Chapter Twenty-Four
Krampus
For once in my life, I’m feeling slightly Christmassy, even though the clubhouse is a combination of loud and obnoxious decorating mixed with a drunken bender gone wrong.
A few strings of lights are haphazardly hung up around the bar, flickering on and off like they’re seconds from dying.
A fake tree sets in the corner that’s seen better days, its precious needles littering the floor like real pine.
The Annie’s forced us all to make ornaments for it, but none of us were really in the mood.
Glitter and paint really aren’t the biker way.
Nevertheless, my ornament is hung with the rest of them, half bent at several of the corners, the blue glitter barely hanging on.
But it’s not the decorations that has me feeling festive this year.
It’s the woman sitting next to me, all curled up against my side, her smile lighting up the room.
I couldn’t give two shits what anyone else thinks about her.
To me, she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and everything about her makes me happy.
The entire club has gathered together for our second annual Christmas Secret Santa, club Annies and Ol’ Ladies included.
Though the two groups have segregated themselves, so they don’t have to interact.
Amber, Autumn, and Mindy on one side, along with Bigfoot’s sidepiece Shaw, as the Annies stare daggers at them from the other, all dressed in naughty elf costumes like that will somehow make the guys come running.
Shaw’s the only lucky one, she managed to snag Bigfoot while the others weren’t looking.
Word around the club is that Bigfoot’s wife found out about his other woman and is now wanting a divorce.
For someone about to lose his family, he seems pretty happy though, snuggled up with Shaw like they’ve been doing it for years.
Guess impending divorce really does wonders for a man’s stress levels.
The table in the middle of the room is piled high with gifts; all wrapped in various stages of “I tried” and “fuck it.”
Duct tape seems to be a recurring theme. So is newspaper. One of the boxes looks like it was wrapped with a bar napkin and sheer determination. My guess is it was Creature’s doing. The man doesn’t care about shit.
Gremlin stands at the head of the table like he’s about to officiate a wedding or start a riot. Possibly both. He’s wearing a Santa hat that looks like it lost a fight with a ceiling fan, the white puff barely clinging on.
“Alright, assholes,” he announces, clapping his hands together. “Welcome to the second—and based on the lack of effort I’m seeing here—possibly our last annual Secret Santa Clusterfuck.”
A chorus of laughter ripples through the room.
“Who put the prospect in charge?” Bates shouts from across the room.
“Hey now!” Gremlin cries. “I got more Christmas cheer the lot of you combined, so pipe down and shut the fuck up. I’m trying to explain how things are gonna work here.”
Nobody cares what he says, they just continue their conversations like he’s invisible.
“Look, this is how it’s gonna go,” he continues ignoring them. “No stealing gifts, no trading, and if I catch anyone tryin’ to re-gift last year’s gifts, I will personally staple your nut sack to the dartboard.”
“That’s festive,” someone mutters.
Gremlin grins. “I try.”
He reaches into a helmet sitting on the table and pulls out the first name. “Bigfoot. You’re up, you hairy son of a bitch.”
Bigfoot groans as Shaw pats his chest, whispering something that makes him smirk. He lumbers forward and grabbing a medium-sized box wrapped in black paper that has his name on it. He tears into it like it personally offended him.
He pulls out the beer koozie shaped like a tiny motorcycle exhaust pipe and frowns. “What the fuck is this?” he growls.
Gremlin squints at it and grins. “Oh! I’ve seen one of those before. It’s a beer hugger. Keeps it cold longer. It’s just fancier than that ripped up one you’re used to.”
Bigfoot stares at it then shakes his head. “I hate how much I love this.”
The room loses it.
Gremlin draws out another name. “Shit, it’s my turn!” he exclaims with pride. “I can’t wait for this.” He grabs a rather large present from off the table and struggles to put it in front of him.
A few of the guys snicker, meaning whatever’s inside is good.
He opens up the box to find a giant blow-up doll. And when I mean giant, I mean a round in the middle, large as fuck blow-up doll that’s two times his size.
“Jesus,” he exclaims, smiling with delight. “It’s like you guys really get me.”
I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or actually happy, but the smile on his face is bigger than his whole damn face.
“Get it, Gremlin,” Bates shouts. “Put Big Bessie to use.”
“Oh, I will,” he says with a smile, though he’ll probably never touch it for real.
“Drac, it’s your turn next,” he announces.
I shift nervously. Drac was my Secret Santa recipient this year. He tears open the package, throwing the paper in the trash bag next to him until he pulls out the giant pink man thong for everyone to see.
Everyone fucking loses it.
Drac’s head swivels my way, eyes narrowing. “This was you, wasn’t it?” he growls, remembering that faithful night we promised we’d never talk about again. The same night he got drunk in Mexico and ended up wearing some bitch’s thong home because she stole his clothes.
“Guilty as charged, Brother. Don’t worry, this one has sequins.” He turns it around showing off the giant blinged out bat right on his banana hammock.
“I hate you for this, Krampus.”
Amber grins. “Can we put that to use tonight?”
“Absolutely not.”
But the way he smiles says otherwise. They’re definitely using it tonight.
“Let’s let the club Ol’ ladies open their gifts now,” Gremlin shouts handing Amber, Autumn, and then Mindy a gift. Mindy excitedly unwraps hers, probably because she thought she wouldn’t get anything, revealing the wooden spoons engraved with her shop’s name.
Amber winks at her. “Thought you could use those the next time Giovanni tries to help you make cookies, girl.”
Mindy flies across the room and hugs her tightly.
“I fudging love them, Amber. Thank you so much.”
Autumn opens her present next, laughing hysterically when she pulls out the crystal ball phone inside.
Gremlin grins. “Thought you could use it to talk to your ghost friends,” he says with a laugh. “Do you like it?”
She nods. “Gremlin, I freaking love it! Thank you.”
He beams with pride, watching as Amber tears into her gift, pulling out a thong that matches her husband’s.
Voorhees laughs loudly. “Now you two can match.” He slaps me a high five even though our Prez looks like he’s about to murder us both.
“We’ll use these tonight,” Amber says excitedly.
“The hell we will.”
She moves to whisper something in his ear, and his smile spreads.
“Then again…”
Everyone laughs.
Gremlin hands Voorhees and Phantom their presents next, everyone watching as Phantom opens his, waiting for his reaction.
“Fuck, guys, you can’t be fucking serious.” He groans as he pulls out a bottle of hair spray, wrapped in a plastic casing that Hannibal printed out just for him. On it, it clearly says: Ghost-be-gone spray, and has a picture of his ex Eve, right on the wrapper.
Autumn doesn’t even flinch, she’s actually laughing right along with the rest of us, enjoying the joke for what it is.
“You guys suck,” he shouts, though he’s secretly loving it.
Voorhees opens up his gift, grinning when he pulls out a bar of soap attached to a rope and a five-dollar 7-11 gift card. “You know, these gifts get worse every year. Just so you know, I never fucking dropped my soap.”
“Sure you didn’t,” Drac jokes. “But just in case, I got you one you can keep a hold of.”
“Hardy har har,” Voorhees exclaims. “And what’s this puny gift card for?”
Drac shrugs. “Inflation sucks, my friend. By yourself a Slurpee.”
“I hate Slurpee’s,” he grumps, not enjoying his gift at all. We all know that Drac has something better for him that he’ll give to him later, but for right now, it’s nice to see him squirm.
“Alright, VP, you’re next.” Gremlin hands me a small box, neatly tied up with ribbon and bows. This was definitely not done by one of my brothers, this had female written all over it.
I carefully open the package, then pull out the mask inside. It’s almost exactly like the one that got broken in Mindy’s shop, but this one is made of soft rubber, something that will cuddle my face and not cut into it.
Then there’s a note in the box, one that rips my heart in two.
“I know your last one broke, and even though you don’t need it, I wanted to get you one that would cuddle that handsome face instead of cut into it.”
Mindy squeezes my hand. “You’re welcome,” she whispers, knowing damn well I’m not great at this kind of stuff.
“Thank you,” I bite out, replacing the flimsy plastic mask with the one she gave me.
“Looks good on you, Brother,” Voorhees exclaims.
Nothing mattered after that. I barely registered what everyone got as they ripped into their gifts, some stupid as fuck, others slightly thoughtful.
My mind is wrapped around Mindy, wanting to hold her close and never let go.
I know she’s nervous about Moseley, but he has no idea that the second this party is over, we’re hopping on a plane and heading to Italy.
He won’t find her there. Not if I have anything to do with it.
By the time the last gift is opened, the room is loud with laughter, half the club is already drunk, and the fake tree is somehow upside down hanging from the ceiling.
It’s the first Christmas I haven’t actually hated. Which seems rather surreal.
Mindy snuggles up to me, holding me close, her head resting against my shoulder. Her laugh is soft compared to the chaos going on around us, but it still hits me hard.
She looks happy here. Safe. Like she belongs with us, even if she doesn’t fully realize it yet.
“You have fun tonight?” I ask her, nuzzling her hair with my nose.
“Absolutely! This is the best Christmas I’ve had in a very long time.”
“What about you? Did you enjoy yourself this Christmas?”
She looks up at me, smiling shyly as she admires the mask she gave me.
“Yes, it’s the first Christmas I’ve actually enjoyed. It wasn’t too bad fora place full of criminals, misfits, and idiots wearing Santa hats.”
She giggles.
“Sounds like a pretty good Christmas to me. But I can’t wait till we head home.”
“And why’s that?” I ask her, drawing my fingers up her side until it finds her warm skin beneath her shirt.
“Because your real Christmas present will be waiting for you underneath the mistletoe, naked and wrapped in nothing but a bow.” She winks insinuating everything I get to look forward to later.
I shake my head. “You realize you just turned mistletoe into a weapon, right?”
She laughs. “Absolutely, nothing says spreading Christmas cheer, then you taking me home and eating the cookie I left out for Krampus this year.”
I’ve never been more excited to eat a cookie in my entire life.
“Well, ho, ho, ho, little lady, let’s get the fudge out of here. I got a cookie to devour.”
She beams with pride.
Yeah, I said fudge, and no I don’t regret it at all.