Chapter 20
As soon as I get off the phone with the security agency I’ve just hired, I reach out to open the door of the car rental, but my hand hovers over the handle. I’m caught in limbo between the past and the painful present.
My gaze inadvertently locks on Asher’s bike, parked next to Eden’s truck.
So, the entire band is probably inside. In what format, that is yet to be discovered.
I left this morning and haven’t returned all day.
I don’t want to know the truth.
It’s clear that Haze and Eden have hooked up. Callum and Asher also fucked her, and I have no idea where they are with that, but if I was to make a quick judgment call, Asher’s probably pining over her like a love-sick puppy.
With Callum, it”s a puzzle; he”s constructed this tough exterior. Over the years, I”ve observed him in the company of women. He”s never sought anything stable—just opting for uncomplicated one-nighters, and the birds he”s been with seem content to oblige to his non-commitment stance.
But Eden’s different. He wouldn’t dare start something with that kind of mindset. Firstly, she wouldn’t allow it, and secondly, his involvement with her was what partly propelled him into self-destruction mode. I can’t see him wanting to go back there.
I don’t even want to begin analyzing how I feel. I’ve spent most of today avoiding going to such thoughts. We’re all here to make music, but she’s always been the link. Our compositions were not merely sequences of notes but a dialogue, a conversation in the language of music that spoke volumes about the depth of our connection with her.
Each chord struck, each melody woven, carried the echoes of our shared experiences, the highs and lows of our love story translated into musical prose.
Shadow’s Solitudewas written after we became intimate with her. Everything about that song, down to the fucking beat, expressed the nuances of our relationship. We couldn’t go public about how we felt, so our music became a vessel for the unspoken, an avenue for us, and the public had no fucking clue about the true meaning behind those lyrics and sounds.
So now we find ourselves pushed back together again. I asked for this; it was my idea to get the band together.
But Velocity Vortex is supposed to be a clean slate.
Instead, we’re repeating history.
I open the vehicle door and step outside to the warm, dry air that instantly hits my face, dreading going inside and facing something I’m not yet ready to face.
Taking a deep breath, I walk over to the entrance of the house and open the front door. Immediately, the muffled sounds of laughter and conversation are heard from the kitchen and den. I step inside and shut the front entrance behind me.
I follow the voices down the hallway that leads me to everyone. Asher and Callum are seated on the sofa, but my attention is captivated by the sight of Haze”s arms possessively wrapped around Eden. The two figures, sharing an armchair, are intimately intertwined, creating a moment that draws my gaze. I linger there momentarily as a silent observer of a narrative that has moved on without me. The space between me and them seems to stretch infinitely, almost as if I’m the unwelcome void in this foursome group.
“Mate,” Ash, of course, senses my presence. Reluctantly, I join them, nod at the two lovers on the armchair and then at Callum.
The air feels thick with unresolved history, and a weight seems to press down on my shoulders as I grapple with the current reality of this new relationship dynamic.
I take a seat in the only free armchair opposite Eden and Haze. I see her body stiffen a little, and she makes an attempt to get off him, except he holds her firmly on his lap, which is an indication that she belongs right where she is.
“I spoke with the security agency today,” I start.
Keep it professional. You can’t control them. They are all adults.
“They’ve agreed to come out here tomorrow and evaluate what level of security we need.”
“The highest,” Haze says, his hand squeezing Eden’s thigh. “This needs to be as tight as Fort Knox.”
“I’ve also hired a bodyguard. For Eden,” I add, knowing how much she refused to have one in the past.
“I don’t need someone trailing me everywhere I go,” she says, her voice sounding a mix between nervousness and worry. “It’ll attract more attention than I need. Right now, I can walk into a store, and no one bats an eyelid. If I have a bodyguard, they’ll rake their brain to figure out which celebrity I am.”
“This is LA, and everyone has bodyguards.”
“I’m Eden Rivers, and this is LA, where I rose to fame fast and buried my career in a porn video. People love the drama. They’ll stare.”
“Princess, while you’re in LA, keep the bodyguard. Afterward, you won’t need one in the desert.” I’m glad Haze is with me on this.
She seems to succumb to the idea and doesn’t object further. I find that interesting; she usually picks a fight if she’s firmly against something. Maybe she realizes she needs protection around her. Even if ten years have passed, her life has been threatened, and she recognizes the severity of that incident.
I can’t stand the notion that someone tried to harm her like that, especially when she was our girl back then. But she’s not mine anymore, and as much as I’d like to put that despicable person into their grave, I’ll keep myself calm.
Because Eden doesn’t belong to me.
“Jagger, something came up this morning.”
The lads tell me about the stills from the illicit video circulating online, which causes my blood to boil. Yet, glancing at Eden, she sits there remarkably calm and poised.
Maybe she’s not mine anymore, but she’s part of this group.
“Eden,” her bright green eyes flicker their attention at me. “I say this with the utmost honesty. No one will force you to stay if you don”t feel comfortable. It’s just shit is happening, small stuff, and it only started when you returned.”
“I’m staying,” she says firmly. “Regarding the recent stills remaking an appearance online, I’m a grown woman now and can face my issues head-on. I was in a relationship with four boys, the same four with whom I just formed another band. I’ve been beaten down in the past, but here I am again, standing proud. I don’t have any regrets about what I’m doing now.”
“Good for you, sexy,” Haze squeezes her waist.
“And I speak for all of us. If shit hits the fan, we’ll be on your side, with you,” Ash says, and his gaze rests on me.
The buzzer on the front gate rings, making us jump; we aren’t expecting anyone.
“It’s probably Catalina coming to drop off Storm. I want to take him to his physio today since we’re not at the studio.”
Biting back the sarcastic comment that itches to be released from my mouth about her and Haze, and they are the reason why we’re not recording today. Instead, I warmly smile at her as she gets off Haze and goes to answer it.
As she passes me, I get a whiff of the fresh scent coming from her, and my knob stiffens.
Fuck, this isn’t the time for it!
“You alright, mate?” Asher asks me, and I know it isn’t about my cock but general apprehension and how I left things with Eden yesterday morning at the studio.
“She’s staying,” Haze announces sternly as if he has the final word.
“She’s already declared so. It’s why I got the extra security,” I glower at him. “It’s not us who needs it, you muppet.”
We’re thankfully interrupted by Storm, who happily trots in and greets us all with a shake of his head, a wag of his tail, and his bright, expressive eyes. He immediately beelines it to Asher on the sofa, plopping himself between him and Callum.
Asher’s hand moves in rhythmic strokes as he pets the dog’s fur. His entire face radiates affection and joy as he looks down at his furry friend. The room fills with silence until the muffled sounds from the foyer between Eden and Catalina become clearer.
“It’s not your business to be asking me such questions,” Eden says, and I can sense the tension in her voice.
“I’m only reminding you what happened last time.”
“I’m a grown woman, Catalina.”
“I know that, darling. I just worry. It’s safer to be back at the house. Don’t you miss it?”
“Of course I miss it. It’s my home. But I have a job to do here.”
“And them? Starting something would be dangerous. Not when this stalker is about. I saw you’re online again. Do you want him to find you again?”
“It’s not me. I mean, it’s me. Just…Haze’s PA is running it. It’s just a PR thing. Did you see the photos that cropped up?”
“Yes, and that’s why I’m concerned for you. Maybe return home for a few days, see if everything dies down.”
“I can’t take any more time off. We’re behind schedule. I can’t do it. Are you okay at Brittney’s?”
“Yes, everything is fine. When do you think you’ll be back home?”
“Couple of weeks? I can’t say. We have to meet with the record label first. Oliver Jones is setting the appointment up.”
“Another person you should stay far away from.”
“I can take care of myself.”
We don’t hear Catalina’s reply as they walk out the front door.
None of us say anything about what we just heard. A few minutes later, Eden walks back inside and joins us in the living room.
“I’m taking Storm for his appointment. It’s forty minutes long, and we’ll be back after that.”
She looks at us uncomfortably and signals for her dog to follow her.
I quickly get up from the armchair.
“Do you mind if I tag along?”
I have no idea why I’m suggesting this. I’d rather be running in the opposite direction of this woman. But I know I need to clear the air between us properly.
She shrugs her shoulder and doesn’t look at Haze as I thought she might.
“Sure.”
We barely talked on the way to the animal therapy center. It’s not like we were ever best buddies as I am with the lads. Conversation between us doesn’t flow as freely as it does with them. My relationship with Eden in the past was a mix of bandmates and lovers. Back when she was my girlfriend, words flowed so easily between us. Now, I struggle to find any words other than music to talk with her.
She doesn’t seem to be as tense as I am. It’s as if she doesn’t seem to mind one way or another with me. Eden’s moved on, and I wish I could be more carefree around her, but there’s a void between us that prevents me from moving forward.
Perhaps it’s because we never properly broke up in the first place, and the feeling of being lost in limbo continues to linger. Seeing her with Haze opened old wounds I never knew existed or how deeply embedded they were.
After dropping off Storm, Eden suggests we take a stroll at the dog park next to where we parked her truck, and maybe it’ll be good to get some fresh air. However, the quality of air in Los Angeles is certainly questionable.
We walk and chat about music and while I enjoy this friendly banter, it’s not what I need to talk with her about. As soon as I see a free bench empty of people and furry canines, I lead us to it and sit down.
She joins me and takes care to keep some distance between us.
“Eden,” I say leaning my arms on my thighs as I lean forward towards the path. “I just want to clear the air between us from the other day. Are we alright?”
She bites her top lip in thought. Her eyes dart between me and the empty air.
“I’d like to think so. I’d also like to finish the music we started.”
“And then?”
“Then?” her eyes dart directly to mine. “Well, we continue this venture together, I guess.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I won’t lie. I feel more at home back at Terra Sands. I prefer the quiet solitude to this big city.”
“You’re in a relationship with my three best friends, who also happen to be your bandmates. How do you see that panning out?”
Her jaw twitches as she takes in my question.
“I’m with Haze, although we haven’t sat down to discuss what that entails. Callum said he can’t be with anyone at the moment, but I understand and respect his needs. Regarding Asher, I have no idea where I stand with him.”
All three are in love with her, and she can’t see it. I run a hand through my hair and stand up because I don’t want to put myself in that equation too.
I hate her for making me feel so confused.
She looks up at me with those innocent, massive, beautiful green eyes of hers, following my every move.
“We need closure,” I suddenly blurt out. I haven’t thought this through, but it’s what my brain knows I need.
“I’m confused by that statement.”
So am I.
“We were together ten years ago. We were a couple,” I rethink that analogy. “Well, not really a couple. I shared you as my girlfriend.”
“I know. I was there.”
“But you took off for reasons I now understand, but I never did you wrong. None of us did. It hurt all of us. It destroyed me inside. But I should have realized we were going to be a disaster from the day you stepped through the threshold of our band.”
“You think I didn’t hurt?”
She wears a painful expression that I can”t stand.
“I know you did. And that’s why I’m saying we need closure. I need to move on from you so it doesn’t bother me when I see you with my friends.”
She stands up to face me. I’m over a foot taller than her, but it doesn’t matter. Eden holds a power that when she faces you, she becomes your equal.
“It bothered you earlier seeing me with Haze.”
She’s not asking. She’s stating a fact.
“Hearing you with Haze. Seeing you with Asher and Callum. I’m not joining that. There’s no happy ending for us.”
“Do you still have feelings for me, Jagger?”
“You know I fucking do.”
“And you don’t want to anymore.”
“Correct.”
“How do you stop what your heart wants? Because I tried fleeing to the desert, and while time and distance were between us, I couldn’t stop the craving.”
Fuck.
“Why do you do that?”
She tilts her head at me, maybe understanding my question. Maybe not. Callum’s right in calling her a siren. A lethal one.
“You managed to worm your way back in,” I clarify for the sake of it.
“You came looking for me. Was it really for the music, or was it that craving all five of us have.”
“It was for the music,” I say, unsure anymore.
“Fine.” She says, almost accepting that answer, and it confuses the hell out of me.
“What?” I stare at her wide-eyed at her apparent concurrence.
“We should get going. Storm’s therapy ends soon.” She turns and walks off, and I’m left standing and staring at her back.
What the bloody fuck, just happened?
“Hey!” I say quickly, catching up, and she stops and waits for me to say something.
“Is that it?” she flickers her eyes at me, and I can’t get a reading on her stone-cold poker face. “That’s how you want to leave it. You got your closure. Now we can move on, and you can use me to make the music you want.”
“No. That’s not what I meant,” I’m fucking confused and angry because while I can’t trace an ounce of bullshite on her, she’s twisting my words.
“Fuck you, Eden. You’re manipulating this situation.”
“No, I’m not. You are,” she asserts. “You admitted you have feelings for me and then said you didn’t come and find me for them but for music. Your brain is manipulating your heart so much that you’re contradicting yourself. I’m just going along to help you make a—”
Her words quickly die on my lips as I take her right here in the middle of this park’s path.
“Is this your way of saying—” she mumbles into my mouth.
“Just shut the fuck up,” I mumble straight back and wrap my hand behind her head, locking her onto my lips. Pulling her tight towards me, I hold her head firmly where I can control it so she can’t pull back.
But there isn’t any resistance from her.
There isn’t anything tender and intimate about this kiss. I kiss her hotly and hungrily, practically demanding, and she seems more than happy to let me lead. Forcing my tongue through her lips, she greets me with the tip of hers. My tongue tangles with hers in an illicit, erotic kiss, and I give it my all. My hand loosens as it falls to the nape of her neck, my fingers grip her hair in a fist, and I tilt her head back. Her back arches, and she grabs onto the front of my tee, gripping the fabric to bring her body up on me.
She nips my bottom lip, making me growl and yanking her closer. I feel her melt into me as my kiss deepens and lengthens. Pulling away before this gets seriously more heated, I leave our lips just barely separated.
“I don’t know what this is,” I declare, “but I reckon you have a good idea how I feel about you. I don’t want to put a label on it right now.”
She bites her lip and stares up at me through her lashes. Our eyes meet, and an unspoken connection crackles between us.
Fuckin’ell, she’ll have me around her finger soon enough.
“I don’t like labels,” she breaths out, and I don’t know why her response makes my knob twitch. Maybe it’s the curve of her lips that seems to hold a magnetic allure, inviting fantasies that dance on the edge of my consciousness.
“I need to fuck you.”
“Not in a dog park,” she curses. “I have my limits, Jagger.”
The severe look on her face throws me off, and I get caught up in a playful laugh as the world fades away, leaving the two of us in our own private haven.
“When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculously hot.” With my arms still around her, my fingers lightly trace the nape of her neck.
“That sounds disturbing in so many ways,” she crunches up her nose. “I’m a huge fan of inappropriate behavior, but there are some things I just won’t do.”
“I’d love to test your limits, Eddie,” my voice is low, and our eyes lock again. The unspoken connection between us is a silent declaration of desires that pulse at our cores.