Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Lexi
“You and Bennett looked pretty cozy last night.” I don’t even turn around to face Adley. Instead I continue to move the bacon around in the pan. “It’s been months since I’ve seen either of you smile like that,” she adds and I know she is waiting for details.
The thing is, I’m still not sure myself where this leaves us. I do know something has shifted, but I was here once before. A place where I thought something was more than it was and I was made a fool of. I’m not only talking about Bennett, I am talking about every relationship I’ve had.
“The walls are starting to go up at his place,” Adley continues, and I smile to myself imaging how insane it’s driving her that I haven’t bit yet. She hates being left in the dark, absolutely hates it.
“Sutton said she has an amazing view out her back doors. A bunch of men, shirtless, with power tools. I was thinking of going over there. Sunday is a day of worship.”
“Oh my.” I burst out laughing, unable to contain myself any longer.
“What?” She shrugs when I look back over my shoulder at her. “It is.”
“Not worship men, you goof.”
“Who says?” She pops another piece of bacon into her mouth. “I’ve never seen a pamphlet on the exact meaning of worship. It just so happens that I like my version the best.” Walking around to the sink she rinses her plate and then places it in the dishwasher. “Wanna join me?”
I stare at her, letting the idea roll around in my mind.
“You want to say yes, I can see it.”
I want to decline just to spite her, but instead when she smiles I roll my eyes. “I need fifteen minutes.”
“See, told ya.” And she walks out of the kitchen with confidence.
I love Adley so much, always have. Well I take that back, she was a lot to take at first and I was a little unsure of how to tread.
But that quickly faded, now she is absolutely one of my favorite people.
Sassy, headstrong, and confident, she is also dedicated and determined.
Working full-time and going to school when she isn’t working, and she does it all without complaining. She is going to be an amazing nurse.
“This is what you see all day?” Jillian asks, leaning against the railing on the back deck.
“Yep,” Sutton says with a laugh as if she is looking at anyone other than Brantley.
“Give me those.” Kendall grabs the binoculars from Sophie and kneels down low trying to hide.
“Why are you hiding?” Sophie laughs.
“Because I don’t want to look like a creeper.”
“But you are a creeper,” I say and she smiles, nodding her head, but never once lowers the binoculars.
“Aaron is looking mighty fine these days,” Kendall says, biting her lip and I wrinkle my brows, glancing over at Sutton.
She looks as surprised as me. Kendall continues to watch, while we all talk and make fun of her.
A few minutes pass and she turns around, leaning back against the railing as she sits.
“Take these, someone, please,” she finally directs.
“I do not have time to lust after anyone. My dad has been working me like a dog.”
“Which is exactly why you should be burning off some steam. I think Aaron would be game for that,” Sutton assures her and she shakes her head.
“If I’m gonna use anyone for sex, I sure won’t be picking someone I have to see every time you crazies have a get-together.”
“Why does it have to be only for sex?” Sutton pushes her and we all remain quiet as she does.
“Not everyone is looking for forever, I barely have time for now. However,” that’s when I see it.
Kendall has taken this as her opportunity to shift the attention onto me.
“I did see a little magic happening at Sutton’s opening last night.
The heat that was building between Lex and Bennett was distracting. ”
“We were talking,” I insist, instinctively looking over toward the house across the lake.
“Yes, it looked like you two were trapped in a pretty deep conversation.” Kendall nods. “Lips, tongue, hands, it was all involved in that deep conversation.”
“Anyone ever tell you that you’re an asshole?” I say and she shrugs like that is something she is told at least once a day. “I’ll have you know there was only a slight slip of a tongue. It was so fast, it almost doesn’t count.”
Everyone falls silent and I know without a doubt in my mind they are all waiting for more.
“He was very sweet. Said all the things I’ve waited for what feels like forever to hear.
It’s no secret I’ve always had a thing for Bennett.
Last night he made me feel so many different things all at once and I want to believe it all.
But,” I pause, knowing that I’m probably going to have all five of them coming at me all at once.
“What?” Sutton says, sliding forward in her chair. All eyes are on me.
“I’m afraid to fall again,” I confess. “I’m afraid to let him in, I’m afraid to love him, afraid to let him love me, I’m afraid of it all.
” Tears fill my eyes, but I look around at each of them, seeing the concern and acceptance.
“I’ve felt so off-kilter for months, even before Derrick and what happened.
I’ve felt like I give so much and in the end I always come up short.
I’m terrified to let go of those fears, because honestly I’m not sure I’ll recover if I have another setback. And that, it’s what terrifies me most.”
“None of us can tell you not to be scared,” Sophie speaks up practically crawling across the deck to pause before me, taking my hand in hers.
“I’m generally the quiet one sitting back, taking it all in.
I observe, analyze, sometimes judge, but never do I pretend to know the right answer.
No one, and I do mean no one, knows how you feel.
You have every right to be fearful. But if I’m being honest, I think we all know that Bennett doesn’t have the capability to hurt any one of us intentionally.
He was raised by two amazing people, he’s a fool, we know that, his judgment isn’t always the best. His emotions can be all over the place, but he’s Bennett.
He’s a clown, a big brother to most of us, helping us smile when we need it most. But with you Lex, we all know you have a special place, you always have.
He’s been careful with you from the start.
Always watching you out of the corner of his eye, ensuring his Lexi is safe.
When all that happened and he knew he wasn't able to do to protect you, it broke him.”
“But it wasn’t—”
“His fault, we know,” she finishes for me. “But it broke him all the same. It also changed him. He’s more aware of everything, more grown-up.”
I smile when she does. He’s always been a big kid.
“He loves you,” she adds.
“And he loves you, he loves all of us.” I do what I always do. I try to make light of his feelings.
“Fine, he loves us all,” she agrees. “But he is in love with you.”
I take in a deep breath, the ache in my chest growing a little deeper.
“He added a library to the building plans,” Sutton adds out of nowhere and I shift my attention to her.
“Told his uncle that he needed to adjust the plans, called him up late last night. Said he needed him to add in a library upstairs with large windows to overlook the land and there had to be a large window seat, one that he can add big fluffy cushions to. He wanted recessed lighting, not huge, but a cozy space to hide away and read.”
I continue to stare at her.
“We all know that Bennett has probably never set foot in a library and doesn’t even waste time reading instructions.”
Silence falls over the entire group, all of them smiling at me, some with tears remaining in their eyes from the earlier confessions.
“He told Brantley last week that he gets it now.”
“Gets what?”
“Envisioning a family, a wife, and perfect nights whenever he looks at his house being built. Brantley used to tell him that he could see me and our kids running around playing when he was building this house. Bennett, he teased him but now, he gets it, he sees it.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to know his intentions are pure. I’m not saying don’t be scared, hell Lex we are all scared, I am terrified most days. But I don’t want you to let that fear keep you from being loved.”