Chapter 40
40
PIA
Walking into the Big Easy, I didn’t see Maggie anywhere. Since we’d decided not to include a kitchen upgrade in phase one of the renovations, now that we were over budget, getting local restaurants to partner with for events into the following year had become a priority. I could work with caterers easily enough, but I wanted partners. If we were going to put Cedar Falls on the map in a big way, make it stand out among the many cute towns dotting each of the Finger Lakes, doing it as a community just made sense.
“Hi, can I help you?” a woman from behind the hostess stand asked.
“Yes, I have a dinner reservation. But I also wondered if Maggie was around?”
“Sorry, she’s off tonight.”
“I didn’t realize she took days off,” I said just as Delaney joined me.
“She doesn’t usually but her son and his wife are in town for the weekend.”
“Oh, nice.” I’d seen the pretty, long-blonde-haired waitress before but didn’t know her name. For all intents and purposes, even though Heritage Hill wasn’t technically mine, I was a business owner. Getting to know everyone and anyone in this town was high on my priority list. I stuck out my hand. “Pia Russo. I manage Heritage Hill.”
“Gaia Love,” she said, pushing up the dark-framed glasses that made her look like a sexy librarian.
“That’s a cool necklace,” I said, gesturing to the multi-colored beaded one around her neck.
“Thanks. A local woman made it. She has her stuff in a few shops around town.”
I was about to ask which shops when a large group came in behind us. Not wanting to hold them up, I let Gaia show us to our table instead.
“I always wonder how Maggie manages to pack this place every weekend outside of tourist season,” Delaney said as we sat.
“Technically, it’s still in-season until the leaves completely drop,” I said, thanking the waiter for the menus.
“Right, but still. There are probably as many people here as the population of Cedar Falls.”
Though it was a serious exaggeration, I got what she was saying. “Well,” I said, not sure if Delaney really wanted the answer or not, but I’d give my best guess, “she’s established a strong local word of mouth. She’s got too much overhead to rely on tourists alone.”
“Hmm.” Delaney looked over the menu she likely knew by heart. “Still. I mean, the food is amazing…”
“Good food. Live music. A warm, inviting atmosphere. And unique enough to stand out. Plus being here. I have a feeling tonight is rare, that Maggie lives and breathes this place. That’s one thing my parents always told me about the restaurant business, or any hospitality business really. It’s either all in or don’t bother. No one will take care of your place like you.”
“Luckily for Mason, he found an exception to that rule.”
Mason.
I hadn’t heard from him in three days. It was a longer stretch than most, but I supposed his job kept him pretty busy. If I needed to, I could reach out. Which was something I wanted to talk to Delaney about.
Waiting until after we’d ordered, I dove in.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I said, blurting out what had been on my mind for days. Weeks, actually, if I were being honest.
“I’m not catching what you’re throwing.”
“Mason.”
“Oh.”
All of my piled-up thoughts came tumbling out. “I came here to put Heritage Hill on the map, in no small part thanks to my dickhead ex-boss who made me question myself, something I swore never to do again. It’s great things are coming together, better than I could have hoped for, on that front. But it’s like one step forward and two steps back. I wanted so hard to be like water. To go with the flow. But those are just words that I can’t make real, in my actual life. You know?”
Delaney looked thankful when our drinks came. She shook her head, taking a sip. “I’m not 100 percent sure I do.”
“I can’t do it. Be casual like that with someone I care about so deeply. It’s driving me nuts, replaying every one of our conversations over and over. Making me question myself, again. How do you let someone go that you love, even if you know it’s the best thing for your own well-being?”
“I’m actually not sure,” she said. “If I knew the answer to that, I’d probably be single.”
I sat up straight, realizing she was right. “Damn, that’s pretty self-aware.”
“I never said I wasn’t self-aware, just a bad decision maker. So yeah, I do get it. And I agree it would be a brave thing to do for yourself. Provided you can actually pull the trigger.”
Could I do it? Could I tell Mason that this wasn’t working for me? Have nothing more than a professional relationship with him? What was the alternative? Wondering every day why he didn’t choose to stay? Why I wasn’t enough to make him change his mind about love?
“Love isn’t always enough,” I said.
“Sad, but true,” Delaney agreed.
I thought about what Emilio had said. “I guess I could try to talk to him. Tell him how I feel and see if there’s a way to work it out. I hate the idea of giving up on him so easily. But on the other hand…” I sighed. What else needed to be said? On the other hand, he left. And wasn’t coming back anytime soon.
“It just won’t work,” I said. “I’ve got to choose me.”
Delaney looked at me as if I were a superwoman. “I admire you,” she said.
“Don’t admire me yet. Deciding to do it is one thing. Actually saying the words is another.”
“What are you gonna tell him?” she asked as the sax player began his song. Fittingly, it was a slow, sad song that perfectly fit my mood.
“That I love him,” I said, having given it a lot of thought. “Which is why I’ve got to let him go.”
“Wowza. Are you sure about this?”
“Not at all. It’s not like I can cut him off completely or go full-on no contact. He’s still my boss. I should have listened to him in the first place when he said we weren’t a good idea.”
“Don’t do that,” Delaney said as our food came. She waited until our plates were placed and the waiter left before finishing. “Don’t go backwards. What’s done is done. No sense worrying about something you can’t change.”
“True. Forward, not backward.”
“To moving forward,” she said, holding her glass in the air. “And you are braver than me.”
“I’ll toast to the first, but not the second. You are plenty brave.”
We toasted, but I could see Delaney didn’t believe me. I got it, though. A few weeks ago, I wasn’t brave enough either to tell Mason how I really felt, and because of it, we were in this limbo, which just wasn’t working for me.
“So what’s the plan?” she asked as we ate.
It was a perfect night. New friends, good food, great music. A job I loved. While I missed my family, Cedar Falls felt more and more like home every day. But the heaviness in my chest at her question underscored all of it.
“I don’t want to do it over text. We video call every Friday night?—”
Her head snapped up. “Oh really?”
I tried not to smile thinking about the nature of those calls. We’d had our last one, Mason just didn’t know it yet.
“Really. So I’m thinking of telling him then. We don’t talk as much during the week anyway, so it shouldn’t be difficult to manage the status quo until then. It’s afterward I’m worried about.”
Delaney finished chewing her red beans and rice. “It’ll be okay. There’s bound to be tough times ahead, but like you told me the first time we met, ‘I eventually got over it. And you will too. I promise.’”
“Way to use my own words against me.”
She laughed. “Just imparting your own wisdom.”
“Thanks,” I said wryly. “Your turn. Catch me up.”
Delaney talked about the job she mostly hated and the boyfriend she suspected of cheating. I wanted to tell her to dump his ass, but who was I to give relationship advice? Instead I just tried to be a good friend by listening.
But as the night went on, all I could think was that we were one day closer to Friday. One day closer to me choosing myself. So why did it feel so damn crappy?