Chapter 16
Sixteen
Carter
Every second away from River feels like ants crawling under my skin.
I fucking hate it. Over the past few weeks, she’s been opening up more and taking the initiative to get to know me.
Now, she sends me random texts throughout the day.
Something in her is definitely changing.
I haven’t heard whimpers down the hall from a nightmare or noticed any flashbacks lately.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve secretly crawled into bed with her and held her through one of her nightmares, then snuck out the next morning before she woke up.
I don’t know the reason they’ve suddenly stopped.
Maybe I’ve gained her trust. It could be the self-defense lessons or her hitting bags after work every day.
Hell, maybe it’s all three. Whatever it is, she has more confidence in herself, and she’s becoming stronger, both physically and mentally.
Damn. I miss the hell out of her already. I pull my phone out of my pocket and shoot her a text.
Carter
Try not to miss me too much.
River
I’ll probably cry myself to sleep.
Carter
I sense sarcasm.
River
You know me so well.
Carter
I know you’ll be curled up on the couch tomorrow, watching your favorite hockey player.
River
Who? Aiden?
Carter
Kitten . . .
River
What?
Carter
Take it back right now!
River
Eh . . .
Carter
Take. It. Back.
River
Bahahaha
Cal plops down in the seat beside me, chuckling under his breath.
“You’ve got it bad.”
“No worse than you've got it, fucker.” I laugh, looking down at my phone as the text bubbles appear, then disappear.
Sean takes the seat across the aisle from us and looks around the plane before turning to Cal. “Smiley,” he whispers. “Your wife coming with?”
Cal frowns. “Why, Mac? You in trouble with her or something?”
Sean shakes his head. “No.” He looks up front, then presses his head back against the seat, closes his eyes, and lets out a groaned, “Fuuuuck.”
Aspen passes us, heading toward the back with her mom, Tucker, and Hannah trailing behind her. Sean turns to look at them and then falls back against his seat just as Aiden walks up with his carry-on. He stops beside us, and Sean stands to let him in.
“Why do I always have to sit by the window?” Aiden complains, shoving his bag into the overhead storage.
“Because, dude. I hate heights. You know this.”
Sean looks to the back of the plane again, and Aiden slides into the row.
As Sean plops back down, Aiden says. “I think she saw you, man.”
“You think?” Sean spits back sarcastically, then slumps down further into his seat as if she didn’t walk right past us and see him sitting there.
“Yeah,” Aiden says. “It’s kinda hard to hide behind the Jason Momoa hair.”
“Hey, now. Watch it. My hair is way fucking better,” Sean argues.
Cal stands up and strips off his suit jacket. “What the hell did my wife do to you?”
I lean back, closing my eyes.
“She didn’t do anything to me,” Sean says to Cal before addressing me, “Hey, Doc, I need some advice.”
My eyes peel back open, and I turn my head, but before I can get a word out, Aiden pops off, “Go to the mattresses.”
Sean turns to Aiden. “Did you really quote The Godfather?”
“Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on with my wife?” Cal hisses.
Sean looks around to make sure no one is listening, then whispers, “It’s not your wife. It’s Hannah. I knew if your wife was here, Hannah would be here with her. I was trying to be discreet.”
“What did you do, Sean?” I ask just as my cell buzzes again. “I swear to god, if you fucked around with Coach’s dau—”
“Shhhh. Fuck!” he whisper shouts, glancing toward the front where Coach is sitting.
I lean across Cal, not giving Sean a chance to speak, and drop my voice where only Cal, Sean, and Aiden can hear me. “You want my advice? Stay the fuck away. I'm serious, Sean. Off. Limits. You see her coming, turn and run. Don’t even breathe in her direction.”
“No shit. Why do you think I’m keeping my distance? Hannah Jenkins is the last goddamn complication I need right now.”
My phone buzzes again, forcing my attention away from him. I unlock the screen.
River
Look up
I do as she says, and my eyes widen and breath catches. There she is, standing in the aisle with a smile tugging at her lips, then her sweet voice hits my ears. “Hi.”
Damn, she’s gorgeous. And the way those tight, black leather pants fit her is fucking sinful.
I jump out of my seat and wrap my arms around her, pulling her tight against me. “You didn’t tell me you were working this game.”
“I’m not.”
Wait! Is she here for me?
Cal stands and begins collecting his things when River stops him.
“It’s okay, Cal. Stay where you are. I’ll go sit with Aspen,” she says before directing her attention back to me. “Are you still going to see your family?”
Our game is in Phoenix, not too far from where my parents live. Every time we play in Arizona, I stay with my family instead of at the hotel with the team.
“We’re going to see our family,” I say.
Rising onto the tips of her toes, she pulls my head down and kisses my lips. The look in her eyes almost convinces me that she’s not putting on a show, but I know better.
“I missed you,” she whispers, knocking the air right out of my lungs, then she brushes past me before I can respond.
Cal claps me on the shoulder as I sink back into my seat. Before I even have time to wrap my mind around what’s going on between River and me, Cal pulls his iPod out of his backpack, causing a laugh to rip out of me.
“What?” he asks.
“I can’t believe you still use that thing. How long have you had it? Twenty years?”
He shrugs one shoulder and unwinds the cord to his earphones from around his iPod.
“A long time. All my music is on here, and I don’t want to change it over to my phone,” he says, stuffing the earphones into his ears and turning up the volume high enough for me to make out the words to “Awake” by Godsmack.
He’s been very vocal about his annoyance at the progression of technology, so this is no surprise to me.
Dragging a hand down my face, I blow out a breath. Then, I let my head fall back against the seat and close my eyes again while the flight attendant goes over the preflight briefing we’ve all heard a million times.
A bell dings, waking me up, and the pilot begins speaking.
“Good morning, Blaze. This is your captain speaking. We’ve reached our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet.
The seatbelt sign has been switched off, and it’s now safe to move around the cabin freely .
. . within reason. For the next few hours, please refrain from body checking your teammates unless it’s to keep Aiden Brodie out of my cockpit. ”
I look over at Aiden, and he shrugs his shoulders. “What? She’s hot!”
“Dude, I’m pretty sure you majored in fuckery.”
“Yeah? And what did you major in?” Aiden asks me curiously.
I open my mouth to answer, but Sean cuts in. “He majored in psychology.”
“Wait, seriously? How did I not know this?” Aiden asks as his brows tug down.
Sean nods, jerking a thumb toward me. “Why do you think I call him Doc? The man can break down your childhood trauma in under five minutes.”
I sigh, leaning my head against the window, and mumble, “I’m not that good.”
I went to college close to my hometown in Arizona, and that’s where I met Sean Mac.
We played on the same team together in Pheonix for two years before I was drafted.
When the pros started to become a possibility, I promised my parents that if I went pro, I would continue to work towards a backup plan.
You can never be too comfortable when you choose a professional sport as your career.
One minute you could be fine, and then the next, suffer a career-ending injury.
My original degree was engineering, but then life happened, and I went into psychology.
After I was drafted, I completed my bachelor’s degree and my master’s program online.
Maybe once I retire, I’ll pursue a career as a sports psychologist. Who knows?
What I do know is this isn’t really a big deal.
“Sure, you are,” Sean says, pointing in my direction. “You told me my commitment issues probably stemmed from being ignored as a child.”
“You told me you were a middle child. I was only stating the obvious.” I laugh.
Aiden leans his back against the window, studying me intently. “So . . . what would you say about me Doc?”
Don’t say it. You have nothing to prove here. Just keep your fucking mouth shut, Carter.
“Seriously, I really want to know,” Aiden goads. “I’m curious.”
Don’t fucking do it.
“Just do it,” Sean says, mirth dancing in his eyes.
Letting out a groan, I tilt my head, then look over and peer at him through narrowed eyes. “You really wanna know?”
Aiden nods.
Okay, well, he asked for it.
“You chase random women and do stupid shit, like creating outrageous sex positions and almost breaking your dick, because you need validation. Sometimes you mistake attention for affection.”
Aiden shifts in his seat. “Oh. Damn. Okay, what else?”
“Was that not enough?” I ask with a raised brow.
He chuckles and waves his hand for me to keep going. I rub my palms down my face and sigh.
“You press boundaries. I would guess that’s because when you were in the rearing phases of your childhood, your mom was inconsistent with your punishments.
Not because she was a bad parent. She was a tired single mom, who was trying her best to raise a rowdy little boy by herself.
At the time, the only thing she knew to do, for the sanctity of her own mental health, was to give in to you. ”
Sean throws his head back and laughs. “See? What did I tell you?”
Aiden chuckles and holds his hands up in surrender. “Okay. I really hate to admit it, but that was oddly . . . accurate.”
When I shake my head, my peripheral vision catches on someone standing in the aisle right behind Cal’s seat. I turn my head, and my heart fucking stops as River stands there with her arms crossed against her chest.
Goddammit.
I step over Cal and bump into him, waking him up. “Sorry, man.”
River doesn’t move from her spot as I step in front of her. I half expect her to stomp off or run away, but she doesn’t.
“Can we talk somewhere private?” she asks me, then she addresses Cal. “Tucker wants you to come to the back with him.”
Turning around, she heads toward the back of the team jet without waiting for me. I follow behind her, passing my teammates, most of them reclined and sleeping in their luxury leather seats. We enter the small conference room, and she closes the door behind us.
Did I fuck this up? I swallow thickly. It’s not like any of this was a secret, but she’s just started asking about me, and the subject never came up in conversation.
I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s thinking right now.
I swivel one of the chairs around to face her and sit down.
She stands in front of me with her arms wrapped around herself, but I pull a hand away from her body and take it in mine, then look up at her, and wait for her to speak.
She looks down at our hands, then at the floor and asks, “What you just did to Aiden?” She pauses for a second, rubbing her bottom lip. “Is that what you do to me? Have you been psychoanalyzing me?”
“No.” I say, pulling her closer until she stands between my legs. “I haven’t been psychoanalyzing you. In fact. I make it a mission not to. I only did that to Aiden because he asked me to.”
Her eyes slowly climb up to mine and I release an exhale. “Do I use what I’ve learned to help you when you need it? Yes, I’ll admit that I do. But breaking down your weaknesses and strengths, or actually analyzing you? No, I don’t do that to you.”
I rest my forehead against her chest and wrap my arms around her waist. What if she doesn’t believe me? What if this entire ordeal sets us back?
Fuck. I should’ve said something sooner.
The silence lingers too long between us as I hold onto her, gripping onto the back of her silky white blouse. She threads her fingers through my hair and gently tilts my head back with her fingertips, making me look at her.
She stares into my eyes for a few seconds.
“I’m not angry. Disappointed you didn’t tell me, maybe, but not angry,” she finally says. “And I didn’t bring you back here to accuse you of anything. I’m just saying that I don’t want to be analyzed by you; I already have a therapist for that.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you, baby. I fucking swear. All the distractions when you need them, the training, the nice things I do for you . . . that’s me being the husband you deserve.”
Pulling her down onto my lap, I wrap my arms around her. She doesn’t say anything as she rests her head in the crook of my neck, fidgeting with her fingernails. I turn and kiss her head.
“I care about you so damn much it fucking hurts.”
“I believe that.” She leans back, looking into my eyes. “I just wish you would’ve told me sooner, so I don’t overthink this too much.”
“You’re right; I should have, but there hasn’t really been an opportunity where the timing felt right.” I caress her cheek.
“It all makes sense now, you know? Like, how you always know how to handle me.”
“Well . . . I wouldn’t go that far.” I chuckle as she playfully swats my arm.
“You’re doing it again.” She lays her head back down on my shoulder.
I bury my face in her hair, inhaling the floral scent of her perfume. “Mmm. Doing what?”
“Making things better. You always make everything better . . .”
“I want you to be happy.”
“Carter?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“You’re a good man,” she whispers.
Blood rushes to my head, my heart swells, and emotion stings behind my eyelids.
Now, I just need to make sure I do everything I can to never let her forget it.