Chapter 7
7
Ellie woke at first light the next day and lay there for a moment letting her skin remember the bliss of getting into this bed last night.
She’d had a bath, shaved her legs and then slathered them with moisturiser because she hadn’t forgotten that, while freshly laundered sheets were one of her favourite things in life, having smooth legs definitely took the experience to the next level. Well… she had forgotten, to be honest. Or perhaps she had simply pushed pleasures like that out of her life because they seemed too irrelevant or too self-centred or something.
She moved a leg to recapture the sensation of the crisp cotton, her heart missing a beat when she encountered an unexpected obstacle in the space behind her knees. Her head jerked up from the pillow.
‘ Pascal … how did you get there?’
He didn’t lift his head, or even open his eyes, but his tail thumped the bed slowly, and Ellie sank into her pillow again with a sigh.
‘Dogs aren’t supposed to sleep on beds,’ she told him. ‘Especially smelly dogs.’
Against the backdrop of a dawn chorus gathering more participants outside her open window, Ellie thought about what she was going to do with her day. It took a moment to decide what day of the week it might be.
‘It’s Saturday,’ she finally said aloud. ‘Because there was a market happening yesterday, and Julien said they only happen on Tuesdays and Fridays, didn’t he?’
Saying his name aloud made it almost seem as if he was in the room.
Her bedroom…
Getting out of bed was the best way to step well away from that line of thought. Ellie lifted Pascal down so that he wouldn’t hurt his leg.
‘We’ve got a busy day ahead,’ she informed him. ‘After breakfast, we’re going to have a go at that wall in the living room. There’s no point in cleaning the floor if we’re just going to make a whole lot more mess, is there?’
It didn’t feel silly talking to a dog any longer. Even the use of the shared pronoun felt perfectly natural. The donkeys, as other living creatures, were all very well and quite likeable but they were out of sight most of the time. This new companion was right by her side. He had even snuck upstairs during the night to stay close, and Ellie liked that. By the end of that day she found that she was liking it enough that any hovering mist of loneliness at being in a foreign country by herself had virtually evaporated.
The only mist around her this evening consisted of particles of plaster that were everywhere. On her skin, all over her clothes and right through her hair. It wasn’t finished by any means, but the reward of uncovering the stone was irresistible, and Ellie had barely stopped for anything more than a glass of water or a quick bathroom break all day.
‘Why would they have covered them up with plaster?’ Pascal hadn’t seemed bored by the repeated question as more and more stones were scraped and then scrubbed. ‘They’re gorgeous.’
It was past time to stop scraping now, however.
‘I need a bath,’ she announced. Stooping to pat the dog, Ellie could feel the grit in Pascal’s hair. ‘ You need a bath, too. What are we going to do about that?’ She straightened up with a grin. ‘Reckon we need a glass of wine and a think.’
The terrace was rapidly becoming Ellie’s favourite part of this property, even in its totally neglected state. She loved this view. She could let herself relax as her gaze rested on that endless horizon of the sea in the distance, enjoy the soft green of the forests, feel inspired by the towering rocks of the mountains and finally search out the glow of nearby lemons in the fading light.
The dark shape moving amongst the lemon trees at the far end of the orchard was decidedly more disconcerting, and she could feel her heart miss a beat. Had one of the donkeys escaped from the olive grove?
No. The shape quickly became human and, even before it was close enough to recognise anything, Ellie knew it was Julien. A faint alarm bell sounded in the back of her head, reminding her how disturbing it had been to feel attracted to her neighbour, but her heart was overriding the warning. After skipping that beat it was speeding up now, and perhaps it was an increase in blood flow that was creating a tingle that made it feel like her whole body was coming alive.
He’d never been this far into the neighbouring property before. The only time Julien had even crossed the fence on the other side of the olive grove had been that evening he’d rushed to snatch Theo out of Ellie’s arms.
Fear had morphed so easily into anger, hadn’t it? And he’d directed that anger at a woman who hadn’t deserved it. Ellie Gilchrist had a gentle soul. Maybe a part of him had recognised that the moment he’d seen her cradling his son, but he hadn’t wanted to see it. Hadn’t wanted to find her attractive in any way.
But he hadn’t been able to forget the way she’d been so determined to save the life of that scruffy little dog yesterday. He’d seen the moment her heart had truly been captured, as well, in the expression on her face when the dog had wagged its tail.
That smile…
He’d stopped himself from going to see her last night even though it had been easy to think of an excuse – like checking to see that the injury to her elbow hadn’t been more serious than he’d thought, or that the dog hadn’t chewed the bandage off its leg, perhaps. His latest motivation had taken him by surprise and seemed like such a good idea he’d started walking in this direction before he’d had time to talk himself out of it.
‘Ellie!’ He called out as soon as he saw her standing outside on her terrace in case she was frightened by someone approaching at this time of the day. ‘ C’est moi … Julien.’
As he stepped closer, he thought he must have already frightened her. She looked like a ghost, standing there so still with her face as white as a sheet. The little dog was standing beside her. Pressed against her leg, in fact, as if he was preparing to defend his new owner.
‘ Mon Dieu …’ Julien stopped as soon as he reached the flagstones of the terrace. ‘Ellie… what’s happened? Are you all right?’
She was holding a glass of wine, he noticed. Not something that people normally did if they were injured or unwell. He peered at her more closely.
‘What is that? On your face…’
‘Plaster dust.’ Ellie was looking embarrassed. ‘Aye… I know. I’m filthy. I… erm… wasn’t expecting a visitor.’ Her eyes widened as her expression changed. ‘Oh, my God… Theo hasn’t gone missing again, has he?’
‘No… not at all. He’s with my mother. And her mother. She takes him to visit once a week, and it’s a mountain village a fair drive away, so they always stay the night.’
It was fascinating to watch the change in Ellie’s features yet again, as relief wiped out any anxiety. Unlike many women – unlike Sarah – she’d never be able to hide how she truly felt about something, would she?
‘Oh…’ He could see indecision now. And the note of shyness in her hesitation was unexpectedly appealing. ‘Would you like a glass of wine?’
‘I don’t want to inconvenience you. I just came over because I thought of something. I might know someone who would be able to give the dog a home. My grandmother, in fact.’
‘Oh?’ Ellie didn’t look nearly as pleased as he’d thought she might. She actually turned away. The dog turned with her, as if this was an exercise in obedience. ‘It’s no inconvenience,’ she said. ‘I’ll get you a glass.’
He followed her to the door and then stopped again. He could see where the plaster dust had come from. Furniture had been moved to one side of this room, and a large section of the wall had been scraped to reveal the stonework beneath.
‘You’ve been busy.’
‘Aye…’ Ellie was in the kitchen, pulling a cork from a bottle. ‘The plaster was starting to fall off anyway. I was going to plaster it again and give it a fresh coat of whitewash, but I think I’d prefer to see the stone. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ She came back and offered him a glass. ‘I hope you like rosé. It’s the only sort of wine I have at the moment.’
‘ Merci …’ Julien raised his glass. ‘ Santé …’ He shifted his gaze back to the wall. ‘I think you’re right,’ he said. ‘The stone will look much better in its natural state.’
‘It’s going to take me a few days to finish the job.’ Ellie shook her head. ‘Come outside. You don’t want to get this dust all over you. Pascal and I need a bath. I was just wondering how to do that when he’s got that bandage on his leg.’
Again, Julien followed the pair. ‘He’s not limping nearly so much today. We could take the bandage off and see how he goes.’
There were wrought-iron chairs and a small table on the terrace, and the glow of the sunset was caught by ornate Moroccan metal candle holders. Rusty holders, Julien noted. And the weeds amongst the stone paving were brushing his ankles.
Ellie had noticed what he was looking at. ‘One of my next jobs,’ she told him as she sat down. ‘Can you imagine how gorgeous it will be out here when it’s done? With dozens of candles glowing and maybe some fairy lights in the tree?’
It was Ellie’s eyes that were glowing right now, and it was impossible to look away.
‘Champagne on the table,’ she added. ‘With two glasses. And… a wooden board with a wedge of some lovely cheese and bread and olives…’
She was painting a picture with her words. A romantic fantasy kind of picture. Suddenly, it was easy to look away, and the noncommittal sound that he’d intended to make came out sounding more like disparaging.
Not that Ellie seemed to have noticed. ‘How rude of me,’ she exclaimed. ‘I’ve got some cheese. And bread… I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. We didn’t get round to stopping for lunch.’ She was on her feet again. ‘I’ll be right back.’
It would have been rude to refuse, but Julien felt less than comfortable at this turn of events. He took a long swallow of his wine. He’d only intended to speak to Ellie for a minute or two and then get on with his evening. There was a stack of medical journals on his desk that he wanted to read, and he always looked forward to sinking into his favourite leather chair in his library on the quiet Saturday nights when he had the house to himself. Sitting outside amongst weeds and rusty garden ornaments, having an apéro with his foreign neighbour had certainly not been on his agenda.
Curiously, however, as he drained his glass Julien realised he didn’t want to leave just yet.
What was it about this woman that was so intriguing?
She must have splashed some water on her face while she’d been in the kitchen, because he could see her skin between fainter streaks of dust – and some of those charming freckles that were an echo of the colour of her eyes. The smile on her face was satisfied as she placed a wooden board on the table.
‘There we go. I’ll just get the wine.’
Ellie vanished again, the dog still her shadow. Julien looked at the board. How could someone make such ordinary things, like thin slices of baguette, a round of cheese, a handful of olives and what looked like ham rolled into small cigar shapes, look like the most appetising array ever?
She held the wine bottle up as she returned, a silent invitation to have his glass refilled. Julien didn’t say anything, either, as he held his glass out. It was definitely too rude to refuse this hospitality now that Ellie had gone to so much trouble. Besides, he still hadn’t apologised properly for the way he’d treated her the night they’d met. He waited until she was sitting and had taken a sip of her wine. And then he waited a bit longer, to let her use a slice of bread to scoop up some of the soft époisses that was starting to ooze into a puddle on the board and then eat it. When she tilted her head back a little and closed her eyes with the pleasure of the taste, he found himself smiling. Finally, he waited until she opened her eyes again.
‘I didn’t explain properly,’ he said quietly. ‘About why I was so impolite when we first met. My mother had gone to have dinner and see a movie in Vence with a friend, so I was at home by myself with Theo. It’s not often that she can do something for herself like that, because I work at a hospital as well as in my clinic, and I am often on call. That can be difficult without someone else to help care for a child.’
Ellie was nodding. ‘My mother’s a nurse. She used to work in a hospital, and sometimes her shifts meant that my oldest sister had to look after us. She didn’t get to go out with her friends nearly as much as most teenagers.’
‘I wasn’t on call that night,’ Julien continued. ‘But there was an emergency at the hospital. One of my patients had a serious allergic reaction to a medication, and there was only a junior doctor available to manage the situation. It was very tense, and I needed to concentrate, so I took the call away from where Theo was watching a favourite cartoon. He was wrapped in his special blanket and almost asleep, so I didn’t want to frighten him with my tone of voice as I gave rapid instructions.’
Again, Ellie nodded. Her gaze was fastened on his face as she listened. Her focus made it seem as if what he was telling her was the only important thing in the world in this moment. As if he was also that important?
‘I can’t say how long I was on the phone,’ he admitted. ‘For a time, it looked as though the child might stop breathing. Might die, even. It took too long, anyway, and when I went back to get Theo, all I found was his blanket that had been dropped on the floor. I looked for him in the other rooms and I called out for him but…’ He touched his chest, ‘I could feel, in my heart, that he wasn’t in the house, and that was when I began to panic.’
Ellie’s eyes had widened. It was almost as if she could feel that panic herself. Again, despite no evidence, he had the feeling that Ellie had an intimate understanding of what it was like to be a parent.
‘And then I saw that the back door to the garden was open. It is almost always locked, that door. I didn’t know if Theo had opened it himself and gone outside, or perhaps someone had come inside and taken him, so I was even more afraid. And then…’ Julien paused and took a deep breath before saying any more. ‘Then I saw him in your arms, and you looked as though… as though something was terribly wrong… and… and I heard what Theo said to you…’
‘He thought I was his mother.’ Ellie’s voice was no more than a whisper, and Julien thought he could see a shimmer of tears in those huge eyes.
‘His mother died,’ he told her. ‘When Theo was not even a year old.’
‘Oh…’ The intake of breath was a shocked gasp. ‘I’m so sorry, Julien…’
He liked the way his name sounded on her lips, with that Scottish lilt that made it sound very different to the way it did on the lips of someone who’d attended a prestigious school in London, as Sarah had. He liked the way she was still so focused on him, and it was easy to see that her instant distress on his behalf had darkened that golden brown of her eyes.
‘She must have been so young. What happened?’ Ellie pressed her fingers to her mouth as her expression morphed into chagrin. ‘But that’s none of my business. I do apologise.’
A movement of Julien’s hand deemed the apology unnecessary. ‘It was a car accident,’ he said. ‘And yes, Sarah was young. Only thirty.’
‘My age,’ Ellie said softly. ‘Or it will be, on my next birthday.’
The comparison was a timely reminder that he should go. That he definitely shouldn’t be so intrigued by this woman. By the way her face was such an open book. By how much she enjoyed her food. Because he already knew she had a big heart.
‘She was also English.’ His words were cool.
‘I’m Scottish,’ Ellie said. But then she shook her head as though dismissing the reminder as irrelevant. ‘You had your first baby,’ she added. ‘That’s such a tragedy. Poor Theo. He must miss his mother so much.’
Yes… it was tears making her eyes shimmer.
‘ Carrément …’ Julien didn’t translate the murmured word, assuming that the sound of agreement would be enough. He didn’t trust himself to say any more right now, in any case. Would Ellie be this sympathetic if he told her the truth? That his beautiful English wife had been with her lover in that car. That she’d been leaving him. That he sometimes thought that Theo was better off because he never needed to know that his mother had been so willing to abandon him.
No… He’d already learned that it was easier to protect yourself if you kept an emotional distance from other people and he had no intention of getting close enough to anyone to reveal the truth. It was preferable to let them assume that he had suffered a life-shattering tragedy by having his beloved wife, and the mother of his child, ripped from his life. The spectre of an irreplaceable soulmate had also proved helpful when he wanted to extract himself from a friendship that was threatening to become too intense.
Oui … Ellie looked as if she was thinking about how devastated he would always be by losing the love of his life. A single tear escaped and rolled slowly down the side of Ellie’s nose. The strength of the urge to reach out and catch that tear with his thumb caught Julien by surprise. So did her next words.
‘I know how hard it is.’
He couldn’t look away from her gaze. ‘You’ve lost someone?’
Ellie nodded. ‘My baby,’ she whispered. ‘My son.’
So he had been correct. She was – or had been – a mother herself. He could hear the catch in her throat as she took a breath. His own breath had caught in his throat.
‘His name was Jack, and he died when he was just six months old.’ She must have seen the shocked question in his eyes. ‘It was a cot death. Unexplained. He… he just went to sleep and never woke up.’
She looked away from him. Took a deeper breath, clearly collecting herself. Then she took another sip of her wine. ‘It’s why I’m here,’ she added, in a brighter tone. ‘We found out about inheriting this house on the day that would have been Jack’s first birthday. I think that’s why my sister came up with the idea that we needed to see the property for ourselves, and my family decided it would be a good distraction for me.’
‘And is it?’
‘I think it is.’ The slow smile that tilted the corners of Ellie’s mouth was like a glimpse into what really mattered. ‘I think I’m falling in love with this house. I want to love it, which is actually a big thing because I’ve avoided having feelings about anything. I didn’t want to start loving something and then lose it, you know? But it feels okay to love this house. I want to bring it back to life.’ She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘That sounds silly, doesn’t it?’
‘No.’
One word, but it covered a whole raft of what he already knew about Ellie. The ability to bring something – even a house – back to life would have to be healing after losing something so important to death . Bien s?r … that was why she had been so determined to save Pascal. He could remember the shock on her face at the suggestion of euthanising the little dog.
Even more clearly, he was remembering the look on Ellie’s face the first time he’d seen her. Holding his son. She’d seen Theo asleep on the ground, and Julien knew how still and pale his child could look. He’d stood beside the cot and held his own breath on occasion, waiting to see the rise of that small chest, hovering in a space that was close enough to feel the claws of panic almost touching his skin. Ellie would have been sucked into that space far more easily having had the horror of holding her own dead child.
It was heartbreaking.
And he’d been so harsh with her.
Julien wanted to get to his feet. To take Ellie into his arms and hold her. To tell her that he was even more sorry now. That he understood. That he cared…
That was enough to stop him moving, because something else Ellie had said was striking a chord. That she hadn’t wanted to start loving anything else that she might lose. He was even more firmly in that space. Apart from his professional concern for patients, Julien had no room in his life to care about anything new. He especially didn’t want to care about a stranger. A woman. An English woman. Or Scottish . Peu importe … it didn’t matter.
And okay… maybe he was finding this woman attractive, even when she was caked in plaster dust, wearing shapeless clothing and had crazy curls of hair escaping in all different directions. But being attracted – thinking about making love, even – was one thing; caring was quite another, because it might be only a step away from falling in love, and that was never going to happen again. Because he was never going to allow it to happen again. Julien emptied his glass in one swallow and then got slowly to his feet.
‘I must go. I really only came to tell you about the possibility of a home for Pascal with my grandmother. It doesn’t have to be now. It could be when you go back to Scotland.’
Ellie nodded. ‘Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.’
‘How long—’ Julien cleared his throat ‘—are you planning to stay?’
‘I’m not sure.’ Ellie also got to her feet. ‘There’s an awful lot to do to the house, but I expect it will be just for the summer.’ She smiled, as if it was a relief to have changed the subject so definitively. ‘But it’s kind of hard to know when summer ends here, isn’t it? Compared to Scotland, it probably feels like summer for most of the year.’
Julien took a step towards the darkness of the path he needed to follow through the orchard but then paused as he turned his head. ‘Our last evening summer market happens around the end of August. The schools go back after that, and it feels like summer is officially over.’
‘That sounds like enough time for what I need to do here. And having a deadline is always a good thing.’ Ellie straightened her back, her gaze drifting towards the house as if she was already making plans. ‘I like it.’ The way she nodded her head and spoke more quietly made it seem as if she was talking to herself. Making a promise?
‘I’ll stay until the last summer market,’ she said.