of my staff except the chef and the house manager to help out.
Once she gets here, this feeling for Elizabeth will be over, I thought to myself confidently as I settled in my living room.
And just as I expected, in a few minutes, she was already at my doorstep. I hurriedly went over to get the door, leading her in.
“Oh my god, I can’t remember the last time I have been here! It’s been so long, Willy. What took you so long to reach out?” my fling said as she walked around.
I looked at her, realizing I had no idea what her name was. I watched as she spoke out of the abundance of her heart.
“Oh, everything still looks as good as before! Oh my, it’s so good to be back, Will.” I watched as she touched a few things here and there, gradually allowing regret to seep in.
But then again, I needed this. I needed to get over Elizabeth, and I needed to do it as fast as possible. That way, things could go back to being normal, the way they used to be.
“Oh, I have missed you so much! Will, come here.” I watched her approach me with her arms open as we both reached the living room.
I smiled a bit as I welcomed her into my arms, allowing her to hug me until she brought her hands to my face. As she proceeded to kiss me, I felt my heart beating really fast, as though I was about to commit a crime.
I ignored the voice I kept hearing in my head telling me not to do it. I allowed her to plant her lips on mine, but then, all I kept seeing as I closed my eyes was Elizabeth.
What is happening?
I immediately pulled out of the kiss, as I was unable to phantom what was happening to me. Why was I seeing Elizabeth? Why did I feel guilty, as though I was cheating?
If we were in a real relationship, that was a different case. But we weren’t, so what was this feeling of guilt I felt?
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
I looked up, remembering my fling was still here.
“Nothing, I just need a moment.” I sat down on my couch with my head resting on both of my hands.
“You need a moment? Since when? Come on, let’s just get it over with.” She kept insisting as she proceeded to touch me once again, and I immediately jerked off without even thinking.
“I need a moment, please!”
“Why?” she asked, slightly raising her voice this time.
“What do you mean why?”
“Why do you need a moment? Am I not pleasing to you anymore? Or is it because you’ve found yourself some lady as a fiancée? If she was pleasing you, then why am I here?”
“I don’t want to talk about her, please,” I said, annoyed at the fact that she was bringing up Elizabeth in our conversation.
Hearing her speak about Elizabeth in a distasteful manner wasn’t pleasant. However, why should I be bothered? The goal here was to get over Elizabeth, not dwell on her or defend her.
“You don’t have to be worried about anything. It’s not like you both are married yet. You’re not cheating, don’t worry.”
I listened to her, fully aware that she was wrong in the statement she had just made. Despite knowing I needed to get it over with, I found myself unable to do so. “I’m sorry, I just needed a moment.”
“Come here.” She pulled me closer and kissed my lips as she lay down beside me.
Despite my determination to proceed, I found myself unable to continue. It was at this moment that I realized I had made a huge mistake by inviting her over.
Will, what have you done?
I tried to pull her off me, regretting every step I had taken up to this moment. Even though Elizabeth and I were not dating, she did not deserve to be spoken poorly of in my presence or to be betrayed like this.
“No, please, just stop,” I said, but it seemed like she had other plans of her own, continuing with her actions.
How do I get out of this?