Chapter 45
Eric
“You’re sure?” I ask again, the question slipping out for what has to be the fifth time.
“Eric,” he mutters, teeth scraping my lower lip in a slow drag, “this night ends with your cock inside me, and we can’t get there until you prep me. Fingers in my ass, now.”
“So bossy,” I murmur with a quiet laugh, sliding my hand down his body. Muscles flex and twitch under my touch, and I savor the helpless response.
Dmitri lets out a low groan as I part his cheeks and spread lube over his hole. “Thank you for trusting me with this,” I whisper, easing one finger inside. I hold still, letting him adjust before adding a second.
“I trust you with everything.” His breath hitches, a soft whimper escaping as I curl my fingers. He pulls my face to his, kissing me sweetly. “More,” he breathes against my mouth.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
He laughs, low and impatient, rocking back to take me deeper. “Baby, just because I’ve never had a dick in my ass before doesn’t mean I haven't used other things.”
My cock thickens in a heartbeat. “Fuck, D. Holding out on me?”
The grin that he gives me is salacious. “Did you expect me to bring a bag of dildos on the bus? We’ll pull those out when we’re back at home. When I can make you scream.”
“Pretty sure you've made me scream a few times on tour.”
“True,” he agrees with a breathy laugh. “You've had to be a pillow biter.”
“Pillows don’t help me that much in the volume department.”
“Trust me, I know,” he deadpans, but a moan slips free as I slide a third finger inside him.
“Careful with talking shit,” I tease as I do it again and get the same throaty reaction. “You're going to have to eat your words when you scream my name.”
“If,” he grunts.
“If?”
He nods with fiery defiance even as he rocks back and fucks himself on my fingers. “You said when I scream your name, not if.”
“Oh, he’s got jokes, huh?” I mutter as I draw my hand away.
A wicked gleam flashes in his eyes as I pour more lube into my palm and coat my cock, but the look shifts to wide-eyed shock when I seize his hips and flip him onto his stomach.
His chest bounces against the mattress. My fingers dig in, lifting him until his hips are positioned perfectly in front of me.
“Holy shit, that’s so hot,” he moans.
“Better put those knees down, love.” I line us up while he scrambles to get his legs under him. As soon as he’s balanced, I drive forward. We both groan as I sink inside, the tight heat enveloping me completely. “Goddamn, you feel good,” I mutter, pausing to let him adjust.
Dmitri has other plans. He pushes back hard, taking me in one wet, deep glide. I bark a curse and clamp my fingers into his hips. “Fuck, D! You’ll hurt yourself!”
He turns his head, meeting my eyes over his shoulder with a smirk. “Pretty sure you promised to split me in half with your cock. Was that an empty threat or not?”
My balls throb at his words, and my body coils like a spring, every instinct screaming to move. “Give yourself a minute to—”
“I don’t want a minute, Eric.” He strains against my hold, writhing until my hips jerk forward involuntarily. “I want you to stop acting like you’re going to break me and fuck me like you mean it.”
Those are my words, echoed back in challenge.
My eyes roll back as I withdraw and thrust in deep, and I’m grateful Dmitri had the sense to take the edge off earlier.
Otherwise I’d have lost it by now. “You’re so tight,” I mutter, slamming forward again.
He pushes back to meet me, the bounce pulling a rough groan from my throat. “Fuck, that’s incredible.”
My fingers dig into his hips as I drive harder.
He takes me perfectly, body rising to match every thrust with the loud, wet slap of skin.
I slide my fingers into his hair and pull his body up, pressing my face into the back of his neck while I stay buried deep, rocking with sharp, shallow arches of my hips.
“Oh, god,” he grunts as my teeth sink into his shoulder, trying to fuse us so completely I can feel his heart against my mouth. My mind blanks until only this exists. I lift my mouth, finding two half-moon marks on his skin like a brand.
My hips snap forward. Forehead to his neck, I kiss his spine as my hand wraps around his cock. “Get there, Dmitri. I need you with me.”
“There’s no getting there,” he gasps. “I’m already there, baby. Barely holding on.”
I nod against his back, stroking his cock as I thrust into him. All rhythm is lost to the desperate chase of release, and my teeth clench until my jaw tendons strain. I try to wait for him.
Really, I try.
But I can't hold back, and everything shatters.
“Fuck,” I shout as every last thread of control rips away.
My muscles seize, and release surges through me like fire.
My thrusts grow slicker and harder, driving into him with enough force to knock him forward into the mattress.
I don’t ease up, slamming through the blinding waves of ecstasy bursting behind my eyes.
“Shit, right there,” he groans, head snapping back. “Fuck… fuck!” He tightens around me, his orgasm teetering on the brink. I fist his hair again, yanking his head back so I can see the sweat and flush across his face.
“Say it,” I growl against his ear as I fuck him as rough as he begged me to. He’s slick with my cum dripping out around my still-pulsing cock. “Say my fucking name.”
He roars it, the two syllables filling the room then fracturing into a desperate chant as his hole clenches around me. His hips grind back, caught between my weight and the bed, and he comes with a broken, shuddering moan.
I drop onto him, exhausted, and he grunts under my full weight. Our breathing gradually steadies, his strained from the pressure of me on top of him. After a few blissful moments, I roll off and flop beside him like dead weight. His head turns, hair everywhere and cheek smooshed into the blankets.
“Was that okay?” I ask, fingertips gliding up his spine and smiling as he shivers beneath them.
“Okay? That was the best orgasm of my life.” He flexes his hips lazily and winces. “This mattress might need to be burned, though.”
I chuckle, leaning in to kiss him softly, my hand still tracing the smooth, warm lines of muscle along his back. “Pretty sure you’re what they call a power bottom.”
“Beginner’s luck,” he says with a small, tired smile.
“Yeah, okay,” I mutter, making sure he catches the eyeroll.
He watches me closely as I roll him onto his back. His smile fades when I bring his left wrist to my mouth and press a gentle kiss to the thin scar that traces his skin, and it shifts to devastation as I do the same to the other side.
“I feel like such an idiot,” I finally say.
“Why?” He scoots closer—always closer—and gently pulls his arms from my hold, wrapping them around my back instead.
“This whole time I’ve been acting like the world’s ending because I was scared of being outed before I was ready. And it’s nothing compared to what you went through. I’ve been so fucking selfish.”
“You’re not selfish, Eric,” he whispers, nose brushing mine as he presses the softest kiss to my lips.
“It’s not a competition. Trauma doesn’t work like that, baby.
People love to say we’re all in the same boat, but come on.
Even if we were, what if I’m on a lake and you’re in the middle of the ocean?
Why should my riptide matter more or less than your tidal wave?
Both are terrifying, and your fears are as valid as anything I experienced. You're allowed to be scared.”
“Doesn’t seem that way.”
“Why? Because I made a terrible decision six years ago?” he asks. “It feels fresh to you because you just found out, but it’s been a long time. I’m okay now. Really, truly.”
“What…” I hesitate, but he encourages me to continue with his eyes. “What happened? After?”
A lengthy exhale leaves him as he tucks me into his neck. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“I need to.”
He swallows audibly and gets quiet for a few breaths.
“Do you remember Tyler?” He waits for my nod to continue.
“We were supposed to go out and celebrate graduation—grab dinner and a few beers. I didn't meet him at the bar like I was supposed to, so he called and texted me a few times. When I didn’t answer, he came looking for me.”
A sad laugh leaves his throat as he shakes his head.
“I hadn’t even thought to lock the door.
When I walked in and saw the empty room, everything was so goddamned heavy, and it felt like I’d never get out from underneath it.
I'd heard stories of out-of-body experiences, but it's hard to understand what it's like until it happens to you.
It's like I was in a cloud. I was going through the motions, watching my arms and legs carry me, but I was so fucking detached.”
“Did it hurt?” I whisper.
His lips press against my temple before he answers just as quietly. “Not as much as knowing I’d never see you again.”
Tears build behind my eyes as my throat tightens, so I only nod and let him continue.
“Tyler found me… like that. I was unconscious, so I don’t remember anything until I woke up at the hospital.
Mom and Dad were there, and Mom looked devastated, but Dad…
he was angry. So angry. I hadn’t even regained the ability to talk when he started demanding answers. ”
He gets quiet for a moment, lost in the memory. My hands glide slowly up his spine as I wait, giving him the space to gather his thoughts. We sit in silence, bodies pressed close and breathing in sync.
Finally he refocuses on me. “They brought me here and when I wouldn't tell them what happened, they hired someone to be with me twenty-four-seven. They took the door off the hinges, like they thought I’d do it again if I didn’t have eyes on me.
There was no privacy. I wasn’t even allowed to shave unless I had supervision. ”
A short, bitter laugh escapes him. “They got me into therapy, and I’m thankful for that.
It helped, but it forced me to face things I didn’t want to think about, and talk about all that pain I just wanted to forget.
My emotions were everywhere, and eventually I broke.
Dad hadn’t paid attention to me like that in years, and I clung to it.
Maybe I was replacing one missing love with another, or maybe I thought he and I might finally repair our relationship, but he kept asking, and one day the words just fell out of me. ”
“What did you say?” I ask quietly when he pauses again.
Dmitri twists a section of my hair around his finger before sighing.
“I said ‘I love him, and he’s gone.’ Dad hugged me like he cared, like he was actually concerned about how upset I was.
He asked who I meant with a gentleness I’d never heard from him, and it dropped my guard.
Only one word, it’s all I said. Just your name.
But as soon as I did, he released me, and that affection disappeared. He had his answer.”
“That’s why he reacted like that when he saw me,” I say quietly, remembering the fury on Anatoly’s face.
Dmitri nods, squeezing me tighter against him. “I’m sorry, Eric.”
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?” Silence fills the space between us as we lie there, naked in more ways than one. “Thank you for telling me,” I finally whisper.
“It wasn’t my intention to keep it from you. There’s so much going on, and I didn’t want to add more to your stress. And maybe…”
“Maybe…?” I prompt gently when he doesn’t finish.
His lips graze my neck as he nuzzles in closer, his warm breath fanning over my skin.
“I didn’t want you to feel obligated to be with me.
I finally had you, and sometimes it felt too good to be true.
There were days I woke up terrified that you’d change your mind, and I’d be alone all over again.
But I couldn’t stand the thought of you staying with me over some misplaced sense of obligation. I never wanted to force your hand.”
I ease back, waiting until his gaze meets mine.
My hands keep drifting over his skin, slow and steady.
“I may not have any clue what I’m doing right now, and my entire world might be upside down and confusing, but my feelings for you have never been a question.
Through all of this, you’ve been my constant. ”
Dark eyes hold mine, full of raw emotion. “We’re in this together, and no matter what happens, I’ll be right here. I’ll love you just the same.”
A potent cocktail of emotions pours through me, settling deep into my bones. Peace is shadowed by sorrow, stress softened by contentment. But above all else is love—blinding, intoxicating, all-encompassing, earth-shattering love—and I know it'll be enough for whatever comes next.