Chapter 14
14
G race woke up in her own bed for the first time that week, the familiar smell of her laundry sharply reminding her she was no longer sleeping next to Elara. She rolled over onto her back and splayed her arms out wide, attempting to take up as much space as she could, hoping she could rid herself of the emptiness threatening to consume her. As she stared up at her ceiling, she felt a soft plop next to her and smiled as she turned to watch her cat trot over to lay on her chest.
Grace gently folded her arms to hold him closer. “Good Morning Mr. Fluffy Pants.” As she stroked his back, his soft purrs rumbled into her chest. Her eyes were sore and swollen from crying all night, but everything felt a little better with a cat purring on her. She giggled at Mr. Fluffy Pants as he curled his back to encourage better butt skritches. Having received the attention he wanted and desiring no more, the cat jumped off the bed and meowed loudly in a clear demand to be fed.
Grace scoffed as she sat up. “That’s all I’m good for, huh? A quick cuddle and a can of wet food, eh?”
Grace felt her heart squeeze and her eyes tear up as she realized how close that proclamation came to what she said last night. Her hands brushed through the mess of waves and curls that had tangled through the night, trying to release the knots as much as she wanted to release the tension building back up in her chest.
Grace softly padded barefoot across the apartment toward the pantry and pulled out a can of cat food. Mr. Fluffy Pants had happily chirped at the sound of the metal screeching as she pulled off the top. She dumped the can into his fish-shaped bowl and watched as he happily chowed down. Grace pulled out her cell and shot a quick text to her Aunt Lucy.
Got back last night. No need to stop by. Thanks for cat sitting.
It was early in the morning, so she doubted Aunt Lucy would see her text any time soon. It would be a miracle if she read the text before 10 a.m. Leaning against the counter, Grace looked around her apartment, noticing the stark differences in comparison to the suite she shared with Elara. Her walls were covered in art prints, a collection she had started in her teens after she had thrifted an original sketch by David Hockney—a find that had inspired her dream to open her own thrift store.
Her furniture was covered in cat hair and throw pillows, with a wine stain on the armchair that never fully came out regardless of how hard she scrubbed. She had shoes in a pile near the mirror in the hall, proof of a wardrobe dilemma that she had yet to clean up. Every inch was full of life and color, yet she still felt empty. Refusing to give into the urge to cry again, Grace turned to her cabinets in search of any food she could scrounge together to make a decent breakfast. She sighed as she realized she had not gone grocery shopping in weeks and only had condiments and some saltines left.
Just as she was considering how satisfying saltines and yellow mustard would be, she heard her phone ding, indicating a text had come through. Her stomach flipped in a way that had nothing to do with her impending breakfast disaster. Grace held her breath as she turned over the phone to look at the screen, and gasped in surprise as she saw Aunt Lucy’s name flash on the screen. What in the world is she doing awake this early?
Grace opened her texts.
Why so early? You weren’t supposed to be back for days.
Grace sighed as she tapped her fingers on the screen quickly, responding in as few words as possible.
Things didn’t work out.
Grace stared at her phone, waiting for the inevitable reply. When none came, she shrugged and made her way to the couch. Grabbing the remote, she flipped through the channels until she found something safe. The Cooking Channel wouldn’t do. She had that class with Elara. Neither did any of her favorite home renovation shows. She wouldn’t be able to think of anything but the details Elara put into her resort. Hallmark movies were out of the question. She felt like throwing up just thinking about watching some sappy romance. Eventually, Grace put on the History Channel, which was playing a rerun of Ancient Aliens. Definitely no connection to Elara there.
Just as the reenactments were starting, she heard a knock on her door. Grace sat still, staring at the door unsure what to do. No one ever came to her door. But Grace sighed in exasperation when she heard her Aunt Lucy yell out, “Grace! I’m coming in! I’ve got a key.”
Aunt Lucy opened the door without waiting for Grace to get up off the couch. She barreled across the living room, her hands full with coffee cups and a brown paper bag. The smell of baked goods wafted out, making Grace’s mouth water.
Sitting up, Grace reached out for the bag, which Lucy handed over immediately. She opened up the bag and laughed as she saw it was filled with every assortment of pastry she liked. Blueberry muffins, chocolate croissants, scones, and even half a baguette and a tub of butter.
“I wasn’t sure in what state of disrepair I would find you in, but I was absolutely sure that sugar and carbs could cure it.”
Grace laughed again as she pulled out a chocolate croissant and took a big bite out of it. The flakey, buttery layers were a perfect balance to the rich, sweet chocolate in the middle. Mouth full, Grace mumbled, “Thank you,” and reached out for one of the coffee cups.
Lucy handed over one and took a sip from the other. Grace sighed when the sweet caramel and bitter espresso warmed her throat, loosening the grip of sorrow just a tad.
Grace plopped unceremoniously down on the couch and pulled out another pastry, the chocolate croissant still in her hand. When she pulled out the blueberry muffin and bit off the top, Aunt Lucy sat down across from her gently and touched her knee. “That bad, huh?”
Grace chewed quietly, taking the time to rein in her tears and harden herself before responding. “She said that it was just an arrangement and that it would never be anything more.”
Grace avoided looking Aunt Lucy in the eyes, knowing that pity and empathy directed at her would only make her cry. She took another bite of the chocolate croissant, looking down at her hands instead of directly at Lucy. Grace felt the hand on her knee squeeze as Aunt Lucy sighed deeply.
“Grace. I’m sorry. I know you are hurting right now. But from everything you said, Elara knew it wasn’t just an arrangement. We knew she had a lot of walls built up. You’ve always been so willing to be vulnerable with people; you wear your heart on your sleeve proudly. Which is something I love about you dearly. It’s what makes you so enigmatic and lovable. But not everyone is like that. I know Elara hurt you, but I think you just need to give her time to face her fears.”
Hot tears spilled down Grace’s cheeks as she listened. Her heart hurt, but her stomach began to feel queasy as she realized she was partly to blame for her situation. They had just talked about giving Elara time the day before, and yet Grace had pummeled on headlong anyway.
“I know. Ugh, I know I wear my heart on my sleeve. It hurts enough right now for me not to need you to tell me that. And I tried to give her time, I swear I did. But…she did some things that felt so wrong to me. She made me feel used and alone, and I couldn’t stand it. I had to say something.”
Aunt Lucy sighed and sat back in her chair. “I’m proud of you for not letting her hurt you. That takes a lot of strength. I just hope you give her the chance to realize how wrong she is.”
Hours after Aunt Lucy left, Grace still sat on the couch, flipping through channels absentmindedly. Instead of a muffin and coffee, she now held a glass of red wine and the half baguette. Between sips of wine, she dipped her bread into the butter and ripped off pieces with her teeth.
She had thought a lot about what Aunt Lucy had said, and she was left feeling angry, sad, and confused. Aunt Lucy was right, of course. Grace had rushed it. But that wasn’t her fault. What was she supposed to do? She was not going to keep letting Elara hurt her without saying her piece.
She wanted more than anything to forgive Elara, to give her a second chance. But how was she supposed to do that if Elara didn’t want forgiveness? It had been nearly twenty-four hours, and she hadn’t so much as received a text from Elara, and Grace was far too stubborn to text first.
Mr. Fluffy Pants was happily curled up by the window, soaking up the last rays of sunlight. Grace changed the channel, and this time she actually let herself stop on the Hallmark channel. She couldn’t help herself; she loved the happy endings too much. She settled back into the couch, pulling a blanket over her as she continued to swap between bread and wine. Just as the couple had their first kiss, she heard another knock on her door. It’s probably Aunt Lucy again. Hopefully she brought more food .
She waited for Aunt Lucy to let herself in but was confused when the knocking continued. Grace threw off her blanket and set down her bread and wine on the coffee table. By the third knock, she knew there was no way it was Aunt Lucy. Grace quickly shuffled over to the door, curiosity burning while a tiny spark of hope ignited. She didn’t even stop to look out her peephole as she opened the door.
Grace gasped as Elara smiled up at her, a giant bouquet of brightly colored tulips in her hands. She blinked in surprise, unable to find her voice.
Elara’s normally steely gaze was softer, more vulnerable as she softly greeted her. “Hi.”
Grace stood in the doorway, her heart pounding as Elara spoke, each word tugging at her with a mix of longing and guardedness. She wanted to reach out, to let herself believe, but the memory of Elara’s cold words still stung, a raw ache she hadn’t yet shaken.
Elara’s eyes held none of the steely distance Grace had come to expect. Her gaze was soft, vulnerable in a way Grace had never seen before. The bouquet of tulips trembled slightly in her hands as she took a hesitant step forward, her voice barely more than a whisper.
“Grace,” Elara began, her voice breaking, “I…I messed up. I know that now. You were right about everything. I kept pushing you away, trying to keep you at a distance, because I was too afraid to let you in.”
Grace’s breath caught, a small spark of hope flickering in her chest, though she fought to keep her expression steady, waiting for Elara to go on.
Elara took a deep breath, the pain in her eyes unmistakable. “I’ve spent so long hiding behind walls, telling myself that I didn’t need anyone. But you…you tore through all of that without even trying. And I didn’t know how to handle it.” She paused, her gaze dropping to the floor. “Being with you felt like waking up after years of of being numb. It terrified me.”
Grace could feel her own heart racing as Elara continued, her words cutting through the layers of hurt and anger. She wanted to believe Elara—wanted to reach out and pull her close, but the sting of that last argument still lingered. She kept herself still, waiting.
“I know I made you feel like this was nothing,” Elara whispered, her voice thick with regret. “Like you didn’t matter. But the truth is you’re everything that matters. You made me feel alive, Grace. You made me feel like I could be more.”
Elara’s voice cracked, and she took another step forward, her eyes meeting Grace’s with a raw intensity that made Grace’s throat tighten. “But I was scared, so I pushed you away. I tried to pretend it wasn’t real, that I could just brush you off and go back to my life as it was. But I can’t.”
Grace’s heart thudded painfully, her fingers clenching around the edge of the door. She saw the honesty in Elara’s face, the openness she had begged for, and it was almost too much to bear.
Elara’s voice dropped to a near-whisper, and Grace’s chest ached at the vulnerability she saw there. “I know I don’t deserve a second chance, not after the way I hurt you. But I’m here, Grace. I want to try, if you’ll let me. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to be with you. Really be with you, in a way I’ve never let myself be with anyone.”
She watched as Elara held out the bouquet, her hands trembling, her gaze hopeful and pleading. “Please, Grace. I know I’ve made a mess of things, but I’m ready to give this everything I have. To give you everything I have.”
The words lingered in the air between them, and Grace felt her heart throb painfully as she absorbed them, each one a balm to the wounds she’d carried since leaving the resort. Part of her wanted to throw her arms around Elara, to forgive everything in that moment, but another part held back, still wary, still aching from the hurt.
Yet looking into Elara’s eyes, she saw a flicker of something real—something she had longed for. She could see the love and fear mingling there, as raw and unguarded as her own. And in that moment, she felt a cautious hope, a small, trembling belief that maybe, just maybe, they could make this work.
Her throat tight, Grace took a breath, her gaze steady as she met Elara’s eyes. She wasn’t ready to say everything, not yet, but she knew she could take one step forward, open the door just a little. “Come inside,” she said quietly, her voice soft, laced with both pain and hope. “Let’s talk.”
As Elara stepped into the apartment, Grace felt the first glimmer of warmth begin to seep through the hurt, and she knew that, despite everything, she was willing to try.
Grace led Elara into the living room, her mind racing as she settled onto the couch, leaving a slight but noticeable space between them. She clasped her hands in her lap, glancing briefly at Elara, who was still clutching the bouquet of tulips like it was the only thing keeping her grounded.
The silence stretched, heavy and charged, until finally, Grace broke it, her voice steady but laced with pain. “Why now, Elara? Why show up here after everything?”
Elara looked down, exhaling slowly. “Because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you,” she admitted, her voice soft but sincere. “At first, I thought… I thought pushing you away was the only way to keep myself safe. But then you left, and I realized that losing you hurt so much more than any fear I had of letting you in.”
Grace’s heart twisted, the rawness of Elara’s confession stirring something deep within her. But she held her gaze steady, needing more. “I need to know that this isn’t just another moment of panic for you, Elara,” she said, her tone firm. “I need to know that this isn’t just you reacting because you’re afraid to be alone.”
Elara’s eyes flickered, and she nodded, her expression shifting to one of determination. “I understand. I don’t blame you for doubting me, Grace. I’ve been so selfish, letting my own fears control me.” She swallowed, the vulnerability clear in her voice as she continued, “But being without you—seeing what life feels like without you in it—showed me that I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to keep hurting the people I care about just because I’m too scared to face myself.”
Grace’s fingers tightened in her lap, her voice barely above a whisper. “I won’t let myself be someone’s second thought, Elara. I can’t go through this again.”
Elara leaned forward, her eyes searching Grace’s face with an intensity that made Grace’s breath catch. “You’re not my second thought,” she said, her voice breaking. “You’re my first. I know I haven’t shown it, and I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to let in, to share this part of myself with. I just… I don’t know how to do it yet, Grace. But I’m willing to learn, if you’ll have the patience for me.”
Grace looked away, her chest tightening. She wanted to believe Elara’s words, wanted so badly to trust that this time would be different. But the memory of her hurt was still fresh, still raw. “Words are one thing, Elara,” she murmured, her tone cautious. “But actions… I need to see it. I need to know that you’re willing to do the work, that you won’t just shut me out again when things get hard.”
Elara nodded, her gaze unwavering. “I’ll do anything, Grace. I don’t expect you to forgive me overnight, and I know I have a lot to prove. But I want to start now, if you’ll let me.” She reached out, placing her hand gently over Grace’s. “I want to show you that I’m capable of love, that I’m capable of loving you the way you deserve.”
Grace felt the warmth of Elara’s hand, her resolve softening slightly as she looked into Elara’s eyes, seeing the sincerity and longing there. Part of her was still afraid, still cautious, but another part—the part that had fallen in love with Elara’s rare, soft moments—wanted to give her a chance.
After a moment, Grace’s hand shifted, her fingers intertwining tentatively with Elara’s. “I’m willing to try,” she whispered, a small, hopeful smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “But this is the last time, Elara. If you shut me out again, I won’t come back.”
Elara’s eyes filled with relief, her fingers tightening around Grace’s. “I won’t let you down,” she promised, her voice thick with emotion. “I know I have to earn your trust back, and I’ll do whatever it takes. I just want you to know that I love you, Grace. Truly.”
Grace’s heart fluttered, her fears beginning to melt as she leaned into the warmth of Elara’s touch. It wasn’t a perfect reconciliation, not yet, but it was a start, and as she felt the weight of Elara’s hand in hers, she realized it was one she was willing to take.
Grace leaned forward, closing the distance between them and softly kissed Elara. All of her fear and sadness began to wash away as Elara’s arms slowly came around her back and pulled her closer. Their embrace was slow, soft, and charged with emotions. Grace pulled back and cupped Elara’s face as she searched those piercing blue eyes for any signs of doubt or fear and found only love shining toward her. Elara’s hands stilled as she gazed back deeply, the vulnerability clearly written across her face.
Her hands still cupping Elara’s face, she leaned in and rested her forehead against Elara’s, taking a moment to savor the closeness and breath in her tantalizing sandalwood scent. Their breath mingled in the small space between their lips as Grace whispered, “Make love to me.”
Elara’s hands squeezed gently as her body tensed. She took a shaky breath and whispered back, “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like that’s all I want from you.”
Grace pulled back an inch, allowing their gazes to connect once more as she said, “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
Elara’s tenseness loosened as she closed the distance between them once more, pressing their bodies together as their lips moved in a slow dance between their usual fire and the tender emotions pooled between them. Grace’s hands traveled down Elara’s chest, unbuttoning her shirt with shaky fingers. Elara placed her hand over Grace’s, stopping her after the third button. Grace looked at her with wide eyes, worrying that she had taken things too far.
Elara gently raised Grace’s hand to her lips and placed a soft kiss on her palm. She looked deeply into Grace’s eyes. “Not here. You deserve better than a couch.”
Grace felt her heart melt as she took in Elara’s words, feeling for the first time as if Elara truly cared about making her feel wanted. A tear threatened to escape from the corner of her eye as she leaned forward and kissed Elara gently once more. In silence, the two stood up from the couch, hand in hand, both unwilling to break their contact. Grace silently cursed herself for not picking up her mess as she led Elara toward her bedroom. Once she stepped into the room, she looked over her shoulder with worry, waiting to see Elara’s disapproval. Instead, she saw Elara’s eyes on her with a wide smile warming her cold features.
Elara quietly commented, “It’s so you. So full of life.”
Moved beyond words, Grace felt tears slide down her cheeks. Elara immediately reached out to soothe her, brushing away the tears. She looked panicked in the face of tears, but still she held Grace steady as she waited for her to respond.
Grace looked up at Elara, her tears brimming. “I love you, Elara.” She led Elara to the bed, pulling her down as she laid back on the mattress.
She savored slowly undressing Elara, kissing each inch of skin that she revealed. In turn, Elara caressed and kissed her, letting Grace lead. Once Elara was laid bare before her, Grace peppered Elara with kisses along her skin, making a trail back toward her lips. Once she had thoroughly kissed Elara, she whispered against her lips, “I love you.”
Elara shivered as Grace ripped off her tee, revealing her bare breasts underneath. She moaned quietly as she captured one pink nipple in her mouth, sucking and nipping until Grace groaned in return. Moving to the other breast, Elara kissed the middle of Grace’s chest and whispered against her skin. “I love you.”
She moved her mouth over to Grace’s other breast, worshipping her with kisses until Grace was writhing in pleasure. She leaned back, looking into Grace’s eyes. “I am so lucky to have you.”
Grace shivered at the sudden distance between mouth and breast and reached her hand forward to gently caress Elara’s face, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
It felt like seconds before Elara’s face was buried between Grace’s thighs in the delicious dance that had become their sexual go-to. Elara devouring her with a hunger Grace had never known.
Sucking her, licking her, pushing her tongue inside of her.
Grace moaned, relaxing into it and her head tipped back onto the bed.
The two made love throughout the night. Their kisses and licks became prayers, the bed a temple to their love. Later, when they both were spent, Elara held Grace closely. Their limbs intertwined and breath mingled, blurring the lines between one soul to another.
Filled with joy, Grace wiggled closer, nuzzling her nose against Elara’s neck and breathing in her scent. Elara gently pressed a kiss on the top of her head, prompting Grace to look back up.
Once their eyes locked, Elara quietly asked, “Will you come back with me? To the resort? As much as I never want to leave this bed, I would like to have the chance to introduce you as my partner. For real this time.”
Grace paused at Elara’s words, taking them in as she considered her response. Elara watched her silently, the question hanging in the air. Having made her decision, Grace took a deep breath.
Grace’s gaze softened as she held Elara’s hand, a feeling of calm warmth spreading through her chest. “I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long,” she murmured, her heart full. “And yes, I’ll come back with you. I’d be honored to be by your side—as your partner, as someone who loves you.” She smiled, pressing her forehead against Elara’s. “Let’s go back together.”