How’re you feeling? #2
“Whatever you say,” I chuckle, although the laughter dies on my tongue. “We shared a hotel room at the wedding, so we woke up together, after. It made me feel…” I shake my head, looking up to the sky to try and find the words. “It made me feel something I haven’t felt for an omega before.”
Alex gives me a long, sad look. “How did it make you feel, Jed?”
My stomach lurches, my voice cracking when I speak.
“It made me feel like all I want to do every day is make him laugh, and hold his fucking hand, and talk about stupid shit with him and take off his glasses when he falls asleep next to me. God, Alex. It made me feel like I want to wake up next to him all the time. Every fucking day.”
Alex smiles gently and kicks me lightly under the table. “And this is a bad thing, why? Sounds pretty great to me.”
I shake my head. “Because I don’t do relationships, Alex.
You said it yourself. I’m the guy who picks up an omega at the bar and never sees them again.
I’m like, commitment-repellent. My entire life has just been jumping from one thing to another, and usually fucking them up in some way.
I can barely stay in the same apartment for more than six months; how could I not fuck up a relationship?
He deserves someone who knows how to commit. ”
Alex rolls his eyes. “And everyone calls me dramatic! Jed, how long have you worked at The Foundry?”
I count back through the years in my head. “Going on five years now.”
“Okay, and I’ve been around for two of those years.
And I’ve observed none of anything you’ve just said.
I’ve seen the guy who turns up every day, often when he doesn’t even have to, and holds this place together.
Sure, Marcus and Max are the owners on paper, but they’d kill each other without you there to mediate their alpha bullshit.
Your clients love you. Everyone loves you.
You’re already essentially in, like, twenty committed relationships with everyone here, you just don’t think of it in those terms.”
I grin weakly. “Well damn. You’re saying I could have been having orgies all this time?”
He gives me a wry smile. “I’m saying you should give yourself more credit.”
I pause, letting his words sink in.
“It doesn’t matter, anyway,” I continue. “I don’t think he’s interested in me in that way. I really thought he was, but… when I tried to bring it up the morning after the wedding, he just shut down.”
Alex groans, rubbing his temples with his fingers. “Okay. Let’s get this straight. Aiden literally asked you to go to a wedding with him, spent hours getting to know you every week and slept with you more than once. He’s clearly into you in some capacity. What happened?”
“I woke up, looked at him, and realized I was completely in love with him. And then I panicked.”
“Okay…” Alex prompts gently.
“I tried to bring up the whole fake-boyfriend thing being over—you know, as a way to open the door and see if he wanted to keep seeing each other for real without freaking him out with a huge confession,” I say, running a hand over my face.
“And he went totally cold. Pulled the sheets up, and said, ‘Right, mission accomplished.’”
Alex raises an eyebrow, watching me carefully. “And how did you respond?”
“I panicked more!” I admit, the frustration bubbling over. “I made some stupid joke about Yelp reviews or something, and he snapped back with a bitter comment about adding to my portfolio, and he packed his bags. We didn't say three words to each other on the drive home. It fucking sucked.”
Alex pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “I hate alphas.”
“You are an alpha.”
“Don’t remind me.” He opens his eyes. “So to be clear, you didn’t actually tell him how you feel? You just deflected with a series of horribly timed jokes?”
I shift uncomfortably on the bench, picking at a loose thread on my jeans. “Not exactly. And I didn’t deflect. I don’t—deflect.”
“You literally just suggested an orgy to avoid taking credit for holding the gym together,” Alex says dryly, raising an eyebrow.
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re hilarious, but whenever someone tries to get close or talk about real feelings, you fire off a punchline like a smoke bomb and vanish behind it.
You’ve done it since the day I met you.”
I open my mouth to argue, but the defense stalls in my throat.
Because that’s exactly what I did. Every time Aiden got that vulnerable look in his eyes—every time the tension between us turned into something fragile and real—my instinct was to crack a joke, make him laugh, and keep things light.
Safe. It’s easier to be the funny, easygoing guy who doesn't take anything seriously than to risk putting my actual heart on the line and risk someone stomping all over it.
I let out a heavy breath, running a hand over my face. Alex crosses his arms over his chest.
“Well, fuck me sideways. There we go,” I say. “That’s part of the problem. I can’t be in a serious relationship if I can’t even open up to him without making it into a joke.”
“Well, you’re doing a pretty good job of it right now, with me,” Alex points out. “Love changes people. It makes you capable of things you didn’t think were possible. Believe me.”
Marcus chooses that exact moment to walk through the courtyard, sitting heavily on the bench next to Alex.
He’s wearing a clean button-down, his stubble neatly shorn, and maybe Alex is right, because I don’t think I ever saw Marcus wearing anything other than workout gear before he met Alex.
And now he’s dressed to the nines for ballet performances and date nights every other week.
“Speak of the devil,” I say.
“What’s going on?” Marcus grunts. “What are you two planning?”
“World domination,” Alex says, at the same time that I say, “A military coup.”
Marcus frowns. “Jesus Christ. I go to the bathroom for five minutes.”
Alex intertwines his hand with Marcus’ on the table, and there it is again. That sick, twisted feeling right in my gut. Marcus is looking at Alex like he’s hung all the stars in the sky.
“You don’t have to listen to me, but I think you should talk to him,” Alex says. “I can’t tell you if he feels the same way you do, but you’re never going to find out by hiding yourself away and working off assumptions. It sounds like he’s worth taking the risk for.”
I nod soberly, because I know he’s right. “Yeah, he is.”
“And no jokes allowed.”
Marcus snorts. “Jed? No jokes? Not possible.”
“Yes it is, Marcus,” Alex hisses, swatting him on his bicep. Marcus doesn’t flinch, but he gives me a confused look. “Jed’s a changed man.”
“Did I miss something? Are we doing serious talks?” Marcus says, his eyes widening. He clears his throat. “Because Jed, you know we love you, man, and if there’s anything I can—”
“Fucking hell, Marcus.” I hold out my hand to stop him, holding back a snort of laughter even though fondness is swelling in my chest where jealousy was a moment ago.
“Shut the fuck up. I appreciate it, but Alex has it covered. No heart to hearts necessary, I can’t take it from two of you.
” Marcus frowns at me sceptically. “I’m good, I swear.
I’m going to talk to Aiden. Properly. Like a fucking adult. ”
Alex beams, and Marcus sags against him in relief. “Ok, phew. I didn’t have anything planned past the first sentence, if I’m being honest.”
There’s a beat of silence where we're all awkwardly glancing at each other, and I sigh heavily, slapping the table. “Okay, enough of this sincere bullshit. Who wants another drink? My beer went flat like, half an hour ago, and I’m gonna need another if I’m going to convince Kyle that I think the blue Power Ranger is the most fuckable. ”
“Oh my god,” Alex sighs.
“You’re just saying that to fuck with him, right?” Marcus says suspiciously,
“Oh no, I’m deadly serious,” I say. “Now let’s go inside before I die of secondhand smoke inhalation.”
—
I find myself in Duke’s again two days later, staring into a half-consumed coffee like it holds the answers to all my problems. It feels strange being here alone.
For weeks, this booth had been where I learned everything about Aiden—the things he loved, the things that pissed him off, the tiny details nobody else knew.
It was where I fell in love with him without even realizing it.
It took a sleepless night and nearly 24 full hours for me to figure out what I wanted to say to Aiden, and another twelve after that to actually work up the courage to send a text, and I’m still not convinced he’s going to show.
So when the door to the bar swings open and Aiden walks in, my chest seizes in relief and nausea all at once.
He pulls an earbud out, scanning the dimly lit booths of our regular bar before his eyes lock onto mine.
His face is stony and unreadable, exactly like it was the first day he walked into The Foundry.
All the walls I didn’t even realize I was stripping down over all those weeks and months are suddenly back in full force, and I hate it.
He slides into the opposite side of our usual booth, keeping his expression neutral.
“Thanks for coming,” I say quietly.
“Why wouldn’t I?” he replies, his voice flat.
I twist my bottom lip between my teeth. “I know you’ve been avoiding me. Which is totally fair, by the way.” I pause, realizing I’m saying everything out of order. “I just wanted to talk, properly. To, um, explain myself, I guess.”
Aiden looks around the quiet bar. “I don’t know that there’s much to talk about.”
“Maybe not for you, but I’ve got some things I need you to know,” I say, leaning forward across the scratched wooden table and not hiding the raw edge of pain in my voice for once. “I fucked up. I didn’t know how to be honest, and I’m really fucking sorry.”
Aiden’s jaw tightens, his dark eyes tracking my movements like he expects me to throw out another bad joke and run for the hills. He drops the earbud into his palm, his shoulders rigid under his shirt.