Six
I rolled out of bed early, desperate to make the most of my day. I threw on some denim cut-offs and a pale blue oversized hoodie. It was long, falling past my bottom and almost looked like I didn’t have anything on underneath it, but I was past caring. I wore no make-up and scraped my hair up into a high ponytail. I needed to get to the stables. I had decided to go horse riding. Amy had booked me in at nine that morning. She wasn’t working but she had still arranged everything. I was to meet Simon Lonsdale at the stables and he was going to take me through the basics.
Pushing my sliders on, I threw my riding boots into a carrier bag. Amy had paid for me to hire a riding helmet from the stables, as you couldn’t have lessons without wearing one.
When I got downstairs, neither Amy nor my brother were up, so I wrote them a note to remind them where I was going and ensured I had my phone. It was partly charged as usual. I pushed it into the pocket of my cut-offs, grabbed my house keys and off I went.
When I got to Kiplings, the gate was open and there was another girl already mounted on a horse in the training circle. The circle was a fenced-off section with play bark on the ground. Simon was with her and he held up a one-minute finger as he saw me before continuing his conversation with his other student.
I waited patiently whilst he had finished, suddenly feeling nervous as Simon approached. He was a tall, thin guy, in his twenties with similar colouring to my own. He grinned and boyish dimples appeared.
“You’re up for it then?” he said, he had a thick Norfolk accent.
Smiling, I replied, “I think so.”
He raised his blonde eyebrows, “Amy said it was fifty-fifty, you showing up this morning and so well done. You’re over the first hurdle. ”
We spoke for a while. Simon asked me about my level of experience and then told me to change into my riding boots whilst he finished off saddling the horse I would ride. The lesson would only last an hour and I could do it; it wasn’t that long. Simon pointed to some hats that were on pegs over by one of the stables and told me to choose one that fitted tightly. He explained that it shouldn’t move about when I shook my head.
After choosing one that fitted perfectly, I walked over to the bench and placed it beside me before rummaging in my carrier bag.
“You can’t stay away can you,” a voice drawled out from above me whilst I was sitting and pulling my boots on. My brow scrunched as I raised my hand to cover the sun, I knew it was Nixon. There was only one man who made that deep, throaty, rich sound.
I attempted to inject a bit of frost into my tone, “I was here first actually . It's you that’s the stalker,” I informed him dryly.
Nixon strolled toward me out of brightness and I lowered my hand and concentrated on my boot.
“I’m here to pay Shadow’s lodging fee actually ,” Nixon replied with a twist to his lips; copying my tone. His eyes narrowed as he came to stop by the stable where I’d been trying hats on. “You don’t look very pleased to see me.”
I barked out a laugh, “Maybe I’m not. After the way you treated me at the pub, could you blame me?”
“Possibly not.” His reply shocked me.
“Sorry?” I said open-mouthed, my brow creased in confusion.
“I’m saying I wouldn’t blame you if you’re not pleased to see me. I was a dick the other night.”
“You’re actually apologising?” Disbelief highlighted my words.
“Nope. I’m just owning up to my behaviour. I don’t apologise to anyone.”
He was such an overconfident arse and so temperamental, but I longed for some tenderness from him. Like he’d given me that day by the pool, well, both days; the one where we shared that kiss and the one when he’d almost drowned me. He’d been so concerned and gentle with me then. Would it kill him to show me that side more often and keep the monster at bay?
“So, you accept that you were a dick to me but you’re not sorry about it?”
“No. I’ve already told you what I’m like. But you want me anyway,” he purred with a wicked twist to his lips.
My eyes roamed over his perfect face. He was such a handsome man and so sexy. He had probably been charming women from his cot. He left me breathless; it was hard to stay mad at him when he pulled out the charm card. I was almost foaming at the mouth.
As if recognising my blatant appraisal, one winged eyebrow arched in question.
“Oh, please baby girl, you’ll make me blush,” he goaded as he noticed how I was looking at him. He was such a cocky sod.
I eyed the twist to his lips and snapped myself out of my lustful trance. I needed to play it cool and make him work for it for a change. Slavering all over him would hardly do that.
I drew my strength from the way he’d blanked me at the pub. Well, that and him trotting Scarlet under my nose.
“Go away Nixon,” I said, managing to sound bored.
I carried on pulling my riding boot on. Nixon leaned his shoulder against the wall beside us and folded his muscular arms. His tattoos glimmered in the sun.
He didn’t leave it long before he started to big himself up again, “So, you’re taking my advice,” he began with a flick of his head toward my now waiting horse. Simon had brought out a pretty, skewbald pony and had tied her reins to a post before heading over to his other customer who was now struggling with her stirrup .
I finished fiddling with my boot and stood up, facing him, “Not really. I’ve decided to take lessons and it has nothing to do with you.” I impressed myself for managing to deliver such a blunt reply.
Nixon quirked his head and shot me a whimsical stare, “So I’m no longer your inspiration?”
I sniffed, “You’re my nothing , Nixon. You said so yourself.”
His head fell back as he looked up at the sky, “So, we're going to play that game, are we?”
I scrunched my nose up, “What game is that?” I replied, feigning my confusion.
He dragged his gaze back with a knowing look, “The treat-them-mean-keep-them-keen approach.”
Shooting him a syrupy smile, I exclaimed confidently, “Those are your tactics Nixon, not mine.”
“You’re half right. I don’t treat you mean to keep you keen though. Just the opposite. It’s to warn you to stay away from me. If you carry on attempting to scrape beneath the surface, I can promise you. You won’t like what you find underneath.”
“Shouldn’t that be my decision to make though?” I shot back.
“I don’t think you’re in the right headspace to make any decisions about me. You’re too obsessed with girlish dreams of the past and happy-ever-afters.”
“With the reality being that you are now nothing more than an evil prick with an oversized ego?”
His expression switched from bland to shocked in a split second. I had surprised him.
He smiled, a genuine, full one, “You got it.”
I shook my head, “That’s not what you are at all Nixon.”
His eyes narrowed, “No. And what am I, Jenna?” That tone of his had darkened again .
“A coward.” There, I had said it.
Nixon’s intense eyes roamed over my face, missing nothing. I so hope he didn’t see that I was holding my breath, “Wow, it suits you.”
Clearing my throat, I questioned, “What does?”
Nixon exhaled noisily, “This new backbone of yours.”
I looked away from the cynical curve of his mouth, “My new backbone being my decision to not allow you to walk all over me you mean?”
His expression glittered dangerously beneath the veil of those thick lashes, “Yes, I like it. But I won’t tolerate it for long. My patience will only stretch so far, Jenna.” His tone became much firmer at the end and excitement whizzed through me. I was enjoying this exchange, it was refreshing. I would bow and scrape to this man no more. In fact, I would bow and scrape to no one anymore. Well, except my family. One thing at a time and all that.
I replied unhurriedly, “Oh really, and what happens when your patience snaps.”
He tilted an eyebrow, it reinforced that arrogant assured expression he now wore as he informed me, “I get physical.”
I decided to ignore his provocation, “You’ve threatened that before. You don’t scare me, Nixon. I know you’re not that kind of man.”
He pushed off the wall and took a lazy step toward me, “You know nothing about the kind of man I am sunshine. If you did, you’d run a fucking mile. I have the devil in me at times,” Nixon stated with a flick of his head. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, it was so dark and looked so soft.
“And that’s why you could do with a friend,” I pointed out.
Those beautiful eyes of his narrowed, “You’re so fucking na?ve, with your offer of friendship. You have no experience of men and no idea about what I want or what I need.”
“Well, why don’t you enlighten me then,” I returned with a tilt of my chin .
Nixon’s eyes roamed suggestively over my body, lingering on my breasts, “You really want me to tell you all the depraved things I want to do to you? How I’d like to use that tight little body so thoroughly, purely to satisfy my own selfish needs.”
The silence sizzled with a definite daring undertone. It was on the tip of my tongue to say that I could take anything he dished out, but I thought better as that wasn’t the truth. Part of me was afraid of this man, he was just so unpredictable.
His mouth curved into a wolfish smile, “The things I could do to you. It makes me hard just thinking about it,” he growled darkly, his expression lustful and wicked. I knew he was trying to shock me.
Driven to the edge of my tolerance, I went for the jugular, “I refuse to have this same conversation. Why don’t you grow a backbone and talk to me? And I mean talk , properly, like normal people do. There is more to me than how I look, I do have some substance and other stuff to offer.”
I waited for his answer for a long breathless moment, knowing that we could be interrupted by Simon at any point. I glanced over at the training ring. Luckily, he was in the process of helping the girl dismount.
“I get that you have demons. Why don’t you share them? I’m a good listener.”
As I turned back my eyes clashed with Nixon’s, “I imagine you are Jenna, but I am not the type of man to offload my shit onto others, just like that.”
That was absolute rubbish, he just did that in a different way, “But you’re doing that anyway. Using me as a punching bag to feel better. That’s still offloading, Nixon.” I pointed out.
He ejected a breath, his lungs rising and falling in quick succession, “For fucks sake, I’m trying to protect you.”
I savoured his words. He was probably telling the truth and attempting to save me from a man who was cold, hard, and cynical. “What if I said I don’t want or need your protection? ”
Nixon rubbed his eyes and then dragged a hand through his hair. Frustration radiated from him. He said something under his breath that I didn’t catch.
“I’d say you were lying,” he shot back blandly.
“Well, you’re wrong. I don’t want or need protecting, especially from you.”
He took absolutely no notice of me and sneered, “Really? So, you think you’re ready to know the real me and hear the shit from my past? Find out what I’ve become?”
“Yes.” Our exchange was rapid. I didn’t want to give him a chance to backpedal now it felt like I was getting somewhere.
He released a sigh of frustration, almost like a growl. His eyes then bored into mine, “When the lid of that box opens, it’s not going back on. You do understand that?” His anger was now ruthlessly contained.
Taking a step forward, I craned my neck to keep eye contact. I didn’t even glance away. Had I won?
“I don’t care,” I said truthfully.
“ Do you understand , Jenna?” he repeated his question slowly, needing to hear me verify that I knew what I was letting myself in for.
And without further ado, I replied, “Yes. I understand.”
“And when you find out why we have no future, you’ll stay the fuck away from me?”
“If that becomes the case, yes. Although I doubt what you tell me can be that bad,” I blurted.
The twinge of sadness that crossed his face was palpable and I wanted to pull him into my arms.
“We’ll see.”
“I guess we will,” I confirmed, standing firm.
He nodded his head thoughtfully before glancing behind my shoulder, “Fine. Then I’ll pick you up outside your drive in the morning at seven sharp. If you’re late, I leave without you and we’re done for good. ”
“OK,” I blurted, semi-shocked.
He pushed his hand into his pocket and withdrew his wallet, “Text me tonight if you change your mind, because once we set off on that journey, I won’t be turning back.” His warning was clear and I felt a punch of victory hit me in the stomach.
“Good. I won’t change my mind. But could I at least ask where we’re going?” I questioned with wide eyes.
“I’m taking you into my past Jenna, like you wanted. We’re going to Marham, to the base.”
“I’ll meet you at the office Nix,” Simon suddenly shouted from behind me and I saw Nixon nod.
“OK. See you at seven,” I put in quickly to reaffirm that we had now made plans and he couldn’t back out of them.
Nixon watched me silently for another couple of seconds, his face now an impenetrable mask, “Enjoy your ride,” he said before twisting away and moving past me.
I turned and watched him walk to the office, those long legs striding with purpose, the way his denim-encased backside moved. Had I just made a deal with the devil?
*****
As you can imagine, I didn’t sleep a wink that night. My lesson with Simon had gone well. He was a good teacher and he had put me at ease instantly. I had thought Nixon would stick around and watch me for a while but he didn’t. He and his brothers had a farm to run at the end of the day, so it shouldn’t have surprised me. I wondered why he had to go back to the base. Hadn’t he quit? Maybe he’d left some stuff there. Thoughts of the unknown circled my head .
After showering, I put on clean underwear; a matching white lace set and pulled on a pale blue strappy floral summer dress. It was fitted at the top and pulled in at the waist by a matching belt and it then flowed to the top of my knees. I always felt extremely girly when wearing it. Amy said it showcased my best assets, whatever that meant. I pushed my feet into slightly heeled leather sandals and packed a few essentials into a pale blue canvas bag. I had applied a little bit more make-up than usual, but hadn’t gone mad and I left my hair loose. As I eyed myself in the mirror, I felt confident that I looked nice. Hopefully, Nixon would think so too.
I had awoken to one of his texts. Second thoughts?
Not a chance. I had messaged back.
I had fully charged my phone as I imagined I’d be out most of the day. Marham wasn’t that far away but if Nixon had stuff to sort, it may not be an in-and-out type of deal. I wrote Amy and Mattie another note, saying I was going out with Charles for the day. A white lie in my opinion, if they knew the truth, they’d be hurt. Fraternising with the enemy and all that.
Nixon was waiting for me in his pick-up truck as I exited the house and walked down our long driveway. He didn’t see me straight away as he was texting on his phone. As I got closer, he must have sensed my presence as he lowered it and looked at me through the passenger side window which was open.
Our eyes met and I smiled as I got to the door.
“Good morning,” I began cheerfully and he returned my smile which was nice.
“Morning beautiful. Climb in,” he instructed with a flick of his head.
The compliment boosted my confidence and any last-minute nerves evaporated as I pulled open the door and slid into my seat.
Nixon looked amazing . He was wearing a black T-shirt and had army camo combat trousers on. His powerful thighs looked mouth-watering in them. They were stuffed into black boots. His strong hands were on the wheel of the car and he gripped it tightly. I clipped on my belt and Nixon jammed the vehicle into gear.
The journey on the way to Marham was nice and the conversation flowed well between us. There were no awkward silences. We spoke mostly about our families. Nixon explained that his dad had dementia and that it was getting worse. He said Mason, Boyd and Seth had managed to get the farm back on its feet, but that he was now needed full-time, hence his reason to leave the army. Nixon did mention that he hadn’t officially left his post yet and had been signed off for health reasons. I didn’t pry as I imagined it may have been ‘mental’ health reasons. He said once he returned that he’d have to work out a notice period so he didn’t lose any of the pension he had accrued. I smiled at that. Did he really need it? The McKenna family were not as wealthy as mine, but they had money. Lots of it.
I smoothed my hands down the skirt of my dress and looked out of the window as Nixon drove in through the main gates into the base. There was a barrier in front of us with a man in uniform standing outside of a hut. Probably security. Nixon pulled the car alongside and put the window down saying, “Let me do the talking.”
The uniformed soldier approached the window and bent down, placing one hand on the roof of the car as he peered inside.
“Nixon McKenna, fuck me man. I thought you’d been signed off,” he said in a deep voice. He looked to be around my age and was tall and wiry with cropped brown hair.
“I am. I just need to collect some things,” Nixon replied leaning across the gear stick. I just sat still with a smile on my face.
“I see. You do know the Major will tear you a new one if he finds out you brought a girl here.”
Nixon nodded, “I can count on you to keep it to yourself I take it? ”
The soldier’s eyes roamed over me and my cheeks heated, “Abso-fucking-lutely. I’ll be telling that cock fuck all. Pardon my language darling,” he said with a grin. My smile widened. He placed his fist through the window and into the car in front of me and Nixon bumped it with his own. Men did weird things when they said hello.
“Laters, McKenna. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” The barrier then lifted and off we went.
The base was huge and had loads of open space. There was a runway for planes and several large green metal outbuildings. Nixon explained that most of them contained machinery and military vehicles. He pointed out areas that were restricted and drove us towards the sleeping quarters.
There were several bunkers all close to each other and set out in a line. Nixon’s room was in bunker C.
He parked the vehicle and we both climbed out.
I straightened my dress as Nixon walked around the front of the car to join me.
“You ready?”
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to seeing where you stay,” I said.
He took my hand in his and my heart did a dance of pleasure as he pulled me by his side and we started walking, connected.
“Don’t get too excited,” he replied.
It was quiet as we approached a large concrete building and I attempted to take in as much as I could. The door into the block was large and already open. I could hear music and the sound of a TV coming down the corridor as we walked into a lobby area. A large corkboard with various documents pinned there was on the wall and there was a table with a clipboard on it. Nixon released my hand and walked over to it. I stood patiently as he signed his name.
He then took my hand again and led me further into the building. We walked down a long corridor that had doors on either side. It smelled of cleaning products .
Nixon said that most of the doors were either lodgings or storage rooms and he pointed to the end of the block explaining where the communal rooms were.
He was light on his feet and I felt a thrum of excitement. We walked past all the doors and headed for the large room at the end, Nixon said the kitchen was also in the communal room. The noise I’d heard when we entered got louder and I realised that there were people in the building and of course, there would be.
Nixon pointed to a door as we passed, “That’s my room, we’ll go there in a minute. Let’s see if any of the guys are here first.”
We walked into the communal area which was basically a large room with sofas at one end, a pool table and dartboard. The open plan kitchen Nixon mentioned was at the opposite end and there were men in there. Two were playing pool, another guy sat on his phone and one was in the kitchen with a pint of water in his hand. Their mouths literally dropped open as they saw me. One of the men who was playing pool aborted the shot he was about to take and lowered his pool cue. His eyes roamed over me like I was his next meal.
“Fuck me bruv, you brought us some entertainment,” he said discarding the pool cue and striding toward us with a huge meaty grin, all thoughts of the game gone. The man was insanely good-looking, tanned, tall and well-built with jet-black hair and grey eyes. They stood out against the olive tone of his skin. I would have placed him in his early twenties maybe. Younger than Nixon’s twenty-seven anyway.
“You wish dickhead,” Nixon said with a smile as he released me and they gave each other a huge man hug, slapping each other’s back with their hands. The other guys dropped what they were doing and all came forward. Everyone either fist-bumped or man-hugged, the banter was great to see. Nixon looked in his element and they were all so obviously pleased to see him. Hopping from one foot to the other, fake punching and nudging. Usual boy behaviour I would have thought .
They were all dressed casually in jogging bottoms and T-shirts but one guy had shorts on, his massive legs bulging. All the men were toned and well-built but I suppose it was the army. None were as big as Nixon, I felt like a tiny mouse in their presence but not overly uncomfortable. I appeared to be managing my shyness better.
After they had all greeted each other, the guy with the grey eyes gave me his attention.
“Sorry about our brother here, he was born a rude and obnoxious bastard,” he said with a roll of his eyes toward Nixon, who had been in the process of speaking to the one in the shorts.
“Fuck off, you taught me everything I know,” Nixon batted back, moving away from who he had been talking to. He approached us both and I looked back and forth between them.
“Savage, Jaxon Savage,” the stranger said, introducing himself.
“Ignore this dickhead, Jenna, thinks he’s fucking James Bond,” Nixon barked, his tone full of humour.
“And you’re Jenna,” the man named Jaxon said, ignoring his buddy. He said my name like I was a celebrity or something.
Everyone was now in a huddle around Nixon and me and I was the centre of attention. Proper introductions were then made.
“Yes, this is Jenna. Jenna, these are the pricks I work with. Jaxon Savage, Michael Smith, Frazer Clark, and this guy with the legs out is Adam Matthews.”
They all said hi all over each other and were looking at me like they’d never seen a female before. I felt a stir of nerves but good ones. I was with Nixon, he made me feel safe.
Jaxon crossed his large arms over his chest as his eyes roamed over my face, “So, you weren’t bullshitting us Nix, she really is the whole package,” he drawled in a deep smoky voice. I could see the twinkle in his eye. Here was a guy who was used to winding people up and probably got off on it. Maybe not a good idea to prod the beast that was Nixon. A thrill ran up my spine by what Jaxon had revealed, as his words meant that Nixon talked about me. The thought lit me up and I turned to Nixon with a huge told you so smile.
“Alright alright, let’s not get too giddy,” he whispered down at me before turning back to Jaxon. “And you’ll keep your mouth shut dickhead.”
Nixon then pulled a key out from his combats and handed it to me, “Let yourself in, I’ll just have a minute or two with these losers and then I’ll join you. Room nine.” He pushed the key into my hand and I felt my cheeks heat as the boys all omitted a long, sexy woo. I wasn’t stupid. They thought Nixon had brought me there for sex. Wait? He hadn’t, had he? I batted the thought off.
I took the key saying, “Good to meet you all,” and turned to walk from the room, feeling all their eyes drilling into my back.
“Fuck me, she’s sweet bro,” one of the other soldiers said as I left the room. Part of me wanted to lurk by the door to hear if they said anything else.
Then my earlier thought came back to me, what if Nixon had only brought me there for sex? I pushed the thought aside. He wouldn’t do that, would he?
I walked down the corridor, my heels clicking against the wooden flooring and found room nine. Pushing the key into the door, I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
The first thought that came to me was neat . The place was spotless . It was a small, basic room with a door leading to what I’d imagine would be a bathroom. There was a single bed under the window, an office-type table which had books neatly stacked on top and a chair was pushed under it. There was also a wardrobe and some boxes. And that was it. No posters or pictures on the wall. There was a rug covering the flooring and I noticed a large container with a lid on was slotted behind the door. I walked further into the room and sat on the neatly made bed, emotions now rioting in my head. I was in Nixon’s room, where he slept and sitting on his bed. Giddiness made my legs feel weak .
After a few more minutes, Nixon entered the room and closed the door with a click, the sound making me jump.
“You don’t have to be nervous Jenna. Irrespective of how those hormonal imbeciles reacted, I’m not about to pounce on you,” Nixon said as he walked toward where I was sitting. He then pulled out the chair, turned it around with one strong hand and straddled it backwards.
“I’m not nervous, not really. I do trust you.”
“Ignore the frustrated twats out there. They probably haven’t had sex for a few days.”
“Only days, wow. How do they survive?” I said sarcastically, “Will they think we’re in here having sex,” I blurted before I could stop myself.
“Let them think what they want, who cares.” He was right of course and at the end of the day, I didn’t know them. They weren’t my friends or anything.
I dropped my bag onto the floor and gave Nixon my full attention as he sat there dwarfing the chair with his huge body. He rested his arms along the backrest.
“So, what do you think of my room?” Nixon began with a grin, his eyes creasing as he did a sweep around the space with one hand before dropping it to his thigh.
“It’s nice. I like it,” I replied.
“Bullshit,” he said with an amused snort, “I imagine it’s not what you’re used to.”
His comment needled me. Did he think me a snob?
“Well, this is the first army base I have visited and so I guess not. It’s fine though. Clean and tidy.”
“It has to look like this all the time. They run on-the-spot inspections and if anything is out of place, you get sanctioned.”
“What type of sanction? ”
“It differs each time. Depends on which jumped-up prick of a staff sergeant you get. Confinement, hard labour, fines. That sort of thing.”
“Have you ever been sanctioned?”
Nixon’s smile became wider and he gave me a sexy, knowing wink, “Many times.”
I smiled back and then pushed myself to my feet, feeling the need to wander. I saw a corkboard on the back of the door. It had several pictures on there and I went to study them.
As my eyes roamed over the images. There was one of Nixon, overseas standing in a group shot with other soldiers. They were all dressed in their uniforms and were holding guns. It was exhilarating to look at. I almost felt like I was looking at the cover of a DVD war movie.
I heard the chair creak as Nixon moved and then felt him at my back. He spoke to me over my shoulder but I didn’t turn around.
“Where is that taken?” I questioned, pointing toward the group shot.
“Afghanistan,” Nixon said dryly. His voice was now devoid of emotion.
“But I thought we weren’t at war with them now.”
“We’re not. That was taken during a peacekeeping exercise, to keep an eye on terrorist organisations. Ones that are operating under the radar, that are not part of the country's military.”
I could feel the strength and heat coming from his body against my back and without realising it, I leaned back against him. His hands came around my waist and he rested his head on one of my shoulders. There was just such a natural awareness between us, even though he’d tried to deny its existence. Our bodies just automatically responded to each other.
“I don’t see any of the men I just met on there,” I said, my eyes scanning the picture. I was enjoying the feel of Nixon’s arms wrapped just under my breasts .
“Jax and the guys belong to a different squad. They didn’t go on that tour. Probably a good thing.” Nixon’s voice had dipped and I noted a trace of sadness there.
“Why?”
“Because most of the men in that picture are dead.”
And BOOM! Adrenaline shot through my chest like I’d been injected with the largest needle.
I twisted toward him, my breasts flattening against his chest. Nixon shifted his hands to hold my hips. My heart almost slammed to a halt in my chest.
“Nixon, oh my God, I’m so sorry.” I raised my arms to clutch at his biceps, suddenly feeling his pain. He was tense and his face was clouded as our eyes met.
“Don’t be. You weren’t to know.”
“That’s horrible . Thank goodness you weren’t hurt.”
“Oh, I was hurt, just not on that particular mission.”
“What happened, do you want to talk about it?”
Nixon’s arms dropped to his sides and he took a step back, glancing over my shoulder at the picture.
“The base we were staying in was hit by a cluster grenade, most of the guys died in their sleep. I was on duty at the time.”
I couldn’t stop myself and I raised a hand and placed it against his cheek, looking into his eyes. I felt so sorry for him and could feel his pain and I knew at that second that I wanted to take it away.
Nixon moved one hand from my hip, placing his fingers over the back of my hand, holding it there for a moment before he pulled my hand down. His eyes searched my face and his features softened. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he looked at me and I knew at that point that I’d do whatever I could to ease his suffering. To eradicate his mind of painful thoughts of tragic events that could not be changed .
Our bodies were so close, his maleness enveloping me in the small space by the door of his room.
Our eyes were locked and a look of understanding fell between us. I couldn’t say who moved first but our bodies crashed together and Nixon took my mouth in a fierce kiss.
Lust crashed into me as he ground his mouth down over my lips, his tongue driving inside. Nixon’s hands slid up into my hair and angled my head so he could deepen the kiss.
I only realised he’d been walking me backwards when I felt the door against my bottom and shoulders.
A charge of pure energy pulsated between our bodies.
I could feel one of Nixon’s hands sliding up my dress but I didn’t try and stop him, it felt so right. His fingers skittered up my thigh and he cupped the mound between my legs. It felt amazing and I pushed myself into his hand. The only barrier between our skin was the soft lace of my underwear.
I moaned against his mouth as he caressed me there. It was the first time anyone had touched me so intimately.
Nixon then moved his hand away and lifted his head, looking down into my eyes. My lips were swollen from his kisses and I was panting. I wanted him so much.
“Are you sure you want this, Jenna?”
“Yes,” I panted.
I inhaled as Nixon leaned down and took the hem of my dress with both hands, my arms automatically lifting as he pulled my dress up over my head. He then placed it to one side, leaving me in just my underwear.
He then stepped back and looked down at me, his heavy-lidded gaze travelling over my body. It was like he could touch me with one look.
“You do understand what’s about to happen Jenna?”
“Yes,” I whispered, my limbs swamped with desire .
“This is the time to stop if you’re not sure. I didn’t purposefully bring you here for this. You do believe that don’t you?”
“Yes and no, I’m sure.”
“So, you do want this, you want me. This isn’t a pity fuck,” Nixon said sharply.
“ No . I want this. I don’t care about romance and flowers anymore. This is what I want.” The impulse from my body was much too strong, and I gave myself up to the darkness. Desire thudded through my bloodstream as I inhaled his perfect, masculine scent. It spoke to every part of me.
He didn’t need any more convincing as he lowered himself to his knees before me. I gasped as he peeled my knickers down my legs and I stepped out of them.
His face was level with my stomach and he ran his fingers across the softness there, “So fucking perfect.”
Nixon then kissed my tummy just above the thatch of blonde curls between my legs, causing me to catch my breath. Pushing to his feet, he then kissed me again before removing my bra.
I was naked and Nixon’s gaze slowly travelled over my entire body, missing nothing, “This is what you looked like in my dreams,” he husked as he lifted his T-shirt off over his head, revealing his perfect naked chest to me. That chest I had seen by the pool but even broader, his muscles even more defined. I stepped forward and ran my hands over his chiselled abdomen and then up to his pecs.
I heard the swift intake of breath as my hands touched his skin. A devilish smile then appeared.
“My turn.”
Nixon took my wrists, placing my arms by my sides and then ran both his hands up to my breasts, which he then cupped in his hands. A jet of heat went through my body and I became damp between my legs as he fondled me there, running his thumbs over my nipples .
“Yes,” I panted, throwing my head back, and exposing my throat. A delicious feeling was pulsating between my legs and I felt a sudden sharp burst of intense pleasure as I came apart. Nixon had given me my first orgasm and he wasn’t even inside me yet.
I panted, trying to get my breath, that sudden burst of heat had surprised me it was so fast. I probably should have been embarrassed that I had responded to him so quickly but I wasn’t. It had felt so good and my body was still throbbing.
“Oh my, that was amazing.”
“We’re just getting started Little Mermaid,” he whispered against the cuff of my ear.
Nixon was almost holding me up as I softly came down from that sensual explosion that he had created with his hands. My breath was coming in short bursts and it hitched when he placed his hand between my thighs and ran his fingers through the folds there.
“You’re more than ready for me,” he whispered against my neck before lifting me up into his arms and carrying me over to the bed.
He placed me down on the hard mattress so gently, his eyes once again drinking in my body. I watched him through a sexual haze as he started to unbutton his combat trousers.
He yanked them down his legs impatiently and then stood before me in all his manly glory. His body was amazing . And he was hard everywhere .
I pushed myself slightly up on my elbows as I cast my eyes to that area between his legs. He was huge, his erection hard and standing up against the flatness of his belly. My breath caught in my throat as my eyes fell upon the angry, jiggered-looking scar which ran across the top of Nixon’s thigh and into his groin area. It must have been around six inches long!
“Does it disgust you?” he questioned in a throaty voice.
“The scar?” I said frowning.
“Yes. ”
“No. It adds to the rugged beauty of your body,” I answered honestly, glancing up at him through my lashes.
“How—,” I was about to ask the obvious question, but he cut me off.
“Later.”
I let my gaze travel down his body again to that section between his legs, ignoring the scar and looking at something much more interesting. I moved an uncertain hand to touch him there, but his fingers wrapped around my wrist stopping me.
He smiled kindly down at me, obviously not wanting me to feel rejected and shook his head.
“No, otherwise this will be over in seconds. I’m already fucking close and I need to be inside you right now. You make me feel like a randy teenager.”
Nixon moved to the small bedside table, opened a drawer, and removed a foil packet. I watched as he bit into the wrapper and removed a condom before rolling it on himself, his eyes never leaving my face.
This was it I was about to have sex for the first time and I was happy it was with Nixon. I didn’t care that this was probably not going to develop into anything else. If this was all he could give me, I’d take it.
Nixon joined me on the bed. It was only a single, and so there wasn’t much space. I shuffled further to one side and he slid a large muscled leg over mine and then the rest of his body. Nixon placed one arm on either side of me to take the weight of his frame and I felt his hardness against the top of my thigh, it was warm, the sheathed tip caressing my skin.
Nixon was fully over my body now and I felt a twinge of nerves kick in. He was so big and I so small, would he even fit?
“You don’t have to be scared. I’ll be as gentle as I can, but it will hurt. Just don’t make any sudden moves and above all else, relax. Don’t tense up. I’m going to make this good for you Little Mermaid. ”
He kissed me then and used his knees to gently nudge my legs apart, his shaft then came against my sex.
Bracing himself on one muscled arm, he then moved the other one and used it to manoeuvre himself into me. I felt the head of his penis pushing slowing inside me and opened my legs further, savouring how it felt. His other arm then came to hold his weight so he didn’t crush me.
My eyes were wide open, questioning as they fell on his face. Nixon was concentrating and his eyes slid shut for a moment as if he was struggling to hold himself back.
He then leaned down and kissed me and our eyes tangled, his gaze blazing with desire. I nodded to say I was ready and Nixon drove into me in one sure thrust.
It hurt and I couldn’t stop the yelp that shot from my mouth at that feeling. Nixon remained still, his breathing laboured, his eyes closed briefly before he looked down at me. I could feel the muscles between my legs stretching to accommodate his size.
“Are you OK?” Nixon panted, still totally still to allow my body to become used to him.
It took a minute or two for the pain to subside and I nodded, my face flushed. He then started to move.
Nixon began to slide his body in smooth, gentle strokes and each time that feeling inside me became more intense.
“You’re so fucking sweet,” Nixon whispered in my hair as he pushed deeper. I wrapped my legs around his waist, thoroughly lost in the glory being created by the rhythm he had set.
My body was quivering uncontrollably as that excited frenzy inside me got stronger and stronger until I felt I was going to burst. I was so attuned to the motion of his body and I moved with him on a tide of flooding awareness .
That exquisite pleasure was almost torturous and I longed for a sense of release. I didn’t have long to wait as Nixon pushed me over the edge and I reached my second orgasm, which was so much deeper and harder than the first.
The climax when it came was immense and I cried out, my hands clutching his backside as his thrusts became harder, faster.
My breath left my body in ragged pants and I rode that feeling of pleasure as I slowly came back down.
Nixon growled and drove into me one last time and then stopped, his entire body shaking as he reached his own height of pleasure. The fierce heat of his powerful body caused me to shudder.
He then almost collapsed on top of me but managed to withdraw and move to the side. I turned away, needing a minute to compose myself but not allowing me to escape, Nixon tugged me so my back was against his chest and he spooned me.
He kept his arms around me as we both regulated our breathing. It was hot in the room and you could smell sex in the air.
“Is it always like that?” I whispered.
I could feel his breath against the back of my neck, “No Jenna. It isn’t always like that. That was incredible,” Nixon said in a quiet husky voice.
“It was. I never thought it would be like that.”
Nixon kissed my shoulder, “Did I hurt you?”
I smiled, loving the concern in his voice, “A bit, but not for long.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, planting more small kisses on my skin.
“I enjoyed it,” I replied and turned my body to face him. The bed was small but we fit like a jigsaw puzzle.
Nixon leaned forward and kissed my nose, “So did I,” he murmured with a suggestive smile. He then turned away and disposed of the condom in the waste bin bed beside the bed before twisting back .
As he shifted back into position, he pulled a thin white sheet which had been neatly folded at the bottom of the bed over our bodies. It felt cool against the warmth of my skin. I turned in his arms to face him.
Glancing down between us, I remembered the nasty scar. Scarlett has said Nixon was scarred physically and emotionally. That must have been what she meant.
I wondered whether the time was right to broach such a subject but Nixon did say he’d tell me everything about his past, his darkness, “So how did it happen, your injury?”
Nixon propped himself up on one elbow and looked at me, hidden depths in his eyes, his expression quite serene at that point. I felt a pang of sympathy.
A silence stretched between us as he processed his thoughts. He then rolled onto his back and placed his hands behind his head. The muscles of his biceps bulged, those tattoos making him extra sexy to me. I even liked the thick hair under his arms, everything about him was so masculine.
I curled my body into his side, I totally didn’t care that I was still naked. I put my hand on his chest and traced some hair there with my fingertips beneath the sheet.
Nixon was looking straight forward at the ceiling, “This is the part where I show you who I really am and what I’m capable of,” he began, his voice husky and slightly uneven. “Are you sure you're ready?”
He turned his head slightly, his eyes meeting mine.
I nodded, “Yes. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”
He grimaced, “Are you sure about that?”
I flattened my palm against his heart, feeling it beating against my hand, “Yes. And it’s in the past, isn’t it ?”
His eyes shifted back to the ceiling, “Not for me. I relive it most nights,” Nixon confessed in a low voice .
From the look on his face, he was reliving it right then, “You can get help for stuff like that you know, counselling.”
He released a slow elongated sigh, “It doesn’t work. I can’t take it back; I can’t ever take it back.”
This wasn’t good. An icy finger of fear stroked down the back of my neck.
“All problems are fixable Nixon,” I told him in a firm, clear voice. I needed to encourage him to let it all out and get the weight of whatever it was off his chest. I needed to tread carefully though and not over-play my hand, otherwise, he’d probably clam up.
He glanced at me with a fierce light in his eyes and that sent a jolt of anxiety through me.
Nixon removed his hands from beneath his head and turn on his side to look at me, “Taking a life isn’t fixable Jenna.” His tone had become sharper and I swallowed as my heart started to thump against my chest. A million thoughts rattled around my brain at what I was about to hear.
Grinding my teeth, I asked, “What do you mean?” My voice was a croak. I could sense the darkness that had been just below the surface rising.
There was no mistaking the chill in his tone; Nixon’s face was now an impenetrable mask.
“Exactly what I said, Jenna. I killed a man.”