36. Abigail
THIRTY-SIX
ABIGAIL
Rex stood in front of me in his firefighter uniform, exhaling heavy breaths. With my hands buried in Winston’s fur and my heart rate finally beginning to return to normal, I didn’t know how to feel.
I was still angry at him. Furious, really. He’d made me feel special, and then he’d thrown it back in my face. He’d treated me like an object that he could pick up and put down at will, with no regard for how I felt. He’d put everyone ahead of me. Climbing a tree to get my cat down wouldn’t make up for that.
But I wasn’t so far gone that I couldn’t be grateful for what he’d done. “Thank you for saving him,” I said, looking into his eyes. It hurt to see the concern written there and to wonder if he actually meant it.
Was Rex the good guy I’d thought? Or was he just another flake? Another person who’d always let me down?
He nodded. “You’re welcome. I’m just glad I was on duty when we got the call. ”
“What are you doing on duty? I figured you’d be?—”
“Recovering from my stint in jail?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged, eyes sliding away. “What, did Blair bail you out?”
“No. And I’d rather rot in jail than accept anything from her.”
I glanced down at Winston and hummed as I stroked his fur. Uncharacteristically, he seemed happy to stay snuggled against my chest. Maybe once I moved inside, he’d be jumping away and acting like the king of his domain once again.
But he was rattled.
A little like me.
“Abigail—”
“Look, Rex, I appreciate all this,” I said, waving a hand toward the tree and the fire truck. “But I think it’s best if you leave.”
He stood still, watching me. “You know I didn’t kiss her, right?”
I was so tired. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed for another few days and let the world pass me by. I couldn’t take much more of this. I’d let Rex in, and I’d ended up hurt. I should’ve known that would happen. I wanted to be like Evelyn, but it just didn’t seem worth it.
“It doesn’t matter if she’s the one who kissed you, Rex.”
“How could it not matter?” He spread his arms, taking a step toward me.
It was too much. The hurt inside me compressed to a hard ball, and words exploded out of me. “Because you walked away! You heard my brother saying those things about me— about us—and you turned around and walked away because I wasn’t important enough to defend.”
“That’s not?—”
“That’s exactly what happened!” My voice echoed against the nearby houses. I closed my eyes and buried my face in Winston’s fur, inhaling deeply. Calmer, I looked up and met Rex’s gaze. “I’m tired, Rex. Let’s just…leave it.”
“Leave it? That’s it? I meant nothing to you?”
“It doesn’t matter what you meant to me,” I replied, and it was true. My pain hadn’t mattered when I was eleven years old, wondering if it was my fault that my parents’ marriage had broken down. My pain hadn’t mattered when my own marriage fell apart. That time, people were pretty clear when they told me that most of the blame rested with me.
And this was my fault too. I’d expected too much.
“I just want this night to be over,” I said as I turned toward my house.
“I love you, Abigail.”
My steps froze. The words clanged through me, and I wondered if I’d misheard. I didn’t turn to look at him as I stood on the lawn, waiting.
“I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. I was afraid of admitting it, because I didn’t think you’d care, and I didn’t want to lose my friendship with Gabe.”
I couldn’t believe Rex. Not when this had all changed too fast. When he’d denied his feelings for me over and over again. With my back to Rex and Winston rumbling in my arms, I stared at the porch light ahead and wondered if I should simply walk toward it.
“Abigail. ”
Despite myself, I turned to face him.
“You’ve made me see that I can’t always be the guy who puts himself last. My priorities have been all screwed up. But if you’ll let me, I’ll prioritize you, Abigail. I’ll do anything for you.”
Pretty words. Empty promises. But I knew I was always better off on my own. I shook my head. “I don’t need you, Rex.”
His face crumpled. “I don’t want you to need me. I want you to want me, Abigail. I love you.”
My whole body felt cold, all the way down to my marrow. I shook my head. “Sometimes, love isn’t enough.”
Charlie and Sophie stayed behind after the guys left. Since Rex took his duffel bag with him, we smothered the fire and went back inside. Sophie brought out the wine, and we settled in the living room under some blankets.
I sipped my Pinot Grigio from the rim. “Rex said he loved me.”
Sophie and Charlie share a look. “We heard him.”
“You did?”
“I’m pretty sure the whole neighborhood heard his declaration. But did you?” Charlie asked.
“Look, Charlie, just because you got the fairytale ending, doesn’t mean that’s what’s happening to me.”
“Why not? You heard him. He says he didn’t kiss the bride from hell, and he wants to be with you,” Sophie added. Her brows drew together. “You have to admit, it was pretty romantic.”
“Romance isn’t real.” It felt just as fake as our little wedding date charade. After what I’d been through, how could I trust happy endings? I’d been burned so badly the scars still hurt.
Sophie filled her own glass. “So, he’s not perfect. And neither are you. And neither am I or Charlie,” she continued.
“Hey, how’d I get roped into this?” Charlie said.
“The point is that we all make bad calls sometimes. None of us is perfect. Except for you, baby Winston.” Sophie petted his little escapist head, and he curled up in her lap, leaving mine cold.
“Why are you on his side?” I asked, feeling my friend’s support slipping away. “If you heard his declaration, then you heard me say that sometimes love isn’t enough.”
Charlie sighed. “No. But it’s the foundation and the structure. It’s what makes life worth living.”
“And I have love. I love you guys. I love Winston. I love my job. That’s enough for me.” I took another swig of wine, but now it tasted sour. It tasted like a lie.
Was it enough for me? I’d tasted something different with Rex. Bliss. Happiness. The feeling of being accepted, just for who I was.
My friends exchanged a glance. Sophie petted Winston with both hands, but her eyes were on me. “You said you’re in love with him and he’s in love with you. And love means accepting someone for who they are—even if they mess up.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was, crying over not being loved for the perfectly imperfect woman I was…all while rejecting Rex for the same reason. He hadn’t kissed Blair. Sure, he hadn’t stood up for me in front of Gabe, but he’d been worried about his brother. The whole wedding weekend ha d been a mess. Could I hold that against him? Was it worth throwing everything away?
Rex had messed up—something I did regularly. I was treating him exactly the way I hated to be treated. Like he could just be tossed aside because of a few mistakes. That didn’t feel right or good.
But—
Voice small, I asked, “What if I open my heart to him and he hurts me anyway?”
Charlie leaned forward, her eyes intent. “Abigail, when have you ever shied away from a risk worth taking?”