Chapter 22
Connor
“Are we there yet?” Aaron complains from the passenger seat.
I grip the steering wheel tighter as I rein in my temper. I love these guys, but I was not prepared for seven hours in the car with them.
“Does it look like we’re there? Are we at a restaurant right now?”
Aaron glances out the window, like he needs to double check. “No.”
“Okay, then. That answers your question.”
Bruce chuckles and claps me on the shoulder from the back seat. “Brother, you sound like me with that temper. Where’s all that renowned Jugs patience that everyone adores?”
I glare at him in the rearview mirror and shake my head. “The drive has been long, and I’m hungry. Sorry, Aaron,” I add, but he waves me off.
When Dante asked if I’d be interested in working security for this tour, I was honored, even if he did it more for my sake than his own. He knows something’s been wrong with me, even if I shrug off his prying every time he tries to dig deeper into what’s bothering me.
I knew the offer was a lifeline. It’s something to keep me busy and give me a much-needed escape from my stress.
The job allows me to travel with his band, explore new places, and hopefully break free from this rut.
I tried to argue that my expertise lies in self-defense rather than protective services, but ever since the day I pulled him into my gym, Dante has had endless confidence in my ability.
He gave me the freedom to pick my team, and I knew right away who was up for the job.
Bruce is a former special forces operative with extensive experience in protection detail, so he was the obvious choice to bring along. Aaron is a bit of a dumbass, but he’s one of the best athletes I’ve ever trained. He also blindly follows orders, so Bruce guaranteed he could keep him in line.
One’s a grumpy genius, the other a cheerful idiot, and I’ve been driving with them for seven long hours.
Traffic crawls the rest of the way. By the time we pull into the restaurant lot, my nerves are shot. I climb out and stretch my stiff limbs, grateful to escape the cramped SUV and Aaron’s nonstop chatter.
We step inside, and I approach the hostess. “We’re meeting a group here.”
“The band?” she asks, then motions for us to follow her when I nod. She guides us toward a hidden room tucked away in the rear of the restaurant.
Dante steps out to greet us. Even now, it’s hard to associate the beaten man who showed up on my doorstep years ago with the confident, accomplished musician he has become. Bruce and Aaron fall in behind me, letting me take the lead as Dante leads us into the room.
“Jugs?!” Theo shrieks, launching himself onto my back to hug me. I laugh, awkwardly trying to greet the others while he clings to me. Dante grins mischievously at his fiancé.
“I take it you didn’t share the plan with him?” I ask.
“I might’ve forgotten to mention it.”
Theo slides to the ground, swatting Dante’s arm. “You ass! How dare you not tell me one of my favorite people was coming along?”
“Let me introduce Bruce and Aaron.” I bring them both forward so they can shake hands. Dante knows their backgrounds extensively, but this is the first time they’ve met in person. I watch them chat, but my gaze drifts out the window to the water sparkling in the distance.
The old pain resurfaces, bittersweet and sharp. This close to the ocean, memories of Tai sweep through my mind no matter how hard I try to keep them subdued. There are moments when it feels like he’s right here beside me.
Dante snaps me out of it. “The band is anxious to meet you. I’ll take you guys around and introduce you to everyone.”
He leads us over to two tall, well-built men who seem better suited for working in a security detail than needing one. One is blond with a half-scowl, the other dark-haired with a giant, friendly grin. They’re introduced as Eric and Dmitri Woodard.
I nod my hello and reach out to shake hands. “These are the two that just got married, yeah?”
Dmitri’s smile is blinding as Eric nods and squeezes his hand, sending another sharp pang of longing through my chest. Bruce and Aaron make quick introductions, and Dante leads us across the room. I fall to the back of the group, rubbing at my chest as I lose myself to memories.
“… our keyboardist and backup singer.”
Dante’s words catch my attention again as we approach a slender man staring out a window. He has dark hair, and his tight, ripped jeans are tucked into a clunky pair of black combat boots. Everyone crowds in front of me and blocks my view as he turns to face the group.
“This is Bruce and Aaron,” Dante says, and they both shake his hand before moving aside, making room for me to step forward.
My entire world wavers when those cognac eyes land on mine—the same eyes that have haunted me for months.
“Connor?” Tai whispers, and all I can do is stare as I drink him in.
He’s lost weight, his eyes are sunken, and his hair…
his beautiful, flowing hair is gone, replaced by a cut that’s buzzed on the sides and longer on top.
He steps backward and stumbles against the wall, and I can’t help reaching for him.
Dante’s hand lands on my shoulder, frowning in the corner of my eye. “No, this is Jugs.”
Before this moment, I didn’t think it was possible for time to stand still. But right now, the world ceases its movement and everything freezes. A pungent series of emotions flicker through Tai’s eyes. Shock fades into comprehension, which is soon replaced by raw, barren hurt.
“Tai,” I finally say.
He flinches, and fuck, if my heart doesn’t break further.
“It’s nice to meet you,” he mutters, his eyes falling to the ground as his voice cracks and his breath comes in abrupt inhales. “Excuse me.” He pushes past us, giving me a wide berth as he hurries out the door.
“Sorry.” Dante’s brows pinch together as he watches Tai leave. “He’s been going through some stuff and hasn’t been himself recently. Give him time, and he’ll warm up to you.”
My stomach bottoms out at his words.
He hasn’t been himself because of me.
Because of what I did to him.
I should know, because I haven’t been myself either.
My heart jumps straight into my throat, and I try to swallow around the frantic beating. My hand moves to my neck, willing it to slow. Aaron gives me a sideways glance, but I’m too busy keeping my breathing in check to care.
“He won’t have much of a choice,” Bruce says with a laugh, completely unaware that anything is wrong. “We’ll be crammed like sardines in a can for a while.”
Every instinct is urging me to go after Tai, to do what I should’ve done months ago, and before long I stop fighting the temptation. “Excuse me,” I say, mirroring his words without realizing it. “I forgot something in the car. I’ll be right back.”
I don’t wait for a response as I push through the door into the main restaurant, but I don’t see him. I move outside, a wave of heat rolling over me as I step into the sun. A shoulder peeks out from behind the corner of the building.
Rocks crunch under my feet as I approach. His shoulders tense. “Go away,” he whispers.
A lump forms in my throat as I step around the corner and find him wilted against the wall. His eyes bore into the ground, and the urge to wrap him up in my arms is so strong that I shake with the need.
“Tai—”
“Go away!” He spins toward me, shoving my shoulders. “Just go!”
“Not until you give me a chance to explain.”
A sob catches in his throat, and it cuts straight through me. “There is nothing to explain,” he snarls, even as a tear slips from his eye. I reach out to wipe it away, but he jerks backward, fury contorting his face.
“Please, just hear me out,” I beg.
“Did you know?” His wet eyes fly up to mine, and the pain in them is almost too much to bear. “Did you know I’d be here? Did you know who I was the whole fucking time?”
“No, of course not.” I shake my head and take a half step closer. “I thought I’d never see you again.” I realize too late how my words sound, and another flash of hurt in his eyes is quickly burned away by his anger.
“Yeah, that would’ve been a hell of a lot easier for you, wouldn’t it? Sorry I ruined your plans.”
“That’s not—”
“You are cruel.” His voice carries a venom I’ve never heard from him. “What you did to me was cruel. What was I? Some sick fucking experiment? A way to fuck around without having to worry about the consequences?”
“No—”
“Was I anything to you?” he demands, then shakes his head before I can answer. “Never mind. I don’t want the answer. We’re done here.” He dodges past me and rushes around the corner.
“Tai!” I shout, running after him and grabbing his wrist. “Stop walking away from me.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” he says with a bitter laugh. “At least I had the decency to tell you I was leaving. That’s more than you ever did for me. Let go of me.”
“I can’t,” I whisper.
He snarls, ripping his arm from my grip.
For a few heartbeats he just glares, lips twitching with unsaid words that never come.
Eventually, he pivots and walks back into the restaurant.
Puffs of breath escape my mouth like I’ve run a marathon, and my fingers clutch at my chest, clawing at the source of the splintering pain.
I deserved that… deserved every word he just hurled at me.
My forehead slumps against the wall, and then the anger becomes too big, too explosive to hold inside any longer. I slam my palms against the bricks, each stupid decision fueling the blows, and I don’t stop until they’re red and raw.
Pain shoots through my knuckles as I squeeze them into fists. I close my eyes and force myself to calm down.
I can figure this out—I just need to convince him to talk to me, and losing my temper won’t help.
When I make my way back inside, Tai has surrounded himself with his bandmates, his gaze fixed on the table in front of him.
I find an empty seat next to Aaron and sink into it, mechanically ordering my drink and food.
Throughout the entire meal, Tai doesn’t even glance in my direction.
He barely touches his dinner, simply pushing it around on his plate.
My eyes move over his sunken cheeks, and I clench my jaw. He needs to eat.
Everyone laughs and chats, getting acquainted with one another, but all I do is steal glances at the man who has consumed my thoughts ever since he walked into my life. We gather our things and get ready to leave for the hotel.
His eyes finally shift to meet mine. That prominent Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, and then he turns so abruptly that he collides with Eric. Jealousy flares in my gut as Eric slides an arm over Tai’s shoulders, the touch intimate.
Eric’s lips mouth, “You okay?” and Tai nods, staring at the floor. Eric glances up and finds me watching them. He narrows his eyes protectively, and I force myself to look away.
The band loads up in their limo, and we pile back into our rented SUV to drive to the hotel.
By the time we get checked in and find our rooms, the others are nowhere to be found.
Dante shows up at my door a few minutes later, pointing out who is in each room before saying goodnight.
Bruce and Aaron swing by to discuss our schedule for tomorrow, but I’m distracted.
My mind keeps drifting across the hall to the room where Tai is upset and alone. Eventually my team goes back to their own rooms, and the minutes tick away as I stare at his name in my phone. The line of undelivered text messages taunts me until I can’t take it anymore.
I walk out into the hallway and gently knock on his door. There’s no answer, not even a sound, but I sense his presence on the other side.
“I know you’re there, and I understand you don’t want to talk to me.” For a moment I don’t speak, waiting for a response that will never come. “All I’m asking for is a chance to explain. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I am begging you to listen to what I have to say.”
For several minutes I wait, slumped against his door. “Alright,” I whisper, emotion catching in my throat. “Goodnight, then.” Closing my eyes to fight the sting behind them, I admit defeat and shuffle back into my room, where I stare at the wall for the rest of the night.