Chapter 5
Chapter Five
ALASKA
A miracle happened. Just as I was about to fall, Jack caught me.
And I didn't collapse or slip into a panic attack. My fingers clench the wheel of my car, daring me to dream of a better life. Only I know better. Jack seems to be a good person, absolutely not deserving of being close to me and my broken mind. What I’ve read in romance novels can’t bleed into my real life.
Sure, it might work for another girl, the small-town heroine with a fake-dating trope, a golden retriever guy with no plot twists or no third-act heartbreak.
That’d be easy, predictable. But despite cringing at the thought, I’m not like other girls.
God, how I wished I was. A twenty-something book lover, running her own shop in a charming town, surrounded by friends and family.
It looks so good on paper. It really does.
Maybe that’s why it tastes so bittersweet.
Because even with all the right cards in my hand, I can't let go of the past. The promise I made six years ago has sealed my fate. No amount of kind words or interest from a handsome stranger could undo it. What’s wrong with me?
Flirting, or whatever that was, with this kind and ridiculously hot man?
My fingers circle the steering wheel, the moon shining right on my knuckles. The faint scars are barely noticeable now. Insignificant compared to the weight of that day. But I can still feel the icy water slicing through my skin, the metallic tang of blood in my mouth, and sweat stinging my eyes.
Sitting in my car, parked in front of Bella’s parents’ house, I watch the light inside, their silhouettes moving around the living room. They'll be better off without me. The world would be better off without me. I shut my eyes hard, liquid pain threatening to burst out of them.
I would have gone in if it wasn’t for him.
But he’ll be there, talking, moving, breathing, and I will have to try my best not to stare, to try and fail to feign indifference when all I want to do is drown him in a sea of questions.
And because he’s a good man, I mean that’s what I’m guessing from how protective he was an hour ago, I guess he would answer back, try to connect with me, learning about each other like normal people.
Or maybe I’m just making movies in my head, but on my end, it would end in a crush.
It already is. A hard, unyielding, desperate crush I have no business having.
Happiness isn’t for me.
Contentment perhaps, but joy… Joy will have to stay buried under the ice of the lake, just like my past. Despite what films and books promise, not everyone deserves happiness.
Some of us just have to keep going, survive, and wake up one day after another knowing there's nothing, nothing that could undo the past.
Figures are moving behind the curtains of the living room; they're already there, having a great time. I wish I would, too. Instead, I cowardly text Bella before revving my car and heading back to my place.
Me
Feeling sick, you guys have fun, I’ll see you soon, love you.
Jack
She didn’t come. Called in sick. Jared’s sister flew into the living room with a scowl.
“Alaska doesn’t feel well. She won’t come.
” She announces, setting her phone down, not thinking twice about it.
Sick? Not buying it. She didn’t seem sick at all an hour ago when I held her in the woods.
On the contrary, her skin lit up like it had remembered something it had long forgotten.
Have I done something wrong? I had rushed to get here on time, honoring the manners my parents drilled into me, respecting people’s time, and never showing up late.
I’d slid into a black pair of pants and a brown velvety shirt rolled neatly at the forearms.
Jared hadn’t lied; his parents are the real deal.
The kind of folks you’d want as neighbors or lifelong friends, the kind you’d trust with a spare key or to watch your kids in a pinch.
Their house is bigger than mine, warm with tangerine tones, plaid throws, wood furniture, and cozy corners that call you to sink in with a cup of coffee and a good book.
His mom welcomed me like family, arms wide open.
It reminded me of my own mom, or at least, who she used to be before my dad’s heart stopped one random Tuesday.
Before the defibrillator tried to shock him back and failed.
That day shattered her. The light dimmed.
Her joy, her dancing in the kitchen, the humming while folding laundry, it was just gone.
She was still there, just…faded. A muted version of the woman who raised me.
Jared hadn’t mentioned much about his own dad, but Connor from the station had murmured something earlier, stage three, post-chemo, still fighting. Just like Alaska said, nothing stays secret long around here.
“There he is! The famous Jack!” a booming voice echoes behind me as I step into the living room.
I turn and come face to face with a large, bearded man who could’ve walked straight out of a Hallmark lumberjack calendar.
He’s wearing a red checkered shirt tucked into a thick brown belt and well-worn carpenter pants. All that’s missing is the axe.
“S-sir. Th-thank you for having me,” I say, gripping his hand in a firm shake, the kind older men use to measure you.
“The pleasure’s ours, really, really,” he says, letting go and giving my arm a hearty slap. “Lily’s been over the moon since Jared said you were joining us tonight. Son, you’d best prepare yourself, you’re about to eat the best food in Lakeside.” He chuckles, deep and proud.
“Oh, hush, you’ll make him uncomfortable.” Lily, Jared's mother, waves a hand at him, shaking her head with mock disapproval. Her long orange skirt shifts with her steps, and I notice the same loose curls as Bella’s, hanging past her shoulders.
“Guys, can we sit? I’ve been running after toddlers all day and my legs aren't working anymore.” Bella sighs dramatically, collapsing into one of the large armchairs in the living room.
“Sure, sure. Here, Jack,” her mom says, ushering us toward the couch and motioning for me to sit next to Jared while he takes the other armchair.
The fireplace casts a soft glow, dipping the room into a fall movie.
Jared’s a lucky guy. Not everyone gets to grow up watching their parents love each other like this.
I got to experience it. And God knows what I would’ve become if I hadn’t.
If my family had mocked my stutter instead of supporting me, all hell would’ve broken loose.
I probably wouldn’t even have the small sliver of confidence I do now, which isn’t much, but it’s something.
“So, Jack, tell us about yourself. We’ve been excited to meet you ever since Jared mentioned you,” Lily says as she serves drinks.
“Thanks, ma’am,” I say, accepting what looks like apple juice in a tall glass. She pours the same for everyone. I glance over at her husband, who gives me a wink and chuckles.
“No alcohol in this house. New rule,” he says, staring in his wife’s direction. I’m guessing she’s the general in charge of that one. They’re playful, reminding me of how my parents used to be.
“That’s alright,” I say with a grin, lifting my glass in his direction before taking a sip. I’ve never been much of a drinker anyway.
“Jack just got here, so don’t go all question-mode on him, okay, Mom?” Jared warns, glancing her way.
“Okay, okay, forgive us for wanting to know more about your new partner,” she says, rolling her eyes. “So you’re from Minneapolis. How’s the move going?” she asks, her smile reminding me of my mom greeting me after school.
“So far…uh,” I clear my throat, “g-good. I’ve got a house near the f-forest, east side of town.
It’s quiet. Lots of families, folks coming to fish.
I even have a backyard.” As soon as I say it, I realize that’s the most city-boy thing I could’ve said.
People around here don’t gush about backyards; they all have one.
I used to live in a flat so this is quite a radical change for me.
“That’s nice,” she says without an ounce of judgment. “And you’re not far from the station, so you can sleep in a little.”
“I guess, but I’m an early riser, er, I…wake up at six every day anyway. Drove my p-parents nuts as a k-kid.”
“Just like this one,” she says, waving at Jared. “Every. Single. Morning. I didn’t mind, I'm like Jared, but Allan wasn’t having it.” She laughs, and it sounds like cotton and honey.
“I woke up,” Jared's dad chimes in, grinning, “I just wasn’t really awake.”
“Awake? Uh, awake with closed eyes, then,” she teases, shaking her head and winking at him.
“And why’d you come here? Was it mandatory?
” Bella asks, playing with the hem of her pink sweater.
“Surely there were more exciting things to do where you were?” I clench my forearms, caught off guard.
I can’t exactly tell her why I’m here, because the real reason is mortifying but maybe I can give her a blurred version of the truth.
“My superior sent me to see if I could, uh, a-adapt and work with new people quickly. When I b-become a s-sergeant, I’ll have more on my shoulders, so they want to see if I can m-make it work here.”
“Like a test?”
“Yeah. Kind of.”
“And it’s going great. The guys at the station are glad you’re here,” Jared adds, “Fletcher wanted us to work on closed cases for a while, and now that Jack’s here, he gets the pleasure of doing that.”
I grin, sipping my apple juice. “Don’t worry.
I’ll find a way to include you too.” Jared gives me a smug grin since we know working on cold cases isn’t exactly exciting.
It takes time, effort, and usually yields small results, but if I’m on it, he’s on it too.
It’ll help me sharpen my detective instincts…
and distract me from why I’m really here.
“What about your family?” Lily asks.