Chapter 8
Dante
Two weeks have passed like an eternity, with Theo pretending we’re nothing more than casual acquaintances.
In all the time I’ve known him, he’s never given me this cold shoulder.
He’s never once withdrawn the endless love he always pours over me, even when I build walls around myself to keep him out.
I’ve been selfish enough to assume his sunshine would always be there, and allowed myself to become addicted to it.
He is my only source, and I’m unsteady without it.
It’s karma for these mixed signals I’m sending him. The line I had drawn between us was one I knew better than to cross, so what did I do? I bulldozed right over it, and turned those barriers into splinters. I shattered the very rules I’d put in place to keep us both safe.
But when he wrapped his arms around me, when those soft moans brushed my ear and I realized I was the one causing them… I couldn’t stop myself.
All that precious control was gone in an instant.
Theo unravels me. He takes one look at the shield I’ve wrapped around myself and spots the single thread that’s out of place.
He picks at it and pulls until the whole thing falls apart in his hands.
I’m stripped of my defenses when he’s near, with my emotions unleashed and running wild in a way I’ve never allowed.
I hate it.
But I also fucking love it.
No matter how many times I tell myself not to get close to him, my heart rebels and insists that his side is the perfect place for me. That it’s home. I end up giving him hot and cold, jerking him around like a yo-yo on a string I can’t seem to let go of.
Hurting him is the last thing I’d ever want to do, but somehow I accomplish it over and over again.
Our dynamic is tense right now, and things between us are oddly formal and stiff when we see each other.
He’s closed himself off to me in a way he’s never done before.
His walls are up and his smiles polite, while his eyes never quite meet mine.
On the surface, everything appears fine.
Practices are going great, preparations for the launch have been flawless.
Set lists are locked and VIP lists confirmed.
The machine is running smoothly. We’re professional, and set up for the biggest night of our lives.
So why am I so goddamned empty?
Why do I want to set the entire world on fire when I hear he’s been on another date with Jesse? Just picturing the two of them together makes me want to rip Jesse’s head right off his body. But that’s not fair. I know it’s not fair.
I’m the one who pushed Theo away. I drew the line then enforced it, and I’m the one who shattered whatever fragile thing lives between us.
Jesse didn’t do anything wrong—he’s just there, taking the space I refused to claim.
Knowing that does nothing to diminish the rage, though.
It surges hotter every time I imagine his hands on Theo.
The bus is already loaded and ready for the launch concert tonight as I make my way into the studio.
Silence greets me when I flick on the lights and glance around the empty space.
It’s not surprising that I’m the first one here.
I usually am, because I need the extra time to ensure everything is in place.
The control helps me focus, and this gives me somewhere to aim it.
I can make sure every cable is coiled properly, every case latched, every detail exactly as it needs to be.
After a half hour of sorting equipment and verifying the bus is in order, the door slams and light footsteps echo down the hallway. Theo peeks his head around the corner, then freezes when his eyes meet mine.
“Hey,” I say, but the greeting comes out as more of a grunt than an actual word, and my attempt at a smile feels like a grimace stretched too thin.
Fuck, why do I suck at this so much?
“Hey yourself.” His voice is quiet and his eyes drop to the floor. Seconds tick by in awkward silence as we both stand there, frozen, until we speak at the same time.
“Theo—” I start, right as he blurts, “Dante, listen—”
Both our mouths shut. He heaves a sigh, shoulders dropping. “Can I go first?”
Dread fills my stomach at the resignation in his tone, but I school my face to be neutral. “Of course.”
“I miss you.”
Even as my heart thunders in my chest, I try to keep my cool. “You don’t have to miss me, Theo. I’m right here… I’m not going anywhere.”
He shakes his head, eyes fixed somewhere below mine. “You’re here, yeah, but things between us are weird, and I can’t figure out what to say to you. I fucking hate it.”
“I hate it, too,” I whisper, the admission slipping out before I can stop it.
He finally lifts his eyes from the floor to meet mine. “You’ve told me time and time again that we can’t be anything beyond friends, and I keep testing the limits until I push you away. But I… I get it now, okay? If it means the difference between having you in my life and not, I’ll stop.”
It’s for the best.
It’s the right course of action if we don’t want to drive a permanent wedge between us. But the way he says it, like he’s doing me some grand favor by giving up, makes my heart sink slow and heavy into my stomach.
Does he not understand that I fight myself every time he’s in front of me? That all I want is to scoop him up, hold him close, and never put him down again?
He dances between his feet in some awkward little shuffle, with a nervousness so out of character it pinches at my gut. “There’s no promise that I won’t flirt, and good luck getting me to stop the teasing and jokes. That’s just who I am with you.”
“I never want you to change a single thing about yourself, Theo. You know that by now, don’t you?”
“I am pretty perfect, huh?” His voice is quiet, almost weak, and I only breathe a huffing laugh through my nose, but it’s enough to break the tension.
His eyes flit up to meet mine again. “Can we pretend the last few weeks didn’t happen and just go back to being us? You’re my best friend, and I miss us.”
“I miss us, too,” I say. As soon as I spread my arms, he dashes forward, colliding his smaller body with mine as he nuzzles into my hug.
I bury my nose in his hair, soaking in the way he somehow always smells like freshly baked cookies, and for the first time in weeks, the knot in my chest loosens just a fraction.
“Do you need help lifting anything since your old bones are brittle?” he sniffles, voice muffled against my shirt.
I choke out a strangled laugh. “I’m only thirty-two.”
“So ancient,” he whispers.
“Oooh, group hug!” Tai charges in and throws his arms around our shoulders, squeezing like he’s trying to fuse us together.
“How are you that silent?” I demand.
“Ninja skills,” he rumbles in a deep, sinister tone that makes me and Theo laugh.
The door slams again as Eric and Dmitri walk in. “What the fuck is this and why weren’t we invited?” Eric shouts, charging forward and almost bowling us over as he joins the hug. Dmitri stands to the side with his arms crossed, assessing our cluster with his usual judging eyes.
Tai curls his fingers at him. “Come, Sticks. Come join our horgy.”
“Horgy?” Dmitri asks.
“Hug orgy,” Tai explains.
Dmitri shakes his head. “I’m good over here.” Eric pops up and pouts, and Dmitri’s resolve instantly crumbles. “Fuck’s sake,” he mutters as he walks toward us. “Fine, I’ll join the fucking horgy.”
“We should do this before every show,” Tai says with a grin.
Dmitri and I grumble our dissent while Theo and Eric give enthusiastic agreement.
Theo’s arms tighten around my waist, and I realize I could be easily swayed in my decision—because right now, with him pressed close and the band laughing around us, the world feels almost right again.
The crowd is wild as we stand backstage, and Theo peeks between the equipment to steal a look at the audience. He backs up with wide eyes and turns to us. “I’ve never seen so many people before!”
“Aww, what’s this?” I tease, bumping him with my shoulder. “Is Theo being shy?”
He lets out a dramatic little gasp, pressing a hand to his chest. “It happens from time to time. You of all people should know this. Here I thought we were friends.”
Eric snorts from a few feet away. “You’re the least shy person I know.”
“I can be shy,” Theo argues. “I can be anything I want to be, and right now, I’m a delicate flower. One loud cheer and I’ll wilt. You’ll have to carry me offstage.”
Eric leans in with a grin. “Delicate flower, huh?”
Theo peeks out from behind the case again, then ducks back with an exaggerated shiver. “It’s overwhelming, okay? All those eyes on me… I might blush. I’m not built for the spotlight.”
“I’ve literally seen you want into a room and demand everyone look at you,” Eric says, eyebrows raised. “More than once, actually.”
Theo shrugs, fighting a smile. “Maybe I’m rebranding. Shy Theo. It’s a whole new era. Very soft, very demure.”
Eric nods slowly, playing along. “Demure. Right. That explains the tight leather shorts and the stage strut you’ve been practicing all week.”
Theo gasps again, clutching his heart. “It’s an understated strut! You wouldn’t understand the art.”
I chuckle. “Art, huh? So when you walk out there tonight, are you gonna hide behind your bass the whole set?”
“He does that without trying,” Eric says with a laugh.
Theo crosses his arms and pushes his hip out in an adorable act of defiance. He glances at his fingernails before dusting them over his shirt. “Don’t be jealous, sweetie. It doesn’t suit you.”
Eric snickers as he wanders away, drawn like a magnet to Dmitri on the other end of the space. Theo watches longingly as Eric drops into Dmitri’s arms and curls against his chest.
Instinct pulls me closer, needing to see his smile return. “Still thinking about that Eiffel Tower?” I ask.
He chokes, whirling around to stare at me with wild eyes. “W-what sort of crazy ideas are you concocting over there, Mr. Barrera?”
I grab his wrist and chuckle as I tug him into a hug. “Did you completely forget that drunken confession you made on your birthday?”
“Oh… my… god,” he whispers in horror, the shock melting into a grin as he presses closer. “It’s all coming back to me now. I feel like I should be embarrassed, but you know what? I’m owning it. Those two are hot.”
“They are.”
Theo pulls back just enough to look up at me, sky-blue eyes wide. “Did you just admit that out loud?”
“I’ll deny it until my dying breath,” I say, dropping a soft kiss on his hair, so deeply grateful that everything has returned to normal between us. “You’re still hotter.”
“Well, naturally.” He tilts his head, grin turning sly. “You can Eiffel Tower me.”
“On my own? That might take more skill than I have.”
He nods against my chest. “You are kind of old to be trying all those acrobatics. I’d hate for you to throw out your hip.”
“True,” I murmur, nuzzling into his warmth. “I could probably do a Leaning Tower of Pisa.”
“What does that entail?”
“Alright, listen carefully, because this is very complicated. It involves two partners…”
“Scandalous,” he whispers, voice low and teasing.
“Indeed. And one of them… are you ready for this?”
“So ready,” he purrs.
“You’re sure you can handle it?” I can’t help the grin spreading across my face as I ask.
“I’m not positive, but I’m willing to try.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you. One partner…” I move in until my lips are right next to his ear, dropping my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “…leans.”
“Leans?” he mirrors, lifting his brow.
“Yep. That’s it, but like, they have to really commit. Very low-effort, but high romance with the right angle. Perfect for someone my age who’s worried about his brittle old bones.”
He stares at me for a beat, then dissolves into helpless laughter, forehead dropping against my shoulder as his whole body shakes. “You absolute menace. I was expecting something filthy and you gave me… physics.”
I hug him tighter, grinning into his hair. “I’m a man of many talents. Leaning is just one of them.”
Theo pulls back, wiping at his eyes and still giggling. “Okay, fine. I’ll take the Leaning Tower. But only if you promise to hold the pose for at least three minutes. For authenticity.”
“Deal,” I murmur, brushing a hair from his eyes. “But if I tip over, you’re catching me.”
His grin turns soft, eyes warm. “Always.”
“Are you ready to go out there?”
“Yeah, I am,” Theo says. “Even if I’m going up against the Furious Fingerer.”
Another quiet laugh leaves me. “I thought we agreed to no finger nicknames?”
“You made the request, which I took into serious consideration.”
“And the final verdict?”
“Denied.” He turns on his heel and walks over to where his bass sits in its case.
I watch him for a moment, mesmerized by the easy confidence Theo carries himself with. His personality fills the entire room in a way that’s unapologetically authentic.
What it must be like to be that comfortable in your own skin.
He glances over his shoulder. “You finished staring at my ass?”
Busted.
I walk toward my own equipment, laughing to myself. “For now, pretty boy. I can’t be distracted when we’ve got such a big show to play.”
“Are you agreeing that my ass is distracting?”
“The most distracting,” I admit, squeezing his shoulder as I pass. The touch lingers a second longer than necessary, and suddenly I can’t wipe the smile from my face.