Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
“I t’s going so well!” Rosie said.
Ainsley studied the gray harbor from her apartment window. Rosie wouldn’t be saying that if she knew where Ainsley planned to go tomorrow.
A break in the schedule thanks to Jason’s illness meant she’d been able to say yes to Diana after all. Maybe this was the opportunity she’d been waiting for.
“Okay, so now you’ve attended two of his games, and a few galas, I think it’s safe to say that everybody is buying the concept of you two.”
They were a concept? Like a brand? Maybe they had a brand name: Zainsley. Like the new Traylor. Or Bennifer. Or Brangelina. Nobody ever knew how long any of those would last.
She knew how long Zainsley would last: February 14. But probably not much more. Because it was getting increasingly more difficult to untangle her emotions when she thought about Zac. And she thought about him often. Like when Jason spoke on their shoots, and she compared his voice to Zac’s deeper one. Like when the role called for her to hug him, and she remembered Zac’s scent and the breadth of his arms. Fortunately the Christmas mysteries series only had a splash of romance, and she didn’t have to kiss until a scene right at the end, so not nearly as much as in some of her previous movies. Just as well, because the more time she spent with Zac, the more she started to wonder what his kiss would be like.
Zac had said something about a New Year’s Eve party, and she figured between that and Valentine’s Day, there possibly was a chance that she might find out. That kiss on the cheek had felt like it could easily slide to more.
“So what do you think?”
She refocused. “Um, sorry what was the question?”
“You. What’s next? Have you made Christmas plans?”
She didn’t know why Rosie thought she needed to know this. Sometimes the woman seemed to interfere a lot more than what Ainsley heard of other agents or publicists doing. “We’re doing something together,” she said vaguely. That, and she was praying like mad that the house would close in time. With Aunty Win focused on death cleaning, this might actually be one of their last Christmases together, so she wanted this surprise to be the best.
“Okay. Well, get more pics. I liked the one from the Christmas party that you posted to make yourself Insta official, but it would be good to see some more. Okay?”
“Sure.”
But she wouldn’t be posting any from the next place that she was going to visit.
“Now, Ainsley, are you sure about this?” Diana asked. “It’s not too late to back out.”
“I’m fine.” She glanced at the other ladies. Four of them, all older than she and Diana by several decades. Smiled to reassure. “Truly.”
Glenda, the pastor’s wife originally behind this ministry initiative, nodded. “You need to prepare yourself to encounter some confronting things. Just keep your eyes up, and your heart open. And be ready for whatever God might be wanting you to say.”
Ainsley nodded. When she had prayed about God giving her opportunities to be real, she certainly hadn’t been expecting this. But what was more real than following in the footsteps of what she thought Jesus might want to do if He walked this earth today?
Who would Jesus have hung out with? The rich? The smart? The successful? Well, yes, but just like in Bible times, He would have searched the highways and byways to seek those whom the world didn’t think amounted to much. So who were the most marginalized? The poor? The drugged-out? Those like Mack in the LGBTI community? What about the refugees, the homeless, those caught up in sexual slavery?
For so long she’d been caught up in her shows and movies, a very fictional version of life. But since she’d started looking, after her conversation with her aunt, she’d realized just how big and dark this world could be. Maybe she’d been a little quick to dismiss the lightness of her shows. They might suggest a bubblegum-pink fantasy, but they also offered stories of light and hope in a sometimes very black world.
Glenda’s minivan pulled into a nondescript parking lot, then the women prayed for God to use their time today. “Lord, help us love these ladies as You do. Help them to know that they are precious in Your sight. Use us for Your purposes, Amen.”
“Amen,” Ainsley whispered.
“Now remember,” Glenda turned to them. “We are here to love, not to judge. These women are made in the image of God, and He loves them. So we’re simply being His hands and His feet and showing that love.”
Ainsley nodded, catching Diana’s smile of encouragement.
When she’d asked Diana how she had gotten involved in the ministry, she had mentioned learning about women who had been caught in sex slavery, and how she’d been challenged about loving her world. So when she heard about what Glenda did, taking food and toiletries to the women who worked here, she wanted to be a part of that.
“You ready?” Diana asked in a low voice, as they exited the van and retrieved the gift baskets.
Ainsley nodded.
“If it makes you feel any better, you don’t look very Ainsley Beckett-like today.”
“I tried.”
Old jeans. No makeup. Hair in a ponytail. Today, she wasn’t an actress. Just a servant. A servant of God.
Glenda was met by a bouncer, who led them through the building to the dressing room. The room didn’t look too dissimilar to places she’d been in. Mirrors. Lights. Makeup. Hair products. It was just that the clothing was very different. Glenda was right. Eyes up was best.
Glenda introduced herself and the other ladies. “And we’re blessed to have Ainsley join us too today.”
Ainsley nodded, small-smiled, and gave a little wave. She didn’t want these ladies recognizing her and being distracted or put off by her being an actress.
She joined Glenda, Diana, and the others in distributing gift baskets containing cosmetics, toiletries and non-perishable foods. “I hope you enjoy.”
The dancers she spoke with were normal, so normal , showing pictures of their kids, chatting about cooking, makeup, hairstyles, and staying in shape.
“You’re really pretty,” one woman—Destiny—said. “What do you do, Ainsley?”
How to answer without freaking anyone out, or make them think she was here for a story? “I work in TV,” she murmured. “How about you? How long have you been working here?”
“Five years.”
Five years. Five years of wearing tassels and high heels and not much else.
From what the ladies shared, she was soon able to join some dots and learn a little about their stories. Some women here might brazen it out, saying they were making money for school, or paying off debts. But others seemed more fragile, bruised by life, like a twist of fate had made them think they had no choice but to showcase their bodies in this way, ogled by men in this seedy place. It needn’t take too much. A bad relationship that had forced them from home. Men who had taunted and chipped away at their self-respect until this seemed their only option. Kids who needed food because their father had left. She pressed her lips together, blinked back tears.
“We gotta go. Our shift starts soon,” one of the other dancers said.
“We’ll go then,” Glenda said. “Thank you for letting us come. And if there’s anything we can pray for you about, then please, let us know.”
Ainsley offered a small smile, and exited, head lowered. She didn’t want to see the patrons here. They were as broken as the young women she’d just met.
She exited outside, went to the van, as overwhelming emotion leaked out in tears. How long had she judged women in that profession? It was only by the grace of God that her family—broken as it had been—had supported her and helped her stand strong when Baden had tried to break her spirit and led her down paths that were ungodly. That was God’s grace, not her own efforts. If her life had taken a few different turns, then she could’ve been on the receiving end of that gift basket.
Diana patted her back, handed her a tissue. “I know. It’s a lot, isn’t it?”
She wiped her tears. “I like to think I’m not judgmental, but I have been.”
“I think we all have been.”
She nodded, blew her nose. “Oh, these ladies so need Jesus.”
“We all do.”
Glenda placed a gentle hand on Ainsley’s back. “I’ve been coming for over a year now, but they’re making changes. Some of them are now making real prayer requests. At first, it was just silly things, but now they know we’re here to love them and not just condemn.”
“There’s too much condemnation in this world,” another woman murmured.
“That’s right.” Glenda sighed. “The last time we were here, one of the women said to me that she was so glad we come to visit them because we’re not like the other churches.”
“What did she mean?”
“Apparently other churches send them hate mail all the time.”
Hate mail? “How awful.”
Glenda nodded. “Some people focus so much on the sin that they don’t remember that God loves the sinner. That we all have sinned, and fall short of God’s glory—”
Oh, how true that was.
“—and it’s only by God’s grace and the blood of Jesus that we’re made holy, and that the message of Christ is that all can be redeemed.”
Her eyes filled with fresh tears.
“God is in the business of rescuing and restoring the broken,” Diana said. “He sets the lonely in families, releases prisoners, heals the sick.”
“That’s right,” Glenda said. “Jesus came to proclaim good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”
Ainsley’s heart stirred. Oh, how she hungered for these truths, to know these truths more deeply, to share these truths. Not just here, but everywhere.
“I’m hopeful that one day we can start a Bible study for them,” Glenda continued.
Ainsley blinked. “Are you serious?” How bold and gutsy were these women that some might dismiss because of their gray hairs and age?
Glenda smiled. “I’ve heard of a group that holds one. In the strip club.”
“What?” That was all kinds of awesome, but also… wow.
“It’s a similar group to ours. After months building relationships with the dancers the ministry team asked the owners if they could hold a Bible study in the strip club, just for the dancers.”
“And they agreed?”
Glenda nodded. “Apparently the owners considered a Bible study as an opportunity to build morale for employees, or something like that. Isn’t that just like God to prompt people to do something like that?”
“That’s so amazing.”
“I’ve been in contact with the woman leading it, who is a pastor’s wife like me. She said she eventually asked her husband to lead it.”
Ainsley’s eyes grew wide. “And he said yes?”
“The dancers needed a man to minister to them, not because the women weren’t capable, but because the dancers had such a damaged, skewed image of men. They needed to see a man who knew Jesus, who was kind, who saw them as valuable. She told me that even though it was hard at first, and the dancers refused to look him in the eye, one by one the women met Jesus through this pastor’s humble, gentle leadership. And now many of them are leading healthy restored lives.”
Ainsley’s eyes filled with fresh tears that escaped in new sobs. This was what she wanted to do. Proclaim light and hope. See people set free. Demonstrate real love. Not just the romance she was known for, but real, restoring love. Just like she’d experienced with God. Just like she’d been reminded of today. Following Jesus wasn’t about trying to be perfect or look good; it was about recognizing God’s immense love for her and His desire for all people to walk in that love and freedom.
She wiped under her eyes and released a shaky breath. “Thank you for letting me come today. I didn’t realize how serving these women would bless me so much.”
“We’re glad you could come. And glad you remained incognito.” Glenda smiled. “It probably wouldn’t do much for your reputation to be known to have come here.”
“I don’t care if my reputation is damaged. These women need to know God’s love.”
“They do. As does everyone.”
Oh, how true.
“And we all have a role to play in sharing God’s love,” Glenda continued. “Not everyone has this calling, but as Christians, as Christ followers, I think we all need to consider that if Jesus was walking among us today, wouldn’t it be just like him to go to the most non-Christlike places and give the religious folk conniptions? Jesus loves people. He always has, and He always will. And He’s always ready to use His followers who are willing to go.”
Glenda’s challenge continued to play through her mind on the drive back to Diana’s. Lord, what’s my role? What do You want me to do? Give me wisdom.
By the time she returned to Diana’s, she was wrecked. She needed makeup to hide her red nose and red eyes so she didn’t scare Diana’s kids, who were home now that Chris had picked them up from school and day care.
“Aunty Ainsley!” Jack hugged her, followed by Faith.
Her heart threatened to buckle under new pain. She’d never be an aunt—Mack didn’t want kids, he’d made plain, complaining the world’s population wasn’t sustainable—so to be accepted into this honorary role was so touching.
“Why are you sad?” Faith asked, tracing a fresh tear down Ainsley’s cheek.
“I’m not sad. I’m really happy to see you!” She hugged Faith more tightly, savoring her sweetness, until Faith wriggled, which probably meant she needed to let go.
She stood, suddenly dizzy, and grasped a chair back to hold her upright.
Diana looked at her with sympathy. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner.”
“I don’t think I’d be much company. I still feel so overwhelmed.”
Diana smiled. “Zac is supposed to be coming.”
Was he? All the more reason to go. He didn’t need to see her looking like this. Not again.
But before she could leave, a black Porsche drove into their drive. She looked up as Zac walked in the room.
And all that she’d seen and experienced and felt surged up and spilled over. And she stood and rushed to him and hugged him.
* * *
Zac held on, as his shirt got damp. He glanced at Diana and mouthed “What happened?”
She mouthed back, “Strip joint.”
Part of him was tempted to smile, but another just wanted to hold her tight. Poor Ainsley. “Hey, it’s okay.”
She shook her head. “It’s not okay.”
Diana and Chris ushered their kids away, and he took Ainsley to a more private corner of the living room, and sat with her on the sofa. “Hey Ains.” He wrapped his arm around her.
It took some time before she calmed, her sniffles sounding like she could barely breathe. He reached for a box of tissues, handed it to her, and she took three.
He waited for her to calm, to speak, and prayed for her.
“I’m so sorry for breaking down like that.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” He pressed a kiss to her head. “Was it a little more than what you expected?”
“Oh, Zac.” She then went on to explain about the women she’d met, what she’d seen, the testimonies. “And I just couldn’t get over how normal these women are, and felt this strong burden that these women need to know they are loved by God. They are loved by God, but they just don’t know that Jesus died on a cross for them.”
Conviction grew at how he’d attended such places in the past, before remembering that Jesus had died on that cross for him too, so his soul stains had been washed clean by Jesus’s blood as well. His lips twisted. Look at him, using Christian phrasing like “washed clean by the blood.”
“What are you smiling about?” she asked.
He was tempted to deny it, but in this world of fakery, owned the truth instead. “I was thinking about how I’ve been like one of those men. I didn’t know that God loved me. And then I remembered Jesus died on that cross for me too.”
“He did.” She snuggled closer. “He died on that cross for everyone.”
The next minute passed, a moment of what felt like perfect peace.
This, this holding her, being real, talking about important things, felt so good. The world might hold a lot of dark and terrible things, but it was easier when there was someone to hold onto.
“Why is Zac giving Ainsley a special cuddle?” Tanner asked loudly.
Ainsley gasped and pulled away. “He’s not—we’re not—”
“Absolutely not,” Zac said as Chris entered, a scowl on his face.
“You”—he pointed to Tanner—“need to go to your room. You,” he pointed to Zac, “should probably go home soon. I don’t want ‘special cuddles’ going on under my roof. Unless it’s me and my wife, that is.”
“We weren’t—”
“Oh, Chris, stop teasing the poor man,” Diana said. “Look, you’ve embarrassed Ainsley.”
“Sorry Ainsley,” Chris winked at her, not looking very sorry at all. “I just like to mess with the man. Seeing he comes over all the time and eats our food.”
“He does?” She turned to him. “I thought you were Mr. Clean and Green?”
“Until he wants chicken nuggets,” Diana said. “Then he knows where to come.”
“Really?”
“No,” he protested, as the others laughed.
Fine. Make fun of him. He could take it. Especially as Ainsley had relaxed more.
Diana took Ainsley to the bathroom to fix her makeup again, and Chris got a repentant Tanner from his room and made him apologize to Zac and Ainsley for spying on them.
“I’m sorry Zac and Ainsley,” Tanner said, eyes downcast.
“All good.” Zac fist-bumped him while Ainsley offered a hug and a smile.
“But why were you crying?” Tanner looked up at her.
She peeked at Diana, then Zac, then looked at Chris’s eldest. “Sometimes I feel like God puts His finger on my heart and says ‘This is something I want you to pay attention to. I’ve created you for a purpose like this.’ That’s what today felt like.”
“Pay attention to Zac?” the kid asked, clearly confused.
Ainsley glanced at Zac, blushing. “Um, not quite. No.”
His heart fell.
“Don’t you like Zac?” Tanner asked her. “I thought you two were hugging. Dad and Mom hug like that sometimes, then they start kissing, and—”
“That’s enough, young man, unless you want to miss dinner.”
“Dinner sounds like an excellent idea. Who can help me set the table?” Diana asked.
Fortunately, dinner was without any more embarrassing comments, and he could enjoy the dynamics between Chris, Diana, and the kids. Diana obviously had a lot of patience, something he saw Ainsley had, too, as she interacted with the kids and proved again just how perfect she was.
She insisted on helping clear and wipe down the table, and he’d been here so many times and felt at home enough to load the dishwasher while Chris and Diana took the kids to have showers and brush their teeth.
He switched the dishwasher on, then wandered out to the living room where the gas fire crackled blue flames. Ainsley was looking at the bookshelf of kids’ books, including the one with the title he’d once called her before. He wrapped an arm around her waist, glad she didn’t shrug it off like she might’ve a few weeks ago. “Hey Snugglepot.”
She laughed. “Still not a fan.”
“Of that name or me?”
She twisted to face him more directly. “Oh, I’m a fan of a man who knows how to load a dishwasher.”
“And who can offer excellent hugs?”
“Special cuddles, you mean?”
He chuckled. “But not under this roof.”
“Or any roof until you’re married, if I’m reading between the lines correctly.”
Oh, he was pretty sure they were reading the lines as Chris had suggested. Lines he couldn’t cross, until he wore a wedding ring, so Chris had told him.
He blew out a breath, studying her intently.
A moment passed between them, just like that moment on the steps when she’d slipped before. There had been a lot of emotions today, but the domestic quiet of right now felt like a promise for the future. Or it could be.
She smiled at him and he reached to hold her hand. To thread his fingers through hers. To imagine this could be theirs one day. They might be fake-dating, but the more time he spent with her, the more this was feeling real.
Something Chris said when Ainsley went with Diana to read the kids a book and say goodnight.
“Thanks for having us here.”
“She’s settled in well,” Chris observed. “Like, she’s so normal.”
“That’s what she said about some of the women she met today.” He told him a little of what Ainsley had said about her experience today.
Chris nodded. “I remember the first time Diana came back. She was pretty shell-shocked.”
“They’ve got good hearts.” He shared some of what he’d learned about Ainsley’s philanthropy, without spilling any confidences.
The more he got to know this woman, the more she flat-out impressed him.
She was gracious, kind, generous, compassionate, wanting to make a difference in the world. She was amazing.
Chris sighed. “Dude, you need to be careful. She’s gold, but if she sticks to this fake-dating thing, she’s gonna break your heart.”
“I’m going to make her not want to end this.”
“How?”
He didn’t know. But with Christmas coming soon, maybe he’d have a way to find out.