Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
SOPHIE
W hat is he doing here?
I usually have time to brace myself before meeting Matthew. But this time, I wasn’t expecting him at all.
My heart races, and I have to actively try and push away the nausea. Every time I see him, his stupid grey eyes and stupid blonde curls, I’m thrown back to the night he destroyed our entire family.
I was so happy that night. Matthew had gone to one of his parties, and I’d agreed to watch the kids to allow him to blow off some steam. But when my mom suggested I go join him and let loose while she babysat the girls, I was elated. I had only just gotten pregnant with Julian, and I could feel some distance building a rift between Matthew and me. First trimesters are always a bitch for me, and I become prickly as all hell.
Matthew and I hadn’t spent that much quality time thus far. Before the kids, we’d go out to bars, host parties with friends, and a bunch of other things twenty-somethings do with their time. I longed for one of those nights again. That particular night, I felt strong and sexy, despite the constant nausea.
When I arrived at the party, I couldn’t find him. Most of the guests were hanging out in the host’s living room, including Will, Matt’s aggravating best friend. They were all either too high or too drunk to give me a straight answer, so I decided to find Matthew myself and surprise him.
Well, find him I did. In a bedroom, thrusting between the legs of some woman I didn’t know.
I don’t remember too much after that, except a few crystal-clear details: immediately throwing up after opening the door, turning to run, Will’s stone-cold eyes when he came up behind me.
I never liked Will. Not since he ditched my best friend Avery the night we met him and Matthew at that bar. But I did my best to respect him. And I thought he did the same with me. Turns out, it was all a facade. The fact that Will hid Matthew’s cheating from me all those years—turned out, he’d been banging random women that entire time—told me everything I needed to know about what he thought of me.
The separation didn’t take too long after that. I kept the house and bought back Matthew’s half of the equity in it. Despite how much I despised him and what he did to me, I didn’t want to bring the kids into it, so I accepted his offer of 50/50 custody. Except for Julian. There was no way I was letting him have custody of the baby I was still pregnant with while he was off somewhere, balls-deep in a woman who likely didn’t suspect she was taking part in this cuckold. I told him he could wait until I was done breastfeeding, and he was smart enough not to fight me on it.
Now that Matt is standing in my doorway, that feeling of disgust comes right back up, bitter as bile. Even though it’s been a year since I caught him in the act, I can still hardly stand to look at him.
I can’t believe I ever trusted him. Now, he reminds me too much of my father, who did the same thing to Mom.
I truly believed I had better taste in men than my mother. Guess I was wrong.
“What do you want?” I spit out, barely opening the door more than a foot wide.
Matt rolls his eyes. “Hi to you too, Sophie.”
“You’re supposed to be picking up the girls tomorrow. So legally speaking, I don’t have to tolerate you right now.” I’m about to shut the door, but he slams his foot to stop it.
“Can you just be civil for one minute?” He sounds annoyed. Good. “Look, I know I’m supposed to pick them up tomorrow …” He scratches the back of his head. At least he has the decency to look sheepish. “But we just got a last-minute call from work. I’m gonna need to get there super early, so I won’t have time to pick up the girls in the morning. I was thinking I could grab them now and bring them over to my mom’s for the night.”
My jaw drops. “They’re asleep, Matt. Have you seen the time?”
Matthew sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “I know. This isn’t ideal. They let us know just twenty minutes ago, and I came over as soon as I heard.” He raises his eyes to look straight at me. “Please, Sophie. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
There’s nothing Matthew could ever do to ‘make it up to me.’ Already, his debt to me is infinite. The way he broke what we had—what I thought was a longstanding relationship built on love, trust, and family—isn’t something he can ever make up for.
But it does give me an idea. As I try to push down my anger, I back up in the entryway and open the door wider. “Don’t make too much noise—I just put Julian to sleep.”
He smiles and comes in. “Thank you. I’ll remember this, you know.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes while he takes off his shoes. As silently as we can, we each grab one daughter. I get Heather while he grabs Gwen, since she’s a big daddy’s girl, then we put on their autumn shoes and jackets before strapping them into his car. He finishes setting them up while I grab their suitcases, which were already packed for tomorrow morning.
Heather doesn’t cause too much trouble and simply falls back asleep as soon as she’s in her seat. Gwen, on the other hand, fights to stay awake.
I throw the suitcases in the trunk and wait with my arms crossed while he tightens Gwen’s straps. The evening air is getting chilly and prickles the bottom part of my legs, which are bare; it’s easy to tell September has ended.
I may not be happy with Matthew right now, but maybe he can actually be of help with something.
He shuts Gwen’s door and looks at me over the car. “Alright, we’re all settled,” he says. “Thanks again, Soph.”
“Actually, before you go,” I start, “I know how you can repay this favour.”
His eyebrows raise. “Oh.” It looks like he’s already regretting what he said about making it up to me.
“Could you take the girls a few extra days this week?” The last thing I want is to spend less time with the girls. But I want to put in some upfront work to see how I can start scaling my business, and that will be hard to accomplish if I have three kids to wrangle. A few extra days, for maybe two or three weeks, is all I really need. To Matthew, I only say, “I’ve got a big project coming up for work.” He doesn’t need any more details than that.
A dark look crosses his face. “What?”
Now it’s my turn to furrow my brows. “What, what? You said you were going to make it up to me, and I’m asking you to take the girls for a few extra days. Within the next month or so I should be good to go. So, what do you say? Are you going to put your money where your mouth is?”
His answer shouldn’t surprise me. And it doesn’t. But I can’t help the roiling anger gathering in my belly when he simply says, “No.”
Not only does he not offer an explanation, he looks almost offended by my request. He’s looking at me as if I have three eyes.
“What do you mean, no?” I focus on keeping my cool. I won’t scream at him in front of the girls.
Matt scoffs. “I mean, it’s not at all an equivalent request. And I’m going to be busy at work in the next few weeks, too. And frankly, it’s not my problem if you bit off more than you can chew at work.”
My eyes go wide. Not my problem?! Says the guy who just made his job my problem!
But I won’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. I should have known; now that the girls are already strapped into their car seats, it would be more trouble to take them out and get them in bed again than to just let Matt drive away. So he has no reason to keep up the facade of the nice guy who’s trying to keep it civil.
This is the man behind the mask. The man who has no respect for me. The man who said all the sweetest words and made all the big gestures of love, but only when it served him best.
I know there’s no use arguing, especially not if I want to avoid a fight in front of the girls. “Fine. Whatever.” I do my best to soften up, then walk over to Gwen’s side of the car and give her a big smile. “I love you, sweetie. See you soon.”
“Love you, Mom!” she calls back, blowing me a kiss. I return the gesture and remember that this is who I’m doing it all for.
Without another glance at Matthew, I turn back toward the house and rush back inside. I grit my teeth to stop myself from screaming, and even as the door closes behind me, I have to hold in the rage so I don’t wake up Julian.
Instead, I rush into the living room and grab one of the fluffy throw pillows on my couch. I bury my face in it and scream, letting the anger pour out of my throat like molten lava. Serves me right for getting my hopes up that Matthew would be of any help to me.
When I try to picture the next few months, I’m suffocated. I crave the fulfillment I get from succeeding in my business, especially when the joy I get from my social life is so … sparse. Avery’s hardly ever here, and Tania …
I’m not sure where it went wrong. Nearly three years ago, when Tania’s partner Miguel passed away, we became closer than ever as I put in overtime to support her. I don’t regret being there for her at all. But over the last year, we’ve kept missing each other. I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s avoiding me. Yet, she’s certainly not making an intentional effort to see me.
So that leaves the business. But the way things are going, it may be a year—or even more—before I can afford to get back out there and make things happen the way I want to.
I pull the fuzzy blanket lying on the couch over my legs and wrap my arms around my knees. What am I going to do? There’s no way I can invest any more time in my business while also taking care of Julian full-time, dropping off and picking up the girls from school every day, making dinner for everyone, and going through the evening routine—all on top of having no childcare on the weekends. Sure, only Julian will be here over the next week, but having a five-month-old in your care at all times is already a full-time job.
Disappointment seeps into my bones as I come to a sobering realization: Maybe I can’t do this on my own.
With a deep sigh, I pull my phone from my robe’s pockets. I have an email to send.