TWENTY-ONE
‘DID YOU POST THIS?’ I look up from my phone in surprise as Leif drives me back through Cambridge.
I was so exhausted by the end of the day I decided to leave my car at the football club overnight.
By the time all the equipment had been collected and the field was back to normal, only Leif, Hazel and I were left.
She was the one who took this photo of us, standing side by side in front of the clubhouse.
‘Yes. It’s the first thing I’ve posted myself.’ He looks proud of himself and then worried. ‘Does it bother you? I wanted to say thank you somehow, but if you want me to take it down –’
‘I don’t want you to take it down,’ I say quickly. I probably should, but it’s a nice photo. We both look happy and relaxed, and it’s not like we’re holding hands or anything incriminating. People at Rask will just take it at face value.
‘Good.’ He throws me a smile. ‘I feel like I owe you a holiday for all your hard work.’
‘No time.’ I yawn. ‘Communications don’t get an official summer break. Although Vienna’s promised we can all have a few days off.’
‘Then maybe we can spend some time together?’
‘I’d like that.’ I sit up straighter as we turn on to my street. Despite my exhaustion, I don’t want today to be over quite yet. I don’t want Leif to drop me off and leave either. ‘Maybe we could start with you staying here tonight?’
He doesn’t answer at first, manoeuvring into a parking space and turning the engine off before twisting in his seat to look at me. ‘Are you sure?’ His voice sounds husky.
‘Yes.’ My foot starts to tap, but I force it to stop. I’m not going to spiral. I want this – I want Leif – and I’m not going to let my past ruin my present. ‘If you’d like to, that is?’
‘I’d like to.’ He glances down. ‘But I’m kind of sweaty.’
‘So am I.’
‘I’ve been running about a pitch.’
‘And I’ve been walking around in the heat since 8 a.m. I think we’re equally gross.’ I lift a hand to the side of his face, sweeping my thumb gently across his cheek before leaning closer and inhaling. ‘I like the smell of you anyway.’
He catches my hand and presses a trail of kisses all the way from the inside of my wrist to the crook of my elbow. It makes me shiver so hard I can’t hide it. I can’t speak any more either. All I can do is nod silently, then open my car door and wait for him to do the same.
The distance to my flat seems like miles.
I want to be there already, touching him, kissing him, moving together.
There’s a pulse low down in my body, strong and insistent, and if I don’t do something about it soon, I’m going to scream because I’m wound so tight.
I’m aware of Leif walking beside me, but I daren’t even look in his direction until we’re inside and I’ve taken off my coat, deposited my bag on the floor and – yes, OK – done a quick check of my appearance in the hall mirror.
My skin is a little shinier than I’d like and some of my hair has escaped from my crown braid, but considering how crazy busy I’ve been all day I’m relieved it’s not worse.
By the time I turn around, Leif has closed the front door and is leaning back against it, watching me. He must be equally tired and yet he looks wide awake, his gaze dark and hungry.
‘Ava?’ He takes a step forward like he can’t wait either, so I reach out and weave my fingers through his, pulling him after me into my bedroom.
I stop by the side of the bed, turn on the lamp, then hook my hands around his neck and draw his face down to mine. It feels different to all the other times we’ve kissed, deeper and hotter and more urgent. My whole body lights up in response, like my blood is racing to the surface of my skin.
Between kisses, I wrench my crop top over my head and drop it on to the floor.
I could definitely use a spritz of perfume right now, but Leif doesn’t seem to care because he’s already dragging his lips along my collarbone and sliding his tongue down to the dip between my breasts.
His stubble scratches my skin, but somehow that only makes the ache between my legs even more intense.
I feel him unhook my bra, so I grab at the hem of his shirt and then we’re pulling the rest of our clothes off, hands everywhere like we can’t get enough of each other.
We topple sideways on to the bed, arms and legs entwined. It feels so right, I don’t even care about freshly laundered, vanilla-scented sheets. My body feels relaxed and all I want is this. Him. Us together. As soon as possible.
‘You feel so good.’ He groans as he bites into my shoulder.
I spread my fingers out over his chest, tracing patterns over his skin. He’s so toned. I want to explore every part of him.
‘If I do anything you don’t like …’ He slides lower, drawing one of my nipples into his mouth in a way that makes me want to combust.
‘I’ll tell you.’ I pant.
‘Good.’ One of his hands slips between my thighs. ‘Now, tell me what you like.’
What I like? I freeze. How am I supposed to answer that?
‘Ava?’ He lifts his head and takes his hand away immediately. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’ I try to sound casual, but I can feel my body tensing up. ‘I’d just rather do it than talk about it.’
‘I didn’t mean …’ He looks confused. ‘Ava?’
‘OK, fine. I haven’t done this before.’ I pull away from him, hoisting myself up to a sitting position. ‘I can’t tell you what I like because I don’t know.’ I fold my arms defensively. ‘It’s no big deal.’
‘I know that.’ He crawls up the bed. ‘If it helps, I haven’t done it for a while.’
‘Really?’ I narrow my eyes.
He nods. ‘But that’s no big deal either, right?’
‘Right.’ I unfold my arms as I hold on to his gaze. His sincere expression is so powerfully, fucking sexy, I feel myself start to melt again. ‘You’re right. Let’s keep going.’
‘You’re certain?’ He leans forward, pressing his lips to the side of my neck.
‘Absolutely.’ I feel like I’m being caressed all over. ‘I want this.’
‘So we’ll take it slowly and if you want me to stop, just tell me.’
‘I will.’ I smooth my hands over his biceps. ‘And don’t worry. It might be my first time with someone else, but I’ve had plenty of solo practice.’
His brow furrows like he doesn’t understand.
‘Look under the bed.’ I smile teasingly.
I prop myself on one elbow as he rolls on to his stomach and peers over the side. I hear the sound of a box being pulled out, followed by a sharply indrawn breath.
‘Whoa.’ He looks over his shoulder. ‘That’s a lot to live up to.’
‘You can always back out if it’s too intimidating.’
‘Never. You just made this a competition.’
‘Well, in that case …’ I roll on to my back as he climbs on top of me. ‘Let’s see what you can do.’
‘I’ll try my best.’ He grins as he takes hold of both my hands and pins them over my head with just one of his. Then he captures my mouth again, his hand still pinning my wrists to the mattress, but the other moving to between my legs, and …
I moan, arching my body upwards because it’s impossible not to.
‘You’re so wet.’ Leif presses his forehead against mine.
‘I know.’ I writhe against him.
‘Where do you keep your protection?’
‘I’m on the pill.’ I wrap my arms around his waist, as he starts to move away. ‘I thought, once we started dating, I should be prepared.’
I see his throat bob as he lowers himself again. ‘I have medicals every month. Lots of blood tests, so –’
‘So we’re both healthy.’ I hold on to his gaze. ‘That means we can …’
I don’t finish the sentence because I can feel his erection pressing against me and I’m too busy catching my breath and clutching hold of his shoulders to think of words. We’re pressed together so tightly that if either one of us pushes even a little …
I’m not sure which of us moves first. Maybe me, maybe him, maybe both of us at the same time.
All I know is that one moment we’re staring into each other’s eyes, the next he’s inside me and all feeling is suddenly centred at my core.
It feels strange and tight and a little painful, but it’s all right because I feel completely in control and safe.
‘Ava …’ Leif’s voice is a rasp. ‘I need to –’
‘Yes. I’m OK.’ I roll my hips tentatively and he thrusts deeper.
‘Fuck.’ He gives a low growl in his throat. ‘You feel incredible.’
‘So do you.’ I flex my hips again.
‘Wait.’ He pauses after we’ve moved together for a little while, bracing his hands on the bed either side of my head. ‘Just give me a moment or your toys are going to win this contest before I’ve even begun.’
I smile and hook my ankles over his legs because he’s so wrong. He’s already won. The discomfort has gone and I can feel the pulse in my stomach again. It’s like a drum beat, vibrating along every nerve, making my whole body ache with desire. I want more, but I can wait too. For a little while.
‘OK.’ Leif lifts his head again. ‘I can do this.’
‘You know, we have all night.’ I trace a pattern on his back with my fingernails. ‘We could call this one a sprint race. We’ll get to the main event later.’
He arches an eyebrow, his expression interested, before he shakes his head. ‘No. This is your first time. I want it to be special.’
‘It already is.’ I push myself up against him.
‘Ava –’ He clenches his teeth.
‘Let me take charge,’ I say, pushing him over gently, so that he’s lying on his back and I’m sitting astride him. ‘I’m the organized one, remember?’
‘Whatever you want.’ He moans, curling his fingers around my hips as I rock gently back and forth, sliding my body against his.
I try to go slowly, to make every movement long and drawn-out, but it’s not long before my desire takes over.
He’s so deep inside me, the friction is mind-blowing.
I’m riding him so hard but I can’t bring myself to stop because I can feel myself getting closer and closer …
‘ Fuck .’ Leif bucks, tightening his grip on my hips.
‘Almost.’ I slip my fingers between us.
‘Ava –’ He surges upright, wrapping his arms around me as he shudders, but I don’t mind because I’m almost there too. I can already feel myself tightening.
I fling my head back and cry out, my whole body convulsing as I shake.
My orgasm bursts through me, more intense than any I’ve ever felt before.
It’s like my whole body is contracting to a single point and then bursting apart, making the room reel around me.
It’s so amazing I keep on rocking against him because I want to draw out every last drop of feeling.
A few minutes later I’m wrapped in Leif’s arms, lying against his chest. We’re so sweaty we’re practically glued together. I probably look a total mess, but I don’t care. I feel safer and more relaxed than I have in a long time.
I close my eyes and let sleep overtake me. Wow. If that was a sprint race, then I can’t wait for the main event.