Chapter 6 Flynn #2
We pause after two dozen cards to finish our drinks before they get too cold, and then finish the deck.
“Another drink?” Jimmy asks.
“Let me get this round?”
“I told you—”
“I’m here because I want to be. Hot chocolate?”
He smiles. “Yes, thanks.”
“Don’t touch the cards while I’m gone.”
“Yes, boss.”
I roll my eyes and make my way to the counter. They have lots of sweet treats on display, which make my mouth water. Does Jimmy still love millionaire’s shortbread? On a whim, I order a slice, a chocolate-chip muffin for myself, and our drinks.
“What’s this for?” Jimmy asks.
“You used to like it,” I mumble. But he works out now, so maybe he doesn’t want to fill his body with tons of simple carbs and sugars.
“Like it? I loved it. Still do.” He grins. “But you shouldn’t have.”
“Why?”
He opens and closes his mouth. “Thanks.” He picks the millionaire’s shortbread up and takes a huge bite.
I’m captivated by the way he holds his other hand under his chin to catch the golden crumbs.
I shake myself. “Angus says this place does great toasted cheese sandwiches.”
Jimmy hums. “They sure do. Wait. You told Angus you were meeting me here?”
“No… He wrote me a list of places to visit. This was on the list. Would… would it have been a problem if I had?”
“No. No problem.”
I pinch my brows together. “How much does Angus know about us?”
Jimmy does the same wriggling in his chair thing that Angus did earlier. “That we slept together while we were drunk,” he whispers. “Sorry. He’s my best friend and—”
“You needed someone to talk to. I understand.”
Relief floods Jimmy’s face. “We’re cool?”
“Yes, we’re cool.” I laugh. “I haven’t heard anyone say that in a while.”
“It used to be my catchphrase.”
“I remember. It drove Billy nuts.” I wince and look away.
“You can talk about him.”
I rub my fingers over my knee. “Have you and Billy sorted things out? I thought you would once I was out of the picture.”
“No.”
Guilt gnaws at my gut. “You should.”
“Trust me, that ship sailed a long time ago.”
“But I’m not coming between you anymore. I’m not—”
He leans across the table and puts his hand over mine, flattening my palm over my knee. He stares into my eyes, his gaze intense. “The drama between Billy and me was never your fault, Flynn.”
“But you said you were jealous.”
“I was, but that doesn’t make it your fault. My jealousy was my problem. I’m sorry I made it yours.”
What should I say? He’s still staring into my eyes. His warm hand is still over mine. My pulse is going crazy, and all I can think about is his damn profile picture on the hook-up app. The chest and abs I drooled over. I look away and bite the inside of my cheek.
“More revision?”
He moves his hand and settles into the armchair once more. “Would you tell me something first?”
“What?”
“What happened between you and Billy?”
“You asked me that the other day.”
“And you gave me a non-answer.”
“You also said Billy told you.”
“No. He told me his side of the story. I want to hear yours. Please?”
“Why?”
“To understand.”
“But why? What difference will it make?”
He shrugs. “Maybe none.”
“I don’t—” I rake my teeth over my lower lip. “He’s your brother. Your twin. I don’t want to say anything that might be construed as badmouthing him.”
Jimmy frowns. “Why?”
“Because we’re only just reconnecting, Jimmy. And I don’t want to offend you and ruin whatever this is.” I gesture between us.
“Did he hurt you?” A prominent vein in Jimmy’s neck pulses.
“God, no.”
“Then tell me, please.”
I sigh. Jimmy isn’t going to let up. If we’re going to be friends again, I’m going to have to give him my side of the story. “He wasn’t a fan of my choice of career.”
Jimmy makes a rolling motion with his hand.
“He said he supported me, but his actions said otherwise. I tried to make it work, Jimmy. I tried to balance what I wanted to do with making Billy happy. I travelled miles every day during my university course, because he didn’t want me to move closer to where I needed to be.
And I was okay with that. Sure, they were long days, but I was happy to do it for him. ”
“But…?”
“I disturbed him when I got up early to get the bus. I got home too late, so we didn’t get to spend much quality time together. I was tired and wasn’t as attentive as I should have been.”
Jimmy draws his brows together tighter and tighter as I talk.
“I tried, but I failed as a husband. But by the time I realised it, I was partway through my third year, and I’d racked up so much debt that I couldn’t give it all up. I just couldn’t.”
“He asked you to?” Jimmy’s voice is strained.
“Not in so many words.”
Jimmy releases a strangled sound.
I spread my fingers wide and stare at my hands.
“I guess I did choose my career over him. Not intentionally, but it must have felt that way to him. I should have known it would put too great a strain on our relationship and picked another degree. Or not bothered with uni at all. I could have worked while he studied. Maybe we could have afforded a little flat together or something. Everything could have been different.”
Jimmy balls his hands into fists. “Right now, I’m hearing you take the blame for everything.”
“It was my fault.”
“Was it?”
I look up, my stare colliding with us. I suck in a breath. His eyes are so beautiful. Dark and broody. But it’s weird because his eyes are a mirror reflection of Billy’s. The same colour. The same intensity.
“Because it sounds to me that you made a lot of sacrifices, while he made none. You were exhausted, while he made demands on you.”
I shake my head. “No. It wasn’t like that at all.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Wasn’t it?”
I lower my gaze and make myself as small as possible. Maybe it was like that. “I tried,” I whisper. “I loved him.” Tears prickle my eyes. “But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. I should have given up my dreams for him.”
“Fuck that.”
Jimmy gets up, steps around the table, and sits on the arm of my chair, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pulls my head against his side and rubs my upper arm. His comforting embrace makes me want to cry.
“You shouldn’t have to give your dreams up for anyone,” he says.
I shake my head. “That’s not how relationships work, Jimmy. You have to make sacrifices.”
“No. You might need to make compromises, but never sacrifices. If your partner wants you to change everything about yourself and give up the thing that makes you happy, they’re not worth being with.”
“That’s not what happened,” I rasp.
“Pretty sure it is,” he mumbles.
This is why I didn’t want to give Jimmy my version of events.
If he didn’t hate me before, he must be pissed off with me now.
I didn’t mean to suggest that our breakup was Billy’s fault, but that seems to be what he’s taken away from my account.
Yet he’s not yelling at me or walking away.
He’s holding me and comforting me. I’m so confused.
“It takes two people to make a relationship work, Flynn. You put the effort in. He didn’t. Don’t take all the blame. You don’t deserve it.”
I crumple. I turn my face against his side as tears overwhelm me. Why is he being so nice? Why is he hugging me? And why do I like being in his arms?