Chapter 24
I stareat the ceiling as dawn peeks through the blinds. Faint shadows dance across the subtle texture beneath the paint. For a moment, the pale pink and orange colors steal my attention. Give me something to focus on other than reality. Gift me an inkling of respite.
As quickly as the calm filters in, it vanishes.
I don’t deserve to feel an ounce of comfort. Not while the spot next to me in bed remains cold, empty and lifeless. Not while the most important person in my life is missing and existing in hell.
All that matters is finding him and bringing him home.
Rolling onto my side, I bury my face in his pillow, close my eyes and inhale deeply. I picture Levi here with me, pulling me into him and pinning me to his chest. Imagine him throwing a leg over my hip as he hugs the air from my lungs. I recall his warmth and affection and the way he never wanted to let go.
Though his scent has faded over the past thirty days, I refuse to wash his pillowcase. I refuse to clean any trace of him from my space. His underwear and socks sit in the dresser untouched. His clothes hang in the closet as he last left them. As for his dirty laundry, all but some of his shirts remain in the basket.
On the nights when my sobs seem endless, I slip one of his dirty shirts over my head and breathe him in. Whisper promises into the darkness that I will do whatever it takes to find him. That I will never stop looking. Between tears, I murmur how much I love him.
“I love you, moje srce,” I mumble into the pillow.
Taking one last deep breath, I shove away from his pillow and force myself out of bed.
Since coming home from the hospital, my daily routine has been much the same. Roll out of bed after a fitful night of unrest, do basic hygiene, dress for the day, sit down with my parents for breakfast but don’t eat it, then head to Tymber Woulf Security and Investigative Services until well after dark.
Several times a week, Travis comes into TWSIS and the three of us brainstorm over new information. Tymber spends most of the day sifting through code on Levi’s computer line by line, looking for one tiny fragment that would give us a better idea of where to search for him. I sift through hundreds of files on the missing people in the hopes of finding common denominators among them.
Yesterday, we tacked a large map of the Northwest to a corkboard. While Tymber reads code and Travis coordinates with various law enforcement offices, I make a list of who went missing and where then add a pin to the map for each person. Our hope with the pins is to get a different perspective. If several people were taken in the same area or the abductions surround an area, it may lead us to where everyone has been taken.
“You’re too thin, du?o,” Mama says, the heavy weight of despair in her voice. She brushes the back of her fingers down my cheek. “I know you don’t want to, but please make sure you eat.” She takes my hands in hers. “You need your strength to find him.”
I give her hands a quick squeeze and nod. “I’m trying, Mama.” The corners of my mouth twitch. “Promise.”
Releasing my hands, she cups my cheeks, pushes up on her toes, and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Let me pack something for you to eat later.”
I follow her into the kitchen and watch as she fills a storage container with food. A voice in the back of my head begs me to tell her not to add anything too heavy. I ignore it and let her add whatever she wants. If one thing is certain, it’s that food is one of Mama’s love languages. Same goes for Papa. In some respects, I’ve also made it one of mine, although I don’t do most of the cooking.
Snapping the lid on, Mama puts the container in a bag, adds a napkin and utensils then ties the cloth handles once. “I don’t expect you to eat it all”—she hands me the bag—“but I wanted you to have options.”
I take the bag, step into her, wrap her in my arms, inhale her familiar and comforting scent, and press a kiss to her cheek as I release her. “Thank you, Mama. Volim te.” I love you.
“Volim te vi?e, du?o.”
Crossing the room, I hug Papa goodbye and promise to check in when I reach TWSIS—something new we have implemented since Levi’s abduction. If checking in gives us a glimmer of peace, it’s worth the simple text message.
Wind ruffles my hair as I drive through town. The summer sun beats down on me through the windshield and warms my skin. Townsfolk stroll leisurely down the sidewalk, some with children enjoying summer vacation. Smiles and laughter surround me as I pause at a stop sign and wait for pedestrians to cross the street.
I don’t return a single smile. Nor do I wave or say hello. Their joy is incomprehensible.
All I feel is numb. Alone. Crestfallen.
Until Levi is back in my arms, happiness is an illusion.
Parking in the small lot at TWSIS, I exit the car, grab the food bag, and follow the same path I have for weeks. As I wind my way through the office, employees glance up, pause, then give me the same woeful smile they have every single day. I do my best to not look at their pitiful gazes.
“Anything new?” I ask as I enter Levi’s office and close the door.
Tymber pushes back in the chair and rolls away from Levi’s desk. He runs his hand through his hair and exhales an audible sigh. “These fuckers are cryptic as hell.”
I set the bag on an empty chair. “Probably how they’ve stayed hidden for so long.”
“Some conversations can be read at face value.” He reaches for one of several lidded cups on the desk and takes a long pull of caffeine. “But other chats, they talk in fucking riddles.” He slams the cup down. “And because Levi’s too brilliant for his own good, he deciphered the riddles. Just wish he would’ve jotted his findings somewhere.” Resting his elbows on his knees, he drops his head in his hands. “Or told me more of what he figured out.”
Moving to the table covered in files and photos, I stare down at the sea of faces and pray we find not only Levi but all of them too. Some of these kids have been missing more than six months. Their loved ones must be thoroughly devastated at the lack of news or progress. Well, there was momentum while Levi worked the case. But like Tymber said, Levi didn’t leave detailed notes on all his discoveries.
That one thing frustrates me daily as we work tirelessly to learn what he found out. But my exasperation fizzles out before it has the chance to stick.
Tymber returns to his task on Levi’s computer. We work in amiable silence as we continue our search for answers.
As I press a new pin into the map and note on the list who it relates to, an idea sparks.
“We need a fresh perspective.” I turn to face Tymber and he pauses his task. “Someone who will look at this without bias or former knowledge of the situation. Someone who thinks differently than me, you or Travis.”
Tymber spins in the chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “Sounds like you have someone in mind.”
I nod.
“Are they trustworthy?”
“Implicitly.”
“Who?”
“Phoebe Graves.”
“The Gazette reporter?” A muscle in his jaw tics. “You sure about her?”
“A year ago, I would’ve said absolutely not.”
The recent murders in Stone Bay and Phoebe’s ruthless determination to find answers flicker to life in my memory. At any time during the case, she could’ve written headlining stories for the paper and turned the town upside down. As she and Delilah looked for clues to bring the killer to justice, Travis asked for discretion. Phoebe held up her end of the bargain and waited until after the trial to publish an article that was tamer than many of us expected.
Does Phoebe enjoy keeping a tight lid on stories? Absolutely not. Will she be circumspect and maintain confidentiality while we work? Without a doubt, yes.
“But I’d trust her with my life now.”
A low hum fills the room as Tymber mulls over my response. Tipping his head back, he closes his eyes and drags his hands over his face. When he levels me with his gaze, resolution fills his eyes.
“Bring her in. I’d like to talk with her first. Make sure she knows how serious and classified the situation is before putting her to work.”
“Do you mind if Delilah Fox, her girlfriend and one of my best friends, lends a hand as well? They worked on the St. Agnes case together.”
“Same rule applies.” He picks up his cup, shakes it, sighs, and sets it back on the desk. “At this point, the more help we have, the better.”
Tymber presses a button on the phone and a mechanical buzz echoes from the speaker.
“Yes, Mr. Woulf?”
“I know you’re not my secretary, Lauren, but I will love you forever if you do a coffee run.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” Indistinct sounds crackle through the line. “Want me to use the company card?”
“Please.”
“Anything other than coffee? I’m going to Poke the Yolk.”
Guilt washes over me at the mention of the restaurant where I work but haven’t been to since the start of July. Gracious as Deidra, my manager, and the owners have been at letting me have time off, it doesn’t stop the pang in my gut from flaring to life. They know I am not in the right headspace to smile and tend to people. Deidra promises my job is secure until I am able to return.
The restaurant isn’t the only responsibility I’ve ignored.
Practice with Hailey and Trip has come to an abrupt halt. We also canceled two shows. Even if we find Levi this week, it’s likely our show in early September will be scrapped too. Although Hailey and Trip have been completely understanding, I feel as if I’ve let them down. As if I’m ruining the future of the band. They assure me the band will be fine and the venues will book us again as soon as we are ready.
Tymber glances at me and lifts a brow.
“Cherry Coke.” I shrug.
“Lots of coffee and Cherry Coke, Lauren. Oh, and the pancake breakfast.”
“On it.”
The phone disconnects and the room goes silent. Tymber returns to his task on the computer and ends our talk.
I pull out my phone and send a text to Delilah.
I need your help. Well, you Phoebe.
Mere seconds pass before her response fills my screen.
Dee Dee
Anything. What’s up?
can’t say much over text but it’s about finding Levi
whatever you need Ollie
will you Phoebe come to TWSIS so we can talk?
be there asap
“Not sure how much help I’ll be, Ollie, but I’m happy to do whatever I can.” Delilah wraps me in a breath-stealing hug.
“Thanks, Dee Dee.”
Delilah releases me and steps back.
“The Gazette’s been slow, so I have loads of time,” Phoebe chimes in.
Tymber narrows his gaze. “Not a word of this in the paper.”
“Ever?” Phoebe asks incredulously.
Inhaling a slow, deep breath, Tymber pinches the bridge of his nose. “Not until I give the all clear.”
Phoebe hooks her arm with Delilah’s, gives her girlfriend a soft smile, then turns her attention to Tymber and nods. “Won’t be a problem.”
“Then welcome to the team.” Tymber turns his attention my way. “Do you mind bringing them up to speed?” He turns back to his task before I answer.
For the next hour, I share what we know about Levi’s work and what he discovered. With each new revelation, I witness the color drain from Delilah and Phoebe’s faces. When I finish, I glance up and wait for them to say something.
Delilah remains stoic as her eyes roam over papers and photos on the table. Phoebe, on the other hand, has regained some of her strength. I study her expression and can’t deny the hope I feel at seeing her steely determination.
Bringing them into the fold was the right move.
“Where do you want me?” Phoebe asks.
I hand her a stack of files. “These are the most recently reported cases before Levi was taken.”
Without a word, she takes the folders, ambles over to an empty spot on the floor, and starts sifting through the contents.
Delilah rises from her seat and takes a step toward Phoebe. She pauses as she passes me and meets my weary gaze. “We will find him, Ollie.” And then she joins Phoebe on the floor.
August 5th
I will never give up on finding L, but I hate to admit I am starting to lose hope. It’s been a month since I last touched him, hugged him, kissed him. I miss the deep baritone of his voice. I miss the way I came to life under his touch and how it never felt like enough. I miss the way his bright blue eyes watched me, as if he feared forgetting one of my features. But most of all, I miss him. So fucking much. It’s never been so damn hard to breathe or focus or move forward. Without him, there is NO forward. He is my future, my soul, forever moje srce.
Thankfully I had enough sense to ask for more help today. And those extra eyes and hands… they may be exactly what we need to find him.
Until you’re in my arms again L, I won’t stop. Not ever.