Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
H er phone pinged with a notification. Who—? Oh, Instagram.
She opened the app, saw she had a message from Lincoln Cash’s wife, Jackie, complimenting her on her outfit last night. God bless her. Lincoln had been on the first season of As The Heart Draws , and he’d kept in touch over the years. His marriage to an aged-care nurse a few years ago had almost melted the internet, but it was proof that God could work in mysterious ways. And God had worked wonders in Lincoln, transforming a man with diva-esque tendencies into someone who now ran an online Bible study for actors in Hollywood. Ainsley had encouraged Harrison to connect with Lincoln, and last she’d heard he was enjoying the time with fellow believers in the acting world.
She tapped back a reply, congratulating Jackie on her recent pregnancy photo, another moment when scores of Lincoln’s fans had gone into meltdown mode about how he could choose an ordinary woman like Jackie instead of someone like “an Ainsley.”
She’d seen those comments, knew how awful it must be for Jackie to see, so she did all she could to publicly and privately encourage the woman.
The world she lived in might be full of fakeness, but the longer she was in it, the more she sensed God was wanting to use her to bring a measure of real. Which was hard, when Rosie constantly warned Ainsley to tread carefully with everything from her clothing choices to a haircut. What she posted on social media. What roles she took. “You can’t damage your brand, Ainsley.” The brand that might be super-cute and nice and harmless, but seemed to pigeonhole her in a way that she was starting to writhe against.
Nice was just another word for pleasant, which felt awfully close to mild and bland. And while she could appreciate viewers wanting to switch on something that was innocent and safe, surely there was danger in pretending the real world didn’t exist, with all its challenges to negotiate. Like a woman’s struggle with forgiving an abuser. Like an aunt cursed with cancer. Like a brother who wasn’t walking the way Christians said he ought. Surely there was room for productions that showed how to treat others the way Jesus did, even those despised by others, like the prostitutes and tax collectors and lepers, instead of letting “the world” produce shows that instead often suggested—as Mack had said more than once—“there’s no hate like Christian love.”
Ugh. She hated the wrong impressions so many people had about her faith. And while she wasn’t about to make ungodly movies, she wished there was a way to walk a path where she could shine for God and not antagonize her viewers. This tension between how people wanted her to appear as and who she wanted to be was so hard to navigate. What would people say if she made a film about domestic violence? Or showed the effect of human trafficking? She’d likely lose her contracts, that’s what.
She exhaled, hands over her eyes. “Lord, show me what to do. I don’t just want to play nice, but I want what You would have me do.”
She stayed silent for a time, listening, sensing. But there was no noise except for the vague hum of traffic beyond her apartment, and Louie’s sigh in the warm pool of sunlight on the kitchen floor, as he made the most of the afternoon before the light and warmth faded in Vancouver’s late Fall darkness.
But even in the stillness, she knew her heart was hungering for this more. Which was why she couldn’t align herself with those who wanted to deny reality or play pretend. Loving her brother was real. He didn’t make it easy, either, but he was her brother. And more than that, he was God’s child. And sure, he mightn’t be walking like that right now, but he once had, and the book of Romans suggested that God’s love didn’t stop because of life or death, so that suggested it didn’t stop because of sexual orientation. But so many people seemed to believe it did. There were those verses about homosexuality being a sin, after all. How did Christians reconcile these parts of the Bible? She didn’t have answers, except that she knew God was a God who loved, and that surely Mack’s private business was something God could judge better than other Christians. Not that she’d ever say that to anyone. Except not saying only increased her internal tension. It had gotten so bad that these days she rarely owned up about having a brother, which only made her feel like she was living a lie. And this blending of fact versus fiction in her family’s life was hard.
“Lord, I know You want me to keep loving Mack. Give me grace, and help me love others too. Lead me into Your paths.”
She opened her eyes, glanced down at her phone. There was a message request. Huh. She didn’t check those too often. How long had it been there?
A tap on her phone screen and she opened it. Stared at the name. A verified name, at that. Then glanced at the message.
Hey Ainsley. I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday. Let me know if you’re ever free and want to catch up for a coffee. Or a meal.
What?
Her pulse increased. Was this a joke?
Why would Zac Parotti have messaged her this? Hadn’t he thought she was taken? Which kind of made him seem as sleazy as the other guy… unless he’d found out she wasn’t taken.
She pushed her phone away. Rubbed her brow. She should be studying lines for the Christmas mysteries series before they began indoor shoots next week, but this message had stolen her thoughts. Why? How? No.
“I don’t know what this is, God, but it seems weird. He’s not even a Christian, is he?”
Why don’t you find out?
Whoa. That thought couldn’t have come from God. Besides, how was she to do that? She wasn’t about to ask her dad—he’d freak out, in who knew which direction, so that was out of the question. Given Mack’s lack of interest in godly things these days she couldn’t ask him. Who did she know who was a Christian connected to the hockey world who might have a clue? Anyone? Anyone?
Cassie James.
She swallowed. Her phone lay within reach, the answer she needed potentially within her grasp. But asking that question was like opening a can of worms, and she wasn’t sure she could cope with what might happen should they wriggle out.
It was best to say no to temptation, so she pushed away from the table and returned to the living room where she tried to concentrate on learning her lines. But her mind kept flicking to her phone, to the question she could ask—should ask, would ask—if she could only sense whether this was something God wanted her to do.
Her phone rang, startling her, so her papers fell to the floor. She rushed to the kitchen table, and grasped it without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”
Was this Cassie? That would surely be an answer to an unprayed prayer, and a sign from—
“Hey, it’s Jason.”
Oh. Her stomach dropped. Okay, then. “How are you?”
“Good. Just checking on you, after all those articles and press from last night.”
“Thank you, that’s really sweet. I’m all good though. Just going over lines for next week.”
“Me too. Hey, want me to pick you up for our shoot next week?”
And give the impression to him and any photographers that they were an item? “I don’t know if that’s wise.”
“Hey, it’s just a ride, not a date. Although it could be a date if you wanted. Just sayin’.”
She winced, glad this was a phone call. “I thought I made it clear that I don’t date my co-stars. Not anymore.”
“But last night—”
“We agreed to last night, but only because it was helping to promote the show. Not because you care about me in that way.”
“But I could care about you in that way. You’re so pretty, and sweet, and—”
“Are you a Christian?” she asked, fully knowing the answer.
“No.”
“Well, I am. And I’m trying to find a Christian guy to go out with, so if I’m going out with you, then you’re just getting in the way of who I’m meant to be with.”
“Oh. Then last night—?”
“Was just about the show, remember?” she said gently.
He sighed. “I hope this won’t affect our work together.”
Me too . “It won’t, because we’re both professionals, right? But I’m flattered, Jason. Thank you.”
He sighed again. “Well, I guess I better go, then.”
“See you next week.”
“Let me know if you need a ride.”
“I will. If I need a ride,” she added quickly, in case he got the wrong idea. “Good night, Jason.”
“Night.”
She ended the call. Then looked at her phone, where her contacts lay so close.
“Lord, should I?”
No answer, as if God—unlike her agent—was letting her make up her own mind. In that case… Fine.
She tapped open Cassie’s number. Among other things, Cassie lived on her family’s Three Creek Ranch and managed their western town movie set where As The Heart Draws filmed, which is how they’d first connected.
And Cassie’s brother Franklin just so happened to play for Calgary’s pro hockey team.
And Franklin just so happened to be friends with Chris Thomas, who played for Vancouver’s pro hockey team.
And both men just so happened to be part of a group for Christian hockey players who played out west, or so Cassie had mentioned before. And while it was a stretch, there was a tiny chance that Cassie might just know if her brother had ever mentioned whether a certain Zac Parotti had ever attended. And if Zac had, well, that might be interesting indeed.
So she prayed, then tapped out a message.
Hey Cassie. Hope you’re doing well. I’ve got a really random question for you…
* * *
“… in Jesus’s name, Amen.”
“Amen,” Zac muttered.
It still freaked him out a little how openly these men prayed aloud, and expected others to pray aloud too. He was glad they were going easy on him still. His dad would likely have a heart attack if asked to do anything more than mumble “Bless this meal” at Thanksgiving. Even his mom, though she attended church sometimes, seemed to regard God as only a Sunday part of her life. Unlike these guys, who seemed to think God was interested in every aspect of their lives, from relationships to health to finances to thought life.
Today’s study was led by Luc. Zac still hadn’t figured out the man, despite knowing him around NHL life for years. He was Winnipeg’s new captain, and had always been tough and scowly, in the same way that Chris liked to think himself. But his recent appearance on Dance Off Canada had mellowed him to the point that Luc had happily worn a pink suit because Zac dared him, thus forcing Zac to donate ten grand to charity, because the original bet of five had looked too measly.
He didn’t understand them all, but he liked the sense of brotherhood they shared. He’d always been a loner, and never had a brother; teammates were as close as he’d come. But even then there had long been a wall between himself and most. It might sound arrogant but it remained a fact: competitive guys didn’t always appreciate someone who was better.
Luc was joking around, as was Ryan, the two of them sharing a similar tease to that bouncing between Mike and Franklin. It was weird, because he’d always thought Christians were super serious, and these guys liked to joke, just like Chris did. And the fact that Zac had spent his entire life thinking God was a mean old man with a big stick, and now he was starting to think of Him more as someone who was a God of love also seemed really weird.
He didn’t say much, just kept in the background, as the others talked about the early disciples who Jesus sent out to share the good news. Then came back and shared about all the miracles they’d seen.
“And it makes me wonder,” Luc said, “how often do we keep the good news locked up inside.”
There came various murmurs of agreement.
“Which got me curious,” Luc continued, “about you, Zac. I mean, I know you’ve mentioned this before, but I thought it would be a good reminder for us about how you came to faith in God.”
“Put me under the spotlight, huh?” he griped.
“It’s not like you’ve never been there before,” Ryan teased.
True. “What do you want to know?”
“You. Your journey to faith. What was it about?”
“Um, okay.” He shot a look at Chris, seated beside him in front of the laptop on the Thomas’s dining table.
“Just tell them what you first told me.”
He shrugged. “Okay.” He tugged his baseball cap lower. “Growing up, weekends were always about sports, so I didn’t go to church much. And then these past years I’ve been pretty lucky—no, blessed”—was the approved word around here—“but it still didn’t seem to satisfy. So I noticed Chris here,” he jerked a thumb at his host, “was often inviting people to his place for dinner. I thought the dude was lonely, so I came a time or two.”
The others snorted, as Chris said, “Really?”
Zac nodded. “Then the more I spent time with him I started to notice he had this peace, and I started asking questions about it, and he answered in a way that didn’t seem too freaky.”
“What would you regard as freaky?” Mike asked.
He shrugged. “Too religious sounding, I guess. I don’t know. I’m still learning the lingo, and there’s a lot of lingo to get my head around.”
“For sure.”
“Christianese some call it,” Jai said.
That made sense. “Anyway, Chris explained we all fall short, and nobody is perfect, which I knew”—because competitive as he was, he was never as good as he wanted—“and then he explained that if there was no God then our life is meaningless anyway. And I guess it made sense. Like, I can have a Cup and a gold medal but it’s all kind of pointless unless there’s a bigger picture, right?”
“You mean heaven?” Ryan asked.
Zac nodded.
“Hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you’re taking those things to heaven with you.”
“What? Are you serious?”
He held his expression for a beat, two, until their concerned looks drew his laugh, and the guys relaxed as they recognized his tease.
“Wow. For a moment there I really thought—”
“That I was that shallow?” he interrupted Luc. “I guess it’s fair to say I have been pretty shallow, but I’m figuring a few things out now.”
In the echo of those words he remembered something he’d wanted to talk about tonight. Not that he knew how to bring up the subject easily. Maybe there’d be an opening soon.
“So what you’re saying is that you noticed Chris had something different about him and then he wasn’t shy to talk about his faith,” Luc said.
“That about sums it up.”
“Good.” Luc nodded. “Okay, so that leaves us with a question. Are we sharing our faith? Because if this is good news, and it is, we all know that, then surely there are other people out there who need to know this, too.”
“I think we all are sharing in different ways,” Mike said. “It’s not always overt, and doesn’t always lead to quick salvations like Zac.”
“I don’t know that I was that quick,” Zac objected. “These are some questions I guess I’ve been thinking over for a few years.”
“It’s just about being ready at the right time to have an answer for someone,” Chris said. “Which sounds like a Bible verse, doesn’t it?”
A moment later Franklin looked at his phone and said, “Yep, in first Peter, chapter three, it says ‘Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect’.”
“So no Bible bashing or body checking people with the gospel, eh Luc?” Ryan teased.
“It’s just being real with our faith,” Mike said, “and not being embarrassed.”
Zac squirmed. Like he had been the other day. Sorry, God.
“Which is what we all should be, right?” Luc said, before asking everyone to think of those in their various teams whom they could specifically pray for to share the good news with.
Chris nudged Zac. “We were talking about this just yesterday, right?”
“At your White Night, right?” Jai said. “Allie mentioned that you saved the girl.”
Zac rolled his eyes. “She’s got a boyfriend.”
“That girl has had more dates than Leonardo DiCaprio,” someone joked.
“She’s a man-eater, a one-date wonder, they say,” someone else said.
“Hey, my sister knows Ainsley and says she’s really sweet, and a Christian,” Franklin objected.
Defensiveness rose. He swallowed it. It wasn’t any of his business, even though it seemed unfair. “Yeah, would you talk about me that way if I was like that?”
Hmm. Judging from the silence, maybe some of them had.
Luc nodded. “Good point. Let’s keep it on topic. So, who do you want to pray for?”
“Logan Johansen is the obvious name,” Chris said.
“Yeah. One hundred percent.” Luc’s comment scored nods.
“And Drew seems open,” Zac said.
“So we’ll pray specifically for those two. Anyone else?”
Other names were put in the mix, and Zac found himself agreeing to pray for them too. Which the others then did, and he even managed to pray aloud, “God, touch Drew.”
He might’ve only prayed three words but it felt like a win. This Christian stuff might be private, but it felt like it was needing to get a little more public too.
They finished praying, and were about to close the video call—just as well, as they had a game tomorrow—when Franklin whistled.
“What’s up?” Chris asked.
Franklin looked up at the screen. “Zac, do you know why my sister would be messaging me about you?”
“No. Who’s your sister?”
“Cassie James.”
“Sorry. No clue.”
“What’d she say?”
Franklin smirked. “She wants to know if you’re a Christian, and if you’re single.”
He coughed. “Why?”
“She said she’s ‘asking for a friend,’ which she would be, because she and Harrison Woods are going out, and last I saw, they were very happy.”
“Isn’t he the dude who’s on that western show at your ranch?” Ryan asked.
Franklin nodded, eyes fixed, it seemed, on Zac. “ As The Heart Draws .”
Zac’s heart thudded. He knew of someone on that show.
“That’s the one with Ainsley Beckett.” Chris thumped Zac’s arm.
“Who just so happens to be friends with my sister.” Franklin grinned.
His neck heated. “I don’t know what you’re implying.”
“Yes you do. Aww, he’s blushing!”
Zac shoved Chris away. “She’s got a boyfriend.”
“Does she?” Chris asked. “I thought Diana said that dude the other night was her co-star.”
“Hmm, maybe she’s about to have a new one. Especially if…” Franklin paused.
He didn’t want to bite. He really didn’t want to bite. “Especially if what?”
“If I tell her that you are.”
No way. No way! Play it cool, man. He slouched in his seat, shrugged. “I don’t care what you tell her.”
“Okay, I’ll tell her you’re not, then.”
“Hey, don’t say that!”
Franklin laughed. “In that case, I’m telling her yes. To tell her ‘friend’ that you are. Okay?”
“Whatever,” he grouched. “I’ve got a game tomorrow so I need to go.”
“Yep, I’m out too. Catch you all later.”
Chris tapped out of the meeting, and turned to Zac.
“What?”
“Dare I ask what that’s about?”
“No. Like I said, I’ve got no clue.”
Chris lifted his eyebrows. “And if it is Ainsley?”
His heart thudded, but he shrugged again. “Last I heard she has a boyfriend, and I don’t steal other guys’ girls.”
“But what if she was interested? Would you be?”
He couldn’t lie. But then, even talking about this was dumb. What was the point when she had a boyfriend? Although maybe this discussion was the opening to getting the answers he’d wondered about before. “Look, I know that I am still new at this Christian thing, and even if I was interested in her, I don’t think I can afford to be. I don’t really know how to be a Christian boyfriend, and I don’t think it’s fair to be implying things when I don’t think I could be good for a woman right now.”
Chris stared at him, then nodded slowly. “That’s actually really wise. Okay, sorry for asking.”
“It’s okay. I should probably go.”
“I’ll be praying for you regarding this as well, okay?”
“Thanks. And um, yeah, I’ll pray that Tanner and Jack’s new medication works better.”
“Appreciate it.” Chris fist-bumped him and waved from the front door.
His heart was a tangle of knots as he drove away. Tonight’s study had raised all sorts of questions, not least to do with the woman he’d been teased about. Was Franklin right? Was Cassie asking on behalf of Ainsley? If so, why? And if not her, then who’d be asking such a thing?
He returned home, tried to watch TV, but the game between Detroit and Florida was one-sided, as it always seemed to be whenever Brent Karlsson played.
His phone buzzed with a notification. He pulled it out, then stared. What the—?
Ainsley Beckett had sent him a message?
What—why?
He scrolled up a little further. Whoa.
No way. She’d replied—to a message he hadn’t sent? What the actual heck?
Who’d sent her a message on his phone? Whoever it was, they’d made him look like some random dude who slid into a woman’s DMs. And he wasn’t trying to be that guy anymore.
Someone had messed with his phone. Chris? No. Drew, probably. Drew definitely. That man definitely needed Jesus now, and Zac would be praying God would get him good.
But Zac couldn’t be too mad at him.
Because now there was a message from the woman of his dreams.