Chapter 17 Este
ESTE
Nico pulls back, immediately giving me space. Which is not what I want.
I tug him back to me. “I didn’t say leave. I just…” My heart is racing, my stomach twisting. Like he knows I need it, Nico presses his forehead against mine.
“Talk to me.”
My hand is flat on his chest, right over his heart. “This is the line, Nico. If we do this, you don’t get to push me away when you wake up later and feel guilty. I can’t handle that.”
He cups my jaw, stroking his thumb softly over my lower lip. “Fuck the line, angel. We’re already so far past it, and I’m tired of trying to be good.”
For once, he doesn’t sound defeated about how much he wants me. He sounds hungry. Desperate. And it undoes me.
“Then stop trying,” I say. Or I try to, anyway. I don’t get it all out before Nico’s lips are on mine, and everything around me just… pauses. I feel him everywhere, taking every atom I’m made of and remaking it into something new.
Holy shit, this is just a kiss.
Except it’s not just anything. Nico and I cling to each other like we’ve finally found a lifeline in a storm, and maybe we have. A sweet, pepperminty lifeline.
He’s not gentle. Nico takes as much as he gives to the kiss, consuming me until I’m trembling.
Our tongues clash desperately against each other, but we move in perfect harmony.
He clutches my face hard; I dig my nails into his scalp.
We break apart for a single gasp of air, and we’re on each other again.
Why the hell did we wait so long? This is everything.
Nico drags his hands down my body, squeezing my hips as he turns us and presses me against the window.
Then his hands are on my ass, my feet are off the ground, and I’m perched on the windowsill before I can think anything of it.
It’s instinctive to open my legs, for Nico to step between them, for me to wrap them around him, locking my ankles at his back.
He breathes my name against my mouth as he draws his fingers up my body, pulling my sweatshirt over my head as he goes.
Which, naturally, I take as an invitation to start undressing him.
He hisses when my cool fingers brush his bare skin, and the sound spurs us both on.
We tear at each other, not caring that it’s too cold to strip down up here.
Not caring that there’s no real bed. Not caring that there’s no way this ends well, considering I live in Chicago and he lives here.
Well, maybe I care about that a little. But I can compartmentalize.
Nico spreads his palms over my thighs and presses his forehead to mine. We’re both naked, and I’m not entirely sure when or how that happened, but my mind is singularly focused on one thing and one thing only now that we are: I need him inside me.
I pull him in closer, brushing my lips over his jaw. “Please,” I murmur in his ear, and he shivers. “We’ve been waiting for so long.” Never mind that it’s been less than a week since he first touched me. It feels like a lifetime ago.
He fists his cock, stepping as close as possible so he can run the head over my pussy. I cry out as he brushes my clit.
“God, angel. You’re so fucking wet,” he rasps.
It’s hard to form words when I’m so on edge, but I manage two syllables. “For you.”
The hand on my thigh flexes, and I’m on the verge of begging, when Nico stills. “Fuck.”
“What?”
“I didn’t bring a condom. Hell, I don’t even know if I have one at home. I don’t keep them around. I just buy them when I go into Jackson to—”
“I have an IUD,” I interrupt, both because he’s spiraling unnecessarily and because no part of me wants to hear about the people he hooks up with. I’m not usually a jealous person, but the thought of Nico touching anyone else… nope. Not going there.
Nico pulls back enough that he can search my face. “Are you sure?”
“Very sure. It hurt like hell getting it put in.”
“Wh—no, that’s not… Are you sure you’re okay with not using a condom? I get regular physicals since it’s not easy for me to get to a doctor if I get sick, and I had one and got tested last month.”
As much as we’re both desperate for this, I don’t believe Nico would ever put me at risk. We’ve touched each other plenty already, and the thought never even crossed my mind.
I reach for his face, and his eyes flutter closed as I stroke my finger over his cheek.
“I’m sure. I trust you. And I got tested not long after the crash.
I haven’t been with anyone since. If you want to wait, we’ll wait.
But from my point of view, if I don’t get you inside me soon, I’m going to lose my mind. ”
His lips curve, and, when he opens his eyes, they’re dark and smoky.
I’m starting to recognize the switch in him, and my body responds, burning so hot, I can’t believe I was ever cold in here.
I lean into the chilled glass, and Nico pushes my thighs apart as he drags one finger up my body.
I look down, my gaze following, until he reaches my face and grips my chin.
He presses my lips with his thumb until I part them, and he can slide it into my mouth.
I moan around him, and his fingers tighten on my chin.
“Be a good girl and say please.”
Oh my god.
He makes no move to take his thumb out of my mouth. “Please, Daddy,” I say, the words muffled. “I need you.”
“You have me, angel.” His eyes flare, a grunt falling from him as he replaces his thumb with his mouth, capturing my lips in a messy, desperate kiss.
I feel him nudging at my entrance, and my head falls back.
It would crack against the glass if not for Nico anticipating the movement and cupping the back of my head with his hand.
I drop my gaze between us, whimpering at the sight. Fuck. In all of the wishing and fantasizing, I really didn’t let myself process how big he is.
He presses inside me, just a tiny bit, and my body lights up. “Oh my god. I don’t… Fuck. I don’t think I can—”
“You can,” he whispers, littering kisses over my throat. “You’re a big girl. You can take it.”
I think I’d be able to do anything with him talking me through it like this, actually.
Nico inches inside, and I stretch so perfectly around him.
It stings a little, but the pain grounds me, tethering me to the moment—to Nico.
I have one trembling hand flat on his chest, and I can feel his heart pounding beneath the surface.
My other hand is balled by my side, clenching, but it’s not enough.
I reach out blindly, grappling for something to cling to.
My fingers close around soft fur, and I squeeze Amelia Bearhart tight as Nico bottoms out inside of me with a groan.
I can feel him in places I’ve never felt anyone before. Holy shit, he’s so deep. My pussy clenches around him; he’s not even moving, and I already feel myself building. It’s bliss.
Nico is saying something, but my mind is drifting, shutting down, surrendering. It’s never been so easy for me to just give myself over to someone, but this is Nico. My mind knows she’s safe with him. My body, too. My heart… is nervous. But she’s not important right now.
“Este.” Nico pulls me back, his lips against mine, his hands clasping my face.
I make some kind of noise in return, and he chuckles, the sound vibrating through me.
“Come back to me, angel. Stay with me for just one, and then I’ve got you.
I want you to remember the first time, baby. I want you to feel it.”
Maybe it’s the way he whispers “baby,” or the way he kisses me like I’m something precious, that knocks me back into the present.
Or maybe it’s the same stunned but happy expression I’m sure is on my face, reflected on his.
Have I ever seen his eyes so light? He looks younger, and, for a moment, it doesn’t feel like either of us is “in character.”
It makes my heart flutter.
“There you are,” Nico murmurs, his eyes crinkling when he smiles. “That’s my girl.”
He moves slowly, not breaking eye contact. I lift my hips to meet him, and the rhythm we find is almost musical, our panting breaths, whimpers, and groans a beautiful melody.
Every stroke of his cock feels better than the last, dragging me closer and closer to oblivion. Nico looks down, cursing and shaking his head.
“What?” I ask, pushing my fingers through his hair, my nails raking lightly over his scalp.
His eyes flutter closed. “It’s just… This… I’ve never… I didn’t know… Fuck.”
Oh.
I pull his face down to mine. “I know,” I whisper against his lips. “It’s never been like this for me, either.”
He kisses me like he’d happily give me his last breath, and there’s no warning before my orgasm. My thighs are shaking, my skin flaming hot, and I couldn’t hold back if I wanted to. I sob his name into his mouth as the weightlessness consumes me.
I’ve never felt anything like this. It’s the drop in my stomach from the highest point of a roller coaster, seeing a sunset from the cockpit, when it feels like the world is resetting, climbing into my own bed after weeks away, finishing a new favorite book and knowing I have the sequel waiting for me…
all of my favorite things, all at once. It’s… him. It’s Nico. Oh shit.
His movements become jittery, and I lock my legs around him.
“Angel—I—I—”
I grasp his face, close enough that I can count the shades of gray in his eyes. “Please. I want to feel you, Daddy. I need to feel you.”
Nico moans, going completely still as he comes. He’s always so beautiful, but his face is a work of art like this. Open, exposed, free.
I wind my arms around his neck and hold him.
I’ve never had sex without a condom before, and I know, logically, it doesn’t feel that different.
But there’s something deeply satisfying, primal, about feeling his cum deep inside me.
Part of me wants to beg him to stay inside me, to hold onto this for as long as we can.
The other part of me isn’t sure how to vocalize that without sounding absolutely unhinged.
But Nico doesn’t pull out when his breathing settles. He pulls back, but just enough to take in the picture of me, framed by the night sky. He swallows and brings my hand to his mouth, kissing my palm. “Beautiful.”
He slides his hands down my body and grips my hips, picking me up from the windowsill.
“What are you doing?” I ask, peering over my shoulder, as he carries me toward the nest of sleeping bag and blankets he made earlier.
“Did you think we were done, angel?”