Chapter 8
Eight
MARISSA
B y the time Tuesday evening rolls around, I’m so relieved to have Book Club that I could cry. It’s been super hard to keep the secret about my date with Luca a secret. I keep reliving the kiss over and over again. We’re discussing Romeo and Juliet tonight, and I have to say I feel like I am living a modern version of the play. I’m not sure if it sounds egotistical or not, but the similarities are eerie. The Lits, my Book Club girlfriends, will understand, though; I know it will help to get all of this off my chest and out in the open.
We all gather at Violet’s house, since her library is the coziest place to have our meetings. All of us are here: Kaylee, Violet, Addie, Ella, and Jackie. It’s been the six of us for as long as I can remember. I love these meetings.
“Okay, Lits,” Addie says, “let’s get started. First question: how do we feel about the beginnings of Romeo and Juliet’s romance? Do we think it’s sweet? Believable? Thoughts?”
“I’ve always thought that Shakespeare made a way bigger deal out of puppy love than he should have,” Ella says.
“Yeah, love at first sight is absolutely a myth,” Jackie says matter-of-factly.
“I don’t know about that,” I pipe up, a little more strongly than I had intended. I can feel a frown forming on my face, and I can already see my friends looking at me curiously.
“Is something going on?” Jackie asks. There is a spark of mischief in her eyes, and I groan inwardly. Once Jackie latches on to an idea, she usually runs with it fast and furious, until she sees the concept come to fruition.
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I’m just giving my opinion on Romeo and Juliet. ”
“You’ve never been a love-at-first-sight kind of person, Marissa,” Kaylee says. “You’re usually the first one to jump in with a reason why it’s absurd.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. What they’re saying isn't wrong , but I just don't see Romeo and Juliet that way. Their meeting, their falling in love, was way more complicated than just that… and it was understandable under the stressful circumstances surrounding the two of them. All the tension, all the angst; all the expectations from their families and what was proper or improper at the time… It wasn’t just so simple as “love at first sight.” I am suddenly struggling to find the words to explain my thoughts to my friends. Even though I know that they will understand, it feels so…vulnerable. Finally I sigh.
“I might have met someone who may have… changed my perspective,” I say.
A few of my friends squeal. Jackie is staring at me with her mouth hanging open. “You met someone, and you didn't tell me?” she practically screams, though I think I detect a hint of hurt in her voice, too. Then she composes herself. “Okay! When did this happen?”
“It was at the masquerade ball fundraiser, at Violet’s house. I met him there, and there was just this instant connection. Anyway, he came into the restaurant, and we figured out that we had met at the ball. We didn’t know that right away because, well, we both had masks on when we met. But after that, he had me over to his place for a spectacular dinner, and now I can’t stop thinking about him. Guys, I know you might think I’m crazy, but there's no other way for me to explain it other than that… well, I think I’m in love with him.”
There is complete silence after I make this proclamation. For a minute, I wish that I hadn’t opened my big mouth. My cheeks start to flame, and I feel tears prick the back of my eyes. The one thing that I don't feel is doubt about my feelings for Luca. If anything, I feel more confident in how I feel about him and anything else I have ever felt before.
Jackie and Kaylee are gaping and nodding at each other, sharing a muted conversation. Finally, Kaylee bursts out, “Your masked mystery man! The one you danced with! We knew even then that there was something special happening between you two when you danced! I knew it, I knew it !!” Jackie is nodding excitedly, obviously pleased that she and Kaylee had a hunch about a love connection that came to fruition.
“So… the thing is, there’s a problem…”
“Uh oh. Does he already have a girlfriend?” Jackie asks, a hard tone coming into her voice.
“Is he a criminal?” Addie asks, protectively. “Do you need Will to do a background check on him?”
I choke out a laugh. “No, he’s not a criminal. It’s just that… well, his parents own Venetian Dreams over in Fox River Falls.”
My friends exchange puzzled looks. “And? Why does that matter?” Addie asks.
“It’s a long story, but currently Venetian Dreams is Little Italy’s arch-nemesis,” I say. “And Luca is the oldest son in the family. We’ve been keeping our connection a secret. We haven’t told anyone. And you all have to keep it a secret, too, now that you know. Seriously. If my family finds out… well, it just wouldn’t be good.”
Everyone is quiet, pondering the dilemma I have presented. No one seems to know what to say.
Violet breaks the silence and says, “Marissa, I don’t know quite yet what to tell you about the family stuff; but can I say that I think this is absolutely amazing ! It's just like a fairy tale!”
“No, it's actually just like Romeo and Juliet , you guys!” Ella says. There is an awed tone in her voice.
Relief washes over me. They don't think that I’m crazy. I still can’t think of the right words to explain how truly special my connection to Luca feels, but I think that my friends understand.
“How cool is it to be living the story we’re reading?” Addie says with a playful smirk.
“Well, maybe… but I know one thing for sure: I definitely don’t want to end up like them,” I say with a shaky laugh.
“Of course not,” Addie says, with a chuckle. “But the whole thing is just, oh, so romantic!“ Now Addie is talking with a dreamy faraway voice.
“We haven’t even talked since the dinner at his place, and I don’t really know what to do next.”
“Call him,” Kaylee says. “You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“Find a way to bump into him,” Jackie suggests. I think that she can see the discomfort on my face at the idea of calling him. That feels so overwhelming.
Then I think about that kiss, and all at once, I know that I can’t ever go back to the way my life was before Luca. “If he hasn’t called me yet, though, do you think that means that he doesn’t want to see me again?”
“Of course not,” Ella says. “He’s probably dealing with the same things that you are with his family. If his family is as close as yours is, Marissa, that’s not gonna be a small thing… for either of you. Maybe he’s waiting for some confirmation from you… I mean, if he’s as wonderful as you say, I’m guessing that he’s concerned about bringing turmoil into your life, if you two continue seeing one another. I mean, the family thing is obviously weighing heavily on your heart. He could be wrestling with the same kinds of feelings… I don’t know…”
“I suppose you’re right,” I say. I’ve been thinking the same thing. From what I can tell, Luca’s family is a lot like my own. That means that he is a huge part of the restaurant, no matter what he wants for his own life. It’s just presumed and expected, regardless of what he or I truly want.
“Maybe just… text him,” Violet says. “Check in. Make sure everything is okay. Then when he responds, see what the vibe is. Then you can decide if maybe you want to subtly encourage him with an invite to a low-key activity, like a hike or something.”
Violet always knows just what to say. “Thanks, Vi. That’s a really good idea.”
“Now that we have that situation solved, it’s time to get back to our discussion of Romeo and Juliet ,” Addie says.
I lean back in my chair as Book Club convenes again. Once in a while, I feel like I might have something to add, but then I get distracted by thoughts of what I should text to Luca. The message has to be effortless, but it also needs to convey that I want to see him again. Soon. How do I do that without coming across as desperate? I don’t want to interrupt and monopolize the conversation again, so I keep my mouth shut.
The whole time, though, I am composing my text to Luca. By the time Book Club is wrapping up, I think I’ve finally figured out what I want to say to him, but I haven’t typed it out yet. I linger in my seat, my phone clutched in my hand, feeling paralyzed by the enormity of it all. If I don’t send the text, then I chance my life going back to the way it was before. I’ll be sad. Heartbroken even. But I’ve been sad before, and I survived.
Maybe it’s best to just forget about it all and move on. Talking with my friends has made me think more about how complicated things may get, if I venture down this road. If I do nothing, he may think I don’t care. If I text him, then he’ll know how much I want to see him.
Everyone else heads out, but I stay put. When Violet comes back in, she doesn’t seem surprised to see me still there. She sits down in the chair across from me and gives me a small smile.
“So, still not sure what you’re going to do?” she asks.
I shake my head. “I want to text him, but I don’t know if I can handle the stress… of what it might mean to deal with our families, or of waiting for him to message me back.”
Violet laughs softly. “You’ll feel worse if you don’t message him,” she says.
“Ugh, I know that you’re right.” I fidget with my phone for another minute. Then I hold it out to her. “Will you type the message out and send it for me? So I don’t chicken out?”
“I mean, I can, if you’re sure,” Violet says. “What do you want it to say?”
I consider carefully what I think I want to say…. “Maybe… say I really enjoyed our evening together… he’s a great chef… I… I don’t know… I would love to see him again… but, I don’t know… it’s complicated and I don’t want to make problems for him and his family… or for mine… but also that I kind of want to see him regardless… and… oh, I don’t know, Vi… I just really want to tell him that I know we have something special, but I don’t know how it’s possibly going to work with our families being the way they are and all, but at the same time… argh!!! Maybe I should just forget it all, because . . .“
“Okay, done. It’s sent… before you can change your mind.”
“Oh my gosh…..” I feel light-headed all of a sudden. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
Violet reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Now you’ll know if he feels the same way. You two at least owe that to yourselves, regardless of whatever your families’ issues are. If it’s meant to be, you two will find a way to work this relationship out- it sounds like both of you definitely have one thing in common: your families are ultra important to each of you. That’s not something to take for granted. It’s beautiful to find someone who shares such a strong family bond like you do. And yet- it also shouldn’t be a hindrance to your happiness. You know what I mean?”
“Thanks,” I whisper as my heart plummets into my stomach. I’ve never been good at dealing with nerves.
I smile wearily, hugging Violet as I head toward the door. I’m just about to my car when my phone dings. I pull it out of my pocket and my stomach drops again. It’s from Luca:
Marissa, I want to see you again..