Chapter 32 Sirsha
Sirsha
Kin Inashi must have held R’zwana’s funeral, for the Jaduna buried their dead quickly. But no one spoke to Sirsha of it, and she mourned her sister and what they could have been in the silence of her own mind.
Time passed strangely in the Vines, but Sirsha marked the days on her skin with a bit of bark. Sometimes, she would try to distract herself with her old dream of an inn somewhere in the Southern Isles.
“Red door,” she would mutter. “Endless sea. Bakery. Quiet. No tracking. No magic.” But it was so hard to keep in her mind, that dream. It was hard to think about anything but R’zwana and Div and what the Raanis were going to do to her.
The Raanis visited Sirsha regularly. Usually two or three at a time. Sometimes all six. They came to examine Sirsha. To prod at her and her magic and her mind. But mostly they came to speak to Div.
Or attempt to, anyway. Div, for her part, scoffed at their efforts. The creature had been scarce of late. Sirsha wondered if it was because of their conversation days ago, when she’d arrived at the Vines.
Why did you choose me, Div?
Because our wounds are the same, little witch. And so is our rage.
Those words marked their first meaningful exchange. One in which Div seemed not to be dissembling. Since then, Div had intensified her demand for hearts. Her insistence that she was hungry.
But there was something hollow about her demands. As if they were rote, and she was preoccupied with something else.
The only Raani who Div didn’t ignore was Sirsha’s mother, whom she regarded with a mix of fascination and disgust.
“I felt her love,” Div said to Sirsha on the eighth day of her imprisonment.
Div must have noticed Ma approaching just as the sun dipped behind the cliffs and night drew close.
“Her love was true. Deep. And yet she was cruel to you when you were a child. She ignored you when you pleaded for freedom. How can these both be true? How can she love you and also hurt and fail you?”
Sirsha didn’t know how to answer. She said nothing, instead consumed by despair and anger that yet again she’d found herself in a Jaduna prison.
She did not know if the extremity of the emotions was her own, or if Div was manipulating her.
Her mind felt scattered but for one thought: She had to escape this place and find her way to the jinn.
Kotama had portals. They led all over the Northern and Southern Continents, if only she could reach one, get past the guards, get through—
“Sirsha.” Her mother appeared at the door of her cell, waving off her guards as she stepped inside. She wore full ceremonial garb, as if for a state visit. Sirsha peered behind her to see which other Raani had arrived. But her mother came alone.
“Show yourself, Div.” Ma glanced about the cell. “I wish to speak to you.”
Div growled and disappeared.
“She’s gone, Ma,” Sirsha said, for she could no longer feel Div’s presence at all. “And this is a waste. She won’t tell you anything useful. You’re entertainment for her. If I want to unbind her, I’ll have to figure it out myself. I can’t do that from in here.”
“It is safest for you here,” Ma said. “We do not yet understand this creature, but I feel as if I am on the verge of it. Please, daughter. You must trust me—trust us.”
“Trust you?” Sirsha laughed. “Like I did in Brijna?”
A muscle in her mother’s jaw jumped. “If you had listened—”
Sirsha closed her eyes against the memory. That poor boy, begging. Stop. Please don’t take it away from me. Please.
“Bleeding hells, you haven’t learned anything have you?
” she said to her mother. “You—all the Jaduna, you never cared what happened to me. You don’t care what happens to any of your children until it comes back to haunt you.
You harm us without a second thought and then you demand forgiveness for it.
“But I don’t forgive you, Ma. Because none of you will ever see.
You will always assume that I wronged you.
And when I hold up a mirror, you’ll flinch and break it and cut yourself and blame me for the blood.
You say you want to help me. Then help me.
Let me go to the jinn. Let me out of here and get me to one of the portals that will take me north. ”
“The jinn will have nothing to do with you, Sirsha,” Ma said. “They do not meddle in human affairs. We can bind this creature. We simply need time.”
“Why do you bother with me, when you have your own issues?” Sirsha would have said nothing in front of the other Raanis.
She sensed whatever weakness she’d seen in the Cloud Forest wasn’t something she was supposed to know or understand.
But Ma was alone now. “What’s wrong with the Cloud Forest?
” Sirsha said. “The magic is sick. Rotting trees and falling homes.”
Her mother paled. “Silence, Sirsha.”
“The ghosts of our misdeeds seek vengeance,” Sirsha pressed. “You told me that long ago. Why?”
Her mother grabbed her suddenly, pulled her close by the collar of her tunic as if to threaten her. Sirsha was so startled she didn’t have time to react. Her mother had never so much as raised a finger to her.
Her palm brushed against Sirsha’s neck. The Adah coin warmed suddenly, powerfully. Quil. The warmth was specific, a gentle heat that felt like sinking into a steaming bath on a freezing night. The feeling that meant Quil was close.
Physically close.
But Quil wasn’t in Kotama. He was in the Empire, making Ikfa weapons to fight off the Kegari.
“They plan to kill you,” Raani Sh’ban whispered. “To allow Div to transfer to a Jaduna they think will be stronger. But I will not lose another daughter. Your way out is coming.” Her mother bent closer. “Take it. Now scream.”
For once, Sirsha did exactly as her mother asked. She screamed, long and bloodcurdling; her mother thrust her away as if disgusted and stormed out, her guards falling in behind her.
Immediately, Sirsha turned her back on the prison guards. She felt for her oath coin, veiled since she’d arrived in the Cloud Forest. He couldn’t be here.
The warmth in the coin didn’t fade. It got stronger. He was getting closer. He’s in the bleeding Vines, Sirsha realized. Imprisoned? He was a Martial prince. What grounds would the Jaduna have to imprison him?
Doesn’t matter. You can’t see him. You must stay away.
She’d witnessed Div manipulate the bond between Sirsha and her mother—one that had no tangible magical anchor.
The Raani’s own magic had been turned against her.
She had become Div’s puppet. Sirsha could not let that happen to Quil. She would not.
Perhaps Div didn’t realize Quil was here. Sirsha could find a way out and—
“A man has been brought to the prison.” Div popped into view so suddenly that Sirsha nearly leapt out of her skin. “Well, three men. And a girl. Those you traveled with.” Div’s gaze dropped to her Adah coin.
“The man has a necklace,” Div said. “Like yours.”
“Meaningless,” Sirsha sputtered. “Coincidence.”
“Then why does he fight his way through the Vines toward you like a demon possessed?” Div peered through the bark of Sirsha’s cell. Indeed, Sirsha could hear commotion below. Shouting.
“They’ve knocked out two of the guards,” Div informed Sirsha. “Well, the girl has. Likely more, by now. Why, little witch? What does he mean to you?”
Sirsha’s Adah coin burned white-hot. Sirsha, Quil said. I’m coming for you.
Stay away, Quil! She wanted to scream it, but then this damned monster would wonder why.
Div stepped toward Sirsha. “I feel the magic, the bond…” She cocked her head, quizzical. “But I cannot make sense of it.” For a moment, when Sirsha met the creature’s eyes, she didn’t see the flat hunger that consumed Div. Instead, Sirsha saw loss and ache. Longing, almost.
It disappeared instantly. Div’s voice dropped to a growl. “Tell me what he is to you, Sirsha.”
Div, Sirsha realized, did not understand the kind of love that she and Quil had.
Something about the way the creature got her one and only look into people’s minds made her focus on the first relationships that mattered to each person.
For Aiz, it had been the deity who had provided focus to her life. For Sirsha, her mother.
Use this weakness, Sirsha. Use it against Div. Use it to save Quil.
“Ah—” Div slid through the bars easily. “The guards are closing in. I believe your friends may soon be dead. But—you do not care, yes? Because he means nothing to you.”
Sirsha realized three things in that moment.
She had to break the Adah bond before Div could understand its power and use it against Quil.
The only way to do that was with both Quil and three Raanis present.
And the only way to get the Raanis here that quickly was to make as big a ruckus as possible.
She had to break out. And she had to bring Quil with her.
“You don’t need hearts,” Sirsha said to Div, hoping to the skies that she was correct. “You—you enjoy them. They make you feel something, perhaps, in the moment you consume them. Power or—or satiation. But you don’t need them.”
“Need and enjoyment are human limitations. I desire hearts. I take them.”
“But—perhaps you desire other things, too,” Sirsha said. The commotion was getting louder. Boots thundered against the stone pathways of the Vines and magic crackled in the air. “Answers to questions you have.”
Div turned from the havoc unfolding below, the full weight of her attention upon Sirsha now.
“What are you talking about, little witch?”
“This…distraction.” She nodded to the sounds of shouting. “It’s my best chance to escape. I cannot do it alone. I need your help. But I will not give you hearts, Div. No matter what you say.”
Div shrugged and turned away. “Then enjoy listening as your friends die.”
Come on, Sirsha! “You asked me how my mother could love me and hate me,” Sirsha said, her voice shaking. A scream rose from below. Arelia. “You asked how it was that she could hurt me. I will answer your question. That is my trade.”
The part of Sirsha that knew the dangers of magical deals was screaming at her, telling her this was a mistake.
But the part that loved Quil was stronger. She would not let Div hurt him.
“Tell me now,” Div offered, a sly smile on her lips. “And perhaps I will help you.”
The Vines trembled and more shouts echoed from below.
“Do not let them escape,” someone bellowed. “U’qaya has given orders to kill—”
“I will show you,” Sirsha said, frantic now, unable to hide it. “I swear it, Div, I will show you the answer to this question. That will be payment for your help.”
“If you do not answer the question,” Div said, “then I will take a heart of my choosing. Are we agreed?”
Sirsha felt herself teetering on the edge of an abyss. She had told herself she would not make a deal with this creature. She would not become Aiz. And yet here she was, willingly entering into a trade with her.
Quil cried out, “Tas, no!” Sirsha’s heart clenched. She could feel his fear through their coin. All these months of trying to ignore him, and now he was so close.
“Are we agreed, little witch?”
Sirsha met Div’s cold, merciless gaze, and nodded. “Agreed.”