Chapter 26
Connor
Two Months Ago
Beth’s voice echoes from the front door. “Hey, Con-man, you home?”
I roll my eyes and trudge into the living room, shooting her an exasperated glare. “Ever heard of knocking?”
She shuts the door behind her, shrugs, and walks over with a wide grin and open arms. “Habit. It’s hard to break after living here for a decade.”
“Still weird, huh?” I hug her back and gesture toward the couch.
She studies me as we sit. “What’s going on, Connor?”
“Why would you think something’s going on?”
“First, you’re deflecting. Second, I’ve known you since we were seventeen. Our marriage didn’t work out, but you’re still one of my best friends.”
“One of your best friends? Not the top spot?”
She swats my arm. “See? Deflecting.”
I take a deep breath and fidget with a button on my shirt. “I met someone,” I mumble.
“Oh.” Surprise flashes across her face, then turns into a smile. “That’s great—who is she?”
My gaze drops to the coffee table as my anxiety spikes. I cringe at the small rip I just made, staring at the button I tore off. A soft touch lands on my knee.
“Connor,” Beth says, her voice unusually gentle, “what’s wrong?”
“It’s not a she,” I blurt, still using the table as an excuse to avoid her eyes. “It’s a… he’s a… I met a guy,” I breathe out a heavy exhale. “I’m fucking crazy about him.”
“Oh,” she repeats, clearly surprised. “You’re… gay?”
“Um, bisexual is probably more accurate.” I wring my hands to keep myself from destroying anything else. “It just… happened… and it was so natural between us…”
“Connor, look at me.”
I lift my eyes to hers, unsure of what I’ll find there. This is new to me, and she’s the first person I’ve told. There’s no judgment in her face, only curiosity. She reaches over to take my hand, her tiny one swallowed by mine.
“In the lifetime we’ve known each other, what have I done to make you think I’d judge you?” she asks gently.
“Nothing,” I say, blinking back relieved tears. “I’m pretty sure I fucked it up, though. This was more than just a mistake, Beth.” I stare up at the ceiling as the burning behind my eyes gets worse. “I don’t think I can fix this.”
“What did you do?”
“I left,” I admit in a whisper.
“Connor Sebastian Jennings, I’m going to need you to explain.”
I tell the entire story, leaving out the intimate details that are no one’s business but mine and Tai’s.
She listens without interrupting, letting me unload everything I’ve been holding in for a week.
Telling someone eases the weight on my shoulders, and once I start, the words pour out.
Everything rushes out of me, until I reach the point that I’m most ashamed of, and it takes real effort to unearth it.
I scrub my palms over my face. “He probably hates me now.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Because I was scared.”
“You’re no coward,” she argues. “You’ve never backed down from a challenge in your entire life.”
“I’ve never felt this way before.” As the words leave my mouth, I wince, aware of how hurtful they must be to her. “Fuck, Beth, I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay,” she says, and I know her well enough to hear the sincerity in it. “How are you going to fix this?”
“I got his number from Andrew and Cho a couple of days ago, but every time I pick up the phone to call, I just… I imagine him rejecting me, and I don’t have any idea how to handle that.”
“You won’t know until you try… and Connor?” I glance up at her green eyes again, her sculpted brow arched. “The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be.”
My eyes wander to the notepad on the counter, where his number is scribbled. “I know.”
“Tell you what,” she says, standing and pulling me up by my hand. “Go take a shower, and I’ll order you a pizza.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Your brain works better when you’ve eaten, but trust me, I’m using your credit card.” She pokes me with her pointer finger, humor fading. “Call him tonight. Tell him you’re an idiot and be prepared to grovel.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say, blowing my cheeks out with a heavy exhale. “Okay.”
My nerves are sky-high as I shower, but I hype myself up, and by the time I’m clean and dressed, my spine is steeled. I’m ready to do this.
“Babe!” Beth shouts from downstairs.
I groan, refusing to answer, and a few minutes later, I walk into the living room with a glare. “You know how much I hate that pet name.”
She laughs. “That’s why I do it. Someone called, but I didn’t catch the name.”
“What’d they say?”
“Asked for you. I said I was your wife, but they hung up.”
“Fuck, Beth,” I groan, dragging my hands over my face. “You can’t introduce yourself like that anymore.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she says with a dismissive wave of her hand. “If it was a telemarketer, I was saving you the hassle of telling them off by doing it myself.”
“You always were good at that.”
She flips me off as she stands up from the couch. “Pizza’s on its way. I’m leaving.” She turns and gives me a very pointed look. “Call him.”
“I will,” I promise.
She wiggles her fingers in a wave as she lets herself out the door.
Thirty seconds after she leaves the driveway, the delivery man pulls up with my pizza.
I grab a few slices while I stare at Tai’s phone number.
After eating, doing the dishes, and cleaning the kitchen, I finally run out of excuses to procrastinate.
My hands tremble as I dial, and with each unanswered ring, my heart sinks deeper.
Finally, as the fourth ring fades, the line connects.
“Hello?”
I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen for a second, taken aback by the unexpectedly deep voice. “Tai?” My voice breaks, and I clear my throat to steady my nerves.
“No, this isn’t fucking Tai,” the guy snaps. “This is his best friend who’s picking up the pieces of his goddamned broken heart.”
“Broken heart?” I clutch at the useless, aching organ behind my ribs as I drop to the couch. Regret knots in my stomach, twisting my dinner into nausea. “Fuck. Can I talk to him?”
“Can you talk to him?” he repeats with a bite to his tone. “You’ve done enough damage, buddy.”
“You don’t—”
“He deserves so much better than this. So much better.”
“Just—”
“Be glad we aren’t face to face, asshole, because you would regret hurting him. Don’t think I’d even hesitate to knock your lying ass to the ground. He is an incredible man, better than anyone I’ve ever met. Fuck you, Connor.”
“Will you please just let me—”
“No, you’ve lost your fucking chance. You don’t get to talk, and I’m sure as shit not going to listen. He is destroyed, dude. If you had seen how I found him… Fuck you. Don’t call again.”
The line disconnects, leaving me staring at the phone. “Fuck that guy,” I snarl.
I call back, but a series of shrill beeps whine from the speaker. A robotic message plays, telling me that my call cannot be completed. Again, and again, and fucking again, I call, but it doesn’t matter.
Tears burn behind my eyes as I stare at the screen. I really fucked up this time.