Chapter 26 #2
There are only a few hours until we go on stage in Mobile, and my nerves have my stomach churning so hard I can feel it trying to crawl up my throat.
Dmitri drops onto the couch next to me, leaning in to rest his chin on my shoulder, the familiar scratch of his stubble against my neck doing nothing to calm me down.
“You gotta stop staring at that, Eric. You’re making yourself crazy.”
I jerk my shoulder away before standing to pace the room in tight, frustrated turns.
“Easy for you to say when you’re not the one who’s being outed on a national fucking level.
I haven’t told a soul outside of the band, not even my goddamned parents, and now this business—my fucking business—is being paraded for the entire world to speculate on. So, no, I’m not making myself crazy.”
My voice rises steadily, reaching a point just shy of yelling, and I clench my teeth to prevent it from escalating further. I glance at Dmitri, and the hurt on his face slams a wave of guilt into me so fast I nearly stumble mid-step.
“Our business.” He’s so quiet as he says it, I almost don’t catch it.
“What?” I snap.
He stands and storms over to me, a rare show of temper causing his forehead to crease and his eyes to narrow.
Even on a good day, his imposing presence demands attention, but right now, he fills every inch of the room.
“This affects me, too, Eric. It’s our business, not just yours.
In case it slipped your mind, we’re in this together.
Me and you. For two days now, all I’ve heard is how this impacts you. ”
His index finger jabs me, like he’s injecting the truth straight into my chest. “Have you fucking forgotten what it means to be in a relationship? It’s give and take, baby, and right now you’re not giving me a damn thing.
” His lip pulls into an angry sneer, his chin jutting upward. “But you're still taking, aren’t you?”
Regret charges through my veins, adrenaline spiking my pulse. Before I can answer, Dmitri wraps his long fingers around my neck and tugs me closer. “For two days, you haven’t even kissed me… fuck, you’ve barely looked at me. Something’s got to give. I’m trying to be patient, Eric, I really am.”
My heart thuds so violently that flashes of color spark and fade in my peripheral vision, like warning lights I can't turn off. My whole body is locked in fight-or-flight, buzzing with restless energy that sits trapped inside me until it feels like my skin might split open.
I brace myself, every nerve screaming for the other shoe to drop.
For the consequences of my hot temper to come crashing down and bury me.
When he says nothing else, I stammer out a terrified, “But?”
He tilts his head in question, the anger still simmering low in his eyes like banked coals, but never flaring up to burn me outright. “But what?”
“You said you’re trying to be patient, and then you didn’t finish your thought,” I say, forcing a swallow past the lump in my throat as the words tumble out. “There’s more you aren’t saying, isn't there?”
His face softens into pain as I shake my head, desperate to stop whatever confession is building behind his eyes before it can break us both.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I hurry to continue. “I know I’m being shitty.
It shouldn’t matter. One person’s opinion shouldn’t matter so much…
fuck, a million people’s opinion shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t care that people know we’re together.
I don’t… I don’t know why I give a damn.
I don’t know why this is so fucking hard.
Just please… please don’t…” The words choke off as my lip trembles, the rest of the thought swallowed by the fear clawing up my throat.
Dmitri closes the distance, pulling me flush against his chest until I can feel the steady thud of his heartbeat beneath my cheek. “Eric, baby…” he whispers.
The single thread of hesitation in his voice ignites another wave of panic to squeeze my lungs closed. “Please don’t fucking say it,” I whisper, arms locking around his waist as I press myself closer. “Don’t give up on me, not yet.”
A weary sigh stirs the hair beside my ear, and his voice softens further. “Eric—”
“Please, Dmitri, I’ll do better, I’ll…”
“Eric.” He frames my face with both hands, tilting my head up so I have no choice but to meet his gaze. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Relief hits me and knocks the breath from my lungs as he presses his lips against mine. All the pent-up fear and frustration whooshes out of my body, and I sag against him.
For two days, I deprived myself of the one thing that could ground me. Didn’t allow myself to touch him or be touched.
Fuck, I’m such a fucking asshole.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp, before walking him backwards.
His eyes widen as he falls onto the couch, and I climb into his lap.
It’s like I can’t get close enough as I slide my fingers into his hair and mash my mouth against his again.
The kiss is sloppy and unrefined, nothing but pure raw desperation.
Dmitri understands this is what I need, and he holds me tightly as I unleash my aggression and frustration on his lips and tongue, the minutes stretching out before us.
Kissing and biting.
Gripping and holding.
Whispering promises and apologies and total nonsense.
As the tension leaves my body, he slows things down, but never lets me go. We kiss until our lips are swollen and red, then he guides me to lie on his chest.
“You’re too good for me,” I whisper.
He rumbles a laugh under me. “Seven years, baby. I waited for you for seven fucking years. It's going to take a whole lot more than that to get rid of me. But—”
“There it is,” I mutter, cutting him off. “There’s the ‘but.’”
“But we need to figure out how to handle this. People love to gossip. This won’t be the only time our relationship is put out there for public speculation.
This isn't going away, and at some point, we'll have to address it.” He glances down at me, curled up on his broad chest like a barnacle, and all the anger has faded to wariness.
“This closet gets awfully claustrophobic with both of us inside.”
He's teasing, but I hear the truth behind it. “I know,” I say, hating how weak my voice comes out. “You deserve better than me.”
His lips press against my temple as he tugs me against him. “You deserve the entire world, Eric. One day, I’ll figure out how to give it to you.”