Chapter 20
Twenty
Carter
“You gotta be kidding me,” she practically screams so loud, I hear it all the way upstairs.
I didn’t want to leave her like that. It fucking killed me, but her silence made it crystal clear that she’s not mine—no matter how much I want her to be.
Sure, I’ve had one-night stands and casual sex, but none of those women were River.
When it comes to her, I can’t do casual. There’s no fucking way.
“You’re really not coming back?”
I cringe, knowing if I walk back out there, I’ll give in. I’ll give her everything without getting the one thing I need more than anything else.
She stomps around, and her door slams shut, making me jump at the impact.
A few minutes later, I hear another murmur, but I can’t make it out.
Then, a bright glow from my cell phone cuts through the darkness of my bedroom.
I squint against the sharp, white light as the device vibrates on the nightstand with an incoming call—River’s name flashing on the screen.
Why would she be calling me? Why wouldn’t she come to my room?
The sheets rustle as I reach over and answer.
“Hello?”
The line is silent.
“Baby, are you okay?”
I lift from my bed and walk toward her room.
Making my way down the hall, I hear her sniffle and push the door to her room open the rest of the way.
She faces the window, the silhouette of her curves backlit in the moonlight.
A faint glow from her overturned cell reflects on the nightstand.
Lowering mine, I press the red button to end the call.
She sniffs again, wiping her cheek with her fingertips. My heart stops.
“Baby?” I whisper, moving toward her bed.
“What?”
She rolls over to face me as I crawl under the covers and hold out my arms. My chest tightens when she doesn’t come to me.
Air fills my lungs, and I exhale a long breath, letting the covers drop back down. “What’s wrong?”
She huffs, wiping her cheek with the sheet. “Go back to your room, Carter. I’m tired of playing this fucked-up game with you.”
“I haven’t been playing a game, baby.”
“Stop calling me that.”
My brows pull together. Why is she mad?
“Please . . . talk to me.”
I lie there in the dark, waiting with bated breath for her to speak.
“You’ve been withholding sex until I do what you want. I have to tell you what you want to hear.”
“That’s not—”
“Yes. It. Is. I’m not doing this with another person. No one will ever control me again, no matter how much I love them.”
She turns on the bedside lamp, then moves her pillows and rests back against them.
“No. I haven’t. That’s not—”
“Really? Then why, Carter? Tell me why you need me to say anything at all? That’s my voice. Those are my words. My power to wield. If I want to say them, then I will, but you’re not going to force me into submission by using sex like some kind of reward. That’s not fair.”
I adjust the pillows and sit up, watching the tears fall down her cheeks, her face red and splotchy. Seeing her like this absolutely guts me until I think I might puke.
“You took what you learned about me tonight and weaponized it to turn me on, then you walked away because I didn’t say what you wanted me to. That’s the cruelest form of torture, Carter. You should know by now that I’m yours.”
My heart pounds in my chest like a loud drum.
They’re the words I wanted to hear, but this wasn’t how I wanted to hear them.
I didn’t realize what I was doing. Tears glimmer in her eyes and fall down her face.
I wipe them away as I caress her cheek. I understand where she’s coming from, but maybe she doesn’t understand what my hang up is in this.
“You’re my obsession. An unhealthy form of addiction.
My fatal flaw. You may very well be my demise.
You could wreck me. Ruin me. Crush my fucking soul.
The power has always been yours.” A sting presses against the back of my eyelids as I place my hand over her heart.
“All I’m asking for . . . all I want is this, right here.
It’s a trade I can’t sacrifice. I want to own your heart, just like you own mine. ”
She moves closer, curling her body into mine. “Carter, how do you not know you already do?”
I stare at her, flabbergasted and let her words sink in.
You know when you’re on the outside of someone’s life looking in, and you can see the full picture, but when it comes to yourself you can’t see the forest for the trees?
That’s exactly where I’m at right now. Hell, it’s what I’ve been trained to do: figure out other’s trauma.
I can break down everyone else’s issues with no problem, but I fail to see my own.
Nuzzling into her hair, I inhale the sweet scent of her floral perfume and close my eyes.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing to you. Hurting you was never my intention.” I lean back and tilt her chin up to look at me so she can see the sincerity in my eyes. “I don’t want to be another man who takes from you.”
“I don’t want that either,” she whispers.
“So, take from me instead.”
Her brows crinkle in confusion, and I lower my mouth to hers slowly until she nods, giving me the green light. I place a gentle kiss to her lips and repeat, “I’m sorry, baby.”
She nods, then her lips are back on mine in teasing feather-like kisses.
Shifting, she breaks our kiss only long enough to straddle me.
My cock stiffens, and the heat of her arousal seeps through the thin fabric between us.
She grinds down, and fuck, I need to be inside of her.
I moan into her mouth as I grip her hips, and instead of stilling her, this time I move her against me.
Dragging my mouth away from hers, I lick and suck all the way up her neck.
“Take your power back, River.”
My words hang loose in the air between us.
Leaning back, her eyes roam over my face before she finally rises to stand.
She opens her nightstand drawer, takes out a bottle of lube, and tosses it down beside me, then moves to the end of the bed.
The covers slide across my legs as she tosses them onto the floor.
Her hands wrap around my ankles, and with all her strength, she tries to pull me down the mattress.
I help her out and shift on the bed where she wants me—hands at my side—and wait for her instructions.
She crawls between my parted legs, biting them all the way up on each side.
Oh, fuck, I can tell by the look in her eyes that she’s not gonna go easy on me.
All I want right now is to be buried deep inside her, but she’s in charge.
I have a sneaking suspicion, by the look in her eyes as she straddles me—a knee on each side of my thighs—that she’s gonna be ruthless, and she confirms it when she says, “You’ve teased me .
. . relentlessly. Mind fucked me for months.
Made me think of you . . . even dream of you when I didn’t want to.
You’ve left me wet and needy, completely turned on, my pussy throbbing and begging for release, only for you to make me come in here and finish the job myself.
You have a lot to atone for. Are you sure this is a road you want to take? ” She lifts a brow.
This woman. Fuck me.
Her nails trail down my abs. The movement slow and teasing. My pecs twitch. Goosebumps spread across my skin. My chest rises and falls faster as my breaths become shorter. She gives a quick, hard flick to my nipple and . . . Fuuuck.
“Answer me,” she demands.
I nod.
“Say the words I want to hear, Carter.”
“Yes. Ma’am.”
“I’m going to make you beg.” She pulls back the waist band of my boxers, snapping them against my skin, and lifts herself up. “Now, take these off.”
My breath quickens at her threat, but I’m eager for her, so I don’t hesitate.
I lift my hips; my cock releases from my shorts and twitches in anticipation as I strip the thin fabric down my legs.
Her head tilts to one side, and her eyes gleam as she stares at the metal piece at the head of my dick. She lifts a brow.
I smirk. “Surprise.”
“If you need something to do with that smart mouth, you can use it on my pussy once I’m done with you.”
Where the fuck did she come from, and why the hell have I waited this long?
She bites her lip and wraps her fingers around my cock. I flinch under her touch as a sharp rush of need spreads south. I hiss as River’s thumb brushes over the piercing. She leans over, nipping my earlobe.
“Sensitive?”
My jaw tightens, and I nod. “Fuck, yes.”
“Good. It’ll make breaking you a lot more fun.”
She hasn’t even started, and I’m losing my goddamn mind.
Her mouth brushes down my body, licking and sucking every part of me until she gets to the head of my cock, never taking her gorgeous brown eyes from mine.
My hands clinch the sheets beneath me, and my hips buck off the bed when she circles the piercing with her tongue.
She presses down on my stomach. “Did I give you permission to move?”
Gritting my teeth, I squeeze my eyes tight. My dick throbs, painfully.
“Eyes on me, Carter.”
Her beautiful long hair tickles my thighs as she leans over, stroking me up and down, her fingers tightening then loosening around my length in a throbbing squeeze, again and again. My heart pounds against my ribs. Tingles climb up my spine.
“Fuck.”
Almost there. So damn close.
“River.”
She releases my dick and prowls up my body.
Noooo.
“Did I say you could come?”
Without letting me answer, she crashes her lips to mine, stealing my breath. And then she begins the torture all over again.
Her tongue licks up my shaft and flicks across my piercing before she brings me all the way to the back of her throat and swallows.
“Holy shit. Goddamn. Fuck,” I hiss.
Her mouth feels so fucking good.
Oh, god.