Chapter 9
October
It bothered me that Autumn slipped into a cocoon of protection after our encounter with those hos at the game. Afterward, no matter what I tried to do to pull her out of her shell, she would smile, but I knew she didn’t feel it inside.
Her parents were going to bring Auburn home the next day, so after the game, we headed straight home. On the ride home, I kept looking at her, and she seemed to be lost in thought, chewing on her nail. I reached over a few minutes before we got home, and I grabbed her hand.
“Talk to me, beautiful.”
“About?”
“Whatever is on your mind. You’ve been distant since that bullshit during halftime.”
“I’ve not been—”
“Don’t fix ya mouth to insult my intelligence, Autumn.”
“It was just so embarrassing.”
“Why? They’re the ones who embarrassed themselves. They made assumptions they shouldn’t have made, got rejected, and then that shit you pulled really embarrassed them,” I replied, chuckling.
When that girl had fallen on her ass, people all around us who hadn’t been privy to the heated exchange turned and saw that shit. People laughed at her, and then someone commented about “that’s what bitches get for trying to be cute,” which only made everyone laugh harder.
“I know. It’s just that I get so tired of that—people making assumptions about me.
As if because I’m overweight that automatically means I can’t be just as beautiful as they are.
It doesn’t matter what I look like outside.
I’m still beautiful inside, but it’s like that doesn’t matter.
I’m no less of a person because I’m overweight. ”
I pulled into my parking spot, parked, and shut the ignition off.
“Autumn, at some point, you’ll need to leave people with their ignorance.”
“You think it’s that easy? When people look at me in derision and make scornful comments about me, it’s not easy to ignore.
It doesn’t feel good when others are around to witness my ridicule and mockery, and they start laughing too.
It hurts, October. It hurts here,” she exclaimed, pressing a fist against her chest.
Tears fell from her beautiful chestnut-brown eyes.
“Why the fuck does it matter what other people think about you, Autumn?”
“Because it does, okay? You’ve never been in my shoes.”
“People have said shit about me, lied on me, and tried to make me feel less than. I keep my head up and skywalk that shit.”
“It’s not that easy, October. I wish like hell it were. I have tried dieting, exercising, and starving myself, and this weight won’t go away.”
She was crushing my heart with the brutal way that she spoke about herself. I wanted to find every muthafucka who had ever spoken a word of hate over her and beat the shit out of them.
“Did your parents show you love and acceptance as a kid?”
“Yes. All the time. They poured into us that we were beautiful, deserving of love and respect, and they protected us as much as they could. But that outside world was hateful and cruel.”
“And it always will be. The only one who can truly protect you against the bullshit is you. You alone have the power to shut that out, by ignoring the ignorance, standing firm on your faith, and knowing who the fuck you are, so can’t a muthafucka tell you shit.”
I hadn’t meant to snap at her, but I was angry. My heart was hurting for Autumn because she was so beautiful. I hated that she didn’t see what I did.
“I’ve tried. I thought I did know.” She sobbed.
I reached out and cupped her chin. Looking into her eyes, I affirmed her.
“You bring light into my life, Autumn. You and that little girl take away the loneliness that I feel and give me something more to look forward to every day. When you laugh, I can’t help but laugh, too, because it’s infectious.
The hope that I see in your eyes and the way you love people and give of yourself unselfishly gives me hope that there is still good in this world.
“You’re very intelligent and humble enough to know and admit when you’re not operating in your lane. You’re beautiful as hell, got the face of a fucking cover girl model.”
She tried to pull her face away from me and look away.
“Look at me,” I demanded, turning her face back around to me.
“You do. You’re a beautiful soul and a beautiful woman.
And if you’re thinking about your weight, I don’t give a shit about that, Autumn.
To me, you’re fucking fine as hell. I love a big woman.
A woman who can keep me warm in the winter and can handle what I throw at her without worrying about me putting her back out or breaking a hip. ”
Autumn’s eyes rounded, and a little gasp escaped her lips.
“Yeah, I said that shit. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m attracted as hell to you.
Give me a BBW over a skinny chick or curvy chick any day.
She can not only handle a nigga, but she also knows how to take care of a nigga’s heart and soul.
She can hold me down. So stop doubting yourself.
I don’t know who the first nigga was that put a chink in your armor, but I’m gonna knock that shit out of there.
I’ll hammer away at every part of your armor until I’ve restored it and reinforced it, because that’s what you mean to me, Autumn. ”
She swiped at the tears when I let her face go. “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better about what happened.”
My jaw clenched angrily as I jerked the car door open and got out of it. I rushed to the other side just as she climbed out.
“Please don’t be mad at me, October. I’m just stating how I feel.”
I cornered her against my car, placing my hands on the top of the car and trapping her between me and the car.
“Feel how you feel, but don’t try to put that shit on me.
I don’t feel that way. Everything I just said had nothing to do with that bullshit other people have put in your head.
My words came from my heart and soul. That’s what I need you to understand and respect. Got it?”
She nodded and swiped at her eyes again. “I understand, October. I do. But you didn’t have to do all that at the game. Grabbing my hand, claiming me as your woman, and all that you did to stand up for me.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re friends. You could have made your point without claiming to be my man.”
“What if I want more?”
“More what, October?”
“More of you. More of us. You and Auburn.”
She rolled her eyes and looked away. I waited until she met my gaze again. “I come with way too much baggage.”
“Don’t we all? That’s why Big Homie up there gave me these big ass shoulders and arms, so I could carry it and not break underneath the challenge.”
“What are you saying to me?”
“I’m saying that I want you to be my woman, Autumn.
Damn, I ain’t good at this shit. I’ve been trying to show you over the last couple of years that I’m interested in you.
But seeing as how you haven’t figured that shit out, let me say it the way we used to say that shit in elementary.
Would you be my girlfriend, Autumn Meshaun Woods? ”
She giggled and swiped at the tears. Looking away, she shook her head briefly, and a nigga’s heart seized in his chest. I hoped that she was not about to crush my feelings and break my heart out on this damn sidewalk.
“Are you serious, or are you toying with my heart, October?”
I didn’t say anything. I mugged the shit out of her.
“I only ask because I’ve been through some things, October. I don’t have the liberty to take chances with my heart anymore because so much more comes with that than just me now.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“I’m just saying that I’m a package deal, and that’s a lot for anyone.”
I tilted her chin. “You’re more than a package.
You and Auburn are it. Y’all two make my days complete, Autumn.
You don’t see me running away from that.
I’m choosing to be right here with you and her.
Right here,” I expressed, pressing my fist against her chest and then mine. “I’m trying to be connected like that.”
Tears ran down her face again, and she smiled. “You’re so sweet.”
I bent down and pressed my forehead against hers. “I’m nowhere near as sweet as you might think, ma.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead, stepped back, and reached for her hand.
We headed to her steps as I clicked my key fob and locked my car for the night. When she unlocked the door, she nervously asked, “Did you want to come in?”
“I’m just coming to check to make sure it’s safe for you, sweetheart. Stay right here in the living room,” I stated and closed the door behind me.
I walked through every room in her house and checked it before I returned.
“You’re all good, love,” I declared.
“Does this come with the territory of you being my man?”
“Bet, love. I always protect what’s mine, even if I have to sacrifice my life for it.”
Autumn smiled sweetly at me and replied, “I know that there was a dark cloud at one point during our day, but that rain only brought a beautiful rainbow into my life. Thank you for the day. It was beautiful.”
I reached out and dragged my thumb across her cheek. Her skin was soft and smooth. “You never have to thank me for what you deserve, baby.”
Her eyelashes fluttered, and she tipped up and pressed a kiss to my cheek, but I slowly turned my head. Cupping her face and holding it still, I dropped my gaze to her lips. She parted them and licked her lips.
Damn, I wanted to do the same thing. And before I could think it through, I did. I lowered my head, licked her lips, and kissed her deeply until she moaned. Autumn turned to face me fully and pressed her hands against my chest.
She clutched my jersey in her fingers, and I gripped her ass and pulled her closer. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved me a big girl. Always had, and I didn’t see myself changing that shit now, especially considering that the one woman I had been feeling for a minute was now mine.
As hard as it was to pull away, I did that shit. I cupped her face, pecked her lips sweetly, and brushed my lips across her forehead.
“Let me get up out of here before I can’t leave.”
“Okay,” she replied shyly and stepped back.
Autumn bit her bottom lip and followed me with her hands crossed behind her back. I turned in the doorway.
“Lock up behind me.”
“Okay.”
“Good night, beautiful.”
“Good night, sir.”
My heart felt full as I jogged down the steps and to my place next door. Autumn was a good woman, and I was damned lucky to have her.