Chapter 34 Beatrice
BEATRICE
Baby Daddy: You look beautiful tonight. I hope you have a good night with the girls.
Baby Daddy: Message me if you get lonely later. I know I will be.
“Sienna,” I shriek the second I read the messages.
Sienna doesn’t bother to stop walking as we exit the theatre after the show has ended; instead, she just looks over her shoulder and gives me her sweetest, most innocent smile.
“I can’t believe you sent him a photo,” I continue.
“What? I warned you that I would. He deserves to see what he’s missing.”
“He’s not…this isn’t…”
“You’re welcome.”
“What did she do?” Lessy asks.
“Just trying to get her baby daddy hot under the collar,” Sienna supplies as we come to a stop on the sidewalk.
“I don’t want to get him—”
“You don’t want another round with him?” Savvy asks, her eyes wide as if I’ve lost my mind.
“Things are already complicated enough,” I reason.
“But it was good the first time?”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“So what’s the harm in taking him for another ride? The damage is already done.”
“Not yet, it’s not. Bea won’t know the damage until the baby is out,” Rachel says with a smirk.
“Really?” I hiss. “I don’t need to think about what state my vagina is going to be in.”
“Exactly. More reason to enjoy it as it is now, don’t you think?”
“It’ll complicate things. I’m already an emotional wreck. I don’t need to start relying on him for anything. Even if it is orgasms.”
“Damn shame, if you ask me,” Lessy mutters.
“Good thing, I wasn’t.”
But despite knowing I’m right. I can’t deny that the temptation is there. I just know he’ll hit the spot that my toys are failing to find right now.
“Shall we go and get a drink?” Rachel asks.
“Sounds good. Fancy another virgin cocktail?” Sienna asks me.
“About as much as I want another decaf latte.” My sigh is heavy and full of frustration.
“See, this is why you need some earth-shattering orgasms—to make up for all the things you’re giving up,” Lessy points out as we all connect arms and head toward the bar down the street.
A laugh bursts out of me. “I can’t argue with that.”
We have a great night, even if I have to sit there and watch the four of them get a nice buzz from the cocktails.
Rachel, Lessy, and Savvy all climb into a rideshare and head toward their side of town, leaving Sienna and me on the sidewalk waiting for ours.
“How are you feeling?” she asks as I sway from side to side. Despite spending most of the night sitting down, my feet still hurt.
“Tired. But that seems to be a standard thing right now. And I swear my heart has dropped into my feet. They’re throbbing to the beat.”
“I prefer feeling my heartbeat a little higher up.”
“Stop,” I plead. “I don’t need you trying to convince me to go another round with Everett.”
“I wasn’t. I was just saying.”
“Maybe we should go out and hook up with random guys before I get too huge. No one will want to bang me when I have a basketball for a belly.”
Even as I say the words, they feel wrong.
The very last thing I want to be doing right now is finding a random man to scratch the itch I’m failing to relieve myself.
Sienna studies me with all-knowing eyes.
“Is that what you really want?” she asks. If I say yes, I’ve no doubt she’ll arrange it and ensure I get what I need. But…
“No,” I confess. “It’s the last thing I want. I need fewer complications in my life, not more.”
“It will all work out,” she promises me, reaching for my hand and squeezing in support. “Have you decided what to do about Rett?”
I shrug one shoulder. “I keep going back and forth. One minute I think it’s crazy, and then another, I can see the benefits. I just…I wish someone could just give me the right answer.”
“Maybe there is no right answer.”
“Well, that’s helpful,” I mutter as our car pulls up.
“You just need to do what feels right,” Sienna says before we climb inside.
Turning away from her, I stare out the window at the buildings whizzing past. “I just…I don’t want to get hurt, Si. But I fear there isn’t a way to do this that won’t result in that.”
“You like him?”
“What? No. That’s not what I mean.”
“You’re worried you might if you spend too much time with him.
” She said it that night: Everett Donnelly is exactly my type.
And my type is always a lot of fun, until I’m left high and dry, wondering what the hell just happened.
But while the men of my past have been forgettable, I’m not sure Everett will ever fall into that category. He’s…more.
“It’s the hormones. I never know what they’re going to do.”
The sympathy in Sienna’s eyes doesn’t lessen. “It’s okay to be scared.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“Just take it a day at a time. You might find that the answer comes naturally.”
My lips part to tell her what I stand to gain from our fake relationship, should I convince him that it needs to come with a ring as well. She’d understand, I know she would. But that doesn’t mean the words flow freely.
We pull up outside my apartment not long after, and I stare up at my building with a heavy heart.
I don’t want to go in there. I know my neighbors will have music booming, and I know it’s going to be almost unbearably hot.
I know I’m going to be miserable the second I step through the entrance. But I don’t have a choice.
Or maybe I do.
I could agree to Everett's charade and secure my future.
But at what cost?
“Thanks for tonight. It was fun,” I say to Sienna as I reach for the door handle.
“It was. We need to book another for next month.”
“Need to make the most of it while I still can. Once the time comes, I won’t be going anywhere.”
My breath catches as reality hits me upside the head.
When this baby comes, aside from my friends, I’m not going to have any help.
There will be no grandparents wanting to babysit to allow me a night off. Unless I pay for childcare, I’m going to be a mom twenty-four-seven. Even if Everett sticks around and takes his responsibility seriously, he’s not going to be around very often.
Sienna doesn’t respond; she’s just as aware of the situation as I am.
“Sleep well. Message me in the morning?”
“You got it. Night,” I choke out, managing to hold my tears in as I wave her off and turn toward my building.
But as I let myself in and the putrid scent of the building's hallway hits my nose, my stomach turns, and my tears spill over.
I try to hold my breath as I race up the stairs, but it’s hopeless, and I’m forced to breathe through my mouth.
I can’t even describe the smell. Urine mixed with body odor, rotting food, and a whole host of other awful things I don’t want to think about.
All I know is that this isn’t a place I ever want to bring a baby up in.
I press my hand against my stomach as I make a promise to my child that I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to keep. Or at least, I won’t if I don’t take Everett up on this offer and get what I’m owed.
As much as I think I might have options, deep down, I know I don’t. I might want to protect my heart, but at the end of the day, my baby’s wellbeing and future are way more important than a little heartbreak.
The moment I step foot in my apartment, I kick my shoes off and pad toward my bedroom.
“Oh my god,” I breathe as I release my zipper and then undo my bra.
I abandon it all on the floor before taking a quick shower and pulling on a tank and a pair of sleep shorts, which are also getting a little snug.
I grab a bottle of water before flopping onto my bed with my cell in my hand.
I unlock it and instantly cringe when it opens to my conversation with Rett.
I want to say I’m surprised that Sienna sent him a photo of me, but really, I’m not.
Bea: I’m sorry about Sienna. She can’t be controlled.
Baby Daddy: Good. I’d have hated to miss out on how hot you look tonight.
My cheeks burn.
Bea: I didn’t feel hot. I felt claustrophobic. And I had to drink virgin cocktails all night
Baby Daddy: Nothing good about a virgin
I splutter, almost choking on my own saliva.
“Jesus,” I mutter once I’ve recovered.
Baby Daddy: Speaking of things that aren’t virgin…apparently I was looking pretty fly tonight myself.
I frown, wondering where this is going, but only a couple of seconds later, a photo pops up.
“Oh Christ,” I grunt.
Shamelessly, I tap on the image, making it fill the entire screen before I scan every bit of it.
It’s a selfie of Everett in a fancy, fitted black suit. Only his tie has been loosened, his collar undone, revealing the ink that disappears beneath.
Bea: I assume that by apparently, you mean you got hit on all night?
Baby Daddy: There may have been one or two women who showed interest…
Bea: And one or two women you took out the back and fucked into next week?
I regret the message the second I send it. But it’s too late to take it back. He’s already read it.
Baby Daddy: Can’t lie, it was tempting. But I’m pretty sure they’d be disappointing compared to the last woman I took against a wall.
Bea: Are you trying to tell me you remember that night?
I shouldn’t ask. I’m digging for compliments that I shouldn’t crave. But I’m powerless to stop myself.
Baby Daddy: You know I do.
Do I?
From what I’ve learned about Everett Donnelly, I was just one of many notches on his bedpost, or whatever he counts on.
Bea: What did you do tonight? Assuming you’re not hanging out at home dressed like that?
Baby Daddy: Had a charity event raising money for the children’s hospital.
Bea: Aww, nice.
Baby Daddy: Not really. I was lonely. And my sister and best friend announced their engagement.
Bea: How are you feeling about that?
Baby Daddy: Happy for them, obviously. And just a little traumatized over the whole situation. My best friend is banging my sister…
I can’t help but burst out laughing.
Baby Daddy: And I’m having a baby. When did we suddenly turn into adults?
Bea: Umm…pass.
Bea: Are you still out celebrating?
Baby Daddy: Nah, some of the guys went out after, but I came home.
Bea: Didn’t want to party?
Baby Daddy: Would rather message you.
My heart flutters and my stomach tightens.
It’s easy to allow myself to get carried away. But the truth is, they’re just words. The reality is, he could be with a whole harem of women right now.
Bea: Sounds unlike you.
Baby Daddy: Maybe I’m changing my ways. I just got into bed. Alone.
Bea: Prove it.
God. I shouldn’t have said that.
But only a few seconds later, I’m glad I did, because he sends me the proof. His jacket, suit, and tie are long gone, and instead, there is nothing but golden, inked skin staring back at me. And the other side of his bed is empty.
Baby Daddy: Proof enough?
His message notification appears at the top of my screen, but I barely pay it any mind as I focus on his abs and the deep indentations under them that disappear beneath the sheets—my temperature spikes at the thought of nothing else covering him.
Before I can stop myself, I’m pulling the top drawer of my nightstand open and blindly searching for my favorite toy.
I sigh when the familiar sound of buzzing fills my ears.
As I shove my sleep shorts down, I tell myself that this is all I need. That I’ll turn it up to full power and it’ll give me the knee-weakening release that I crave.
But minutes later, when my orgasm crests, I already know it’s not going to hit the mark.
Nothing is.
A sob erupts as I throw my toy to the other side of the bed in frustration.
As if he knows, my cell buzzes beneath my outstretched arm.
I reach for it and hold it above me.
Baby Daddy: When are you next free?
Bea: Depends…
Baby Daddy: I want to take you out.
My pulse picks back up again.
Bea: Like…on a date?
Baby Daddy: Yeah, I guess.
I bite down on my bottom lip as I second-guess myself, but in the end, there is only one reply.
Bea: I’m free on Sunday.