14. Nina
Chapter fourteen
Nina
Knox turned off the ignition, but neither of us made a move to get out of the car.
LED flood lights illuminated the parking lot of our building and from where we sat, I could see people strolling around in ones and twos. I vaguely pondered over their conversations and tried to give each person a color to describe what their stories could be.
It was fun for a while until I realized I was only coming up with dark shades and sad realities, so I gave up.
The night had gone much differently than I expected. I’d aimed for a striking and glamorous look, and while I might have achieved that, it meant that almost everyone present tonight had their eyes on me at some point—men and women alike. It brought with it both wanted and unwanted attention, the former of which I only wanted from one person.
Said person had gotten pissed off at me because I’d tried to help him. It wasn’t like I’d kept my relationship with Uncle Dean a secret from him; Lindsay knew about it. And I was going to tell him, at least until he indirectly told me I was just one of the women he fucked on “some days.”
That hurt me so much more than it should have. So yes. I’d been spiteful, and I’d wanted to surprise him. To make him see I wasn’t just some useless rich kid. I had connections he needed.
It was pointless anyway. Knox clearly didn’t appreciate my efforts.
“Thank you for tonight,” he said, breaking the quiet. “I truly appreciate you showing up.”
I turned my head to look at him, surprised. His eyes were fixed on something in front of him.
“As opposed to Claire?” I teased.
Knox scoffed. He’d removed his jacket and tie during the drive home and was only wearing a crisp white button-up shirt. He looked devilishly handsome. I wish I’d told him that from the start.
“As opposed to Claire,” he confirmed.
Something bugged me. “Can I ask you a question?”
He glanced at me. “Ask away.”
“Why didn’t you call her and try to change her mind? From what she said, it sounded like you were lax about the whole thing.”
He blew out a deep breath, adjusting the seat so it went lower. “I guess… I didn’t really want to try. Claire and I… our relationship has always been complicated.”
My curiosity was piqued. I didn’t want to push too hard, but I couldn’t help myself. “Complicated how?”
It took him a few seconds to answer. “She wanted more than I could give. I think I knew that right from the start. And it wasn’t just emotionally either. She wanted my time, she wanted expensive gifts, and she wanted them without question.
“I tried to make her understand I was doing my best, at least I thought I was, but it wasn’t enough for her. In retrospect, I suppose everything was my fault. Claire has always been high maintenance. Expecting her to water down her wants for me was too much to ask.”
I gave myself some time to digest that. “And so, you ended things?”
He nodded. “It became too much to deal with. And then the company started having trouble, and I knew it was time to let go.”
That was Knox’s opinion. From what I saw tonight, Claire was still hanging on.
“Did you love her?” I asked, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“I think so. Yes.”
A silent moment passed between us. It was the first time Knox had shared anything personal with me. Even though it was sad, I appreciated it. I guess I’d misjudged him too. He wasn’t a devil like I’d thought. He was just a man with his own fair share of problems.
And it was only fair I shared mine.
“You were right.” I told him, exhaling. “I am a spoiled rich girl with no sense of responsibility. I’m too dependent on Lindsay, and I have no fucking idea what I’m doing with my life.”
“Nina—”
But I cut him off. “No, it’s true. I know you meant for it to hurt, but you were right, nonetheless. You know, my whole life, I’ve been a portrait for others to judge. Nina is proud. Nina is beautiful. Nina is a fool. Nina’s that lucky girl who has everything laid out for her, thanks to her parents’ money. And maybe I am all of those things. After all, life gave me really great cards. But what if, even with all that, I still wished I’d been dealt a different hand?
“My parents want me to pursue a career in finance, but I love art. I’ve loved the smell of paint since the moment I first smelled it. I live for the moments when I can give depth to an empty canvas because sometimes it’s the only thing that feels real to me.”
I sighed dejectedly, shaking my head sadly. “Did you know I fell in love during junior year of college?” I peered at Knox to see him watching me intently.
He shook his head. “I didn’t.”
“Well, I did.” I breathed a humorless laugh. “For the first time in my life, I thought I was in love. He was more interested in what I could do for him. I still don’t know how I let him get away with so much of the shit he did to me.”
Knox’s voice was hoarse when he asked, “What did he do?”
I shook my head in shame. “You’ll think me even dumber.”
“I won’t.” He sounded so certain, so genuine, that for a second I believed him.
“He made me pay off his student loan.”
I heard Knox’s sharp intake of breath and the humiliation of three years ago came flooding back in. If I wasn’t such a sucker, I would probably laugh at it now, but it was not funny back then.
“How—?”
“Don’t ask,” I groan. “Thinking about it is horrible enough. I can’t bear to say it out loud.”
“I’m sorry,” Knox finally muttered.
“Me too. Michael was a senior, just months away from graduation and up to his neck in debt. I remember being so flattered when he showed me attention. In truth, our relationship wasn’t all that. I knew deep down that I loved him more than he loved me, if he even loved me at all.
“At the beginning, he love-bombed me. Told me everything I wanted to hear, bought me stuff when he could afford to. I kept my family’s affluence a secret because I didn’t want a repeat of high school where I was the popular rich girl with no real friends. So I was convinced that there was no way he could know.
“After he broke up with me, over text might I add, he finally told me the truth; he’d recognized me from a blog site where he’d seen a photo of me and my parents, and all I was to him was a gift that kept on giving.” A quick laugh escaped me, but it held no humor. “His last statement was, ‘You make it hard to tell if it’s generosity or just showing off.’”
“Fucking hell, Nina.” Knox cursed, running a hand down his face.
“He played me for eight months until he got what he wanted.” I felt a tickle behind my eyes as my voice dropped. “He was my first love.”
If I was honest, though convincing me to pay off his student loans was the worst of his sins, that wasn’t everything Michael did. There were times when he played on my kindness and got me to send him money. Sometimes, he’d borrow money from me with a sob story of how a parent was sick or hospitalized and he needed to buy some medicine, or textbooks or something important for school with the promise that he’d pay back every dime.
He never did, and I never asked… because I was in love.
After we broke up, I realized that Michael only did all that shit to me because I let him. Because I’d been so desperate for someone to love me, for me, and not for what I had. It was a painful realization to come to.
“Lindsay advised me to cry as much as I could,” I said. “‘ It will help ,’ she said. ‘ Crying always helps.’ I think it did, but I’m not sure. I do know that it was one of the many times when I had to lean on her for support and because of that, I never learned to stand on my own two feet.
“So, yes. Without her here, I feel lost. I have no idea what I’m doing. We were supposed to start a business together…” I trailed off, catching a tear that was about to fall with my thumb. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”
“A beautiful mess.”
My gaze flicked to Knox to find him watching me intently with a look I couldn’t decipher. I’d expected pity, or maybe even a derisive glance, but it was neither.
Against my better judgment, I couldn’t help asking, “You don’t think I’m stupid and gullible?”
A line appeared between his brows. “Why would I think that?”
“Because I make dumb decisions.”
He huffed. “Maybe, but in this case, you fell in love. It might not have been genuine on that fucker’s part, but you opened up your heart. It doesn’t make you dumb. It makes you human.” His voice lowered then, and he tore his gaze away from me to stare at something outside the window with a faraway look in his eyes that made me think he was thinking of something else. I wondered if it was Claire. “Love is never wasted. For its value does not rest upon reciprocity.”
I couldn’t believe he just let me off the hook like that. The Knox I knew would never miss an opportunity to verbally attack me.
“Is that a quote?”
He nodded. “C.S Lewis. It’s my favorite.”
A chuckle escaped me. “You know, a few weeks ago, I would have never put the word love and Knox in the same sentence. I was convinced you were the devil.”
His grin was pure mischief. “You never know. I might kick puppies in my spare time.”
“Please. If you had a puppy, you’d love it to death.”
For a second, I thought he was going to argue with me. Then his body vibrated in soft laughter, and I knew I’d won this round.
“Fine. You got me. I would love it to death. But for now, my priority is my company, and I’m dedicated to ensuring its continuous survival.”
I nodded, registering the seriousness in his voice, as well as the slight hint of worry he didn’t do a very good job of hiding.
“I think my godfather really liked you,” I said. “And that’s saying something because the only people Uncle Dean really likes are his family.”
Knox turned his head to me, sighing. “Listen, Nina—”
“No, you listen, Knox. I didn’t tell my godfather anything he didn’t already know. All I did was make him see why he should give you a chance. You did everything else yourself. And why the fuck are you so averse to receiving help? Life is hard enough.”
The car went silent. I held his gaze for what had to be half a minute, waiting for him to say something. Blood rushed to my ears, carrying with it echoes of my words. Asking the question out loud made me realize it was true. Knox didn’t like asking for or receiving help. Like, as if doing that would reduce his masculinity or something. I didn’t understand it.
“Did Lindsay ever tell you how our father died?”
I inhaled deeply, mind reeling. “Yeah. Car accident.”
He shook his head. “There was an accident, yes, but it wasn’t what killed him. He died because we couldn’t afford to pay for his surgery.”
My heart sank. “I didn’t know that.”
Knox wetted his lower lip. “I’m not surprised Lindsay didn’t tell you. It was a very dark time in our lives.” He rubbed his hand down his face like he was physically struggling to breathe. “He was rushed to the hospital with ample time. All we had to do was make a fifty percent deposit, and the surgery would begin.
“We didn’t have health insurance, nor did we have spare money lying around. We were so broke that I had to work harder than everyone else to pay my tuition during the summer. We barely had enough to eat. I was twenty-three and fresh out of college, just like you are right now. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The only money I had left was three hundred dollars saved from one of my jobs.”
I held my breath as his words filled the car. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t relate to him—there had always been more than enough food at my house. But I felt his pain.
“I moved out immediately after college. I went to stay with a friend until I could get my own place. It was my way of ensuring they had more to eat, especially Lindsay, even if it was only a little. Long story short, while he was in the hospital, my mom and I tried everything we could to get the money needed for the surgery.
“Friends, family, people we thought we could trust, they all turned us away. We were desperate and lost and completely alone.” His voice cracked on the last word. “I made a vow that day. I needed help then, and no one offered; I would never need anyone’s help ever again.”
His eyes connected with mine once more and I saw the pure anguish swirling in them. “So, yes. I want to earn everything I have. I want to know that my hard work has gotten me where I am. Because relying on people will only lead to heartache and pain and I have felt enough pain to last me two lifetimes. Even if I have to struggle and fight for every dollar that I make, at least I’d know that it was all me.”
The tears that ran down my face were more of sympathy than anything else. I reached for him, taking his hand in mine. “Knox…”
He smiled, but it did not spread to his eyes. “If those are tears of pity, they’re wasted on me.”
“Shut up and let me cry for you. It's obvious you won’t do it for yourself.”
Even though he chuckled, he let me cry for a few moments and I treasured it.
When I was sure I could speak without bursting into tears, I told him, “Say what you will, Knox Coleman, but I know you’re not a bad guy. You might not care for help, but you know it’s not just you on the line.”
He exhaled shakily, nodding. “I know.”
“And I think you’re scared.”
He scoffed. “You think?”
“It’s normal to be terrified of losing everything you’ve worked for. Anyone in your position would be. That’s why you have to think about your employees too, not just yourself.”
His silence told me he was thinking. Then, I watched as his eyes traveled around to my face, feeling his heated gaze move from my eyes to my nose before settling on my lips.
“Why did you help me?” he asked in a hoarse whisper. “I’ve been so mean to you.”
I smiled. “You have. But at least you’ve been real with me. And like I said, you’re not a bad guy. Plus, last week was pretty awesome.” My cheeks flamed as thoughts of his body slick with heat and moving against mine filled my mind.
His lips curved upward in a smug smile. “Have you missed me?”
I couldn’t lie, even if I wanted to. “Mhmm. And you?”
His free hand lifted to cup my cheek as sapphire eyes gripped my green ones, holding me hostage. “Every fucking day.”
It was the best thing I’d heard all night. I still didn’t understand what it was I felt for Knox—there was no point in hiding it. I didn’t hate the guy anymore, far from it—but I knew it was intense and fucking terrifying.
When he leaned forward and kissed me, common sense told me I was at risk of falling for him and I needed to abandon ship. But as I stated earlier, my body and my mind sometimes were at odds when they most needed to cooperate… and I found myself kissing him back.
“I haven’t been able to decide if I want to fuck you in that dress or out of it,” Knox murmured against my lips, sliding one hand down to cup my breast. “Did you notice that every man and woman present tonight had their eyes on you? It drove me mad with both jealousy and lust.”
It wasn’t just my face; my entire fucking body was blushing. “Yeah? Did you think I’d go home with some random stranger?”
He growled deeply. “Over my dead fucking body.”
And then he kissed me again, deeply and gently, sucking my lips and stroking my tongue with his in long fluid movements that made my thighs clench together, seeking some sort of friction against that place that pulsed.
His possessiveness shone through, not just his words, but his touch. The way he held me, the way his mouth moved against mine, it felt like a declaration of ownership, and I wasn’t sure what it meant exactly, but I knew I liked it way more than I should.
Knox pulled away after some time, though his hands still cupped my cheeks. “Thank you for tonight,” he whispered again.
“I’m glad I could help.”
“No,” he shook his head, pressing his forehead to mine. “I mean, I’m grateful you were my date, but not just that. For this. Being here with me. Talking, listening. It’s been a long time since I opened up to anyone.”
Shit . Something warm exploded inside my chest and I just knew it was too late. I was a goner.
“You too, Knox. It’s been a magical evening.”
Just then, he grabbed my underarms and pulled me onto his body, wrapping his hands around me. It was shocking and threw me off so much so that for the first few seconds, I couldn’t move. When I finally regained my senses, I had to bunch my dress up to sit astride him before hugging him back.
And so, we stayed like that, hugging, not saying a word. Just basking in the warmth of each other’s bodies as our thoughts wandered.
Knox spoke up after a while. “I think there’s one more thing I need to thank you for.”
“What’s that?” I asked softly.
“For your help with Dean Bishop.” He whispered gruffly. “Thank you, princess.”