Chapter 25
25
Saturday, July 5th
A me day.
A day for me to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
I roll over and tap my phone: 7:45 a.
m.
My days of sleeping in are long gone.
My internal clock since having Gabby is too rewired.
I rub my eyes, then type out a quick text to Jake.
Claire Moore
Morning!
What time are you coming over to play chef?
I shouldn’t feel awkward that I didn’t agree to be his girlfriend last night, but I do.
Jake Schmidt
Whenever you want.
Maybe 4:30?
I tap the thumbs-up reaction and sink into the abyss of TikTok, mindlessly scrolling for too long.
Throwing off the covers, I slide out of bed.
Hair in a messy bun, oversized athleisure on, I start thinking about where to get coffee until my phone buzzes.
Jake Schmidt
Coffee delivery.
Look outside.
What?
I step to my front door, and there it is, a to-go coffee waiting on the front stoop.
I look around.
No Jake.
I pick it up and sip.
Vanilla latte, like yesterday.
But it tastes even better today.
The surprise.
The foreseeing of my needs.
He’s spoiling me.
Campaigning to be my boyfriend.
He’s embodying “if he wanted to he would.” Smiling, I take another sip.
Claire Moore
You’re sweet.
Jake Schmidt
Time for you to sit on the couch and read.
I smirk and curl up on the couch, tucking a blanket around me.
I try to focus on my book, but my mind keeps drifting to Jake.
The way he looks at me.
The way he listens.
The way he makes me feel like I am something worth waiting for.
I sip my coffee, letting my thoughts drift to a mental list:
Pro: There’s no one else.
I’m only interested in him.
Pro: He’s thoughtful, dependable, and easy to be around.
Con: My life is complicated.
Being with me isn’t just being with me.
It means understanding my schedule, my responsibilities, my past.
Con: Can I handle adding someone else’s needs into my daily life?
The truth is, I’m not just afraid of things moving fast.
I’m afraid of losing myself again.
It’s more than my ex.
It’s my lack of parents too.
I’ve experienced so much loss and don’t know if I can handle any more.
I toss the blanket aside.
I’m too restless to sit still.
If I can’t quiet my mind, I can at least tire out my body.
I cast a bodyweight workout onto the TV and push through squats, lunges, and burpees.
It’s been a while since I’ve done this, but I missed it.
Maybe I should start working out a couple of times a week again.
I know it’s healthy and what I should be doing, but I also don’t want to be this soft anymore, even if Jake likes it.
I laugh to myself as I walk to the bathroom, sweaty and satisfied.
Jake is the first guy who hasn’t made little comments about how I could look better.
My ex was always saying something— “Are you sure you want to eat that?” Meanwhile, Jake keeps feeding me.
I can’t wait to see what he’s making for dinner.
I turn the handle on the tub and gather candles.
It’s been forever since I’ve had a long bath.
I chuckle as I light a few.
I probably shouldn’t burn the place down.
But I keep lighting them anyway.
Jake in his fire suit …
now that’s some roleplay we’ll to have to explore.
I step into the steaming water, the scent of lavender wrapping around me from the bath bomb.
My muscles relax, but my mind is replaying the way Jake touched me yesterday.
The way he kissed my thighs.
That was hot.
Without overthinking it, I grab my phone and snap a photo of my legs with bubbles strategically placed.
Just enough to tease, but not too scandalous.
Claire Moore
Thinking about the way you kissed me here yesterday.
He replies immediately.
Jake Schmidt
You will be my dessert tonight.
Does that mean what I think it does?
I hope so.
My heart flutters reading that as I watch the typing bubbles appear again, curious what he will say next.
Jake Schmidt
No more screen time.
I giggle, contemplating sending a selfie but settle on a kiss emoji instead.
As the bath cools, I dry off and wrap myself in a robe, craving something hearty for brunch.
Avocado toast with a sunny-side egg and a splash of hot sauce.
Hot sauce.
Samuel.
I never ate spicy food before dating him.
He loved adding hot sauce to everything, and now …
now it’s second nature.
The unspoken rule of our co-parenting arrangement is silence when he has Gabby.
No check-ins.
No unnecessary texts.
But I feel compelled to break it.
Claire Moore
?Cómo está mi nena?
How is my baby?
His response is quick.
Samuel Díaz
Está re bien.
Le encanta el agua.
Nada un montón.
She is doing great.
She loves the water.
She swims so much.
Claire Moore
Good to hear.
A pause.
Then another text.
Samuel Díaz
?Ya te está fallando el espanol?
Is your Spanish already failing you?
I roll my eyes.
Is he being an ass?
Is this playful?
Flirty?
I hope not.
Stressed again, I end this conversation.
Claire Moore
Have her back to my place at 3:00 tomorrow.
No response.
Fine.
I exhale, turning back to my half-prepared brunch.
No more distractions.
I want Jake.
I want more time with him.
More exploration.
More of the way he makes me feel.
But am I ready to let someone in again?
A new relationship isn’t always going to be easy, and that scares me.
The bad stuff.
That’s the part I still don’t know if I’m ready for.