Chapter 7
Connor
The next morning, I rise with the sun and throw on a set of workout clothes. After a restless night spent fighting the static buzzing in my mind, I need to recenter myself. Routine has always been the fastest way to get my head back in the right space, so I slip out of bed and head for the gym.
I sit on the edge of the mattress, lacing up my sneakers in silence, when a loud snort bursts from between Tai’s parted lips.
It’s choppy, raspy, and somehow ridiculously adorable, like a little piglet.
How such an obnoxious sound can come from someone who otherwise moves with such grace is beyond me.
Every other sound he makes is coated in melody, but asleep, he turns into a garbage disposal.
And I think it’s cute.
Fuck me, I’ve got it bad.
He never mentioned our hand-holding from last night, and I didn’t have the courage to bring it up either.
After we returned to our spot with a sausage pizza—not anchovy, and not stolen, to my credit—the rest of the evening continued as if nothing had happened.
We settled back into comfortable conversation, people watching and enjoying the warm night as the waves crashed into the shore and lulled us into a peaceful silence.
Tai didn’t push me to explain myself. Instead, he simply let the moment pass. In his quiet, easy way, he gave me the space I needed to process everything on my own timeline. He gave me an easy copout, and like a coward, I took it.
The realization that he wasn’t calling me out on my obvious crush landed somewhere between guilt and relief. There’s no denying that’s exactly what this is, and I don’t know how to feel about it. All I know for sure is that I need to get my head straight. That much is undeniable.
I stand quietly, resisting the strong urge to reach out and smooth the hair away from his face.
Another thunderous snore escapes, and I bite down on my lip to stifle the laughter threatening to escape.
I sneak out into the hallway, finally letting a chuckle slip free once the door clicks shut behind me.
The familiar scent of the gym greets me the moment I walk in.
Rubber mats, treadmill grease, and the sharp punch of sweat mixed with disinfectant cleaner.
A few other people are already here, including one of the groomsmen from our group dinner.
He throws up a hand in greeting, and I return it before cranking up the music in my earbuds and getting to work.
The steady rhythm of exercise grounds me quickly. By the time I finish my upper body routine, my sense of balance feels mostly restored.
I have a crush on a guy.
So what?
Despite spending my entire life identifying as a straight man, I’ve never held any prejudice against other sexualities. I’m not an asshole. Plenty of my friends are part of the non-straight community, and I’ve never given a second thought to the gender of the person they’re dating.
It’s never been a big deal for them, so why should it suddenly be one for me?
My mood is considerably lighter as I swing by the coffee shop to pick up breakfast for both of us.
I learned yesterday that Tai’s drink of choice is a cold brew with oat milk, so I grab that and a half-dozen donuts.
The intense workout has left me craving carbs, and as I head back upstairs, my stomach growls loudly as the sweet, sugary scent hits me.
Tai is already awake and showered when I walk back into the room. He’s sitting upright in bed, scrolling through his phone. “Hey, you,” I say, holding up the food. “Hungry?”
He looks up with a sweet smile before his gaze drops to my hands. “Donuts?!” He leaps out of bed and steals the box right from my grasp. “Hell yeah, I fucking love donuts.”
By the time I set the drinks on the table and snatch the box back, he’s already shoved one into his mouth. “And you call me the klepto,” I mutter, grabbing two donuts with a huff.
“Are carbs even allowed with your workout routines?”
I laugh through a giant bite, slapping my palm against my belly. “My workout routines exist precisely because I want to eat carbs. Dieting makes me angry.”
Tai lets out a quiet, amused rumble, licking his fingers as he stares longingly at the box. “You’re like a furry Hulk.”
“Oh, keep it up with the jokes,” I mutter, shoving the rest of my donut into my mouth. “We have to attend ‘official wedding business’ tomorrow, you know. Today’s our last full day of freedom.”
He finally gives in and grabs a second one before returning to his bed. “Rehearsal dinner, right?”
I hum through my bite and shake my head. “Nah, rehearsal isn’t until the day after tomorrow. If I remember correctly, they’re calling this one the Celebration Dinner.” I wave my hand in a dramatic arc.
Tai’s nose wrinkles in the most charming way. “If this is the Celebration Dinner, then what the hell did we attend the first night?”
“I dunno, man. The Introduction Dinner? The Let’s Get The Awkwardness Out Of The Way Dinner? The Let’s Show Off Our Wealth Dinner?”
He licks his fingers again, and I can’t look away from the sight of him slowly pulling them between his lips. My cock flexes hard behind my shorts, sending a jolt of pure shock through me. When was the last time I even got hard, let alone spontaneously like a horny teenager?
Heat floods my cheeks as another pulse clenches in my core. Being the least smooth man on the planet, I drop my hands to my lap and press the heel of my palm against my growing erection. The only thing it accomplishes is convincing my cock that the party has started, and it swells even more.
Tai’s eyes stay locked on mine, but the corners crinkle with quiet amusement as he finally—finally—pulls those long fingers from his mouth.
“At least Cho isn’t a bridezilla… although Andrew might be,” he says, feigning complete ignorance of my struggle.
I push out a shaky breath. “Maybe a little. Weddings weren’t this complicated when I got married.”
Tai freezes. His gaze darts from my left hand to my face and then quickly away as his shoulders stiffen. “You’re married?” The question comes out with forced nonchalance, but he picks at his clothes and focuses on anything but me.
It shouldn’t please me so much to see the news upset him, but it does. It means he might be feeling even a fraction of the same attraction I am.
“Technically, yes,” I say softly.
He seems to pull even further away, and the brief spark of satisfaction I felt from his jealousy vanishes completely.
The sudden emotional distance he puts between us hits me like a physical blow.
I lean forward, desperate to bring the softness back as I reach for his hand.
My fingers intertwine with his as I force him to meet my gaze.
“We’ve been separated for a long time,” I explain, “but the divorce isn’t final yet. Things are amicable, so the courts aren’t exactly in a rush.”
The guarded look lingers as he studies my face, searching for any hint of deceit. He finally gives a small nod, though his hand slips from mine as he stands and turns his back to me, walking over to his bag.
“Hey,” I say, barely more than a whisper as I stand and follow after him. My hands land on his shoulders, my heart rioting in my chest as I lean in close to his ear. “Are we good?”
Tai twists, his face tilted up and dangerously close to mine. In that moment, the need to close the distance between us overwhelms me in a way I’ve never experienced before. There’s a heavy, pregnant pause as his tongue slips out to wet his lips, and then he leans in even closer.
My heart might not survive this.
Soft lips press against my jaw in a sweet, fleeting kiss that makes my chest swell until it feels like it could actually explode. “We’re good.”
I can’t look away. I can’t think about anything except him, and he’s so close. He’s right here.
“Tai,” I whisper, but it comes out as more of a whimper than anything else.
His head gives a tiny, almost undetectable shake, as if the motion is meant more for himself than for me.
Those dark eyes bore into mine as he leans in again, pressing his lips softly against my cheek this time. A faint exhale brushes across my skin.
My head jerks instinctively toward him, my mouth nearly brushing his as he pulls back. Our gazes lock, and I swear everything I’m feeling reflects back at me
Or maybe I want it so badly that I’m blind to every other possibility.
“Go shower,” he says. “Clean up and let’s find some trouble to get into, okay?”
I nod mechanically and start to pull away, but he catches my hand and stops me, keeping us close. “Connor, we’re good, okay?”
“Okay,” I repeat, forcing a smile.
I don’t want to be good.
I want to be so much more than that.