Chapter 10
Dmitri
“Dude, are you okay?” Theo’s voice startles me, and I crash back to reality.
I realize I'm standing here, staring at the man who has become my very unhealthy obsession.
We only have one more practice before we leave on tour in five days, and Eric hasn't said a word to me since the night of the show.
The night that plays on repeat in my mind every waking hour of the day. It’s a never-ending, heart-wrenching loop, watching him battle himself and fall apart as I knelt before him.
I attempt a smile, but it’s unnatural and forced on my face. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
He rolls his eyes with a quiet laugh. “You’re a terrible liar, you know.”
I give him a one-armed shrug as I force my eyes not to dart across the room to Eric again.
“Listen,” he continues, “Dante and I are going to grab a drink. Want to tag along with us? It’ll help you get your mind off… whatever is dragging you down.” Dante approaches us, his frown slightly downturned as he looks at the back of Theo’s head.
Not for the first time, I question whether there’s something between the two of them.
Dante meets my eyes from over Theo’s shoulder, and I pause before I answer. “I’m not sure, guys… I don’t want to intrude.”
Dante’s face remains impassive, but Theo is quick to wave away my concern. “No intrusion, it’s just a few beers.”
Double-edged emotions eat at me as I teeter on my indecision. Guilt for repeatedly denying Theo’s invites competes with the worry that I’m jumping into something Dante wants to keep private.
Dante finally offers a small smile, though it looks a little forced. “It would do you some good to socialize, man.”
Theo beams at me, his blue eyes sparkling under his mop of brown hair, and my stomach twists at the thought of leading him on, even unintentionally.
No matter how many times I’ve emphasized my lack of interest, Theo keeps looking at me with those puppy dog eyes that tell me he isn’t taking the hint.
Before I can object again, Dante slaps his hand on my shoulder and grips tight. “I’m going to take your silence as a yes. I’ll text you details.” His smile is filled with a level of understanding that makes me hesitate, but eventually, I give in.
“Alright, maybe just for a while,” I concede.
Dante gives me details before grabbing Theo by the arm and steering him elsewhere.
As soon as they turn their backs to me, the forced smile on my face fades. Awareness ignites in my brain as I sense eyes on me, and I know who it will be as I turn. For once, Eric doesn’t immediately jerk his head away, but pulls his lip between his teeth, looking thoughtful.
Futile, foolish hope surges in my ridiculous heart.
My gaze jumps to his mouth and then back up, catching a fleeting smirk on his lips before he turns back to the pile of cords in front of him. Even though we still have another practice, everyone is already preparing for our stint on the road.
I force my feet to move and walk up behind him, and I spot the moment he hears me by the way his shoulders tense up around his ears.
“Hey,” I say cautiously.
He keeps his back to me. “What’s up?”
“Need any help?” My hands wring in front of my stomach, my nerves suddenly needing an outlet. I hadn’t expected him to speak to me, so I’ll consider this a win.
“I think I can figure out which cords to pack on my own, thanks. This isn’t my first rodeo, after all.”
“Right,” I mutter, shuffling between my feet as I stare at the back of his head.
After a stretch of awkward silence, he glances over his shoulder. “You’re still here.”
“I, uh… yeah.”
“Why?”
A heavy sigh leaves me as my eyes hit the floor, and the words rush out of me like an avalanche. “How do you do it?”
His eyebrow cocks as his lip tugs up in a small smirk. “Sort the cords? Come on, even you should be able to figure that out.”
I scoff. “No, not the fucking cords.” The smirk slips from his lips as his eyes find mine, his body tilting in my direction by a half-turn. “How do you go through your day unaffected while I can’t even sleep at night? How do you turn it off?”
He’s quiet for a moment before he responds, and it’s barely even a mumble. “Who said that I do?”
My heart skips as I try to read the expression on his face. I swallow hard, afraid to put an end to the moment. “Turn it off or sleep?”
“Both… neither.” His eyes dart away, and his lip pulls between his teeth with a scowl, like he didn’t mean to admit it. He shakes his head and gives me his back again.
“Eric—”
“I have work to do,” he interrupts, voice cold and calculated once again.
“Eric, come on, please—”
The cords in his hand hit the ground with a crack so loud it makes me jump. He doesn’t say another word, just walks toward the door. After a moment of staring, I trail after him and burst through the door he just walked through.
Fuck him for running away and fuck me for letting him go.
Fuck this pointless tension and all this wasted time.
But as my eyes adjust to the bright late afternoon sunlight, the absurd hope I dared to have is crushed by the undeniable truth.
There’s nothing waiting for me here.
All that greets me is the red shine of brake lights as he sits in the parking lot’s exit lane, taking his opening to flee once again.
He runs, and I chase.
It’s a never-ending sick cycle carousel.
Round and round and round we go.
“Another Jack and Coke, please,” I say. The bartender nods and raps on the lacquered wood of the bar.
Dante huffs a quiet laugh out of his nose. “Thought you didn’t drink?”
“I don’t,” I groan as the tumbler is dropped in front of me. The bartender glances back and forth between Dante and Theo, but Dante shakes his head. Theo looks at his half-empty Long Island and nods, motioning for a refill.
“The four drinks you’ve had in the hour since we got here beg to differ,” Dante points out as I wrap my fingers around the glass.
I haven’t drunk this heavily in years… haven’t craved the numbness that it brings.
But tonight, it’s all just too much.
Too much crushing disappointment.
Too much false hope and too many mocking second chances.
Third chances?
Fuck, I don’t even know anymore.
My life is reduced to moments of hot and cold, back and forth, yes and no.
Give and take, take, take.
God, it fucking hurts.
Dante stares, and I realize I haven’t answered him. What did he say again?
Oh. Right, four drinks. I toss this one back and gesture for another as whiskey swims in my veins.
Five drinks.
I meet Dante's gaze and shrug, sensing no judgment in his voice but seeing the concern in his eyes. “You’re the one who said I need to loosen up.”
“We could loosen up out there,” Theo says, hiking his thumb over his shoulder toward the busy dance floor.
Another laugh rushes from my nose before I can help it. “That’s all you, man. I’ve never been much of a dancer.” My eyes flicker to Dante mischievously. “But Dante might. You’ve got some moves, don’t you, buddy?”
Dante blanches, and the expression is so animated it makes me choke on my drink. I pound on my chest as tears well in my eyes, still laughing at the terror on his face.
Theo bristles and climbs to his feet with a click of his tongue.
“Alright, fuck you both. I’ll be having a good time while you two hang out here under your moody little rain cloud.
” We both watch as he wanders over to the dance floor, completely uncaring that he’s by himself as he joins the bouncing crowd.
“So, what’s going on with that?” I ask, my voice slurring as I gesture toward Theo.
“What’s that?” Dante tries to sound bored, but I notice the splotchy flush that climbs his neck.
“Oh, come on, dude. Anyone with a few functioning brain cells to rub together can sense the tension between the two of you.”
He hesitates, and I expect him to tell me to mind my own business, but he surprises me when he shrugs. “I dunno… it’s complicated.”
“Anything ever happen between you guys?”
He shakes his head slowly, which turns into a single confused nod. “No… almost, once. But it was a few months ago, and he never brought it up again, so I didn’t either.” I open my mouth to ask another question, but he shuts me down. “What about you? What’s going on with you and Eric?”
“Nuh, uh, nothing.”
Dante's deadpan stare and raised eyebrow tell me he’s not buying what I’m selling. He clears his throat, the sound almost lost in the music as he glances at Theo on the dance floor. “So,” he says without looking at me, “I take security pretty seriously.”
My head spins at the change in topic. “Oh… kay.”
He nods again, casting me a sideways glance. “Yep. There are all sorts of preventative measures at the studio. Motion detectors… security cameras…”
Blood drains from my face as the implication of his words hits me. I stare at my glass as my pulse speeds up. “What, um…” I clear my throat and chug my entire drink before I try again. “In the storage room?”
“No,” he says, stretching out the word. “Not inside it, but right outside pointed at the door, yes. It’s absolutely none of my business what’s going on between you and Eric, but as your friend, I feel like I should warn you to be careful.”
I force a swallow, but the suffocating lump in my throat gets in the way. “Why’s that?”
Dante stays silent for a minute before he finally says, “When I first met Eric, I could tell there was a lot going on inside him. His emotions were everywhere, and he seemed… chaotic, almost. Like there was a storm inside him, one he couldn’t get to quiet.
Music was the only thing that grounded him for a long time. ”
My stomach tightens as I imagine Eric’s distress being visible for everyone to see.
He’s always tried to hide his emotions behind catty words and scowls, but he’s not successful.
Anyone who knows him can see every iota of what he feels just from looking at him, but he’s always tried to contain them.
Except for when he’s in my presence, apparently, where all those raging emotions seem to come alive.
With me, they burn wild and free. Untamed.
My voice is quiet as I ask, “Did you ever find out what was wrong?”
When Dante finally looks at me, his expression softens as his eyes search mine.
“Not exactly, no. A few weeks after we met, we got together one Friday night to jam out, and he was completely in his head. I brought out a bottle of Southern Comfort, and I thought he was going to cry just looking at it. But we drank until we were stupid wasted. Stumbling, falling down, so drunk we could barely speak.”
He’s quiet long enough that I glance over at him, impatient for what he has to say.
Impatient to hear anything to do with Eric.
Dante rubs his hand over his closely shaved head. “I could hardly understand him when he finally opened up to me.”
“Well? What did he tell you?”
“Said his heart had been broken... That he was so deeply hurt that he didn’t know how to heal. And I realized that was what I’d sensed from him. He was a wounded animal, backed into a corner. It’s like he was stuck in a state of fight or flight… and we both know which one wins.”
Pain slices through my body, along with a raging streak of jealousy. “Who was she?” I demand.
Dante glances at me with a deep pity in his eyes. “I don’t…” He sighs, shaking his head as he scrubs his hand over his shaved hair again. “I don’t think it was a ‘she,’ Sticks.”
My heart threatens to burst right out of my ribcage as understanding hits me. My voice is rough, like my neck is loaded full of gravel. “How long has it been since you met Eric?”
Another quiet exhale deflates his chest as he pauses. “He was my neighbor. Moved into the apartment next door. It’s how I knew he was a musician—could hear it through the walls.”
“How long ago, Dante?” I ask, getting louder as panic fills my chest.
His brown eyes lift to mine and hold steady. “Six years. The day he graduated, he moved out of his dorm room and moved in next door to me.”