CHAPTER THIRTY
Aspen
I close the bedroom door behind me and sit on the bed, my head hangs in despair. Why is this happening to me? Just when I thought I could never be happier. My heart aches. Can a heart literally break? Is that even possible? This hurts so damn much. Fuck! I should have known getting involved with my player was a very bad move on my part, but I guess you can’t help who you fall in love with.
My door flies open, causing me to jump as it slams against the wall. “Why’d you do that, Mom? Why’d you send Cal away?” Tucker cries.
“Baby, now’s not the time. I just needed some time to think. You wouldn’t understand.” Trying to conceal my tears, I turn my head away and wipe my eyes.
“I’m. Not. A. Baby. And I understand more than you think.”
I inhale deeply, letting the air fill my lungs, then I count to ten so I don’t lose my patience with Tucker’s tone. “Come sit.” I pat the spot beside me.
Tucker moves to sit on the bed, peering up with a glare. What am I supposed to tell him? I don’t have all the answers yet, but one thing is for certain: Cal is leaving the team. The deer-in-the-headlight expression on his face when we were confronted by the media confirmed that, not to mention the fact that when I flat-out asked him, he didn’t say a fucking word.
For the life of me, I just don’t understand why he would keep this from me, especially since he knows my history. The least he could’ve done was had a conversation with me—prepared me—so I wouldn't have been blindsided. I guess this is what happens when you get involved with your employee. The boss is always the last to find out, right? Fuck. My. Life.
I focus all my attention on Tucker, trying to keep my emotions in check in front of him. “You’re right. You’re not a baby, so I’m just going to shoot it to you straight. I’m certain Cal is leaving the team. I don’t know what that means for our team or for our family. I can’t leave the Blaze; if he chooses free agency, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. We just need to expect the worst and hope for the best.”
“Cal’s not going anywhere.” He rolls his eyes.
“Look, Tucker. I’ve had my fair share of experiences—“
“He’s not leaving.” He shakes his head emphatically.
Deciding not to argue with a ten-year-old little boy, I let it go. I probably shouldn’t be telling him anything until I have all the facts anyway because all I have are speculations. I release a breath. “Come here.” I hold my arms wide.
Tucker cuddles into me. “You’re wrong, Momma.”
“God, I hope so, Buddy.” I whisper, kissing the top of his head and holding him for a bit. “You okay?” I finally ask.
“I’m fine. Just sad you made Cal leave. I think that was mean.”
I don’t want to patronize Tucker again by telling him he doesn’t understand. Cal and I are supposed to be a team; we’re supposed to discuss major decisions with each other.
Tucker jumps up. “Okay, well, I’m going to unpack my X-BOX and hop on Fortnite with Elija.”
I nod, trying to keep the tears at bay in front of him. “Okay, close the door behind you, please.”
The dam bursts, and the tears fall as soon as the door quietly clicks behind him. I give myself ten minutes to cry before I’m back in boss mode. My team needs me to separate my feelings. Putting my personal life aside, I grab my phone and dial Teagan.
“I was just about to call you. News about Callan just broke over here.”
I climb onto the middle of the bed, sit with my legs crisscrossed beneath me, holding onto a pillow. “What are they saying?”
“Nothing definitive. Only that his contract is up and that he’s decided not to renew his contract with the Blaze organization. They did mention his free agency, but TTSN is stating they don’t have any confirmation, and as of right now, the rumor coming in is that he’s retiring. Any idea why that might be?”
“Well, Teagan, I wish I could say that I have the answers, but I don’t. All we have are rumors and speculations too. I will say, I think it’s true based on his reaction today. The only thing is, I don’t know if he’s retiring from the league or exploring free agency.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
I clear my throat. “No. I will, but I just need a minute to compartmentalize.” I release an exasperated sigh. “Go ahead and put out a press release stating that anything heard up to this point is rumor and speculation and the Blaze organization doesn’t have neither clear confirmation on Mr. Miles’ plans for his future within our organization nor the league at this time. However, we should have more information momentarily, and at that time we will submit a formal announcement. Think that will tide them over?”
“I don’t know. You of all people know they can be vultures, but I’ll try.”
I laugh. Boy, don’t I. “Thanks, Teagan.”
“You’re welcome.” The phone beeps, indicating she’s hung up.
“So did he say if the rumors were true?” River asks me through the speaker of my phone.
“He didn’t have to; his face said it all. God, River. I can’t—” My heart feels like it’s literally being ripped out of my chest. “I don’t want to—” Breaths deep enough to fill my lungs are not coming in; I’m sure I’m having a full-on panic attack. Am I supposed to place my head between my knees, or does that cause you to pass out? Though, maybe passing out wouldn’t be such a bad thing right about now. At least then I would be able to escape this pain.“I can’t live without him. What if he’s decided to explore his free agency and he moves across the country?”
“Aspen, you need to calm down. You haven’t even given him a chance to explain anything.”
A chime dings through my phone and a notification pops up. “He just texted me.” I sniffle.
“What’d he say?”
“Hold on . . .” I click the notification and read his last text. “He basically says that we shouldn’t wait to have a conversation.” I shoot off a text to him then continue, “I don’t want to talk to him yet. I’m fucking terrified of what he’ll say. I want to sit here in my bubble and pretend. You know?” Standing to my feet, I take a ragged breath and pace the area in front of my bed. “Why would he ask me to move in with him if he was just going to leave, River? The thing is I wanted to say yes right then. Can you imagine if I had? God, I would have moved in just to be asked to move right back out.”
A knock raps on the door, and Mom peeks her head in. “Luke and Trey are here.”
Tears trail down my cheek. I swipe them away with the back of my hand. “I have to go.”
“Okay, sis. Talk to Cal. Most importantly, listen to what he has to say before you pop off with that smart mouth of yours. I love you.”
“Love you too.” The phone beeps, letting me know she’s ended the call.
Staring back at me in the full-length mirror is a very broken version of myself. How am I supposed to go out there, face these two men, and be professional? I don’t think I have that in me right now. My face is red and splotchy, and I look like a goddamn raccoon. I grab my makeup wipes out of my luggage and begin to wipe the black makeup from under my eyes. It’s not perfect, but I guess it will have to do.
Cal is leaving me. I know he is. The media circus outside, Luke and Trey popping in, is all the confirmation I need that I’m losing him. They’re probably here to tell me that he isn’t renewing his contract or that he’s moving to another team across the country. I should have known this was all too good to be true. Like I’ve said over and over, men don’t stick around for me. I shouldn’t even be surprised at this point.
Taking another look in the mirror, I give myself a pep talk to stay professional and not cry. I walk out of the bedroom to greet my guest, “Sorry about that. What can I do for you two?” I try to keep my voice cheerful.
“You don’t have to do that, kiddo,” Luke says, wrapping his arms around me. Of course, I start crying all over again. God, I’m a mess.
Trey takes a seat. “We heard the rumors and were hoping Cal was here to clear them up.”
“He’s not here.” I release Luke and reach for a napkin setting on the counter. Taking a deep breath, I decide there is no better time than now to get down to business.
“I will say from the expression on Cal’s face when we were bombarded by the media that we’re not dealing with mere rumors here. I think it would be a good idea to start looking at possible draft picks for his position now.” My bare feet pad across the carpet as I pace back and forth through the sitting area. “With us being so high in the standings, we’re missing out on at least the first twenty-five picks. Look at the farm teams; see who we can bring up. We also need to look at trading up in the draft. Give someone our pick and a future first-round pick to put us higher up in the selection process. Hell, throw in a player as well; I don’t care at this point. All I know is I think we’re losing our best player, and I want plans: A, B, C, and D. Understood?” I lean against the window with my arms crossed, trying my hardest to stay professional.
“You got it, boss,” Trey says, at the same time a loud knock sounds at the door, causing me to damn near jump out of my skin. Mom has already sent Cal away, so I don’t know who in the world this could be. Slowly, I open the door before the damn thing slams against the wall. I’m immediately tossed into the air, and my stomach lands on someone’s cold, wet shoulder. “Sorry, gentlemen,” Cal calls out. “My woman and I have some business to take care of.”