TWENTY-SIX
I UNDERESTIMATED. THIS HASN’T been a long few days, it’s been a soul-sucking eternity.
At this point I’m ready to join Vienna in tracking Corey down and breaking his other leg.
Thanks to him, I’ve spent the past seventy-two hours doing damage limitation over reports of a smashed-up hospital room.
I know he must be feeling pretty devastated right now and I feel bad for him, but his behaviour still reflects on the team and we’re busy enough fielding questions about Quinn.
Most journalists are asking the same thing, about why she was chosen to stand in, as opposed to any other available driver.
Nobody actually says it out loud, but the words ‘ female driver’ are implied.
It’s like nobody can believe she’s here on the basis of talent alone.
On top of that, there’s been practice and qualifying.
Fortunately, I’ve been so busy in the Media Centre I haven’t had to venture anywhere near the garage.
I’ve caught brief glimpses of Leif from a distance, but so far I’ve managed to successfully avoid him.
The fact that he hasn’t sought me out either makes me wonder if he’s avoiding me now too, but I’ve no headspace left to ponder the implications.
Ten minutes before the race, I head into the communications office at the back of the Rask motorhome to find Robbo, one of the technicians, glaring at a TV screen.
‘Hey. Are you all right?’ I follow his gaze. The picture changes as I look, but for a split second I thought I caught a glimpse of Leif.
‘Mmm?’ Robbo gives a start, like he didn’t notice me come in. ‘Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about something I heard.’
‘Anything juicy?’
‘More disappointing.’
‘Oh, really?’ I wait for him to say more, but he’s busy glaring at the screen again. ‘So are we all good to go?’
‘Pretty much. Both cars are in grid position.’
‘Great.’ I curl up on the sofa in the corner. ‘Would it be rude to nap?’
‘I won’t tell anyone.’
‘Thanks.’ I rest my head on a cushion. I’ve never slept through a race before, and I really don’t want to miss this one, but I’m so exhausted I can’t resist. After four days of incessant activity and continued emotional turmoil, I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone think straight.
I’ll watch the replay later. Right now, I need to recharge my batteries a little.
It’s the last thing I think before I drift off, though it feels like only seconds later that a hand shakes me awake again.
‘Huh?’ I lift my head groggily. ‘What is it?’
‘Ava, wake up! You need to see this.’ Emika’s tone is serious. ‘There’s been an accident.’
‘What?’ I break into a cold sweat as I see a group of people gathered around the TV screen. They’re all standing very still and a few have their hands pressed to their mouths. ‘Who?’
‘It’s more like who isn’t involved. Twelve cars just went out.’
‘Leif?’ I get up and stagger forward, my pulse thumping so hard I feel dizzy.
‘No.’ Yuto puts a hand out to steady me. ‘Neither he nor Quinn were involved.’
I feel a rush of relief, immediately followed by guilt. There are twenty other drivers to think about. ‘Is anyone seriously hurt?’
‘We don’t think so. The race has been red-flagged and the medics are out there, but it looks like everyone’s OK. It’s a total mess, though.’
I drag in a breath as my eyes focus on the screen. Yuto’s right: the track is in total chaos. There are bits of carbon fibre and rubber everywhere.
‘What happened?’
‘It was one of the Gold Darts,’ Emika answers.
‘Both the Fraser and Quezada cars had just pitted so the field was crowded. Erikkson went too tight into the bend and connected with Marr and Shimizu. Then Gio and Zaragoza went into them. It was like a whole chain reaction. Most of the front-runners are out.’
‘Is Gio OK?’ Fear grips me again.
‘Yes. He’s standing over there with Marr, look.’
I heave a sigh of relief, not just for Gio but for Maisie watching back home. She must be a nervous wreck right now. I’d call her, except she’s probably waiting for a call from Gio himself.
‘Wait!’ A new thought hits me. ‘If twelve cars are out, that means –’
‘There are only ten left.’ Emika’s eyes connect with mine. ‘So everyone who finishes the race will be in the points.’
‘Which means another double points finish for us.’ Yuto looks around the room. ‘We’re allowed to feel good about that, right? I mean, since it looks like nobody’s injured?’
I don’t answer because the accident is being replayed in slow motion on the screen.
The thought that Leif was only a couple of seconds behind makes me feel sick.
I have a powerful urge to run to the garage to make sure he’s all right, but he’ll be waiting with his car for the restart.
Short of elbowing his mechanics out of the way and smothering his helmet in kisses, there’s no way for me to reach him.
At this point, he probably wouldn’t want me to anyway.
‘What lap was it?’ I ask, pushing that last thought from my mind.
‘Thirty-nine,’ Emika says. ‘So there’ll only be eleven left if they can clear the track in time.’ We all turn to look at the clock. If a race has no stoppage time, the limit is two hours. With stoppages, that extends to four. Right now, we’re only ninety minutes in.
‘So we’re looking at a likely restart. What positions are Leif and Quinn in now?’
‘Leif’s second and Quinn’s seventh.’
‘Leif is second?’ I need a moment to process. If he stays there, he’ll be on the podium again for the first time since Australia.
‘We could get a win if he overtakes Cooper.’ Yuto sounds like he’s trying to restrain his excitement.
‘It’s possible.’ I feel a surge of adrenaline because it really is. Leif is one of the best drivers on the grid, in one of the best cars now too. If he’s in the right frame of mind, he could win the whole GP …
If …
But I daren’t think about that, because I have a horrible feeling I might have messed up his chances already.
‘I CAN’T WATCH.’ EMIKA buries her face in her hands. ‘Tell me when it’s over.’
‘One more lap.’ Yuto clutches my arm. ‘This is so exciting!’
‘I know!’ I clutch him back. After half an hour of clearing up the track, the race restarted with the drivers in the same positions they were in before the accident.
Some commentators were expecting a procession, with none of the drivers prepared to take risks for fear of losing guaranteed points, but it’s been the complete opposite.
With all the cars on new tyres, the last ten laps have been some of the most exciting in the whole year, more like a sprint race than a Grand Prix.
Cooper is still in the lead, but Leif is relentless.
I want him to overtake, but I also don’t want him to do anything reckless.
If he were to miss out on a podium at this point, it would be gutting for everyone.
Meanwhile, Quinn has overtaken three cars already, putting her in fourth place, and the way she’s driving, a podium finish isn’t out of the question for her either.
There are two corners left. Leif comes up behind Cooper, turns on the inside and then …
‘He’s done it!’ I spring into the air with Yuto as the whole motorhome seems to shake with the volume of cheers. ‘He’s overtaken Cooper!’
‘Leif?’ Emika peers out from between her fingers.
‘Yes!’
‘No way!’ She wraps her arms around us so that we’re all jumping up and down together when he passes the chequered flag, closely followed by Cooper and then …
‘Quinn!’ Emika’s screech is so loud it’s amazing the screen doesn’t shatter.
‘First and third!’ Yuto throws his head back and gives a loud whoop.
I want to stay .
The thought pops into my head with such clarity that I know it’s the truth.
I want to stay with Rask, with this team, these people, this family.
My life isn’t going to fall apart if I revise my plan.
It’s got me this far, but now all it’s doing is holding me back, trapping me in a past I’ve finally outgrown because I’m not the person I was when I first set my mind on Quezada.
I’m happier and stronger, someone who ought to be free to change her mind if she wants to.
And I won’t be doing it for a man, but for me, because Rask is where I can have a career and friendship and fun, as well as love too.
My eyes well with tears as I watch Leif pull into parc fermé.
Everything is so clear now. I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I can finally stand tall, look up and see the world properly again.
I’m in love with him. I refused to let myself acknowledge it before, but I am.
So now it’s time to set my old plan aside and make a new one.
One where I stay with Rask and Leif, and we get a ton more podiums and become the best damn team in Formula 1. Together.
‘Go!’ I push Yuto and Emika towards the door because if I keep hugging them any longer I’m going to erupt into sobs. ‘Go and congratulate them. I need to post about this, but I’ll celebrate with you later. Just remember to send me some shots from the podium!’
I sit down the moment they’re gone, wiping my hands across my cheeks as Leif gets out of his car, hugs Quinn and then flings himself against the barrier and into the arms of his mechanics.
I wonder if he’s looking for me among them.
I wish I could go out there and join in, but I can’t, not yet.
I know I have a lot of explaining to do and I don’t want an audience.
Soon , I tell myself. I’ll wait until the cameras have gone and then I’ll go and explain – and hopefully fix – everything.
AN HOUR LATER, I stretch my back, slip my laptop into my bag and throw one last look around the office to make sure nobody’s left anything.
It’s incredible how fast motorhomes are packed up after a race, ready for shipping on to the next Grand Prix.
If I don’t hurry, they’ll be taking the walls down around me.