Chapter 41 Everett
EVERETT
“Oh shit, check this out,” Linc says as he holds his cell up for me to see. “They’re gonna look so good wrapped around my—the fuck, man,” he bellows after I shove him as hard as I can in the shoulder, sending him crashing to the ground.
I bring myself to a stop and glare down at my best friend.
“Shoulder. I was going to say shoulder,” he tries to argue. His smirk tells me otherwise, though.
My chest heaves as I continue staring at him, my heart racing even faster than it was a few minutes ago from our roller-skating session. It picked up speed the second Linc showed me the image of Parker’s nails.
It’s not unusual; she often has them painted, and I don’t think anything of it. Today, though, I know exactly who’s done them.
“Fuck,” I hiss, turning away from Linc and pushing off, leaving him sitting there like a sulking child.
“No need to help me up,” he calls. “I’ve got this handled.”
I keep moving forward, although I’m not going fast enough to stop him from catching up to me.
“You can talk to me, you know.”
I shoot him a glare.
“I know it’s not hockey, and there is fuck all I can really do to help, but I’m here and I’m willing to listen.”
Continuing forward, I keep my mouth shut.
“Come on, man. Parker’s worried, and I fucking hate seeing it in her eyes. All she did while we were on vacation was worry about you,” he explains. “Well, that and sunbathing naked and taking my—”
“Stop. I get it, okay. I fucked up, I know I fucked up. Hearing that I ruined your vacation doesn’t fucking help.”
“Oh no, I never said that. It was a fucking fantastic vacation.”
“I hate you,” I mutter, but it’s so far from the truth it’s funny.
“Yeah, feeling’s mutual, asshole,” Linc quips.
Setting my sights on a bench, I push forward before dropping onto it. Linc follows not a second later.
His stare burns into me as I lean forward, rest my elbows on my knees and hang my head.
“It’s all…it’s just all got really serious, really fucking fast.”
“Getting someone pregnant will do that to you.”
“I thought you said you wanted to listen, not give sarcastic comments.”
He holds his hands up in defense. “Sorry, sorry. Please, continue.”
“I’ve fucked up so many times in the past. But each of those only really affected me. This time, someone else is suffering and—”
“You care,” he finishes for me.
Yeah. Yeah, I fucking care.
I think I might care a little too much. That’s why I’m so fucking freaked out.
It’s all just…a lot.
Last week, when I took her out, Bea had a bump. She might have denied it, said she was bloated, but it was there. I could see it with my own two eyes. The rest of the world is going to be able to see it soon, too.
Our time for hiding, or burying our heads in the sand, is coming to an end.
“How the fuck am I meant to be a father, Linc? How?” My heart slams against my chest as I ask the most pressing question of all.
“Just like everyone else. You wing it.”
“But—”
“How do you think everyone else feels when they’re in your situation?”
“Well, most likely they planned it, because they’re ready and excited for the next step.”
“Many pregnancies are planned, but I don’t think there is a single person out there who isn’t terrified about becoming a parent for the first time.
“Do you think your mom and dad had a clue what they were getting themselves into the day they discovered they were expecting you?”
“They probably knew I was going to be awesome,” I state, making Linc snort a laugh.
“And you think your kid won’t be?”
“Fuck no. They’re gonna be amazing. I’m not questioning my kid here; I’m questioning myself.”
“Rett, all kids need are parents who are there for them, who show up for them day after day, no matter what.” As he speaks, sadness washes through his expression, making me feel like an asshole.
“I’m sorry, bro,” I say, squeezing his shoulder in return.
“I miss him every day,” he says sadly. “He wasn’t perfect.
Hell, he was far from perfect. But to me, he was everything.
And I know that in years to come, your kid will say the same, because you’re gonna be there.
On the good days, the bad days, to celebrate with them, to be sad with them, you’ll be there right beside them every single step, and that is all anyone can ask. ”
“Shit,” I rasp, rubbing at my burning eyes roughly.
“Have you seen her?”
I shake my head, guilt swimming through my veins.
The photos that were posted on the internet seem to have died down now, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about them.
After Parker left the day after our date, I discovered a message on my cell from Hailee praising me. I was so shocked I had to read it three times for it to sink in.
But while she might think I did a good job, what does Bea think?
She opened up about her family, about walking away from them and starting over as a nobody to focus on her own hopes and dreams.
And while she’s being photographed with me, she isn’t a nobody.
In the articles attached to our date photos, people were already trying to figure out who the dark-haired beauty who’d stolen my attention was. It won’t take them long to figure it out, and then what?
“But you want to?”
“She deserves better than me,” I confess, my voice rough.
“That could very well be true, but don’t you think that’s up to her to decide?” He’s right, I know he is. But that doesn’t stop me wanting to be a martyr and make the decision for her.
Being with me, even if it is fake, is going to put her in the spotlight, a place I don’t think she wants to be. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop it, even if we don’t date.
"I just…I don’t…” I drop my head in my hands in the hope it’ll stop spinning.
It doesn’t work.
It never fucking works.
“I know this isn’t helpful and not what you want to hear, but it’ll work out.”
I take a few deep breaths and force myself to sit back.
“I just fucking hate that I’ve done this to her. She’s…she's trying to run her business, and every day she’s also dealing with the fallout of our night. Hell, it wasn’t even a night. Thirty minutes at best.”
“Thirty minutes? Doubt that.”
“Fuck you,” I grunt, making him laugh.
“Rett, the deed is done. There is nothing you can do about it now. Bea made the decision to continue with this pregnancy. She didn’t have to. Have you ever thought that she could have terminated and you’d have never known?”
Pain sears through my chest. Not only because of the loss of something I wouldn’t have known existed, but also because if it weren’t for this pregnancy, there is a very good chance I never would have seen Bea again.
She’s said it herself. She’s not a hockey fan. She may never have gone to another game. We certainly wouldn’t have gone on a date if it weren’t for our little accident. And that…that would be a travesty.
I might have kept my distance over the last few days as I tried to grapple with everything, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it. I have. Daily. Constantly.
I’ve recounted every moment. I’ve questioned whether I should have thrown caution to the wind and kissed her when the opportunity presented itself.
Would she have welcomed it, got lost in it like she did that night?
Or is this really just about our baby now?
Has she pushed aside what happened and how electric we were together?
I’m pretty damn sure she hasn’t. I’ve seen the heat in her eyes, the way she looks at me as if all she can think about is how effortlessly I pinned her to that wall as she took my cock.
“You’ve got to trust that she’s made the right decision for herself, and all you can do in these next few months is support her.”
“She asked me to marry her,” I blurt.
“What?” He balks.
“Fuck. That came out wrong,” I say, dragging my hand down my face. “We were talking about Hailee’s fake dating plan. I said that it was selfish of me to ask her to do it when I was the only one gaining from it. And she—”
“Huh.”
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing, it’s just I don’t think I’ve ever heard you put a woman first.”
“Fuck off, I always think of Parker.”
“That’s different, man. Very fucking different.”
“So, you were telling me about your upcoming wedding…” Linc prompts.
“It’s not like that. She’s got some kind of trust fund that she can only gain access to once she’s engaged.”
“So she will get something out of this—”
“Please don’t say relationship,” I mutter, earning myself a smirk.
“You’ve made a baby, been on a date, and now you’re talking about getting engaged. You might not want to hear it, but this is very much a relationship, my friend.”
I tip my head back and close my eyes. “Fucking hell,” I groan.
“I don’t see the issue here. If you’re both getting something out of this, why are you hesitating?”
“Because it’s serious.”
“So is getting traded to the other side of the country. Or worse, Canada. You’d be in a different country from your kid.
” I’m pretty sure Linc sees the panic in my eyes.
“Bea wants you around to support her and the baby when it comes. And you want to be there, right? You want to be here? Be a Viper?”
“You fucking know I do, man. This,” I say, gesturing between us, “us playing together. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.”
“Then you need to embrace this. Hailee is right. This is the perfect opportunity to show the fans another side of you.”
“What if it doesn’t exist?” I ask nervously.
"Are you fucking kidding me?” Linc barks, making me rear back.
“I have known you since before we could walk, let alone skate. You are the most loyal and supportive friend, a caring big brother, and a fierce teammate. There is no doubt in my mind that you will be an incredible partner, even if it is fake, and an even more exceptional dad. Have faith in yourself, Rett. The rest of us do.”
Linc’s words stay with me for the rest of the day, spinning around my head, tempting me into believing them.
Put me on an ice rink, and I’m nothing but confident. But put me into a situation that involves me being there for other people, emotions and feelings, and fuck, I’m so in over my head, I’m pretty sure I’m going to drown any moment.
Messaging Bea after she finishes work helps settle some of it.
She tells me about Parker’s visit and how she didn’t recognize her to start with.
She tells me about her nausea and increased morning sickness.
And because I feel bad, I place an order for a fruit basket, because…
healthy for our growing baby, and a box of fresh pastries, because… she deserves a treat.
What I really should do is go over there. Everything feels better when I’m with her, and I know I’m being a pussy staying away. I have been all week.
But…fuck.
I’m terrified.