Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
NICO
I pulled up in front of a one-story building on a road I’d never taken before near the terminals at Newark Airport. Gabe hopped out of the passenger door while I popped the trunk. He pulled out a large, heavy duffel bag that held god-only-knew what gear. He’d changed into black cargo pants, a black Henley, and sturdy combat boots. He’d also switched out his regular winter coat for a waterproof black jacket with more pockets than any coat I’d ever seen.
It had been eerie to watch Gabe transform from the cheerful, seemingly carefree man I knew to a stoic, focused soldier. He was always very professional during our security jobs, but this was something else entirely.
Once he closed the trunk, I got out of the car and went over to him. He set his bag down and put his arms around me. I held him as tightly as I could over his bulky jacket. “Be safe, okay?”
Gabe put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. “I will. I swear.” He cupped my cheek and kissed me tenderly before stepping back. “I’ll be back soon.”
I stood there watching him until he disappeared inside the private terminal. I got in the driver’s seat and put on my seatbelt but couldn’t get my hand to move off the steering wheel to put the car in gear. My chest felt so tight I couldn’t breathe. “No,” I growled. I was not going to have a panic attack. I blew out a long, slow breath and gradually eased my grip on the steering wheel. My fingers were stiff from how hard I’d been squeezing it.
A knock on my window startled me. I turned to find Liam standing next to the car. I opened the window halfway. “Hey, Liam. What’s up?”
“Marco saw you sitting out here and sent me over to make sure you were okay.”
I glanced over at the building and saw Marco just entering. “Dammit. I hope Gabe didn’t see me freaking out.”
Liam shook his head. “He and the rest of the team are doing a weapons check. Michael is tending to his computer equipment.” He leaned down closer to the window. “Do you mind if I come in? It’s freezing out here.”
I immediately felt like an asshole. “Of course.” I rolled up the window and turned up the heat once Liam closed the passenger door. “Thanks for stopping by. I was just having a panic attack.”
“Marco thought you might be having a hard time because you’re not on the team.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not my thing. I’m just worried about Gabe. I know he’s good at what he does. I know the team has his back. I just worry. Anything can happen.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. Even still, my voice was hoarse when I spoke. “I just got him. I don’t want to lose him.”
Liam put a comforting hand on my arm. “I know how you feel. One of the reasons I go on these missions is to make sure Marco comes home in one piece. It’s silly because I have nothing to do with the actual combat part. But I figure if I’m there when he’s injured, I can make sure he’s okay.” He shrugged. “My therapist calls it magical thinking.”
I shook my head and chuckled. “I guess we’re all in therapy.”
“I don’t know about all,” he replied with a smile. “But I would say the majority of us are.” He turned to face me more fully. He gestured toward the private terminal. “Those people in there are the best at what they do. They don’t go into any situation unprepared. Yes, things happen, and sometimes someone gets hurt. Those of us who love them have to accept that they’ve chosen this life.”
I closed my eyes and let out a soft sigh. “I know you’re right. I’m sure I’ll get used to it over time.”
“Not gonna lie. You get used to it, but there’ll always be a little bit of worry.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”
Liam’s phone vibrated with a message. He read it and rolled his eyes. “The chief is telling me to hurry the hell up.” Another text came in. He smirked. “And he said to tell you we’ll make sure Gabe doesn’t hurt himself.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “All right. I get it. You better get going before Marco gets pissed. And tell him I said thanks.”
He squeezed my arm and opened the car door. “I will. I’ll make sure Gabe texts you when we land.”
“I’d appreciate that. Thank you.”
Leaving Gabe at the airport turned out to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I’d known intellectually that he went on missions for Angel Security that were more dangerous than our local security gigs. When I’d joined Marco’s team, I’d heard them talking about a rescue they’d done in August and how Gabe had gotten grazed by a bullet. They’d been ragging on him for always getting hurt on missions. At the time, it hadn’t fazed me at all. I hadn’t known Gabe that long, and I’d chalked it up to military badassery.
Now, the knowledge that he was flying into danger sat like a lump of lead in my gut. I hadn’t slept well waiting for a text that didn’t come until seven in the morning.
We made it here safely.
That’s great. How was the flight?
Long and boring. But I got some sleep. Going dark now. I’ll text you when we’re leaving.
Okay. Tell everyone I said hi.
Will do.
And that was it. And now I was dragging ass through the day, wondering where he was and what he was doing. Luckily, I had a half-day of work with Amir. The union had let me apprentice with him again, and he was happy to have me. But it was winter, so work was slow, and I was done by one in the afternoon. It was fine, though, because I was still seeing Teresa once a week, and I wanted to keep doing that because it was helping. I was feeling less tense and jumpy.
This time, I spent the first fifteen minutes of my appointment talking about how worried I was about Gabe. Teresa finally stopped me and asked, “How exactly is worrying about Gabe helping?”
I opened my mouth, closed it again, and sighed. “It’s not. It’s just making me crazy.”
She nodded. “And it’s also taking the focus off why you’re here.”
I sighed. “You’re right.”
She smiled. “I know. Now, we have some work to do.”
An hour later, I was wrung out but also lighter in spirit. I picked Cody up from preschool because Zach had to work late, and we had an early dinner together at my place. My son was on a chicken nugget kick at the moment, so Gabe and I had stocked up to make sure we had some when he visited.
While he was chewing on one of his nuggets, he mumbled, “Where’s Mr. Gabe?”
“Finish swallowing before you talk,” I admonished.
He made a big show of swallowing his food before he asked again, “Where’s Mr. Gabe?”
“He had to go on a long trip for work,” I replied, my stomach roiling with the worry I’d temporarily put aside in Teresa’s office.
“When is he coming back?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe a couple of days.”
He jumped down from his seat. “I’m going to draw him a picture for when he gets back.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Hold up, buddy. Finish your chicken nuggets first, and then you can draw him a picture.”
“Okay, Daddy.” With a huge put-upon sigh, he climbed back on his chair and started eating again. After he was finished, I made him wash his hands, much to his chagrin, and then we went to the play nook Gabe had built for Cody. He was still happily drawing when Zach arrived to pick him up.
I shivered when I opened the door for him. It had gotten significantly colder since I’d brought Cody home. “Thanks for picking him up,” Zach said when he walked in. “I had a stubborn engine repair on an older model Harley. But I finally got it done.”
“It’s no problem,” I replied. “You know I love having him.” I hoped one day to be ready to keep him with me always. But I still had more work to do on myself.
“Can I stay with you tonight, Daddy?” Cody asked. Because, of course, he did.
I sighed softly. “Not tonight, buddy. It’s a school night for you, and I don’t have anything here for you.”
His bottom lip quivered, and his eyes filled with tears. “But, Daddy, I want to stay with you.”
I picked him up and held him close. “I know you do. How about this—you can stay with me on Friday night. Mr. Gabe will be home by then, and we can have fun together.”
He sniffled but nodded. “Okay.”
“Is Gabe away?” Zach asked.
I nodded and glanced sideways at Cody. “It’s a work trip. Croatia.”
He whistled under his breath. “Got it.” He held out his arms. “Come on, little man. Let’s get you a bath and in some pajamas.”
“But I want to watch Moana ,” Cody whined.
We had all cheered internally when Cody had finally gotten attached to a different movie. “Cody, don’t give your Uncle Zach a hard time. We can watch Moana when you come on Friday. Okay?”
That bottom lip popped out again. “Okay, Daddy.”
Zach set Cody down. “Go get your shoes.” My son took off to the kitchen. The other man frowned in concern. “Are you okay? I’m guessing you’re worried about Gabe.”
“I am,” I admitted. “But it doesn’t help anything for me to worry, so I’m trying to keep myself occupied.”
“You know you can always come to our place,” he said. “We can help take your mind off Gabe for a little while.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it. But I’ve started my apprenticeship again and have a very early morning. I’ll probably just watch a movie and head to bed.”
Zach’s face lit up with a smile. “That’s right. I forgot about that. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Cody came running in, his shoes on but untied. I sighed. “You’re going to trip and fall, buddy. Let’s get your shoes tied.”
“I don’t know how, Daddy,” he complained.
I knelt to tie his sneakers. “We’ll keep working on it with you until you learn, okay?”
“Okay!”
Zach chuckled and put Cody’s Batman hat over his riotous curls. “All right, buddy. It’s time to go home.”
I kissed Cody on the cheek and Zach got his coat on him, and then they were off. I locked the door behind them and pressed my hand against it. Someday, I wouldn’t have to send Cody somewhere else for him to be home.