17. Chapter Seventeen ~ Brayden
Chapter Seventeen ~ Brayden
Therapy became my main focus after my talk with Mia. I wanted to be better not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I wanted to be a well-rounded man so that I could right my wrongs with everything that went wrong in my life.
When I got to the cabin after a long morning of therapy, I saw Mia on the couch with a half empty bottle of wine and a box of tissues. I thought she might have been emotional about us and the talk we had, but I was surprised to know that there were other hassles going on in her life.
“What’s going on, Mia?”
I hobbled over to the couch and took a seat beside her. She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she lifted my arm and snuggled into my chest.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. “Did something happen while I was out?”
“A lot happened,” she sighed. “I got a call from Nick in the middle of the night telling me my mom is in jail.”
My heart sank in my chest for her. Naomi had been a thorn in Mia's side for as long as I could remember, and it didn’t seem to be coming to a halt anytime soon.
“He got angry and stormed off when I refused to pay her bail. Then, when I broke down and decided I might as well pay it to keep him from doing something stupid to try and pay it himself, I found out that she had no bail. She has to sit until the judge releases her and who the hell knows when that will be.”
“Oh man,” I said. “That’s tough. I know how much Nick is attached to her, but he can’t run off getting himself put in the same situation. Where does he think he’ll get the money from?”
“Beats me. I haven’t seen or heard from him since he ran off. I rode around looking for him all night. No sign of him.”
I knew where Nick liked to hang out. I only knew because my squad had to go up there a few times when the neighbors would call and report a fire burning in the woods. It was a small hangout near a waterhole in the woods. I was sure that was where he’d be if she couldn’t find him anywhere else.
“I just don’t get it,” she said. “After all we’ve been through with her, why does he have so much love for her? Can't he see that she’s toxic and only thinks of herself? Doesn't he know that the best place for her to be right now is in jail or a rehab center? If she keeps going the way she’s been going, I fear she’ll end up hurting herself or doing something that will get her a lot more time than what she’s probably facing now.”
I felt for Mia and her brother. From experience, I knew how hard it was to detach myself away from my own mother. I dealt with a lot from her but when I came to my senses and realized that she didn’t want to fix her problems, I had to make the decision to walk away.
While Mia vented her frustrations, I maneuvered her around so that her feet were in my lap, and I massaged them. There wasn’t much else I could do to offer her any comfort in the situation, so I did something I used to do when we were in love.
“Your mom will see the light eventually,” I said. “She's a lot stronger than we like to give her credit for.”
“Oh yeah?” Mia scoffed. “don’t tell me you have a soft spot for her too. It must be a guy thing. Guys love their moms to no end, huh?”
“I guess so,” I said. “There will come a point in Nick's life when he sees the reality a lot clearer than he does now. Just give him some time. We've all made mistakes and we’ve all been attached to something we couldn't let go of.”
I was speaking of my attachment to Mia. For the longest time after our breakup, I had the hardest time letting her go. I thought about her every day. Everything reminded me of her. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and I was angry all the time because of it. Mia was no stranger to holding onto things longer than she was supposed to either.
“I just don’t want him to end up like them, you know?” she asked. “Nick is young and still has a lot of paving to do in his life. He needs to get a job and go to school, make friends, travel; see the world outside of this place and the hellhole my mom has him living in. I just don’t want him to throw his life away before it even begins.”
“I understand,” I said. “It’s hard to sit back and watch someone you love piss all over their own legs. Remember, my mom is in the same boat as yours. I can sympathize with Nick as a young man. He just wants her to be home and safe.”
Mia looked like she was taking my advice on Nick pretty well. She didn’t start yelling or accusing me of taking sides. I felt like the foot massage I laid on her helped with that, or maybe she was truly letting her guard down with me more and actually respected what I had to say.
“Am I missing something here?” she smiled curiously. “Did you leave and come back as a different person? When did you get so good at talking someone down?”
I laughed because it felt like my first therapy session did me some good that day. I didn’t expect to see results so fast, but I was glad that I could be of some assistance to her.
“I think you’d be proud to know that I started therapy today,” I said. “I had a long talk with myself about my life and how I want things to be, moving forward. Not just with you and me, but with everything. My mom included. My captain says therapy would help get my mind right, so I'm giving it a shot.”
“Well!” she started to clap. “That is awesome. I am proud of you. A lot of people think therapy is a waste of time, but you see how much of a difference it makes?”
Talking with Mia about her problems made me appreciate being in her presence even more. I enjoyed the intimate time we spent, not just having sex but talking, laughing, and sharing energy with one another. It was refreshing to say the least.
For so many years I had yearned to hold her in my arms again, to hear her voice; feel her touch, and I finally got the chance again. If going to therapy meant getting myself back to a happy space again with Mia, I told myself I would go every day.
“What am I going to do about Nick?” she asked. “I really don’t want to see him go down the wrong path, but he won’t listen to me. He thinks he’s got it all figured out, until something happens, and he has to call me for help.”
“I mean, there isn’t much you can do,” I said. “It’s unfortunate, but Nick has been handling himself as a man for a long time now. Your mom made him feel that way so he thinks no one can tell him anything. I hate to say it, but he’ll have to learn the hard way.”
I could sense that my comment rubbed Mia the wrong way. She didn't want to hear anything negative about her little brother and I understood that, but it was the truth. Nick lived a life that Mia hadn’t been a part of for years. She couldn't expect him to let her control what moves he made and what moves he didn’t.
“Listen,” I said. “Nick is a smart kid. I know it’s worrisome to let him run wild and do what he wants, but you have to let him make his mistakes early on in life. It’s the only way he’ll be able to set clear intentions for himself. If he wants to stray down the wrong road, despite all the effort you put in to steer him straight, you can’t hold that against yourself.”
Mia took her feet from my hands and crawled into my arms again. She was comfortably buried in my chest. So much so, she fell asleep after a while of talking. She'd been up all night worrying about her mom and Nick, and just needed someone to hold her. I was happy that someone was me.
When she went off to bed for the evening, I went into my room and started on a few exercises. I felt weak in the arms and legs, but there wasn't much I could do about my legs so soon. My dumbbells and pull up bar gave me a nice pump for my arms, and also got my blood flowing to other parts of my brain.
I started thinking about my mom and how far gone she was in her lifestyle. However, instead of becoming angry with her again, I wondered what pain she held onto that made her choose the life she chose. I knew bits and pieces of her struggle with my dad and her parents, but not much.
I realized I never really took the time to dig deep with her because I didn't feel like it was my job to. It wasn’t, but I could have been a little more patient and had more compassion for the struggles she faced alone.
When I got so deep in thought about her, she ended up calling me. She never called me unless she was on her binge or wanted money for something. It got so bad at one point I told her to never call me again. Of course, her staying away didn’t last long. She needed money for something or another, and I needed to hear her voice again.
“I’m just calling to check in with you,” she said. “How are you holding up at the cabin all by yourself?”
“I’m fine. Mia's here with me, so I'm not alone. Uncle Joe’s been coming up to check in too.”
She hated it when I mentioned my uncle. She was so angry with him for stepping up and doing what she should have done as a mother, she never knew how to thank him instead of hating him.
“Mia’s back in town, huh?” she cooed. “That’s good. I like Mia. She was always such a sweet girl. Very pretty too. Are you two making things right again?”
“Something like that,” I said. “We’re taking it slow; day by day.”
Conversations were always awkward with my mom. We never really knew what to say to each other, we only knew that we wanted each other’s company. Sometimes I got so frustrated with her and lashed out but in the end, I cared about my mom more than she knew.
“What have you been up to mom? Have you been taking care of yourself and staying on track?”
“I’ve been doing just fine, son,” she assured me. “I lost my way for a while, but I got a grip. Your uncle doesn't think so, but he doesn't know me too well. I don't think either of you do.”
“That’s because you don’t give us a chance to,” I said. “Uncle Joe loves you and just wants what’s best for you. I don’t know why you hate him so bad.”
The phone went silent, and I knew what that meant; she shut down. My mom never wanted to talk about her problems and after going to therapy earlier that day, I realized I couldn’t force her to. She had to open up in her own time.