Chapter 18 #2
By the time we leave, he’s quiet. And Theo is only ever quiet when he’s sad.
Frustration coils tight in my chest. I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles strain, hating the defeated look on his face as he stares out the window.
Even stopping for a cappuccino from his favorite coffee shop earns me nothing more than a fleeting, half-hearted smile.
I’ve grown starved for the bright, effortless happiness Theo usually carries with him, and its absence leaves me desperate.
Not knowing how to help him is killing me. There’s no rulebook for this. No instruction manual or clear steps I can follow.
There’s nothing to control.
There’s only me, and like always when it comes to Theo, I’m terrified I’m not enough.
We walk into practice together, and we’re the last to arrive because of our detour to the café. Tai, Eric, and Dmitri turn toward us, but only Dmitri frowns at the expression on Theo’s face. He catches my eye in silent question, and I give a subtle shake of my head.
Theo is distracted as we play, missing cues more than once.
We all try to ignore it—until a shrill shriek of fingers scraping angrily across guitar strings cuts through the music.
The sound makes us stutter to a stop. Theo rips the strap over his head and shoves his bass onto the stand.
In his haste, the instrument teeters, then crashes to the floor.
The impact blasts through the amplifier like a gunshot.
“Goddamn it!” he bellows.
Everyone freezes as he drags both hands through his hair, tugging hard, before bolting for the door. I shove past Eric and chase after him, following him out into the dim, chilly drizzle. He slumps against the brick wall and sinks to the ground with a heavy thud.
I approach cautiously, making enough noise so I won’t startle him. Without a word, I slide down beside him, ignoring the icy rain soaking through my jeans. His breath comes heavy and uneven, head buried in his hands.
We sit like that for several long minutes until his anger slowly ebbs and his breathing evens out.
When he finally speaks, his voice cracks.
“Why can’t you say something stupid so I can have a reason to be pissed at you?
Anyone else would’ve spouted generic nonsense by now.
‘Everything happens for a reason,’ or some bullshit like that. ”
“Well, I don’t think everything happens for a reason,” I say quietly, “but I can lie and say it if it would make you feel better to be mad at me.”
“No, it would make me feel worse,” he mutters, still refusing to look at me as he toys with the tiny rocks on the pavement. “But at least I could get rid of some of this anger by lashing out irrationally.”
“It’s okay to be angry, Theo.”
His fists clench over his thighs, gripping the fabric of his jeans.
“I don’t want to be angry,” he shouts, the sudden volume startling me.
“I don’t want the police involved. I don’t want them thinking I’m a fucking liar.
I don’t want to be scared, and I don’t want to keep looking over my shoulder every second!
All I want is to go back a few weeks and walk the other way when that asshole flirted with me! ”
“There was no way to know—”
“I only did it to make you jealous!” he roars, curling in on himself. His head drops so low his chin hits his chest.
The words land like a punch to the gut, and I stare at him in shock.
“Theo…”
“Never mind,” he mumbles, scrambling to his feet.
“No, not never mind,” I say, voice rising as I chase after him. He slips through the door before I catch his arm and turn him to face me. “Talk to me.”
He leans into me instead, shaking his head and tucking his face into my shoulder like he’s trying to disappear. My hands run slowly up and down his arms as I process what he just confessed. “Do you blame me for this?”
Raw anguish is written across his face as he finally meets my eyes. “No… fuck, no, Dante. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it.”
I swallow hard, fighting to keep my emotions in check. “You’ve never minced words with me. You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. Fuck, I—”
“Stop,” he whispers. He grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in, silencing me with a firm, insistent kiss. “Stop. I’m sorry, okay? Remember that whole lashing out irrationally thing we just talked about? That’s all this was… just me being an asshole.”
“But you still meant it,” I breathe, the guilt sitting heavy in my chest.
He lets out a long, shaky exhale. “I did flirt with him because I wanted you to be jealous, but that’s not on you, Dante. That’s my problem, my stupid decision, and I’m dealing with the consequences. You’ve been beyond incredible, and I’m being awful.”
“You’re never awful,” I whisper, pressing another soft kiss to his lips. He leans into it, and I scoop him up, carrying him over to the couch. We drop onto the cushions together while the others pretend not to watch.
“Do you want to skip dinner tonight and just go home?” I ask.
“That depends…” he says with a sniffle. “Are you going to let me climb into bed with you?”
“You’ve never asked before. I just wake up and there you are.” His brief laugh feels like a small victory.
“Did you just compare me to morning wood?” he asks, the ghost of a smile finally tugging at his mouth.
“I kinda did, didn’t I?”
I glance over and catch Eric inching closer, clearly trying to eavesdrop. “Okay, I get that I’m an asshole for listening, but did I hear that right? Did you two finally—”
“Theo is just staying with me,” I say loudly, cutting him off as Theo lets out another quiet laugh against my chest. “Give us a minute, Eric, okay?”
“Okay,” Eric replies after a beat, then nods before he turns away.
“Wait.” Theo sits up in my lap, leaning his back against my chest. He takes my hands and wraps them around his waist, like he needs to brace himself for what he’s about to say.
“Sticks, Tai, come over here.” Feigning indifference, they wander over and join us, pretending they hadn’t been trying to listen to every word. “You guys deserve to know what’s going on.”