Chapter 36 Sirsha #2
That was no small thing. “She’ll be sick for months,” Sirsha murmured.
“The portal will put us in the Bhuth badlands, south of a city called Estium,” Tas went on. “The Empress’s forces are there.” He considered the Raanis, clustered at the other end of the clearing. “Not sure why they agreed. Maybe they’re afraid of Quil.”
Sirsha’s heart lurched at the sound of his name. It seemed as if the earth was tilting, and it was Tas who caught her arm, steadying her.
“Kin Deshma will send six warriors,” Sufiyan said quickly, as if to distract Sirsha. “Kin Bij, too. Raani Sh’ban will lead. She’s bringing six Inashi to help bind the Kegari windsmithers. And Kin Khind is sending six of their order to help our medics.”
“Daughter.” Ma spoke softly from behind Sirsha. Sufiyan and Tas retreated, openly wary of the Raani.
“Raani D’arju has opened the portal to the north,” Ma said. “She and her Kin will remain here, to recover from such a great working.”
“Finally tired of Kotama?” Sirsha nodded to her mother’s travel clothing.
“After R’zwana”—Ma sighed—“I cannot remain here. If you intend to go to the jinn, then you should travel with us.”
No chance in the hells, Sirsha nearly said. She needed to go alone. Her mother should know this after experiencing Div’s power.
But even as Sirsha was about to speak the words, she stopped. She’d gotten aid from Div without hurting anyone—simply by answering her questions. They had made a bargain without violence or lies.
Sirsha had finally exerted control, however brief. She didn’t know Div’s insides the way she needed to. But she had a little power now. She couldn’t let Div wrest it back by scaring her into being alone. Besides which, traveling by portal would save her weeks.
“I will come with you,” Sirsha said. “I’ll need a horse and supplies once I’m there. I should—oof.”
Arelia flew out from the forest, where she’d been eavesdropping, to hug Sirsha. It was the first time anyone had hugged her in months. Shock rolled through her body, then warmth. Sirsha relaxed, almost weeping in gratefulness at the way simple touch made her feel human again.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Arelia said into Sirsha’s shoulder. “I’m so sick of traveling without anyone to talk to about interesting things.”
Sufiyan, relacing his boots a few feet away, looked wounded. “I talk to you about—”
“For instance”—Arelia walked Sirsha toward the portal, ignoring Sufiyan—“I’ve been watching the giant flying mantises here in Kotama. They’re everywhere. I wonder if they have them in Kegar—”
Sirsha didn’t get a word in edgewise. She didn’t want to.
Skies knew where Div had gone. It was only a matter of time before she reappeared to demand hearts.
Sirsha didn’t care. Because at this moment, with a chasm in her chest where Quil’s soul had lived, Arelia’s passion for mantis flight paths was the only thing keeping Sirsha from wanting to drop into that abyss forever.
Most of the Jaduna had gone through the portal, along with Tas. Only Ma, Quil, Sufiyan, and Arelia remained. Her mother, Sirsha knew, would go last, to ensure everyone got through, and that the Songma would close the portal behind her. With outsiders, one could never be too careful.
Arelia entered before Sirsha, and when it was her turn, Sirsha glanced around for Div. The portals were connected to the Owa Khel in ways Sirsha didn’t fully understand. For the first time since the Adah broke hours ago, Sirsha’s curiosity stirred.
A place of raw, bloody claws and pain, Div had said. Yes. It is part of me.
Div was linked to Sirsha—she had to come with her, even through the portal. Her reaction might be telling.
When Sirsha stepped into the doorway, she expected the somewhat dizziness-inducing darkness she’d experienced in the portals as a child.
Instead, she was hit by a storm, her body buffeted by vicious winds. The sky was the color of dead leaves. A vast sea crashed below her. She could see the pale cord between her and Div, and the seething, ash-gray mass of Div’s form.
The sea heaved, as if something immense was about to burst through it. Voices cried out. Help—please—no—stop—please—it hurts—
“In this place, you see as I see,” Div cried out, her voice echoing and layered. “You feel as I feel.”
Sirsha gasped, for it felt as if someone was pressing hot coals into her skin.
It was a different pain than breaking the Adah, for this pain was of the body instead of the mind.
Sirsha welcomed its visceral burn. Here, she did not feel the loss of the soul bond.
The pain of the Owa Khel was only on the surface.
This she would bear, she would stay here rather than return to life with no Adah—
Let go. The voice was deep as the bones of the earth. S’rsha Inashi-fa. Let go.
Mauth! The source of magic, the bulwark between the Owa Khel and the human world. But even Mauth could not move her. Here, Sirsha was not alone. There were other wretched creatures like her drowning in the sea—
Strong arms came around her, and she thrashed against them. Suddenly, the Owa Khel was gone. She was through the portal, clawing at the ground, dust in her nose, her mouth.
Then the pain of the shattered Adah oath broke over her once more.
“Sirsha—” Quil’s voice in her ears, low and desolate.
He’d pulled her out of the portal, which was no comfort at all but the worst thing she could think of.
A reminder of what she’d broken. No one would ever love her like Quil had, say her name the way he did, worship her body as only he could.
She was alone, truly alone, her soul a shriveled scrap of what it should be.
She was the worst sort of fool. Let Div destroy the world.
Let her eat it all if it made this hurt stop.
“Get away. It hurts. It hurts,” she gasped, pushing at him. She got the bare impression of figures standing around her, sandy ground, and high, striated canyon walls. The air smelled of creosote and smoke; the earth shuddered. Distantly, she heard explosions.
Sirsha broke away from the crowd and stumbled into the darkness, not caring where she was going, wanting only to escape the sweet familiarity of Quil’s care, his warmth.
She made her way to the sound of water and knelt beside it.
A tiny stream, nothing more than a rivulet, really.
She made herself look up. It was hours later here than in Kotama, closer to dawn.
Behind her, the Jaduna spoke in low voices with Tas; Sirsha gathered that they were awaiting a guide who would lead them through the labyrinthine badlands to the Empire encampment.
When Sirsha felt Div’s approach, it was almost a relief. Something, anything, to distract her.
“You saw the Owa Khel,” Div said. “You felt it. Why did you stay there?”
“Because it hurt less, there,” Sirsha whispered, and pressed her chest. “Less than—this.”
“You broke your coin because of me,” Div said. “Because you thought I would hurt him.”
Sirsha nodded. She didn’t see the point in denying it. It didn’t matter anymore, now that Div couldn’t use the Adah bond.