17. Chapter Seventeen
Icouldn’t bring myself to turn back when he called to me. The hurt in his voice was louder than it, but my body was rejecting the thought of facing him.
I knew he would have said something that would break me and make me let out all of the feelings I have locked up in a corner of my heart with the keys thrown into a deeper part.
Nothing would make me happier than to see him happy again. He walked around the office with shoulders overburdened with dismay and hurt. I’m sure I looked even worse.
People were beginning to murmur about our relationship. I overheard some staff talking about us at the cafeteria the other day.
“I think the CEO and his fiancée are having a major crisis,” the first voice said.
“They have been consciously avoiding each other. Those little shared looks and constant sneaking and laughter are no longer heard from their offices,” the second concurred.
“Working in the same company with your lover never ends well. I envisaged that this would happen.”
“Both of them walk around with gloomy faces, and they don’t seem to notice that people are watching. What could have caused their issues?” One said, sounding somewhat mockingly than sympathetically.
I walked into their conversation, and they tried to pretend they were not just analyzing a situation they knew nothing about.
In response to their greetings, I was tempted to give them the length of my tongue, but I had to restrain myself. That would only cause a scene and further escalate matters.
I responded to them silently, but not without a stare, to let them know I heard their conversation.
Although it was better for both of us, they thought this way. After all, Damien had pointed out that we would only go on with the act until we could say we had irreconcilable differences and had to break up.
Things were going according to the initial plan, and I will let them stay that way.
It was hard to pick which rumor was easier to handle. The engagement rumor or the breakup rumor.
With Damien by my side, the engagement rumor was easier to handle. With this one, we were not standing by each other and were going through this phase in isolation.
The mere thoughts of how things would have been different if I hadn’t had to go back to San Antonio as soon as I got better or if I had not been so gutless to give the love we shared a chance to blossom.
As I sit behind my desk, the tears swelling in my eyes, I stare at the secret door, and it feels like his heartbeat is audible enough beyond the physical and emotional walls standing between us.
When I try to call out to him, my inaudible voice bounces back from the emotional barrier created in my mind. These thoughts overwhelmed me and caused tears to finally erupt from my eyes.
I hold on to my desk as my body vibrates alongside my tears.
The buzz of my phone interrupts my grieving party as I rummage through my bag to find it.
The screen displays my brother’s name with a picture we took over three years ago as the background.
I wipe my tears and clear my throat before accepting the call so he doesn’t notice something is wrong.
“Hi, Lil’ Sis.”
“What’s up?” I respond sharply, which gives me away to an extent.
“Okay… Someone seems to be in a bad mood. You didn’t counter that I called you ‘Lil Sis,’ and that’s strange. What’s going on? Damien giving you a tough time at work?”
My heart skipped at the mention of his name, and the desire to end this call as soon as possible engulfed me.
“What’s going on, Kelvin? I’m sure you didn’t call me to gossip about your best friend.”
I’m met with a loud response of silence from his end for a few seconds until he breathes out heavily as if resigning to his defeat.
“Well, the judge needs our presence in his office on the day after tomorrow. She wants us to sign some documents in the presence of both lawyers so this whole issue can end.”
“The day after tomorrow? That’s so close. How can I make it to San Antonio before then?”
“I already booked a flight for you tomorrow night. It shouldn’t take so long. Once you’re done, you might have to wait for an extra week for the ruling to be granted. You’d be on the next flight back to Los Angeles after that. Unless, of course, you decide to stay back if you feel better.”
The thought of being away from Damien made my heart ache. We were not at our closest points, but being in different states with such great physical distance was a hard pill to swallow.
“I’d have to take permission to be absent from work for a week. Although I hope I don’t appear as abusing privilege when I make that request.”
“Nah, it shouldn’t be that difficult. I could speak to Damien if you need…”
“NO!” I scream at his suggestion before I can even control myself. “There’s no need to tell him. I’ll handle things myself. Just…don’t call him.”
“Alright, if you say so.”
“I have to run off now. Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Nothing major. Just take care of yourself. Be good.”
“Take care of yourself, too. My regards to Laurel.”
The call ends with the questions he didn’t ask hanging over my head.
I contemplate letting Jenny know first before Damien so that it doesn’t come off as him influencing my application for a break.
I walk to Jenny’s office, but it is empty when I arrive. She must have stepped out to grab something.
As I walk back to my office, I am filled with thoughts about approaching Damien with this news. That thing that made me develop cold feet towards what we shared was finally happening.
The court proceedings will be over soon, and I will be able to live in San Antonio again without the troubling thoughts of going through court proceedings again.
I try to focus on the work before me, but my mind drifts into different avenues.
The clock keeps ticking until it gets pitch dark outside. I had not realized how long I had sat at my desk till I looked outside the window.
The watch lamp from the tower outside the building casts a shadow from the window blinds.
I pack up my things to leave for the day. I had gone through enough work to accommodate my one-week absence.
I reach below my table to turn off the power socket for the gadgets. As my head comes up, a shadow is cast over me, blocking the light from the window blinds.
He stands there towering over me, and I wonder how long he has been standing there and watching over me.
“Lea…” As if continuing the conversation from where he stopped earlier in the day.
“Hi. I didn’t know you were going to come back here after your meeting with Mr. Lorenzo.”
“I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to go home either. I walked in and noticed that your office’s lights were still on. What has kept you here till this time?”
“Ummm…” My words stumble upon each other as I try to explain the situation.
“Today, I received a call from Kevin, who informed me that the final court proceedings are scheduled for Thursday, the day after tomorrow. He says the judge requested my presence, and I need to be in San Antonio that day.”
“Oh…”
“I know it’s just been three weeks and a few days since I started working here, and I shouldn’t be asking for a break now. However, this is something urgent that I cannot avoid.”
“Lea, is this why you have been avoiding me? Whether you have worked here for three weeks or three years is immaterial.”
“No… that’s not why I have been avoiding… that’s not why we haven’t spoken in a while.”
“So you do agree that you have been avoiding me, right? What’s wrong, Lea? Speak to me, please.”
It was obvious my cowardice could not cover up for me anymore. If I didn’t give him an explanation, he wouldn’t let me go.
“Damien, the court proceedings end on Thursday. After that, we will regain our parents’ estate and can finally find relief from the continuous trials we have endured since their passing. Every time our case was called up at trial, they would call my parents ‘deceased’ and refer to us as children of the ‘deceased.’ It did something to my brain each time. My heart ached in pain from the ceaseless back and forth between our family lawyer and my brother, who could do so little to defend our cause because he was interested in the case. Now that the proceedings are ending, we will finally have peace. That will indirectly mean I may have to move back to San Antonio soon. Of course, I still need to heal from this traumatic experience. Now that everything is settled, I will love to be close to my family.”
“What are you trying to say, Lea?” The look of hurt in his eyes was hot enough to bring me to tears.
“I know we both feel the same way about each other, but what is the need to start up something that has no chance of survival? You have your company here, your clients and your entire life revolves around Los Angeles. My life and family are in San Antonio. Such distance will not be healthy for us. From a little distance, we had to give each other this period. Look how we have both turned out. How much more such a large geographical distance? It would be awkward if we started dating and had to break up because we could not deal with a long-distance relationship. Our friendship will forever be affected. I cherish our friendship. I wouldn’t choose it over something we can easily avoid.”
His gaze on me is like fiery darts targeted directly at my heart. I could feel the heat of tears forming in my eyes, but I refused to let them out so quickly.
For almost a minute, he is quiet, but his eyes speak volumes. He tries to form words but shuts his mouth every time. Finally, his speech gives way.
“Why do we have to go through this difficult route, Lea? Who says we have to?” He sighs.
“On our last night together, I told you how much I loved you and wanted to see you happy. You are the love of my life, Lea. Nothing makes sense when you’re not here with me. I understand your concerns, and they are valid. However, we could have talked it through instead of going through this difficult route of separation and distance. My heart shatters into tiny pieces every single time I walk past your office and glance at you, but you don’t acknowledge me. Whenever I send you a message, you respond with one-word replies or don’t even respond. When I get back home and knock on your door, you don’t open it, but you respond by turning the lights off, which is a sign that you don’t want me around. You were hurting, and I was hurting too. There’s nothing we cannot talk about, nothing a conversation cannot settle.“ He pauses and breathes like he is taking in everything he has said.
“You don’t have to worry about going all the way to San Antonio, Lea.”
What? Maybe I didn’t hear him correctly.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Lea, we can begin a life together here. We make a great team working together. We can be a formidable team, a power couple right here in LA. I have all that you need. The money, the investments, the cars, the houses, you name it. All that you need is right here. I can give you more than your parents’ estate out here together. You won’t have to…”
“Stop! Stop it, Damien! Stop right there!”
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
How could he look so confused by the nonsense sprouting from his mouth?
How could he think I only needed the money and estate of my parents for selfish gain?
“How can you think so lowly of me, Damien? My parents’ estate is beyond my desires or interests. That’s my parents’ legacy, their heritage, that we are discussing here. To think that I thought you would understand enough to let me go and even help me ask Jenny to approve my leave request.”
I try to control my rage, but my head is swimming with words waiting to be spilled one after the other.
“Now, here you are saying we can build a life here. Do you think I have no life in San Antonio? I came back to Los Angeles for a fresh start, but I still have family in San Antonio. I have lived my whole life in San Antonio. A house, friends, my brother, and Laurel. Everything I know is there, and you seem to be forgetting that. I came to Los Angeles seeking closure and shelter from the trials and terrors I faced in San Antonio. I came with plans to just settle down here till I feel better, at least. Even if I settled here, it will not be because I am enticed by the wealth you can give me while I abandon my parents’ estate.”
“Lea, I…” He tries to interrupt, but I am not having any of that.
“No, let me finish, Damien. How could you sound so insensitive? Despite you saying you want me to be happy, this doesn’t sound like it. You’re not considering what I want, but what you think I want. You are not listening to me, Damien. This is crazy because true love listens and is not selfish. But right now, you are being plain selfish.”
“I didn’t mean it that way, Lea. I’m sorry.”
“I’m done with this conversation, Damien. I need to go home now.”
I am grateful that I have packed my bags. I brush past him and run out of the office.
The tears I had been holding back find free flow.
How could love be so beautiful yet hurt so much?