Chapter 18
18
O n Claire’s couch, she’s leaning her head on my shoulder watching some dating show where everyone has a British accent.
Every time she laughs, I smile.
Scanning her living room, I spot the brown teddy bear I bought for Gabby sitting at a play table and chair set across from a doll.
I’m happy she’s having fun with it.
There are tons of toys in this room.
The toy organizer is overflowing with toys all around it.
This house feels like it’s well set up for a kid, but it’s lacking personal touches.
No decor, no flowers on the kitchen counter.
I don’t see Claire anywhere.
I can’t imagine how hard it is doing everything on her own.
“Can I give you a shoulder massage?” I softly ask.
She nods, and I kiss the top of her head.
“Let me get behind you.”
We maneuver around on the couch until she’s comfortably sitting between my legs, still watching the TV.
As I start gently rubbing her shoulders, I notice how tense she is—muscles knotted, shoulders tight.
She leans back as I press deeper, melting into my touch.
“We’re just going to cuddle and watch trashy TV?” she skeptically asks.
“We’ll do whatever keeps you relaxed and smiling.”
“Well …” A smirk grows on her face before she giggles.
“So needy,” I whisper, continuing to massage her.
“I don’t have anything I have to do tomorrow, you know…” I add, letting the thought hang in the air.
“You want to see me tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“That’s three days in a row, Jake,” she says, sounding both amused and a little apprehensive.
I laugh.
“Well, it could be four. We’re going to Nicholas’s barbecue on Sunday.” She looks over her shoulder, staring at me skeptically, but then a smile consumes her face.
“How about this? What’s your dream ‘me day’ look like?”
“Um, wake up, get a fancy coffee like something I can’t make at home, read my book on the couch until I want to take a bath.”
“Tomorrow. You’re doing that and then, if you’d like, I’ll come over and make you dinner.” I squeeze her shoulders slightly and feel them relax under my hands, like the idea is already relaxing her.
“Sounds good.” Claire leans into me, tilting her head back.
“Later … when do you need to leave for work?”
“I should leave here at five. There’s a few things I need to accomplish before work.”
“So …” she hesitates, tilting her head back, searching my face, “we’re just watching TV until then?”
“Tell me what you’d rather do.” My voice is a bit lower than I intended, but I’m curious.
I want her to say what she’s thinking.
“You know what I want to do.”
“I’d rather not assume.”
She rolls her eyes playfully and turns around, crawling into my lap until she’s straddling me.
Her eyes narrow.
“Is this your kink?”
“Is what my kink?” I ask, my hands squeezing her hips.
“Having me tell you what I want.”
“Maybe,” I whisper, taking out her ponytail and playing with her hair, brushing it behind her shoulders.
“You should just tell me, so I’ll do it.”
“But then where’s the mystery?” Her eyes flicker with that same playful spark, and her lips are teasingly close to mine.
“Do you want mystery, or do you want to know exactly what’s going to happen?”
Claire bites her lip before kissing me.
Leaning back, she asks, “How … Dom are you?”
“It depends. Everyone’s different, you know?” Claire’s lips tease my neck, and I pull her closer to me.
“I like things to be playful, more than just control and submission.”
She squints at me, and I’m curious.
I don’t get strong Sub vibes from her.
Not that it really matters.
But she’s definitely a brat.
“I won’t wear a collar,” she says, watching me carefully, like she’s setting a boundary.
“Oh, I’m not that hardcore.” I laugh, wrapping my hands around her wrist and placing them on my shoulders.
“I’m interested in connection more than anything.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“What else do you get up to?”
“Plenty,” I whisper and press my forehead to hers, and she laughs softly, bringing me into a kiss.
When she breaks our kiss, she sighs loudly.
“Let’s be real. When this bubble of me not working and not having to be a mom pops … I don’t know what this will look like.”
I pull her in for a big hug.
She wants this.
She wants something more than a hookup.
“It’ll look however you want it to,” I say softly into her hair, squeezing her.
She shakes her head slightly.
“You might only get to see me one night a week at most.”
“Better than not seeing you at all.”
She narrows her eyes at me.
“You’re all in on this?”
“I’m all in,” I say, shrugging because I don’t know how to be any other way.
I’ve never been able to date multiple people at once.
“That’s how I roll.”
She looks thoughtful for a moment, then leans back, studying my face.
“So, when was your last relationship?”
“There was a girl I dated for a couple of months, but … she wasn’t the one. So I broke it off.” Thinking back to it, I tried a lot of new things with her, but it affirmed that I want a more traditional relationship with a partner.
“You’re looking for ‘the one’?”
“Aren’t we all?” As I say it, I hope Claire is.
I hope she could be ready for something serious because everything about our time together says this could work.
But I’ll take whatever I can get from her in the meantime.
“I don’t know…” She sighs, glancing away.
“I don’t know if ‘the one’ is a thing.”
I study her, trying to read the expression she’s not sharing with me.
“Are you anti-marriage now that you’ve been there and done that?”
“Not anti, just … cautious.” She pauses, looking down.
“Marriage is a business partnership. I used to see it like a fairytale, but now… I’d need to know everything if I ever went down that road again. Like, bank statements, credit scores—I won’t enter anything blind.”
I chuckle, appreciating the realness.
“I have almost a perfect credit score. A mortgage well within my means. But cars … okay, cars are where I light a lot of money on fire, but it’s never more than I can afford.”
We fall quiet again, her still straddling me, and I know we’ve barely scratched the surface here.
Rubbing my hands up and down her arms, I’m happy she’s letting me in, keeping her guard lowered.
I know this might bring back the defenses, but we’re talking about all of this.
“Can I ask what your situation is with your ex … like financially?”
She huffs, closing her eyes for a moment before saying, “Since I have primary custody, he pays me child support and I also have alimony. He thinks it’s more than enough for me to live some fabulous life, but it barely covers the basic expenses like rent, food, and everything. But … it is enough that I don’t have to work forty hours, which is really amazing for me and Gabby.”
“It’s good to hear that he isn’t a deadbeat.”
“He isn’t a deadbeat, but he is an asshole. I’m pretty sure he moved a lot of money around to try to act like he has less than he does. I mean … our life together was a lot more extravagant. It’s so frustrating that he wouldn’t want to give us … give Gabby more. Like the guy goes out for two-hundred-dollar dinners multiple times a week but when I ask for a couple hundred dollars for dance lessons, it’s a whole production.”
I bear hug her, squeezing her tight.
“I’m tired of asking,” she says, resting her head on my shoulder.
“So I don’t ask unless I really need it. It’s not worth the stress and all the other emotions that come up.”
“Gabby’s lucky to have a mom like you.” I cup her face in my hand and kiss her deep.
“The effort you put in is all around, and I know she is your top priority.”
“Thanks … it’s really hard. But I want her to have a nice childhood.” Claire looks down.
“Dating me means that you get all the baggage.”
“I understand you’re a multidimensional person.”
“My ex is really triggering, so you’re going to get annoyed with me about that.”
I chuckle.
“What else will I get annoyed by?”
“The lack of time I have for you.”
I flip her over so her back is on the couch.
“I like when you’re real with me.” I run my tongue along her neck, and she squirms.
Hovering above her, I instruct, “Keep talking.”