Chapter 24
“A few people are at Leon’s,” Mara says as she texts something on her phone. “His apartment is close to Towers. We could go
there.”
“That could be fun.” Nicky turns to me and Luke. “That sound okay to you?”
His concern that Luke and I aren’t having a good time is adorable, and just like that, I’ve forgiven him for interrupting.
It’s a fifteen-minute walk, and I’m grateful for the movement, because it warms me up. Mara and Nicky are still holding hands,
but with no crowd as an excuse to hold Luke’s, I shove mine deep into my pockets.
When we get to the building, I ask, “Will anyone be weird about Luke?”
“Nah,” Mara says. “Don’t worry. It’s only Leon, River, and three of our other friends. Most of them will be too stoned to
remember how to post pictures to the internet. And anyone who isn’t is going to be too proud to act impressed.”
Inside, it’s just as Mara described. The lights are low and warm, and there’s the skunky smell of pot again.
Most everyone is draped casually over a piece of furniture.
Leon and River say hello, more with the land of the living than they were earlier.
Mara introduces her friends Gia, Rachel, and Jonathan.
Gia is shocked by the introduction to Luke but swallows it quickly; Rachel and Jonathan show no signs of recognition, and only say, “Hey, nice to meet you.”
Nicky is completely out of place here, but he’s earnest about it. Like he wants to fit in with them and doesn’t mind that
he’s the big, doesn’t-belong athlete in the room. It makes my heart squeeze. I love my brother.
We settle in. This size gathering is way more my speed. Everyone’s drinking wine or bottled beers, and soft music is playing.
I’m tired from the long day so I settle on the couch next to Mara and put my head on her shoulder. She shifts and puts an
arm on the back of the couch, like she’s welcoming me in. It feels so natural to sit with her like this.
“You’re the best girlfriend my brother’s ever had,” I tell her.
She laughs. “From what it sounds like, it isn’t much of a competition.”
That makes me laugh, too. At least Nicky’s self-aware enough to know that.
“You want a drink, Gus? There’s kombucha,” Nicky asks as he pours himself and Luke some red wine.
“I’m good.”
“Why do you call her Gus?” Mara asks Nicky.
“Because she was as skinny as an asparagus stalk as a kid,” Luke responds, beating Nicky to it.
“Yeah. Remember that old show? VeggieTales? With the asparagus stalk that had the enormous eyes?” Nicky points at me. “That was her.”
I throw a bottle cap at his head.
Nicky and Luke start talking to Rachel and Jonathan, who, despite their lack of reaction to Luke’s arrival, seem extremely
interested in engaging with him. I close my eyes as Mara plays with my hair. “So how do you and Luke know each other? Like
what’s the story there? Nick didn’t get into that part other than saying you knew him when you used to live in LA.”
Poor Nicky. I’ve made it so he can’t even be honest with someone as great as Mara. I imagine him skating by the details of
our past, our childhood. His childhood. Keeping my secrets has made it impossible to share all of himself with anyone else.
For a moment I consider reminding her of the whole chess team song and dance, but I’m tired. So I don’t. “We—well. We were
on a TV show together.”
“Wait, what?” Mara says.
I almost can’t believe I said it. But . . . I don’t know. There’s that dizzying feeling of lightness again. Like I can breathe.
I give her a condensed version of the story. She’s familiar with Bricks but never watched it herself.
“This is some real Hannah Montana shit,” she says, and I laugh.
Confiding in her like this has made me feel instantly closer to her. “I hope you aren’t mad Nicky didn’t tell you.”
“No. Not at all,” she says. “I mean, I knew Nick has issues with your dad, but I didn’t realize they were, like . . . capital-I Issues.”
“Yeah. The whole thing is pretty messed up.”
“I’m so sorry you went through that,” she says, and I can tell she means it.
Later, River puts a guitar in Mara’s lap and is dead set on her singing something. I’m sitting on the floor, next to Luke.
He’s at least a little drunk, which I know because I’m sober as a judge. Mara half-heartedly pushes the guitar away.
River presses their hands together. “Please?”
“Yeah, please?” Nicky adds. He makes his eyes puppy dog big.
She groans, and Nicky grins because he knows he has her. Soon Mara is tuning the guitar, and then she’s strumming, and everyone
has gone quiet because . . .
She’s incredible.
Like, I feel like I’m at a private concert incredible.
Her singing voice is husky and low and smooth, and she reminds me of Adele, but in her own way.
Luke leans over when she’s halfway through her second song. “I know you don’t trust my taste in music, but she’s amazing,
right?”
“Incredible,” I whisper back.
We stay at Leon’s for another hour, and by then, I’m yawning every thirty seconds or so. It’s hard to keep up with people who’ve been drinking, especially after a day as long and full as this one.
“You look exhausted,” Nicky says to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders as we make our way out of the building.
“I am.”
Mara stretches. “I’m ready for bed, too.”
Luke throws his arms wide. He’s loose and happy. “Aw, come on! The night’s still young.”
“For you, maybe,” I say. Then to Nicky, I ask, “So . . . where are we crashing?”
“My roommate’s out of town, so I figured you and Luke could take my room. This way you each get a bed. And I’ll sleep at Mara’s.
That work?”
I’m grateful it’s dark, because my face is flaming. It’s not like this would be our first sleepover. I slept over at Luke’s
mom’s house a bunch. But never in the same room.
“Sure,” I say. “Luke, that okay?”
He swings around and closes one of his eyes to squint at us. Oh yeah. He’s definitely drunk. “What?”
“Nothing,” Nicky says. “Time for bed.”
The four of us make the short walk back from Leon’s to the dorms. With too light a coat and no alcohol blanket to speak of,
I am officially freezing.
We say good night to Nicky and Mara at the elevator bank, and suddenly it’s just me and Luke heading down the hall.
It’s past two a.m. now. I don’t know what to say to him, or how to act.
When we get to Nicky’s, should I put on my pajamas and brush my teeth?
It all seems so . . . intimate. These thoughts plus a million more are running through my mind, whereas Luke doesn’t seem to be thinking about anything at all.
When we get to Nicky’s room, the window is open, letting in the cold air. I hurry to shut it.
Luke flops down on one of the beds. “Can you ask Nick if he has anything to eat? I’m starving.”
“Sure,” I say, grateful to have an objective to distract me.
ME:
Do you have any snacks in ur room?
NICKY:
There’s leftover pizza in the minifridge. It’s from last night so its still good
ME:
Do u have anything else?
NICKY:
No Claire. This isn’t the ritz
I click off my phone and shake my head. “Only pizza. Sorry.”
Luke sits up. His eyes are unfocused. “Pizza’s fine.”
“You sure?” I ask. “It has cheese.”
“One slice will be fine. Come on. Have some pizza with me. Is there a microwave?”
Once we find it, Luke heats up the pizza while I change into sweats and wash my face in the bathroom.
Luke looks me up and down when I come back in. He puts on a fake frown. “I was hoping for your Halloween pants.”
“Sorry to disappoint.”
“Come on,” he says, motioning at the floor. He microwaved the entire half pizza. “Sit with me.”
I take a bite and it burns the roof of my mouth, but I’m grateful for any blast of heat I can get right now.
“Mara’s pretty great, right?” I ask, blowing on my slice before taking another bite.
Incredibly, Luke has finished one slice and is on to his second. “Yeah, she is. I’d bet a lot of money she’s going to be famous.
After a while in this industry, you start to get a sense for it. Who has the energy, the charisma to get there.”
I side-eye him. “Did you know that about yourself?”
He smiles at me, and I notice some cheese is stuck to the corner of his mouth. “Aw, c’mon. You have it, too, you know. That
star power. You’d be swimming in offers if you were still acting. I know it.”
“Sure. Maybe in another life.”
Luke puts his pizza down and looks at me. “I’m sorry it was ruined for you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what
you told me.”
“At least I got to have five years of normalcy,” I say, trying to be positive. “And it’s been nice. To be a normal person
in the world, without all that baggage.”
“I think you should sue him.”
“You sound like my mom.”
“Ah, yes, what every guy wants to hear a girl say.”
I laugh a little, tearing a piece of crust off my slice. “This might sound stupid, but I don’t want to cause him pain. Like
when I imagine him alone in his apartment, dressing up and shaving to go to court because his daughter is suing him . . .
it makes me unbearably sad.”
“So you’re protecting him,” Luke says.
“I guess, in a way. Yeah.”
“Cee. He’s the one who should have protected you.”
I know he’s drunk, but the intensity of his kindness chokes me up. I do my best to swallow it down. Instead of letting myself
get weepy, I make a joke. “Well, I knew there couldn’t be two child star success stories from one dumb sitcom. So I wanted to let you have it.”
Luke nods, as though he’s thinking about something. “Can I admit something to you?”
“Of course.”
“Sometimes I’m so fucking unhappy.”
“In what way?”
“I don’t know. Life. What I do. I got so caught up in this whole thing. But it’s always been the scene, the fame. Not the artistry. I don’t read the books like you do,” he says, nodding at me. “I never chose this path. It just . . . happened.
And I can’t tell anyone how I feel, because they’ll be like, shut up. Which, fair.”
“You’re allowed to feel however you feel. It’s your life,” I say. “Can you quit?”
“I’m booked out for two more projects after I wrap this movie.”
“So finish those projects, then quit.”
“You make it sound so easy.”