Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Alexander
I guess considering how I’ve acted toward her each time we’ve been together, I’d believe it was a joke as well.
She notices my blank expression and her smile fades.
I glance away and focus on the chilly breeze against my cheeks. My very expensive therapist, the one I’ve seen online weekly since the breakup, has given me different tips to gain control when my anxiety threatens to take over. The one that seems to work the best is the five, four, three, two, one method.
Five things I can see: grass, trees, mountains, pumpkins, a woman walking her dog.
Four things I can hear: the wind blowing through the leaves, a few birds chirping, a couple in the distance chatting, a car zooming by.
Three things I can touch: the wood on the bench, my jeans, the soft fabric of my T-shirt.
Two things I can smell: the light hint of Autumn’s perfume and the scent of freshly cut grass.
One thing I can taste: the sweet and sour from the margarita I had at Bookers.
A sliver of relief floods over me and I want to relax. I need to, but I don’t remember the last time there wasn’t an elephant sitting on my chest. I was so accustomed to having control of every aspect of my life that this feeling has thrown me off.
The silence draws on between us and people pass but no one looks in our direction.
I remove my arm from the back of the bench seat and create the space she wanted five minutes ago.
Right now, I need to escape.
Autumn clears her throat and moves toward me. It’s the first time she’s taken initiative, but I don’t want her pity attention.
“I’ve offended you,” she says, placing her hand on top of mine and squeezing. Her fingertips on me are comforting. “I’m sorry. Laughing was cruel. I didn’t realize you were seri?—”
I avoid her gaze. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I deserve it.”
“You don’t deserve that.” She shakes her head. “There's no scoreboard with us.”
At the moment, I see her at her core and know she has a kind heart.
If she continues to touch me, I won’t be able to concentrate, so I slide my hand from under hers. “It’s lonely being me. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Loneliness doesn’t care who you are,” she says, her voice calm. “I laughed because I was shocked. I’m sure a man like you can befriend anyone in Cozy Creek, but you chose me . I don’t get why. I make shitty coffee and break into people’s homes.”
She has a few freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. A light breeze blows through her hair.
“You interest me.”
She smiles. “I’m boring. Trust me.”
“I thought—” I stop and shake my head. “I thought there was a connection between us. It sounds stupid. Maybe I imagined it.”
It wouldn’t be the first time, but I hope it’s the last. Time to bury the shard of ego I had left and move on.
She swallows hard. “I work the morning shift, run the short trails in the evenings, and drink boxed wine while I watch slasher films. Every day is exactly the same. What’s interesting about that?”
I don’t respond because she’s too busy trying to convince herself we’d be terrible friends. But I’ll take her words at face value. If I’ve learned anything from my shitty breakup, it’s that there is truth to people’s words, especially the ones they speak about themselves.
I thought there was something between us. Silence lingers and when our eyes meet again, that odd sense of déjà vu creeps in. She glances away.
Have we lived this life together before? I can’t shake that feeling.
“I should go,” I finally say as the awkwardness chokes me.
I stand, avoiding her gaze, not wanting to be swallowed whole by her. I’ll never beg or take time to convince someone to be friends with me. “I’ll see you later.”
“Alex,” she whispers, but there is nothing more to say.
I shove my hands into my pockets and walk away. I took a chance, and it didn’t work out. It happens to the best of us. Trying is what matters. At least I can tell Harper I put myself out there and it won’t be a lie.
It was presumptuous of me to think Autumn would want anything to do with me, especially after the hard time I’ve given her. First impressions are everything, and I blew it purposely as a protection mechanism.
When my feet hit the sidewalk that leads to my Jeep, I don’t look back. It’s one thing I won’t do anymore. We’re strangers and we should probably stay that way.
It will make leaving Cozy Creek easier. Harper’s prophecy was wrong.
I drive toward one of my favorite lookouts that gives the perfect bird's-eye view of the small town. I grab my bag of food and sit on the hood eating it.
A butterfly floats in front of me and I shake my head.
“Thanks, Mom,” I say. She always told me she’d visit me in butterfly flutters. Sometimes, when I’m alone, I’ll talk to her, hoping that she can hear me. “Bringing her into my life is your doing. I know it.”
The monarch circles me a few times before flying away. In a way, it feels like a sign.
I grab my phone and take a picture of the scenery. By some miracle, I have phone service, but sometimes at this altitude it’s easier to reach the cell tower from the resort.
I send my sister a picture of the yellow and orange leaves coating the mountainside.
Harper
Wow. It’s peaceful. I’m hella jelly.
She sends me a text of the New York skyline. Her drawing pencils are splayed across the desk beside a coffee cup.
My sister is the Vice President at Harp , an incredible company that’s co-owned by her and Billie Calloway. Instead of working for the family business, they both chased their passion. Now, she and her best friend are kicking ass and taking names, traveling the world and changing fashion.
I’m happy for her and jealous. She’s living her dream.
Alexander
I tried to make a new friend.
Harper
I knew you would. You’re likable.
Alexander
I said I tried. It didn’t work out.
Harper
It's already over?
I stare at the view, my eyes scanning over the rolling hills as I replay the conversation Autumn and I had.
Alexander
I don’t want to talk about it. She’s stubborn.
Harper
Wait. SHE?! Tell me everything.
I realize my fatal mistake.
Alexander
Sorry to be a disappointment, but there is nothing to discuss.
Harper
YET. You’ve been there for a couple weeks. Give it a chance.
Alexander
I have doubts. I may leave Cozy Creek and fly to London instead.
Harper
You’re attracted to her.
Alexander
I’m not having this discussion with my little sister. It’s fucking weird.
Harper
I need to meet her and make sure she’s the one. All the others I’ve met, I knew within ten seconds they weren’t for you.
Alexander
Great, I’d like to avoid walking red flags from now on.
Harper
Deal. And if I don’t approve?
Alexander
I won’t propose.
Harper
Oooh! I can’t wait to pick out the perfect sister-in-law for me.
Alexander
As long as you’re happy.
My sister knows I’m not currently searching for a romantic relationship, even if she predicted I’d fall in love here. I’m convinced it would take someone very special to break this curse.
I set my phone on the hood and finish eating. Afterward, I place my hands behind my head and watch the clouds float across the sky while breathing in the fresh mountain air. For once, I want to live and experience the life I’ve missed out on. I have to stop mourning a life I’ve never had and change the one I have. I crave things money can’t buy— happiness and true love .
Yellow leaves fall from the trees and it pulls my attention away. In a month, winter winds will carry the first sprinkle of powder. Being here for the first snowfall is one thing I’m looking forward to experiencing this year.
I close my eyes as the sun warms my skin and I sprint through happy memories. Loss is deeply rooted inside of me and I’m afraid it’s tethered to my heart. Life would be easier if I were the heartless bastard people believe I am.
I’m okay with the rumors. It stopped me from having to entertain people I never liked but dealt with because of the company I kept. I’m exhausted from floating through the world as a ghost of myself, but there is no escaping reality when my close relationships are braided so tightly together.
I sit upright, sucking in a lung full of fresh air before taking the long road home.
Time slips away from me, and two hours later, I drive through the gate at Hollow Manor. I continue down the paved driveway. It’s smoother than the wash boarded roads I’ve traveled down today. The tires roll on the pavement like I’m driving on glass.
When I pass the house, I notice something hanging on the front door.
I park in the garage, close it, then walk straight to the front porch. A plastic bag is looped on the knob and I remove it. Once inside, I set it on the counter, pulling out something wrapped in brown paper. A note is tucked under the ribbon that’s tied in a cute bow.
I pull it out, skeptical.
My eyes scan over the neat handwriting on the orange stationery.
Alex,
I thought you could use some pumpkin bread to cheer you up since you seemed sad. So I made you a loaf using my family’s secret recipe. You’ll never get a slice during the season if you keep showing up to Cozy Coffee after seven. :)
I know you said not to apologize, but I won’t sleep at night knowing I hurt you. I’m truly sorry.
I will always take accountability for my actions because it’s what friends and good people do.
Your new BFF,
Autumn
A smile slides over my lips.
Friends. I read over the word and say it out loud. I untie the bow that’s wrapped around the brick of bread. It's still warm. Scents of sweet pumpkin and sugar fill the room and I move to the front door to scan the woods for her, wishing she would’ve stayed.
Had I come straight here instead of taking the long road home, I’d have been here. We could’ve talked. I regret that now.
Once I’m back inside, I take a quick picture of the perfect loaf and text it to my sister.
Harper
Let me guess, your new friend delivered that?
Alexander
Actually, yes.
Harper
How does it feel to be God's favorite?
Alexander
Pretty damn good.
I grab a knife and cut a small piece from it. It’s moist and tastes similar to how I remember my mom’s.