Chapter 21 #2
“A cop t-twisting her words. Making her say things she-she doesn’t want to s-say. Trying to put the b-blame on her.” I grip the tape tighter. “This is the b-best evidence I’ll ever get to take down the people who wronged her.”
Jared’s jaw tightens. A deep crease forms at the corner of his eye. “You’re going after the county, then?”
“There’s g-gotta be a way.” I exhale. “I’ll try to keep it quiet…but we’re cops. C-cops do the right-right thing and this…isn’t.” Jared watches me for a long moment, then nods, biting the inside of his cheek.
“Wish I’d been braver.” The anger in me dulls. He never wanted to betray me. He was scared. Scared to lose his job. Scared to lose the insurance that kept his dad alive. I get it. I wish things had been different, but the fact that he’s not trying to stop me now tells me enough.
“Don’t think it was about b-bravery,” I say finally. “You just made th-the least t-terrible choice you could.”
“Are we…still partners?” he asks, forgiveness hanging above us, fragile as glass. Silence stretches before I reach out my hand. He grips it firmly.
“Yeah. P-partners.” He flicks his gaze to the tape.
“Then go for the jugular.” My lips curl into a cold smirk.
“I intend to.” I stand and take my leave, knowing that soon I’ll find a way to give her justice.
Alaska
"Hey." My voice is barely above a whisper as Jack caresses my face with the back of his hand. A flutter of warmth spreads through me, millions of butterflies taking flight in my stomach. My tears have dried, and I’m grateful for the twelve solid hours of sleep.
My body needed the rest. Now, standing in my kitchen in blue jeans and a short white tee, hair cascading freely down my back, I finally see him.
Jack drinks me in from head to toe, his gaze lingering, the dark circles under his eyes hard to miss. Was he out all night?
"Hey." His voice is raspy, hitting me right in the gut. He shrugs off his police jacket and kicks off his boots, hanging them on the rack like it always belonged there. I noticed he used a spare key so he wouldn’t wake me in case I was still asleep. Just like a husband coming home to his wife.
"Did you s-sleep okay?" he asks, coming closer, his black pants and rolled-up sleeves accentuating his strong, veined forearms.
"You?"
"Yeah, I st-stayed with you as long as I could, but then I-I went to Jared's and…
and then I st-stopped by the office to check a few things before c-coming back.
I'm s-sorry I took this long." His voice sharpens, and he rests a hand on the kitchen counter while the other drifts to the small of my back.
He towers over me, his scent wrapping around my senses as I fight visions of him leaving me, stamped into my brain from yesterday.
He came back. Everything is okay.
"Why?" There’s an imperceptible wince radiating from his iris, my pain written inside in capital letters, transcending his composure.
"Lots of things w-went wrong with your brother’s case.
Hidden evidence. Misspelled tapes. They pinned the b-b-blame on you when it should’ve been on them.
" He frowns, a river of frustration coursing through him.
"Jared t-told me what he knew, so I went d-digging. Turns out,” he clears his throat, “turns out, there's a ton of so-called ‘misplaced’ evidence. I-if you give me the go-ahead, I’d like to re-report the c-c-county.
Once and for all." Shadows of fatigue lie under his eyes.
"The t-t-tapes change everything," he continues.
"They g-give you leverage. If it got out, a lot of people could lo-lose their j-jobs.
But…if you want this to stay quiet, I-I can still build a c-case and negotiate.
Make them g-give you whatever you want in return. "
I frown. "Like what?"
"Heads rolling at the t-top of the county.
A s-settlement, an official ap-p-pology, whatever c-could ease your pain.
" He declares without an ounce of doubt, holding a shield of protection above me, no matter how heavy or targeted it’ll be.
Jack cups my cheek, his thumb brushing over my temple.
"I know n-nothing will bring him b-back.
But they n-need to be held accountable. May-maybe seeing it, in black and white, that it was n-never your fault, maybe it c-c-could help you heal.
" He exhales sharply, connecting his forehead to mine. "Or maybe I’m wrong. I-I c-can’t think straight when it c-comes to you, Alaska.
.." Birds spread their wings in my heart at his comment.
This man is trying so hard for me. I wonder what I did to deserve it.
I take a deep breath, weighing the pros and cons of the window of possibility he just offered me.
He’s right. I’ve carried this guilt for too long, convinced it was mine to bear. From the moment Matthew died, I believed them when they told me it was my fault. My parents always called it an accident, but they never wanted to dig deeper. They didn’t want the pain that came with details.
"I think…" My voice wavers as I look down at my scars. "An apology letter. I don’t want money or legal battles. Just please…no conflict. I can’t handle that. Most of all…I don’t want my parents to know.
It wouldn’t change anything, it would just reopen their wounds, and they’ve already learned to live with it. I…I can’t do that to them."
Jack studies me. "A letter. I’ll make it happen, sweetheart.
" His nickname caresses me like ice melting on a sunny day. I know that behind closed doors, in the halls of the department, he’ll do more.
He’ll fight for me, because that’s who he is.
A good man. And maybe a few heads will roll because of it.
Yet somehow, I trust him to shield me from the storm.
"Jack?"
“Um?”
Words can’t express my gratitude toward this man, but I tell him anyway, "I trust you.
" He leans in, pressing a firm, lingering kiss to my lips.
My body reignites with its other half, the true one.
He murmurs against my mouth, "I want you t-to trust me.
" Unconditional love slips from him and lands right in my chest. Palms on his chest, I whisper, "I made you pancakes.
" The air shifts, thickening, the walls closing in on us, extracting the oxygen. "Are you hungry?" I murmur.
"Hungry doesn’t even c-cover it." Jack’s eyes darken with a slight tilt of his head. "Let’s eat," he rasps with difficulty, invisible wires anchoring him to the ground. "Because right now, I...I don’t t-trust myself around you."
A blush stamps my neck. "I like…that I do that to you."
"Make me s-stronger and weaker at the same time?"
"Something like that." Jack takes my hand and presses my palm to his chest, right over his heart. It beats wildly against my fingers, each thump holding an unreasonable promise.
"You know it’s all f-for you, right?"
My breath catches, tears threatening to fall.
"Really…?" He nods, no word strong enough to encapsulate the essence of this moment. Suddenly, his hands grip my waist, and in one swift motion, he lifts me onto the counter. A surprised gasp escapes me, but he’s already there, stepping between my legs, his hands firm on my thighs.
“Is this…okay?” I drop a feather-like kiss on the corner of his mouth because yes, it’s more than okay.
“Jack?”
“Um?”
“You know I’ve never told you but-”
“But?”
“I just wanted you to know,” his gaze meets mine, his thumb circling the outside of my thighs, holding my sanity by a thin thread, “I don’t hear your stutter.
I mean, I hear it, but at the same time, I don’t?
” A flicker of vulnerability dances on his features, and I see the little boy in him who didn’t have a sturdier armor when he lost his father.
“I know you want to get rid of it, but I love you just the way you are. I love you, Jack, with or without stutter. It doesn’t change a thing. ”
His eyes shut, processing my words. “D–d-did you know I-I,” he stops, exhaling, eyes on me, control reclaiming the seat shame once occupied. “Did you know I p-practiced for-for an hour in my house be-before asking you out?”
“Jack…” My hand finds his stubble.
“I always thought I c-couldn’t achieve anything in life with-with this…this s-stupid thing holding me b-b-back.”
“But you do, in so many ways,” I whisper. “You’re more than enough, Jack. You’re everything to me.” His lips find mine and he mutters my name against them. Our breathing synchronizes, moving in the same rhythm, learning to trust ourselves again.
“I like that, b-by the way,” he rasps, “you wai-waiting for me at home with fresh pancakes,” he admits with a devilish grin, musk invading my senses, his manly scent making every atom of my being explode into fireworks.
“I like that too.” I blush, the dream taking shape in my mind with even more certainty. Could Jack want something like that with me? Could he handle my mental issues and stay, even through the storm?
Our lips part. “I...I haven’t seen Matthew today,” I say aloud.
The words burn my tongue, his hands freezing on my thighs.
“I dreamt of him. We…” My voice is low and breakable.
“We said goodbye. He was under the ice, but...this time, he said goodbye to me.” I try to keep my composure as Jack’s pupils bore into me.
“I just want you to know,” I take a deep breath, “I’m not sure…
what the future will be, if I’ll continue seeing him, but.
..I know this is over now. I know,” I repeat, hammering the certainty into my brain, “and I think if I go back to therapy, I might learn to live again,” I admit, wings of hope spreading in my chest for the first time in years.
“But you need to know, Jack, I’m not…this isn’t going to be pretty every day. ”
“Alaska—”
“There’ll be ups and downs. Perhaps a part of me will always remain in the past.”
“Hey.” He cups my face gently. “I know. Grief t-takes time, and in a way, you’re only s-starting it now that you’ve accepted it.
D-don’t be hard on yourself. Saying goodbye is the b-beginning, Alaska.
I’ll be there each step of the way un-until you c-can live normally again.
I’ll accompany you t-to your therapy s-sessions if you want me t-to.
Anything you need, I’ll do.” Dropping a light kiss on my forehead, he breathes out, “I love you. All of you Alaska. All the p-parts, even the ones you wish you could hide.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, my heart detonating. His lips meet mine in a slow and hard kiss, shutting down my worries and fears. Unconditional love lays a blanket around us, and I welcome it, leaving the rocks strapped around my ankles and swimming to shore. Breathing, finally.
Our kiss is slow at first, his hands roaming from my face to my hips, anchoring me.
I tug at his shirt, fisting the fabric hard and something in the air shifts.
Gasoline meets fire right here in this little wood kitchen.
Jack groans against my mouth, pulling me closer.
Still, these uncharted territories are still too foreign for me and I tense.
He notices immediately, stopping, forehead pressed against mine. "Alaska?"
My fingers grip his shoulders. "I…I’m sorry, I—"
"Hey." He pulls back just enough to look at me, brushing my hair behind my ear. "D-don’t apologize. N-never." Relief floods through me, and I let out a shaky breath. He presses a soft kiss to my temple.
"I just… I want to be okay first. To be present, and not overwhelmed by a million things happening in my head, and—"
"I know," he interrupts softly. "We have all the t-time in the world, Alaska. There’s n-no rush." There are few moments in life when you can bare yourself raw to someone else. I decide this is one of those.
"Jack…I want a future with you. I want…a home, a family, homemade bread and children laughing in our kitchen… a normal life, even if—” I sigh, “even if I’m not there yet.
" He looks at me, and I want to disappear into the ground, to take my vulnerability back and wrap it tightly around myself like tape. Only Jack wouldn’t let me do that.
He’d reach for scissors instead and cut me free from the cage I built on my own.
"The dream?" he murmurs, his lips quirking up.
“Yes but…I don’t know if I can have that. If I deserve it.”
Jack reaches for my hand, threading his fingers through mine.
“You do, Alaska. You deserve to live the life you dream of more than anyone I’ve ever known.
” He kisses my forehead then continues, “And the answer is yes. I want to b-build that life with you, the-the house, the kids, all of it. The whole thing.”
A breath catches in my throat. "You’re supposed to go back to the city. Your job-"
"I’ll find a way to st-stay, I promise." He squeezes my hand while hope blooms in my chest.
"What about your promotion?"
His irises shine with promises as he presses another tender kiss to my lips. "There’s more t-to life than a p-promotion." I close my eyes, letting myself believe, just for today. "Are you opening the shop today?" he asks, his thumb tracing slow circles on my thighs.
"Yes, I think…I think I need to keep my mind occupied," I admit.
"Then how about we eat your p-pancakes, and I drop you off before heading to the st-station?"
He sets me down on the floor. “Sounds perfect,” I say, pressing a light kiss to his lips. We settle into my small breakfast nook, where sunlight filters through the window. Jack sips his coffee, his foot resting lightly against mine under the table, like couples do in my romance novels.
If this could be my life, then it’s a life worth fighting for.