Chapter 10
Ten
JOE
I stare at the text on my phone. After the fire shift that I just had, I needed this text. But I wouldn’t have even dared to hope for this. Jackie has invited me to have dinner at her house with her whole family. That means that Maia will be there. I can feel my pulse pick up at the thought of seeing her again after all these years.
To be fair, I’m looking forward to seeing the whole Moretti clan. I spent so much time with them over the years that they were like my family in many ways. I’ve missed them, but I didn’t allow myself to admit that. Why would I? First, I went away to the military, and then to fight wildfires. I learned how to compartmentalize my feelings. Putting away anyone that I missed was a big survival strategy for me. Now, I’m not sure how to undo that.
I quickly text back what I hope sounds like a casual message, asking for the time and day. While I wait for the reply back, I wander around the apartment I’ve been renting since I moved back to Cranberry Creek. Will a dog be okay here? I know that I’ll be bringing her to the station with me when I’m working, and that set up is already worked out. I remind myself that it’s just a short term situation.
With the addition of a dog bed, some food and a leash, I think I’m all set. I think she’ll be happy. Adam’s wife brought over several dogs that were in need of foster homes. I chose a three-year-old dog that looks like she probably has basset hound in her. The shelter has been calling her Tibby, so that’s what I am going to keep calling her.
In truth, I’m pretty excited about getting a dog, even if it’s just for a short time. I’ll let my landlord know this week. I’m not sure when Tibby is going to be joining me, but I have the next forty-eight hours off to get things ready.
Tonight around seven.
I stare at Jackie’s return text. Seven o’clock tonight? That’s in four hours. Dang. I need to get moving if I’m going to dinner at the Moretti house tonight . If nothing else, I need to take a shower. I’ll wear something nicer than jeans and a t-shirt, but not something that looks too obvious that I’m trying to dress to impress. I haven’t been this nervous since I was going on dates in high school.
Sorry for the short notice.
Another text from Jackie. I stare at it for longer than I should. I’m not sure what to say to her. I feel like there needs to be something said. I’m just not sure what. She’s been so mad at me since we reconnected, and I think I know why. I’m not stupid, despite some of my behavior the past few weeks. Jackie wants her friend back, not just as a means to get closer to her sister. Even though that has been part of my intention in spending time with Jackie again, that’s not the only reason that I want to be around her.
I feel chastised by my conscience. Jackie was one of my best friends growing up. All the Moretti girls were. When I first met the family, Jackie and Sabina were pretty young. I would come over to hang out with Gianna and Maia, and the younger two would follow us around. But as we all grew up, things changed, and we all became friends. Jackie had a fierce loyalty to her family and friends that I always admired, and I counted myself lucky to be among them.
She was my confidante; one of the first people I told about my feelings toward Maia. I remember that interaction so clearly. I was giving her a ride home from school. She wasn’t yet in middle school, and I was bumming around Cranberry Creek a couple years after I graduated, unsure what I wanted to do with my life. I tried to fill my days with being helpful to others. That helped some of my restlessness.
That particular day I had volunteered to pick up Jackie and drive her home from school. We were cruising down the street, and I just blurted out, “I’m in love with Maia.”
Jackie turned toward me with an expression that told me she thought I was an idiot. “You’ve had a crush on her for years,” she said in an infuriatingly calm voice. “Everyone knows about it. Even Maia. You aren’t in love with her.”
“I am, though,” I said, miserably.
“Well, she’s not in love with you, Joe,” Jackie said.
If I had been a sensitive type, that might have crushed me, even though Jackie was just trying to tell the truth. I had always admired Jackie’s penchant to tell the truth, but at that moment in time, it really ticked me off. I considered making her walk the rest of the way home. I knew that wouldn’t have gone over well with Maia, though, so I just kept driving.
“I mean, I don’t think you could know that, Jackie,” I said. “I haven’t even told Maia yet.”
“She just started dating Max Sheffield,” Jackie said, again in the same matter-of-fact tone. She didn’t say it like she was trying to hurt me, but she wanted me to know what was going on.
“So?” I countered. “Who cares? Maia and I are meant for each other. I just know it. Are they serious?”
Jackie shrugged. “She likes him a lot.”
“She likes me a lot, too,” I said.
“Like a brother,” Jackie said. There was a flash of anger in her voice. “Like a friend .”
That was the first time I felt venom from Jackie. When I glanced over at her in surprise, she wouldn’t meet my eyes. She faced straight ahead and refused to say anything else to me. When we got to her house, she thanked me, got out of the car, and slammed the door, before rushing into the house without looking back.
We never spoke of my crush again. The secret was just something that existed between us. It seemed that she was right and Maia probably was not in love with me back then, although she told me that she wasn’t in love with Max either. She wanted to “experience the world on her own”, explore her options.
It turns out that I never did find out if Jackie was right for sure. I never had the guts to ask Maia myself. Instead, I joined the military. Air Force to be exact. I saw combat, and it messed me up to some degree.
I made a conscious decision to almost completely cut off my past. But at Christmas each year, I would always send cards to the Moretti family. Each of the girls would message me back around Christmas, too, but I got the impression that they were encouraged to do so by their mother. Jackie was the only one who seemed enthusiastic to contact me. As she got older, she would email me from time to time. I rarely responded. Things had changed between us, and I didn’t know how to bridge the gap.
I’m still thinking about that day all those years ago, as I step out of the shower. There were so many things that I would do differently about the past. I was really just a foolish kid, and there was so much that I didn’t know. Tonight, I am going to start to repair the damage that I’ve caused.
After what feels like an eternity of staring into my closet, I decide that I’m going to wear a nice white button down shirt with a pair of jeans. I feel good in this, but not like I’m trying too hard. When I leave the house, I feel like this evening could turn out to be better than I could have ever imagined.
When I arrive at the Moretti house, I pause for a moment out front, staring up at the place where I spent so much of my youth. My grandparents’ house was next door. They live in Arizona now, in one of those big retirement communities. I find myself wishing that they still lived here.
Nothing looks like it’s changed at the Moretti house. I look around the street, shrouded in dusk, and memories flood back to me. I have to swallow a lump in my throat that has suddenly appeared. I’m not even sure what has caused it. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that this is a reunion of sorts. And I’m in control of myself.
I jog up toward the door, my mood light, as I approach the familiar porch. I never thought that I would be back here. Life works in mysterious ways. I tell myself that all I need to do this evening is to get reacquainted with the whole Moretti family. Nothing else needs to happen tonight anyway. I can impress Maia in the future. I’m looking at the long game here.
Knocking, I feel my stomach twist into knots. I’m not used to feeling nervous. Usually I’m in control of my emotions, but this moment feels enormous. As the door swings open, I am greeted by the sight of Mrs. Moretti.
“Joe Lawrence!” she exclaims, pulling me into a warm hug.
“Mrs. Moretti,” I say as I hug her back. A rush of nostalgia comes over me again, like a tsunami. For a moment, I feel like nothing has changed at all, and I’m right back in time, coming over for just another night at the Moretti’s.
“Come in, come in,” she says as she ushers me inside the house. “I was so excited when Jackie told us that you could join us for dinner tonight.”
“Well, I really appreciate the invitation,” I say, enthusiastically. This is going to be fantastic. I just know it.
“Jackie and the other girls are in the family room. Do you remember where that is?” she asks.
“How could I forget?” I reply, my mouth going dry at the thought that Maia is only a few feet away. “I’ll just head down there now.”
I head down the hallway and get to the door, where I take a moment to pause and collect myself before I go in. The family room is alive with noise, the way it always was growing up. Memories flood over me yet again.
“Joe!” There is a chorus of my name, as I step into the room. My eyes flit from one person to another, until my gaze lands on Maia.
“Hey, everyone,” I say, with a shy but sincere grin.
Gianna and Maia stand to hug me by way of greeting. Jackie waves at me from across the room. She seems pleased that I have come, but also reserved. Probably because she is still hurting from the fact that I’m sure that she thinks I’ve been using her. I try to make sure that my arms don’t linger too long on Maia. It feels amazing to have her in my arms after all this time. Sabina stares at me. When I give her a friendly wave, she gives me a nod and the ghost of a smile.
I’m about to strike up a conversation with Maia, when I hear the doorbell ring. I glance around the room for some kind of confirmation that someone else is coming. No one says anything to me, but a moment later I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. I step aside so the door can swing open.
I’m shocked to see Julius enter the room. He doesn’t notice me at first, but goes straight to Maia, who he pulls into an embrace, kissing her in front of all of us. I have to look away. When they finally break apart he sees me.
“Hey, man,” he says. “Surprised to see you here!”
“Family friend,” I say tightly.
“How do you two know each other?” Maia asks.
“We work together at the station,” I say, when Julius doesn’t say anything.
Before anyone else can say anything, Mrs. Moretti calls us all to the table. Mr. Moretti greets me warmly, but all I can think about is the fact that I have missed my chance with Maia - again. How could this be?
We all sit down at the table. I’m pleased that I’m sitting across from Maia, but I feel myself frown as soon as Julius sits down next to her. I understand that he’s her boyfriend at the moment, but it doesn’t mean that it makes me feel any better about it. There is the general commotion that always accompanies a Moretti family meal as everyone settles in. As we start to get our food, things quiet down enough for conversation to start.
“So, Julius, do you see yourself being a firefighter long term?” Gianna asks as she starts to dish up spaghetti and meatballs for each person at the table. I’m surprised that she has taken over this role for Mrs. Moretti. I remember Mrs. Moretti as the head of all meals here growing up.
Julius leans back in his seat with a grin on his face that is nothing short of mocking. He flings his arm across the back of Maia’s chair. “Naw,” he says. “I’ve got bigger and better things to do with my life,” he pauses and looks at Maia, pulling her closer to him with his arm. “Although I’ve got the best thing ever, right here by my side.”
Maia actually blushes, as she realizes that he’s talking about her. “Julius,” she says in a tone of voice that I’ve never heard her use toward anyone before.
What does she see in this dirtbag of a guy? He is younger than she is. He doesn’t have any intention of staying in Cranberry Creek. But maybe that’s what appeals to Maia about him. The Maia I used to know never wanted to leave Cranberry Creek. but that was about a decade ago. Maybe she’s ready now.
“So, working at the fire station is just about biding your time until something better comes along?” I ask, surprised to find that my jaw is clenched.
“Sort of,” he says. “I like saving people. Being a hero is fun. Washing the firetruck every day? Not so much.”
Without thinking, I scoop a meatball out of my spaghetti and examine it. I know that I should just shove the whole thing in my mouth so I don’t say something stupid. Julius just makes me so mad, though. First, he took the credit when I fixed his mistake on the job. Now he has the position in life that I want. As I watch him lean over and whisper something into Maia’s ear, making her giggle, jealousy overtakes me. Suddenly, I do something that I haven’t done since I was a kid, if ever.
I watch the meatball sail off my spoon and arc through the air toward Julius. It feels like everything is moving in slow motion. There are shrieks and general commotion all around me. Everyone is moving, except Jackie who is directly in my line of sight. She stares at me in complete disbelief, her jaw dropped open like a cavern. I have to admit that I’m in disbelief myself. Did I really just launch a meatball at my sworn enemy? This can’t actually be happening.
The meatball lands with a dull thud against Julius’s chest, sauce splattering around it like a bullseye. He looks down, and swats it away, leaving a long trail of sauce dripping down his shirt. I swallow hard. All eyes around the table start to turn toward me. My face heats up. There is no escaping this embarrassment. I push my chair back and stand. If I’m going to be the center of attention, then I might as well embrace it.
“Julius, man, I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head in shame.
Julius looks at me with his eyes narrowed, but after a moment, he smirks. Maia has already started to help him clean up his shirt. Julius unbuttons his dress shirt and calmly removes it, staring me down the entire time. He smirks as he readjusts in his chair, now revealing a white undershirt that clearly shows his strong physique and athletic build, undoubtedly from the daily workouts we firemen religiously follow. I can’t help but notice that Maia - really, everyone in the room- is staring at this display of calm machismo.
He has won. I’ve made a calculated error, and I’m not sure how to work my way out of this one.
“What were you thinking, Joe?” Maia asks, her voice sharp. She doesn’t look up at me, as she continues to help Julius clean up the sauce that splattered on the tablecloth in front of him. I stare at her for a long moment, unsure what to say. I think this might be what it feels like to have an out-of-body experience.
“Jackie,” I say, turning toward her. I can feel the eyes of everyone in the dining room on me.
“Just leave, Joe,” Jackie says, her voice soft, her expression full of disappointment. “I think you’ve caused enough trouble for tonight.”
Mr. and Mrs. Moretti look stunned, and they are both silent. I’m sure they don’t even know what to say or do. I honestly can’t even look at them or bring myself to say anything.
Something like grief - though mostly mortal embarrassment- washes over me. I want to apologize. I want to make amends, but from the look on Jackie’s face, I can tell that she doesn’t want to hear it. All I can do is nod and turn to go. I hurry down the hall and out the door, like a naughty pup with a tucked tail, that’s been scolded for destroying a room in one fell swoop.
As I walk to my car, ashamed of the way I have behaved tonight, I keep hoping that Jackie will follow me and call me back, and maybe we can all just start the evening over.
She doesn’t.
And by the time I get to my car, I’m not sure if I can fix what I just did. But I know that I have to try.