Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
“Well, that sucks.” Mya folded her arms as the six of them stood in the hotel lobby, her eyes on the keycards in Beckett’s hands. “We going to draw straws to see who gets the honeymoon suite?”
Only two rooms had been available with two beds in each. And the only other room was the honeymoon suite on the top floor with one king-sized bed.
“You two take it.” Gray reached for the keys from Beckett and handed them out as if that was that. Case closed. “Makes the most sense.”
“Gray.” His name came out like a small protest from Sydney. Or an apology? Beckett wasn’t so sure, but either way, Gray shook his head.
“It’s fine,” Gray said nearly under his breath.
But was it fine? No, not even close. It was bad enough he and Sydney were sharing a room, and now Gray knew they’d be sharing a bed. The team didn’t need Gray’s thoughts derailed and not mission-focused because of their sleeping situation.
Who am I kidding? We’re all a bit fucked in the head on this one, aren’t we?
“Sooo,” Mya cut through the awkward tension, God bless her. “Let’s meet in the lobby in ten. We’ll go do the tourist thing?” She pointed toward the elevators as if they’d lose their way. “I’d prefer to spend as little time as possible alone in the bedroom.”
“Ten minutes is fine,” Gray said, and Mya and Oliver led the way and began arguing about something as they all crowded into the elevator.
When the doors opened on the fifth floor, instead of exiting, Gray turned and peered at Sydney. “I need a word with Beckett in your room. Can you give us a few?”
“Oh, um, okay.” Sydney squeezed between Beckett and Gray to join Camila and Mya in the hallway.
“Thanks.” Gray quickly pressed the button to close the door before Beckett could protest. Not that he would’ve, but he sure as hell wasn’t in the mood to be alone in the honeymoon suite with Sydney’s ex-boyfriend.
They rode in silence to the top floor, and Beckett side-eyed the third suite they passed on their way to his room, recognizing the number as one of the rooms Miguel had booked. Sydney had hacked the hotel reservations before they’d left the safe house and found that Miguel had booked rooms all on the top floor. So, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing he’d wound up there today.
At least he was finally close to his brother-in-law again, and God willing, they’d soon be free from this mess.
It was one of the first times guilt didn’t do a number on him. Now that he knew Mya and Camila were alive because of this insane trip, he didn’t feel the need to keep berating himself.
Once they were both inside the suite, Beckett dropped his bag by the door and pinched the bridge of his nose at the sight of a porcelain white tub sitting almost regally in front of a wall of glass, the Andes Mountains in the distance. But even the tub and view couldn’t distract from the one bed, and he sure as hell didn’t want to face Gray now.
“I know what you’re going to say,” Beckett began after hearing the door behind him click shut. “I can save you the trouble.”
“Actually, you don’t know what I plan to say.” Gray’s voice wasn’t as harsh as he’d expected, so he slowly eased around, lowering his hand to his side in the process.
Gray had his eyes pinned to the bed, with its black leather headboard, gray comforter, and overabundance of white and gray pillows covering it.
“I’m sorry,” Beckett apologized at Gray’s forlorn expression, and in that moment, it was hard for him to remember Gray had once been an elite operator, a Green Beret. Because right now, he didn’t look deadly. Just . . . well, defeated. And maybe he’d rather face the man’s anger. He could deal with a pissed-off Gray better than a tough guy like him breaking apart.
“Since Sydney joined the team, she’s been quiet. Reserved. Frankly, intimidating to most people, including the guys on Falcon.” He paused for a moment. “The woman not only has walls up but barbed wire at the top just in case some idiot tries to climb over, if you get what I mean.”
Beckett kept quiet, letting Gray work through whatever it was he was trying to say. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he waited. His pulse flying.
“And in the thirty-plus hours I’ve been around you two together, well, I’ve never seen her like this. Visibly wearing her emotions. Walls down. Barbed wire gone. And I get the feeling you’re the reason. I don’t know how you did it and so fast, but . . .” He let go of a deep breath and worked his gaze to meet Beckett’s. “I won’t stand in the way of that woman’s happiness. She deserves the world, and if you’re the one she wants to give her that world . . . so be it.”
Beckett set a hand to his chest, worried his heart might break free as he grappled with how to handle Gray’s words.
“What’s that saying? If you love someone, let them go, and if they come back, it’s meant to be? Well, she didn’t come back to me.” Gray shifted to the side, offering only his profile now.
“I don’t know what to say,” Beckett finally spoke, his words catching in his throat. “As soon as Oliver told me you two had a past, I declared her off-limits in my head,” he admitted. “I promise you, I didn’t plan for this to happen. I’m still trying to understand how it did, to be honest.”
“I would die for that woman. In a heartbeat,” Gray said while swiveling his focus back around, unable to shake that look of mourning in his eyes, which shredded Beckett to see. “Would you?”
“No question,” Beckett answered without a second thought.
Gray nodded. “Then there’s nothing left to talk about.” He started for the door, pinning his shoulders back as he walked. “If I didn’t make myself clear, though,” he added while reaching for the handle, “you two have my blessing. Not that you need it, but it’s there.”
Beckett dropped onto the bed once Gray was gone and set his head in his hands, replaying Gray’s words, ensuring he wasn’t delirious, that he didn’t hallucinate the conversation.
There was a knock at the door a minute or two later, and Beckett forgot Sydney didn’t have the keycard to the room.
“Coming,” he answered a bit gruffly, still working to make sense of . . . well, everything that’d happened since walking into Capone last weekend.
“Hi,” she said in a small voice after he’d opened up. “You’re not bleeding, so that’s a good sign.”
“Did you talk to him after he left here?” He reached for her bag, taking it from her, then stepped aside so she could join him.
“No, he just told me you were waiting for me when he came to his room.” Sydney shut the door behind them as Beckett set her bag alongside his. “Are you okay?” She looked around the room as if searching for signs of a scuffle, and her eyes fell on the tub.
“Yeah, I think so.” He swallowed and waited for her eyes to meet his. “He wants you happy. And well, if that’s with me, he said that I, um, have his blessing.”
“He’s great at telling people what they need to hear to make them feel better.”
“So, you don’t believe him?” He came closer to her, close enough to kiss her, but did his best to resist.
“I believe he wants me happy, yes.” Her eyes thinned as she studied him. “But I’m not sure if?—”
“If I’m the one who does that?” Where had that come from? Probably his fucking past. Cora. She was to him what Seth had been for Sydney, he supposed.
Sydney reached for his hand, and at her warm touch his body stiffened. “You do. It’s just all unexpected, obviously. And fast.” She was chewing on her lip. Another thing he assumed Gray would say was far from the norm for her.
You do wear your emotions around me. But he was the same around her. He let his guard down. She was the first woman he’d let in since Cora.
“So, maybe we should still wait until after the mission before we . . .” Sydney released his hand but didn’t finish her train of thought, leaving him with too many possibilities about what she might’ve been thinking.
He was too afraid to press, knowing with absolute certainty how he wanted her to complete that sentence. And anything beyond that would have him feeling as broken as Gray had looked.
He’d told himself a few days ago he couldn’t be with Sydney. And now? There was zero chance he could handle being without her.