Chapter 13 #2
Jude laughs and shakes his head. “You?” I nod. “And Berlyn?” I nod again and he laughs, but not with joy, more like shock. “Not together though,” he continues. “Like she went and you followed her there?”
“No.” I smile, taking great joy in being able to finally revel in something I have that they don’t. “She went in my truck,” I explain. “We’re friends.”
They both scoff, pushing each other as they fight over who should hold the phone. This is even more fun than I thought it would be. “You guys actually hung out?” Ezra demands. “Alone? The two of you? Was her friend with you?”
I don’t even have to answer, my expression says it all.
They both start cursing, me, the job, each other.
Just about everything and everyone. It’s funny.
But it makes me miss them more. It would have been even better to have them there.
Jude would have made Berlyn laugh even harder and Ezra would have been able to get her to talk about what happened.
Those aren’t things that I’m good at. I can only be there.
Physically. A source of strength in order to protect her, but that wasn’t enough when she really needed it.
Still. I helped. She said I helped. “She thanked me,” I tell them and my cheeks grow warm as the words pass my lips. I didn’t realize how much those little words really meant until now. It would have been better if my brothers were there, but I was enough. For today, I was enough.
It’s not something I’ve ever experienced before.
Berlyn is always getting me to experience new things I never have before. Feel things I never even knew were a possibility. The obsession only grows deeper with each passing day. Halloween can’t come soon enough and we can finally make her ours.
“You did good, West,” Ezra praises, even as Jude grumbles about missing out. “How long were you guys together?”
“All day,” I answer quickly. That one was easy.
The strain on E’s face to not be jealous is funny. He pulls his glasses back down onto his face and runs his fingers through his hair. “Any other bombs you want to drop on us?”
I nod, making them both scoff. “We’re carving pumpkins together,” I inform them.
They trade looks, debating something. “We?” Jude asks and I nod. Ezra bumps his shoulder.
“We, like you and Berlyn?” Ezra clarifies.
“And you,” I add, wondering why they didn’t include themselves.
“She picked our pumpkins.” She also paid for mine and hers even though I didn’t want her to.
It made her happy though, so I let her have her small win.
I liked that she wanted to pay for mine and let the wristbands cover my brothers’. Made mine feel even more special.
Both of my brothers beam at me. I won’t tell them about the other part.
I’ll let them enjoy that she picked them for us and keep the rest a special secret just for me and her.
Something only we get to share. “We go out of town for a few days, and look at you. Going on dates, getting us invites,” Jude jokes and I frown.
“It’s been more than a few days.” It actually feels like it’s been forever. I’ve never been away from them for so long before and it’s not an experience I have any interest in repeating.
“We’re coming home soon,” Ezra promises.
They should have already been home by now, but they had to stay out in California for longer than planned.
Saying anything more would feel like pouting so I stay silent.
He sighs but not the sound he makes when he’s frustrated with me.
It’s the type of sigh where I know he misses me too.
Where he’s mad he can’t control every possible variable when it comes to us.
“What are you going to do tonight?” he asks instead.
“Stay,” I respond without thought, looking back up to the house.
He wants to argue, to tell me that it doesn’t fit with the phases and the plans and the whiteboard. But neither did the pumpkin patch, neither did the flowers I sent her. And she loved both of those things. I loved them too.
“Okay,” he agrees, the guilt of me being alone making him cave against his own perfect plans. “But you have to remember not to leave a trace.”
“Promise.” We don’t want Berlyn to know we can bypass her security system yet. When we’re going to let her know, I don’t know. That’s not my area of expertise, but Ezra seems to have a plan. Jude seems excited about it. If I listened more when they talked, I probably would be excited about it too.
He stares at me as if he can read my mind. Sometimes it feels like he can. “Alright, we’ll let you go,” he says and my heart is torn between saying goodbye to them and getting to go see Berlyn again. “I’ll text you,” he promises and I feel a little better. “Love you, West.”
“Love you guys too,” I answer automatically. Jude blows me a kiss and a wink.
Just before I hang up the phone, E stops me. “And do not go after the professor alone,” he warns. “We’ll take care of it as soon as we’re home. Yes?”
I hadn’t really thought about going after him without my brothers. Well maybe that’s a little bit of a lie. I could have taken care of him tonight. Ezra will want to plan more but sometimes it’s easier to just make a person disappear.
“Promise,” I agree begrudgingly and hang up before he can get any more promises out of me.
At least now, I can check on Berlyn freely.
Pulling up the feeds to her bedroom, I find her already snuggled under her covers.
It’s hard to tell if she’s reading or if she’s already fallen asleep.
Sometimes when she gets into a book, she won’t move for hours.
Her eyes locked on her Kindle as if everything else fails to exist for her.
It’s how I feel when I watch her so I understand. But from this angle, it makes it really hard to tell if I can go in yet or not. Going in too early would ruin everything, but I’d rather be in there already.
I settle deeper into the bushes, thankful Berlyn lives at the end of her street and has no neighbors on this side of her house. The park at the end of her block has been so convenient for watching her and having legitimate reasons to be over here.
It only takes a few minutes before Berlyn throws the covers off of her and rolls onto her other side, cuddling one of her pillows. Oh yeah, my girl is knocked out. She moves more in her sleep than anyone I’ve ever known.
Moving slowly, I shake the leaves and dirt from my body and carefully walk out of the bushes.
I never imagined so much of my life would be spent in shrubbery and shadows.
It’s not as dark as it sounds though. They can be pretty comfortable once you get in the right position. As long as you don’t mind bugs.
Lots of bugs in the bushes outside of Berlyn’s house. Probably in most bushes if I had to guess.
Making my way into her house is as easy as it ever is, even with her new security. I brought the mask just in case. Ezra could erase the security footage if I asked, but I think it’s more fun to leave it and see if she discovers it. I’ll just be extra careful not to give her a reason to check.
It was pretty hot when Ezra was wearing the mask, but being in it isn’t nearly as fun.
It’s kind of uncomfortably hot and feels restrictive.
I’ve never liked anything that’s too form fitting and hate having anything in my face.
It’s a bit of a sensory nightmare actually but at least the temperature finally feels like Fall now that the heat wave is over.
Berlyn doesn’t wake when I enter her bedroom, but she never does. The first few times we broke in to watch her sleep, we were always so careful. We hadn’t needed to bother though. Our girl has never woken up even once while we’ve practically renovated her house for her.
It almost worries me. She would sleep through the world ending and burning to the ground around her.
Sometimes I find myself checking on her in the middle of the night just to make sure everything is alright.
Jude makes fun of me, saying I’m like a parent with a newborn, but that never stops him from peeking over my shoulder to double check.
Her desk chair is more comfortable than it looks like it would be, even for my large frame, and I lean back into it, watching her from across the room.
There’s still too much of a risk to take the mask off, but at least Berlyn always keeps her house cool.
The AC humming even though the temperature outside has dropped.
I watch her sleep, but she seems more fitful than usual. Tossing and turning but never fully waking up. I almost debate leaving, but every time I begin to contemplate it, she settles back into her sleep. I spend most of the time reliving the day.
Going through each moment in my mind, taking it apart, looking at it from every angle and putting it back together in my mind. Each smile, soft sigh, and crinkly of her eye is embedded in my memory.
Oh fuck.
We never got her car.
I dropped her back off at home, walked her to her front door, and said goodnight. Never once did either one of us consider we left her car in the school parking lot. Fuck. She’s going to need that tomorrow.
Okay, no problem. Easy fix. Do I come back in the morning and offer her a ride?
I get to see her again that way. But I also could take her keys now, go pick up the car, and leave it outside for her in her usual spot.
It would be more convenient for her. I could probably lie and say she left the keys in my truck.
She does tend to forget things a lot and doubt herself.
No, that won’t work. She had to unlock the front door. I can’t believe neither one of us realized we forgot the car.
It’s fine. I’ll come back and bring her coffee. She’ll like that. I have time before my first appointment tomorrow.
Berlyn begins tossing again, throwing her cover off her and I freeze. What would I do if she actually woke up? What would she do to find a masked stranger sitting at the foot of her bed watching her?
Ezra’s poor whiteboard would go to shit. Well, would that be such a bad thing? It could be fun. A little chaos.
She doesn’t wake though and I don’t get to find out.
I lean forward in my chair, studying her sleeping form.
Berlyn always moves a lot, but not like this.
She doesn’t usually feel so restless. Even as she settles into her pillows, her body seems tight.
When her breathing begins to pick up, I realize what’s happening.
It’s been a long time since she’s had a nightmare. Maybe I should have considered this after the day she had, but we never knew the cause of her night terrors in the first place. They were common when we first started watching her.
It was one of the biggest reasons we started coming in while she slept. She seemed calm when we were close.
Heavy breathing turns into whimpers and I’m out of the chair so fast I nearly knock it back and have to jump to catch it before it clatters to the ground.
Whimpers turn to broken pleas and I’m at her side, grabbing her hand in mine.
Tears begin to stream down her face and soak her pillow as she begs and screams for it all to stop.
My own desperate cries from a long forgotten memory echo in my mind and I recognize the agony Berlyn has buried in her soul.
I don’t hesitate to climb into bed with her.
The moment my skin touches hers, she stops curling in on herself and lets me pull her to my chest. Her cries don’t stop and my heart races so fast it feels it may leap from my chest, but I hold her tighter.
Those pleas turn to desperate sobs and it’s hard to believe she’s even fully asleep any longer.
A part of me knows there’s a chance she’s in that strange place between sleep and wake, where the demons seem bigger and like they’re chasing you even into reality. Where you can’t tell what’s real and what your head has cooked up.
I’ve never loved Halloween the way Berlyn does. Who needs a spooky season when your head is already a house of horrors?
But maybe that’s why she likes it so much.
It’s a terror she can control, one she can laugh about after, one she’s in control of.
Maybe that’s why she likes her books so much too.
It takes the worst and scariest things in life and turns it into entertainment, pleasure, joy.
Is that what we’re doing with her fantasies?
Her sobs slow as I rock her in my arms until they diffuse into soft snores.
I can’t even begin to guess how long I hold her.
Even after she calms, I keep her in my arms, stroking the soft skin on her arms. She doesn’t pull away, or toss and turn, or show any hint of another nightmare.
She sniffles a few times and buries her face against my chest, but finally seems to actually be getting rest. Minutes turn into hours and they disappear too quickly for my liking.
I smile as I lay her back down against her pillows. I wish I could throw the stupid mask off, slip under the sheets with her, and hold her until we wake in the morning. I’ve already pushed my luck, though I never would have left her alone dealing with a nightmare like that.
There’s still a couple hours before sunrise, the night sky still dark enough to provide cover as I slip back through the park to where I left my truck. It gives me plenty of time to squeeze in a couple hours of sleep before I come back with coffee to get her car. At least she isn’t an early riser.