Chapter 26
Connor
For the last few days, I’ve tried to think about anything else.
I’ve tried to rewire my brain into accepting my role as Vox’s coach.
One last-ditch effort before I ruin everything with the feelings I’ve developed for him.
It was the perfect time. He was busy; the team was gone, and I could sort my shit out with minimal distractions.
But the conclusion I reached is anything but easy.
Every solo ride I took down the mountain, I wanted him with me, keeping me calm.
Every workout I did, I wanted him next to me, talking shit.
I even went to see Sam, who picked up on my sour mood and basically kicked me out, saying what I needed wasn’t in his house.
No kidding. What I need is for Vox to bend me the fuck over and rail me until I lose consciousness.
Vox gently removes my hands from his chest. “Of course you can touch me. You have the only all-access pass, baby…just maybe not here.”
“This is going to be complicated,” I say, stating the obvious.
Before Vox can answer, Grey’s voice echoes through the hallway.
“Vox? Connor?”
Without missing a beat, Vox yells, “In here, Grey.” As Grey makes his way toward us, Vox’s hand connects with my lower back, guiding me to a bookshelf with a trophy and a framed photograph of a young Vox standing on the podium.
When Grey enters the room, he chuckles. “I wondered how long it would take you to find your way in here.”
Vox gives him a tight, tired smile. “You know I can’t resist.”
Grey steps between us, and I fight the urge to bite his head off for interrupting.
“Vox’s first first-place finish on the junior professional circuit,” Grey says, the pride clear in his tone.
“That’s a big deal. Shouldn’t that trophy be in your apartment?” I ask Vox automatically, not pausing to think how rude that sounds.
Grey cuts his eyes at me as Vox answers.
“Wouldn’t have it without Grey. Figured he should keep it since I won that race for him.”
Grey arches a brow now and turns to look at Vox. “For me? You told me that race was for—”
“We should probably go see if Rachel needs any help. We’ve been gone a while.” Vox claps Grey on the shoulder and leaves the room.
Before I can follow, Grey stops me, waiting for Vox to clear the room.
“Between you and me, Vox told me he won that race for you.”
“Me?” My stomach does somersaults. “He can’t be more than sixteen in that photo. Why would he have wanted to win for me?
“Because you were his hero. You were everything to that kid. And he’d just turned fifteen, actually,” Grey says correcting me.
“He’d met you a couple of days earlier; it was the highlight of his life.
He said you promised him that if he made it to the pros, you’d race him and give him a chance to beat you.
Vox was good before, but after that promise, he brought a level of concentration to the mountain I’d never seen.
When you disappeared, he took it personally, and he took it hard. ”
My ears are ringing, and the edges of my vision are blurry as Vox’s words come back to me. ‘I’m not surprised that day meant a lot more to me than it did to you.’
Oh, hell.
The room starts to spin, and I sway to match its rhythm when I feel a steadying hand on my shoulder.
“Whoa. You okay there?” Grey asks, his voice full of concern.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just a little overwhelmed at that news, I guess.” Thankfully, Grey believes the lie. “Why are you telling me this now?” I could have used that information when I first arrived, so I didn’t royally fuck everything up from the start.
“Because it’s not my story to tell, but since he brought you in here, I thought you should know. Especially since you two have come a long way in the last few weeks. I figured he wouldn’t mind you knowing that bit of truth at this point.”
It dawns on me like a hose to the face that Vox was abandoned by his parents, raised by a grandmother until she left him, too—even if it wasn’t by choice—and then he got passed off to Grey, who genuinely seems to care about him, but also sees him as an investment.
No fucking wonder he doesn’t let people get close.
And the fucking icing on this cake was that after making him a promise, I, too, dipped out of his life…and then spent all this time jerking him around with my I want you, and I can’t have you, but give me a taste anyway bullshit.
The fact that he even wants to see me tonight is a miracle, and I can’t wait to be on my knees worshipping him, begging for his forgiveness.
By the time Grey and I reenter the dining room, everyone has already taken their seats.
Rachel is at one end of the table; Grey’s empty seat is at the other.
The only available seat is between Jennifer and her friend, Ashley.
Vox is seated on the other side, between another friend, Kara, and Jennifer’s third friend, Aiden, who is currently eyeing Vox like a bag of Halloween candy.
As I approach the cramped space, Grey notices the difficulty I’ll have trying to wedge my large frame into a middle seat.
“Jennifer, honey, would you mind switching with Mr. Lang?” Grey says, trying to give me a seat with more room.
Looking at Jennifer, I jump into action even though the plan isn’t well thought out.
“Please, call me Connor,” I start. “And would it be too much trouble to switch with you instead?” I ask, looking at the guy to Vox’s left. “I’m left-handed, so I’m afraid I’ll be elbowing Jennifer all during dinner if I switch with her.”
The guy clearly looks disappointed, but he covers it up well enough. “Oh, yeah, sure. No problem.”
Vox avoids looking at me, but I can see the tension in his jawline, alerting me to the fact that I’m really playing with fire here.
“So, Voxy, you seeing anyone?” Jenn asks, diving right in as she begins filling her plate.
Vox chokes on a piece of prime rib as Rachel scolds her daughter. “Jennifer Patterson, what has gotten into you? Mind your manners.”
“We’re all dying to know, Mrs. P.,” says the guy currently sitting across from Vox.
“It’s fine, Rachel,” Vox smiles. I can tell he’s trying to rely on his media training. His smile is too wide, and it doesn’t reach his eyes. Normally, he’d eat this up.
Getting attention is not new for Vox.
Fielding questions about his relationships in front of the man he was balls-deep inside of a few days ago probably is.
“No, Jenn. Still not seeing anyone,” Vox answers. “I don’t have time for any of that with the Winter Classic coming up.”
Jennifer winks at him. “I’ll ask again when your boss isn’t at the table.”
Conversation flows reasonably well after that. It only gets awkward when Grey is discussing school and classes with Jennifer and the other students, and a foot brushes against mine…from in front of me.
I’m not trying to manspread, but I’m almost six-foot-four, my legs are longer than Vox’s, and my guess is Flirty McFuckFace across the table thought he was playing footsie with my man. Unfortunately, he got me instead.
“That’s not Vox’s ankle you’re rubbing,” I deadpan, interrupting the conversation. The two glasses of red wine I’ve had seem to have lowered my inhibitions just enough to allow me to be an asshole. “Try moving a little to your right,” I add in an effort not to come across as a possessive dick.
Even if that’s exactly what I am.
Not even halfway through dinner, Vox removed his coat and loosened his tie. Unfortunately, the material is still strangling his biceps, and it’s all I can think about. Plus, this close, I can damn near taste him, which is also adding to my poor choices and bad attitude.
“Oh, my bad,” Aiden says. The kid doesn’t even blush, but thankfully, he does pull his foot back.
Rachel brings dessert out about twenty minutes later. Jennifer and Kara are talking animatedly about plans for spring break, clearly trying to convince Grey and Rachel to let Jennifer go.
When Aiden and Ashley, the quietest of the friend group, join in, I seize the opportunity to lean into Vox’s side and whisper, “We need to get out of here.”
Turning to me with schooled features, his eyes bear the same heat I feel.
“My condo at eight,” he whispers, barely moving his lips.
“Okay.” It comes out as a relieved sigh, and when he gives me a quick nod of agreement, he sends my heart into overdrive. Finally, with a plan in place, I’m able to relax into the evening.
I’m done punishing myself, and I never meant to punish him at all. We can be discreet. We can be together and focus on the job that needs to be done.
We’ll have to.