21. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Esmerelda
I chew my bottom lip as I glance at the front door for the millionth time while I help Aiden build blocks. I'm trying my hardest not to panic and focus on my little brother, but I’m struggling.
Why did I agree to this?
What if they don’t like me?
I sigh. Damian should be here any minute, but he won’t be alone. It’s been nearly a week since his family showed up at my bakery, nearly a week since his mother wore him down for tonight to happen, and yeah, she may have roped Aiden into convincing him as well which nearly helped her lose.
Aiden is basically my boyfriend’s best friend, his little buddy. Using him to get what they wanted wasn’t the best of plans because when Damian agreed his face was red with anger because Honey got Aiden to ask him. The whole time his parents and family did nothing but plead and beg for him to sit down for a family meal so Damian could get everything out on the table, help clear the air, and for the brothers to convince him to go home.
He denied of course until Honey got Aiden involved.
As far as Damian’s concerned, the club is behind him now, but I know it isn’t. I see the pain he tries to hide every day. He misses his family, but he doesn’t trust them anymore. Though, he did agree to just his parents and my dad, much to Butchers and Louise’s dismay. He was already on the edge and they knew not to push him.
I twitch my nose and look at Aiden and smile a little seeing his tongue poking out as he tries to concentrate. Placing the triangle at the top of his tower being the little cutie that he is, minus the paint throwing last week and then the flooding the bathroom last night while he was in the bath, soaking me in the process all while dad laughed from the doorway.
I love this boy so much even with his messiness and my heart hurts with my mind going a million miles an hour. I need Damian to feel calm again despite the fear of having his parents here. I’m seven weeks pregnant and still not sure if I want to keep the baby. I know I’m running out of time to decide, I just don’t want to make the wrong choice and regret it in the long run.
I’m finishing school, but I’m taking over the bakery from Dad, something he won’t let slip through my fingers. I still live at home, and I watch my brother most days, and I’m scared.
There are so many reasons why continuing the pregnancy isn’t the best decision, and I’m so confused about what to do. It wasn’t planned, and yeah, it probably is a miracle, but I just don’t think I’m ready to be a mom.
Doesn’t help Damian isn’t giving me any guidance, only that he’ll stand by me. He says he doesn’t want me to sway anyway – jackass.
“They’re here, Mer, " Dad says, as he walks into the living area. I swallow hard but nod and he sighs, “It’s going to be okay.” and goes and opens the door.
I swallow again, trying to dislodge the lump forming and stand before walking around the couch in time for Damian to walk inside and just the sight of him causes everything to settle inside me and my smile comes out with ease.
This is what this man does to me, what he always does to me and I know it’s probably not healthy but I can’t seem to make myself care.
Damian grins as we lock eyes and walks straight to me, wrapping his arms around my waist as my arms go around his neck. I hold him tight, placing my face into his neck, inhaling his musky scent, and relaxing.
“Mm, I missed you,” he mumbles, and I snort and remind him, “You only dropped me off at the bakery this morning.”
He pulls back and shrugs, “I don’t care, I still miss you,” and I roll my eyes but am unable to lose my smile.
Having someone miss you is an amazing feeling to have.
“Ess,” Honey says happily, and I pull apart from my boyfriend to hug his mama who is already trying to pull me away making my boyfriend growl. She ignores him and squeezes me tight before letting go, and Pitbull kisses my cheek.
I smile and say, “I would say it’s good to see you both, but you’ve both basically lived at the bakery this week.”
Pitbull grins, his smile so like Damian’s, and reminds me, “That’s because Jokester would try and change the dinner so we had to make a plan.”
I chuckle as Damian sighs, “Dad…” At the use of his road name because apparently he used to be the jokester of the club, including putting flour or glitter bombs in the brother’s exhausts.
Pitbull shrugs and says, “To me, you are Jokester, and you always will be. Since you’ve been with this lovely lady, your jokester side has been returning. I see it. Your mother sees it, everyone sees it. At the shop you’re smiling more, pulling pranks on Hammer, even messing with the brother’s bikes when they show up. You’re our Jokester and we’ve missed you.”
Damian shakes his head while I furrow my brows and ask, “Do I need to call you that?”
Everyone shuts that down instantly, making me jump, and Damian grins as he wraps his arm around my waist and murmurs, “Even if I had the leather on my back, you’d still call me my legal name because you’re my girl, my one.”
I nod and admit, “That's good because I don’t think I could call you your road name,” I furrow my brows, “Or old road name or whatever.” I shake my head, “It just sounds foreign to me, and besides, you are wearing leather.”
Pitbull points at his son and says, “Ha, I told you subconsciously you missed your cut.”
I snort as Damian rolls his eyes and states, “It’s just a jacket, Dad. Let it go,” and I mumble, “A jacket you always wear and will make me wear when we’re on your bike.” Damian raises a brow at me, and I wince and say, “Well, you do.”
“Whose side are you on?” he asks playfully, tickling my side, and I giggle, “Yours, always yours.”
Grinning, he kisses my head before moving around me and grabbing Aiden from behind, lifting him underneath his armpits, making my brother squeal and giggle with delight, shouting, “Dam-Dam!” I grin wide at the smile that overtakes my boyfriend’s face with the delight Aiden shows seeing him.
He’ll make an amazing father.
Wait, what?
Crap…
I swallow hard and turn to Dad, who is handing out drinks. He passes me a glass of water, and I smile in thanks but I tense when Honey chuckles, “Adam, she’s nearly twenty-one. I’m sure she can have a glass of wine.”
Damian pauses with Aiden while my dad winces but quickly tries to cover it and lies terribly, “Mer doesn’t like to drink much,” looking everywhere except toward Damian's parents making me roll my eyes.
Honey furrows her brows at my dad’s twitchy behavior as Pitbull says, “What’s going on? You're kind of acting weird, Adam.”
Dad chuckles nervously and I shake my head in disappointment and mumble, “And this is why you never got away with lying to mom, you suck at it.”
Dad mock glares at me, making me smirk as I remember the mudpie that disappeared on my ninth birthday and he swore it wasn’t him but mom and I could see right through him while Damian wraps his arm around my waist. I look at him as we lock eyes. Aiden is still in his arms, half upside down over his shoulder, giggling, making my lips twitch. He shrugs like it’s no big deal. Aiden is half upside down and looks at his parents and then at me before his eyes go to my stomach.
Nerves shoot through me as we lock eyes again and I know he wants to test his parents, test their trust and I know this is probably the best way so despite the nerves and the fact I’m unsure what I’m going to do, I give him a subtle nod, and he sighs and says to his parents, “Essy is pregnant.” Pitbull’s mouth drops as Honey’s eyes widen with excitement, but it dims as he quickly states, “It wasn’t planned, and we had been using protection. We’re not sure if having a baby right now is the right move for us, but you three,” he looks at my dad as well, “will be the first to know what we decide and no one is to know.”
I can feel my nose wanting to twitch, the tears wanting to fill my eyes, but I blink several times.
He’s saying we, not me, we.
How on earth did I get so lucky to meet this man?
“You’re talking about a termination?” Honey asks carefully without any malice or accusation. She continues, “How far along is she?”
“She is still standing right here, Mama,” Damian snaps, and I quickly state, “I’m seven weeks,” not wanting Damian to think I’m taking her words to heart that she addressed him and not me.
Honey nods, her eyes softening, and I know she knows why I’m hesitant. I can claim it's because I’m busy or that I’ve basically raised my brother, but the truth is I am so goddamn scared.
I don’t want to die.
“I’m going to keep building with Aiden. Why don’t you all get to know my dad?” I say as I grab a half-upside-down Aiden, who giggles and wraps his arms around my neck while Damian half-growls and I know he must have swallowed it with how quickly it quietens.
He does this a lot if I strain myself, and it makes me believe he wants this baby, he just won’t voice it. He wants me to come to terms with what I decide without his influence, and God, I love him for that but can’t he see that I need his input?
Damn man.
“Can I sit?” Pitbull asks twenty minutes later, and I look up at him and give him a smile with a nod.
Damian and his parents have been whispering in the kitchen since we dropped the bomb along with my dad, and I can only guess what they were whispering about…
Aiden cheers, throwing his arms up in the air as he manages to balance a block without it falling and I smile before Pitbull says, “I’m sorry about your mother,” after a few minutes of watching Aiden play. I smile a little and reply, “Thanks.”
He hums and then says, “I’m not going to beat around the bush,” and I look at him. His green eyes, which look so much like Damian’s, are serious as he asks, “Are you thinking of a termination because you're scared that what happened to your mother will happen to you?”
I look at Aiden and swallow hard.
“I guess my ears have been burning, huh?” I mumble, and he chuckles and replies, “We’re just trying to figure out what is holding you back in admitting you want this baby.”
Damn, he’s not holding back.
I look at him as he speaks, “My son, he loves you something fierce, something I have never seen from him before meaning he won’t tell you how he feels regarding the baby to sway you anyway and neither will your father so I’m kind of taking charge to figure out what is holding you back.”
I look away from him, unable to face him, as I ask, “Does it really matter what is holding me back?”
“Yeah, it does,” he answers, and I look at him again. He gives me a soft look and says bluntly, “If it’s because you don’t think now is the right time to bring a baby into the world, that you’re not ready – something no one would blame you for, you are only just hitting adulthood and have brought your brother up thus far and you probably want more time with my son – then that is perfectly fine. You’ve helped your dad tremendously with your brother, losing out on your teenage years. Still, if you’re unsure whether to have this baby because of fear after losing your mother, then it does matter because, sweetheart, you will feel nothing but guilt and pain if you terminate this pregnancy over that.”
I sniffle knowing he is right and he finishes, “All I’m trying to say is, only terminate if you are one hundred percent certain a baby right now is not for you and Damian, not because of fear.”
I nod and whisper, “I promise I won’t make any rash decisions,” and he sighs in relief as Damian sits down next to me and as if on instinct, I lean against him and tilt my head to look at him. He grins at me, and my smile is automatic as our eyes lock and it’s like he’s the only person in the world while my stomach flutters.
God, I love this man.
“I’m proud of you, son,” Pitbull says breaking our connection and making us look his way. “I messed up over the years, but right now, I’m kind of glad I did because I have never seen you this happy, and if Butcher and I hadn’t messed up, you two may never have met,” he admits, and Damian shakes his head.
“Only you can turn the shit you forced me to do into positivity,” Damian mumbles, and I chuckle while Pitbull grins, not denying it.
“To be honest, I’m glad too because not once had he been in the bakery before that day he handed in his cut and I called him out on being a grumpy ass,” I admit.
Damian looks at me again and smiles before Aiden gets his attention by pulling on his man bun and I grin, loving their relationship and how well it’s blossoming.
Damian grabs him by his hips and throws him up, away from me so I don’t get kicked as Aiden laughs hard and Pitbull and I smile.
I’m not sure what will happen in the next few weeks, but I do know that with this man standing behind me, I’ll be okay.
Famous last words, though, right?